Changes
by atinaej
Summary: Three months after Edward leaves, Carlisle realizes that leaving Bella destroyed their family and he decides to return to Forks. AU, non-cannon. A CarlisleXBella story.
1. Leaving this life behind

**This is my first fanfiction ever. I was so inspired to write here, and So i decided to give it a try. I don't know how this story will continue, because I don't know if I shall keep Carlisle as the only vampire in the story. If you have ideas, or anything that could make this story better, I would really love if you reviewed. **

**Jeanita**

Carlisle POV

I couldn't believe how leaving Bella would affect my family. Now, three months later, it was still getting worse every day. Edward was gone most of the time, heartbroken and desperate, on some search for himself. Jasper couldn't stand being in the same room as anyone of us, as our sadness was a constant reminder of the incident on Bella's birthday. Alice was thorn, she couldn't be away from her love, but she had a hard time being away from her family. And Rosalie and Emmet had already moved out for some time, they were just as upset as the rest of us, but they had their own way of coping with it.

And as I watched my family drift away, I noticed that I was drifting away too. Without the rest of them, I and Esme didn't function the same way. We were growing apart, if such a thing were possible. Esme had always set our family first; she had been a rock, always the one to keep us together. But when Bella had entered our life, she had also changed it. We couldn't deny it, we couldn't escape the truth. She had been a missing piece, one that we didn't even know we were missing. She had completed our family. But now that she was gone, or we had left her behind, I realized that we could never go back.

And it was the guilt. Ever since we left Forks, I had wondered how this would be for Bella. Alice said that she wasn't in life threatening danger, but she wasn't doing well. I knew that it would probably be better in time. I knew that she might even be able to forget about us, but when the parting had caused us, the immortals, this much pain, it would be thousand times worse for Bella. She had always been so sensitive. And she was only a human after all.

I wanted to go to Forks, just to see how she was doing. But Edward had refused me to. He said that we had already caused her this much pain, it was better with a clean cut. I didn't really believe that. Okay, maybe when it came to medicine, but this girl had been so involved in our world. She had already told us that she'd never fit in anywhere, and how that had changed when she met Edward. I had tried to talk him out of it when he wanted to leave. But then he only said that he would go alone. Esme had panicked; he was her son after all. And I knew that we wouldn't let him suffer this alone.

"I'm going hunting" I heard Edward saying from downstairs. Last time he'd been hunting he'd left for two months.

"Are you going far?" I heard Esme's strained voice. He only came back a couple of days ago. She didn't want to lose him again.

I didn't hear an answer. I knew that it was my thoughts that had driven him away this time. But I just couldn't help it. I really felt guilty for just leaving without knowing how she was handling it.

"_At least take a phone!"_ I thought as loudly as I could. _"You owe your mother that much."_

I realized I was being unfair. _"I'm sorry Edward."_

I only heard the door as it slammed shut. I sighed. He was going away again. Without telling us where or for how long. This settled it; I was going back to Forks tonight. There weren't much for me to do here right now. And with Edward gone, there wouldn't be anyone to stop me. I had to tell Esme though. I didn't really look forward to that.

I heard someone walking up the stairs. It was slower than our inhuman speed, but I knew that there weren't any humans in the house.

I heard a knock on my door.

"Can I come in?" Esme asked with worry in her voice. She usually never bothered to knock, she knew that I wouldn't be angry or surprised if she came and went as she wanted.

"Of course!" I tried to sound as cheerful as I could. But I knew that the moment she saw my face she would know exactly how I felt.

She walked in and sat in the chair in front of my desk.

"Carlisle," she begun. I could already hear where this was going. "What is happening to us?"

I knew this conversation had to find place somehow. Alice had already warned me. I knew what was going to happen. Even though I'd tried to change my mind, she always saw the same outcome.

"We're drifting apart, our family is splitting up. We've changed, and I don't think this is going to get better anytime soon."

I knew she was right, but it still hurt to hear her say it as well. We had both known for a couple of weeks, but we were both so stubborn. Trying to force it to work out.

"I know" I admitted. "I just didn't know how to bring it up." This was true. I had thought about how I was going to start the dreadful conversation. I was a little relieved that she had just walked in and started to talk.

We just sat there for some minutes. We both knew what came next. I removed my wedding ring silently and placed it in the box with my most valued possessions on my desk. I knew she would keep hers too. It wasn't like we we're angry with each other, we we're just not as compatible as before. The love we had for each other we're more like the love for your best friend.

She smiled her incredible warm smile.

"I'm going back to Forks" I didn't know if Alice had told her already.

She just nodded. I knew she would be alright. She was so strong. And Rosalie and Emmet we're coming over every day. She wouldn't be lonely.

"Will you call?" she asked. I heard the doubt in her voice.

"Of course! Every day if you want me to!"

She laughed. "I just need to know you're alive. Or at least that you're still existing"

I felt so relieved. I stood up to give her a hug. "You're so fantastic, you know that?"

She chuckled. "I know."

An hour later I was on my way to Forks. I had already called the hospital, and they we're very eager to give me my job back. They hadn't even bothered to ask why I was coming back. I wondered who they had gotten to replace me when I left. The hospital had too few doctors already, and it wasn't easy to find someone to work in a small town like Forks. Maybe they hadn't found someone yet. Well, they didn't need to now.

I didn't bring much back with me. The house was already fully furnished, and with the amount of money on my different bank accounts I could buy anything I needed. I could probably go a century without working and still be a wealthy man. I only brought some clothes, the box from my desk, and my laptop.

I thought about all the things I needed to find an explanation for. Why was my ex-wife alone with all the children? Why was I coming back to Forks? I figured that I could always say that Rosalie and Emmet decided to get a place of their own. That sounded about logical enough. They were both officially 19 and off to college. But I couldn't tell them why I was coming back. I could always make something up about how I liked working there. The truth was that it didn't matter to me where I worked, as long as I got to do the thing I love. Saving lives. In this particularly case, Bella.

I got caught up in my thoughts, and suddenly I found myself driving up the road to my house. _My _house. I was alone this time. I knew that the others would visit now and then, but technically I was living on my own. I felt a sting of loneliness as I realized this. Decades ago that had been the reason I changed Edward, and later Esme. I knew that it would be different this time. That I would eventually move back to my family, but I didn't like the loneliness.

I parked my car and walked up to the front door. This house had so many good memories. I inhaled deeply, this place smelled so much better than Alaska. Didn't have a specific reason, but I preferred it here. It felt like a home.

I unlocked the door and walked inside.


	2. Sunrise

**Here it is. The second chapter. **

**I really tried to write this chapter in Carlisle's POV, but it was so slow and uneventful, so I decided to let Bella have her say in this story. It's a longer chapter, because the first one was more an introduction to the story. But don't worry: I will write more in Carlisle's POV. Just need to speed the story up a little.**

**Twilight an all the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Sunrise. Chapter 2.

I woke because of the too-bright sun outside. I groaned and put my pillow over my head. It was Saturday for God's sake. I had the opportunity to sleep in, but clearly the universe had it in for me. This had been the first night in a long time I'd been sleeping without waking up screaming in the middle of the night. I tried desperately to go back to sleep, but it felt weird with my head on the hard mattress. I reached out and grabbed my mobile phone Charlie had gotten me in an attempt to make me more social. The clock showed 08.30am. I groaned again. It was too early to say I'd been sleeping in, but to late in the morning to go back to sleep.

I sat up slowly, I didn't want to jump out of the bed too quickly, I would only trip and fall when the blood flooded back from my head. When I decided it was safe, I took my bathroom bag and headed for the shower. I avoided looking in the mirror as I walked into the bathroom. I didn't want to see the sadness reflected on the outside. It was enough to feel it every single day, I didn't need to know how it was affecting the way I looked. Instead I went directly to the shower.

I didn't like the silence. It gave me too much room to think. And the memories I'd tried so hard to forget hit me like a tidal wave. I felt the sorrow and loneliness gnaw a hole through my stomach. I fell to the ground. I remembered their faces, their smell, and the way they made me feel like I belonged there. I missed all of them.

I sat there in the shower till the water was getting cold. I got out and wrapped myself in a big towel. The mirror was all fogged up, but I could still see the outline of my face and my eyes. I walked out of the room before the mirror became clear enough to give a good reflection.

I put on an old pair of jeans and a blue sweater before I headed downstairs to get some breakfast. The cereal-box was already on the table, along with a note from Charlie. Two of the deputies had called in sick, so he had to work. I absentmindedly poured milk on my cereal and started to eat. I finished too soon, and washed the bowl and the spoon twice, before realizing that I had to find something better to do.

I walked to the window and looked outside. Not a cloud in sight. The sunlight hit the mossy floor of the forest and gave it a mysterious glow.

I hadn't walked into the forest after _he_ had left me there last September. The memories were still painfully clear to me.

As soon as I thought of him I felt the familiar gnawing pain in my stomach. I missed him. It wasn't like he said. I could never live on like he'd never existed. I couldn't even get rid of this horrible feeling of being abandoned and left behind.

I felt the tears streaming down my face.

I shouldn't miss him so much! This was the choice he made. This was the outcome I had expected from the very start. He had realized that I wasn't enough for him. He had seen that I was only a human, and therefore never _could_ be enough.

Maybe I was just one of his distractions. Something to keep him entertained while he was stuck in this boring place. Maybe he always knew how broken I would be when he left.

I felt the anger begin to build up inside of me. I didn't like the idea of being used.

I had to get out of here. These thoughts were like poison.

I grabbed my jacket and ran out of the house.

Before I knew it I was in my car, speeding down the road.

I wasn't really paying attention to how fast I was driving. But I knew that if Charlie saw me now, he wouldn't exactly be proud.

Suddenly I registered that the car was making a very strange sound. I slowed down immediately, remembering what Jacob told me about the about the car. Could it really be that I had pushed it over 60? Maybe you really shouldn't drive when you were upset.

The sound didn't subside, so I stopped the car completely. I wouldn't know what to look for, so there was no need to open the hood to take a closer look.

What should I do? I didn't want to take it to the mechanic. I couldn't even describe the situation, or what kind if noise the car made. I would only make a fool of myself. Not to mention the amount of money one of those visits would cost.

I remembered the phone in the pocket of my jeans. Maybe I could call Jacob, he had fixed the car before, and he clearly knew that it wasn't wise to push the engine over 60. More importantly, he wouldn't tease me about my lack of knowledge.

I pulled out my phone, and scrolled through my address-book until I found Jake's number. I pressed "Call", and bit my lip while I waited for him to pick up.

"Hi, this is Jacob" I heard a sleepy voice on the other end answer.

"Hi Jacob. It's Bella Swan. Did I wake you?"

There was a moment of silence before he replied.

"Yeah. It's Saturday." He didn't sound angry though.

It was probably better to just tell him about my car right away, wouldn't want him to think I was calling just for fun.

"I kind of have a problem with my car. Would you mind if I drove it down to La Push so you could take a look at it?"

"What kind of problem?"

He sounded wary, like he was afraid that I might have totaled it or something.

"I think I might have crossed the magic speed-limit, and it's complaining. Loudly."

"Oh. That shouldn't be too complicated. When do you think you'll be here?"

I thought about it for a while. Since he hadn't gotten out of bed yet, I should give him time to shower and eat.

"30 minutes maybe? Or I could always come down later today?"

"30 minutes it is. See you then."

"Ok. Bye Ja…"

He'd already hung up.

I just sat in my car for a couple of minutes. I didn't quite know the best way to make 30 minutes go by in the blink of an eye. Maybe I should drive down to Newton's and write down the days I had to work this week.

I started the car and headed down to the store, driving as slow as I could without holding up the traffic. It didn't take long, Forks was a really small place after all.

I jumped out of my car and walked slowly to the door. No need to rush in this weather.

"Good morning Bella!"

Mrs. Newton smiled at me from behind the counter. But the smile quickly faded.

"I hope we didn't tell you to come in today, it's really quiet."

She looked worried. This was a small town after all; they didn't have that many costumers.

"No, you didn't. I just came over so that I could write down which days I'm supposed to be here this week."

She looked relieved.

I walked through the store and down to the little office in the end. I looked up on the list and found my name. Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. I wrote the days on a Post-it, and walked out again.

Mr. Newton was standing by the section with shoes and jackets, talking to a costumer.

"Yeah. Big animal. Probably a bear or something!"

Mr. Newton looked amused at the story the man told. I could see why. There weren't many bears wandering around here.

"And where exactly did you say you saw this monstrous bear?"

"Driving by the reservation. It was standing tree, maybe four, meters from the road. Nearly scared me to death!"

Mr. Newton was suddenly serious again.

"By the reservation you say? That's the second time we've heard that this month."

He paused for a moment.

"Maybe we should tell the police. It could be nothing, but it's better to be safe than sorry."

I walked out before he could realize I was eavesdropping.

A big bear wandering around at the reservation? Maybe I could ask Jacob if someone had seen it.

I got in my car and started the engine. It roared louder that usual when I drove out of the parking-lot. While I drove, I often stared into the thick forest, looking for big, black bears. Sometimes I imagined their dark eyes staring back at me.

I reached the reservation border and continued down towards the houses. I couldn't really remember the exact location of the Blacks' house, but I had been there before, so it shouldn't be that hard to find.

I was right. Well, I didn't recognize the house, but Jacob was standing outside, waiving his hands to get my attention. I parked the car and got out.

"Jeez. Did you torture the car or something?"

He walked towards me, with a huge grin on his face.

He stopped a few feet away, looking like he didn't know whether to give me a hug or shake my hand.

"No. I think I might have driven too fast."

He looked at me like I'd just said that a meteor had landed in our livingroom.

"Bella _Swan_? Driving too fast? Did you hit your head in the process?"

He popped the hood and disappeared from my view.

"Very funny, Jacob."

I walked to stand beside him as he inspected my truck.

"Aha!"

He turned and looked at me with triumph in his eyes.

"Did you figure out what's wrong?"

"Sure, this used to be our car, remember?"

"What's wrong with it then?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"No offence, but would you understand it if I explained it to you?"

I didn't bother to answer. Cars and mechanics was not one of my talents.

"Do you think you could fix it? I can pay you if necessary."

He started walking towards the garage.

"This will only take a few minutes. And I wouldn't take your money even if you threw them at me."

He returned quickly with a toolbox in his right hand.

"So. It's been a while since I've seen you. Anything new?"

What should I tell him? That this was the first time in months I'd done anything other than working or isolating myself?

"Nothing really."

That wasn't even a lie. I hadn't done anything memorable since my birthday.

"Same as here then."

I felt the mobile vibrating in my pocket. I looked at the display, it was the police station. Probably Charlie.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells! I tried calling the house, but you didn't pick up. Everything alright?"

"I'm fine. I drove my truck down to La Push to have Jake take a look at it."

He didn't speak for a couple of seconds. I'd probably sent him into shock.

"Dad?"

"That's great Bella! I just called to tell you that I'll be working late. You don't have to prepare dinner for me."

Great, more time alone.

"Ok Cha- Dad."

"Bye Bells."

I put my cell back into my pocket and turned to face Jacob. He had already opened the toolbox and disappeared behind the hood. I didn't want to annoy him, so I just stood there.

"So, what did the chief want?"

"Just telling me that he won't be home for dinner, there's so many sick deputies."

"Yeah, heard about that. Everybody's got the stomach flu. Even the doctors and nurses at the hospital. Good thing Dr. Cullen decided to return this week. They've had to have doctors from other hospitals stepping in."

I froze. Had I heard that Carlisle was coming back? Maybe it was just my head playing games with me.

"Carlisle Cullen?"

"Yeah, I heard Dad and Harry talk about it. They're not really happy about it though."

He continued working on the car, unaffected by the turn of the conversation.

My head spun. I had to sit down.

"Bella? Are you ok?"

His voice seemed so far away. I couldn't focus.

They were back. They had returned, even though Edward had said that I would never see them again.

Strong hands lifted me from the ground and placed me in the passenger seat of my car. I couldn't resist, like I were paralyzed again.

I realized that the car was moving. This couldn't be right? With great effort, I turned my head and saw a clearly anxious Jacob behind the wheel.

"Stop the car!"

Jacob looked at me, but continued to drive.

"Where are you taking me? You shouldn't even be driving!"

He looked at me again.

"You collapsed Bella. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No, you're not! Pull over and stop the car!"

This time he gave in. He stopped the car and turned in his seat to face me.

"What were you thinking? What if Charlie had seen you? What if you'd gotten us both killed?"

I talked so fast that even I had a hard time understanding it.

He grinned.

"I do actually get older every year you know. I got my license last month."

I suddenly felt embarrassed. I had seen him driving Billy around last year. Honestly, he probably drove better than be even back then.

"Oh.."

He was suddenly serious again.

"What happened back there? You just fell to the ground. I tried talking to you, but you didn't response."

I couldn't tell him that I collapsed because of the news. A white lie wouldn't hurt.

"Must have been dehydration."

He didn't seem convinced, but he let it go.

"We're almost at your house. Do you want me to drive you home?"

He saw that I was going to say no.

"I'll have to take the truck back to the reservation anyway. You fainted before I was finished fixing it."

I just nodded. It was probably better to be separated from any kind of danger, including cars.

He pulled out on the road again, and we drove back to my house in silence.

He stopped the car in front of my house.

"Be careful Bella."

I smiled; he looked like an overprotective brother.

"I'll drive the car back tomorrow."

I got out and raised my hand to waive him goodbye. I watched him disappear down the road, before I started walking towards the door.

I didn't think about what I was doing. I was on autopilot.

Why hadn't they called?

As I closed the door behind be I realized I wasn't alone.

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**This chapter turned out to be much longer than I intended it to be. Please forgive me for my errors, English isn't my native language, and sometimes I tend to place the words like we do in Norway.**

**This chapter is not as good as I wanted it to be, but I might need Jacob later in the story, and so I had to write him in.**

**(It's not really a cliffhanger, since I hope everybody understands who the other person is.)**

**The next chapter WILL be in Carlisle's POV! I promise!**

**Please leave a review:)  
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	3. A bittersweet reunion

**The reunion. **

**This chapter is shorter , I didn't want it to include other elements than the reunion. (And it's only a little more than 24 hours since my last update. With this length, I'll be able to post more often.)**

**Thanks for the reviews. You're great!**

**Twilight and all the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

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Carlsile POV

I had to see her. And I didn't want to have the first conversation over telephone. It was too easy to hang up, and I couldn't see her reactions to the things I had to say. But when I had run down too see her I'd been welcomed by an empty driveway and a dark house.

So I climbed in her window. I wouldn't be the first vampire to do that. I decided to wait by the stairs, so that she would see me immediately.

It hadn't been long till I had heard the car driving up the road. Only her car could make all that noise.

I heard a boy tell her that he would drive the car up tomorrow, but I knew that she hadn't found herself a new boyfriend. Alice would have told us if that were to happen. Edward seemed to be undecided on the boyfriend topic. He wanted her to live on like a normal human, but he couldn't stand the thought of her being with someone else.

I heard her walking to the door with slow, uneven footsteps. Was she hurt?

The door unlocked, and she came inside.

And she immediately froze.

"Bella?"

She didn't say anything. She didn't even move and inch.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

She turned slowly, and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. She looked shocked, confused, and hurt. All at the same time.

"Carlisle?"

Her voice broke in the middle of my name.

I took a step towards her, but she took one step back towards the door at the same time. She closed her eyes and shook her head, like she was trying to wake from a dream. I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn't sure if she was ready for it.

She opened her eyes again and I managed to meet her gaze.

"Bella, it's really me."

She sank to the floor, as she tears started running from her eyes. I saw this as my chance, and walked over to lift her up and carried her into the living room.

She stared up at me with her big chocolate-brown eyes, like I would disappear if she closed them or looked away.

I placed her on the couch, and sat down on the floor in front of her.

I don't know how long we sat like this. Not moving, not talking. The only sounds in the room came from her uneven breath and her pounding heart. I wanted to let her be the one to break the silence. If I started talking before she was ready, she would probably not understand a word.

Slowly she regained an even heartbeat, and the tears on her cheeks started to dry. She looked away for a couple of seconds, took a deep breath and started to talk.

"Why did you come back to Forks?"

At least this would be one of the easy questions. The harder ones would come later, and bring even more tears and pain.

"Well, because of you actually. Everybody is really messed up, we should never have left you in the first place."

Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She wasn't used to being told what she meant to others, and Edward had told her that she didn't mean anything to him. He had been so unfair, couldn't he see what telling her that would do to her?

She bit her lip, and I could see another tear falling towards the ground.

"So, why are you here? I mean, why not Alice or.."

She couldn't even say his name. I felt the anger build up inside of me, even though I had no right to be angry with him. He had truly believed that leaving Bella could give her a normal life, away from the dangers of our world.

This was one of the harder questions.

"Bella, when I said that everybody's messed up, I meant everybody. I'm here alone."

She looked at me with disbelief, and I could see why. We had never been far apart. Especially not me and Esme.

"Where are the others then?"

"Esme lives in our house in Alaska. We're not together anymore. Rosalie and Emmet moved out, they couldn't stand to see the family falling apart. Jasper is gone most of the time, sometimes alone, and sometimes with Alice. It's hard for him to have to feel everything we feel."

I didn't know if I should tell her about Edward. It could only cause more pain.

She looked away. It didn't seem like she wanted to talk about him either.

"This is all because of me?"

I wasn't expecting this, but I probably should have. Only Bella would blame this on herself.

"No Bella. This is not your fault. It's nobody's fault."

She looked at me like she was going to protest.

"I mean it Bella. We could never have known that all this was going to happen. Even Alice was clueless. If we had known, we wouldn't have left in the first place."

I know I wouldn't have left. Edward would though. He had threatened to leave the family if we refused to leave with him. He couldn't bear the thought of Bella being hurt. And making her one of us was clearly out of the question. He didn't even waver when Alice told him how much Bella wanted to become a vampire.

She cleared her throat, and I realized that she was probably thirsty after all the crying.

"Would you like me to get you something to drink?"

I didn't really wait for an answer. I just disappeared into the kitchen and poured her a glass of water. I was back before she had time to think it through.

"Thanks."

I handed her the glass and she took a sip.

She looked exhausted. She had dark circles under her eyes, and the normally ivory skin was now red and irritated after all the salt tears. She had also lost some weight, and this didn't help her look healthier. The clothes seemed bigger now.

"How have you been, Bella?"

She hesitated. Probably debating whether to tell me the truth or not. She looked down.

"Honestly? I feel like I'm repeating the same day over and over again. Even though it's not getting worse, it not getting any better either."

She took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm feeling rejected and betrayed. I can't even sleep at night without having horrible nightmares. I didn't even get to keep the memories of him. He took all the pictures and the CD. He promised me it would be like he never existed, but it could never be that way."

She started to sob again, the memories were too much to handle. This time I couldn't resist the urge to comfort her.

"It's going to be fine Bella."

I sat down on the couch next to her, placing one arm over her shoulder.

"I know it hurts."

I knew what Edward had told Bella. And I knew the real reason. I just couldn't tell her that he did this to protect her. Not yet. She would just try to find him, and he would just push her away again. She shouldn't have to go through this nightmare again.

I didn't know what to say, I couldn't think of anything that could ease the pain.

"You're not alone Bella. You've never been alone. We would be here in a couple of hours if Alice saw something happening to you."

She didn't stop shaking. She would just have to get it out of her system.

I laid my hand on her face to ease the burning of the irritated skin. She relaxed a bit, and moved a little closer.

We sat there for another hour, and finally the sobbing subsided. Her breathing evened out, and her head rolled towards my shoulder.

She'd fallen asleep.

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**Read and review:)**

**The next chapter will be up tomorrow (a small possibility), or Monday. (Most likely, since I don't get much writing done during the weekends.)**

**Jeanita**


	4. A new beginning

**I know this is late! But it has been a very busy week. And on top of that, I had a fever and didn't have the energy to do much. But here it is. I wrote the chapter in BOTH Carlisle's and Bella's POV. This story has to be told from her POV too, she's the trouble magnet anyway. **

Carlisle's POV

I looked down at the sleeping girl next to me. Her heartbeat had slowed down, and her breathing was calm, but her face didn't look peaceful. She looked worried.

I could feel her warm skin through my clothes, and decided it was time to carry her upstairs to keep her from freezing next to my cold body. She groaned when I lifted her of the couch, but she didn't wake. I held her a little out from my body, so that she wouldn't notice my movements as I walked up the stairs.

She hadn't cleaned her room for a while, I had to step over piles of books and clothes as I walked over the floor to place her carefully on her bed. She turned towards me in her sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, as if she subconsciously knew I was there.

I removed her shoes and placed them on the floor, before I wrapped the old quilt around her. She mumbled something in her sleep, but it wasn't clear enough for me to understand.

I took a step back, nearly knocking down a tower of books. She looked more peaceful now, but I couldn't leave her. It would be cruel to make her wake up alone after what she had been trough today. I wasn't even sure that she'd believed that the conversation was real. She had been so hurt and confused.

Maybe I could put away some of the clothes and books while I waited for her to wake up.

I started with removing the books from the floor and placing them silently on her desk. I was about to pick up clothes from her floor when I realized that one of the floorboards were loose. I bent down and removed it.

Aha. Under it was a secret room, with photos, a CD and some other stuff. Edward had hidden the things that could remind Bella of him. But he hadn't been able to take them with him, it had probably been too hard for him.

I wasn't sure if I should give them to Bella or not. It could perhaps be nice to know that he hadn't been able to remove everything, but it could also prolong the grieving phase. It could at worst give her a false hope, make her believe that he would come back in time.

But I knew my son. He was stubborn, and if he decided that leaving Bella was the only choice, then he wouldn't return before she had taken her last breath.

Maybe I could show her the hidden things if she seemed to get over him? That should be possible. He had been her first love, it was only right that she should have something to remember the time she had been with him.

I put the piece of wood back where it belong, and continued to pick up clothes. The hamper was full before I was finished. I ran out in vampire speed and put the first load of clothes in the machine before I ran back.

Bella was still asleep, and that was good, she needed to get some rest. But I couldn't stay much longer. It was getting dark, and Charlie would come home soon.

I sat down in the rocking chair. I didn't need to sit, but it was a more human thing to do. 300 years of practicing being a human made these things natural.

It had been a long time since I had my own blood running through my veins. I had been frozen as 23 for over 300 years. I had seen more than you could find in history-books. And mostly, I'd been alone. I'd found Edward a century ago, and I had turned him because he was dying. And his mother had told me to save him, by any means.

He was the first family I had as a vampire. And he had been as troublesome as a normal boy. He had killed many humans, even though he justified it by telling himself that it was only the bad ones. He had been the lonely one, the one who never found a mate. Not that he couldn't, every woman, -vampire or not- without a mate, had tried to get his attention. But only Bella had touched his heart. And he had left her broken.

I looked out on the darkening sky, it was a beautiful sight. The colors changed from dark blue on one end and warm orange where the sun had just set. You could already see some of the stars and the crescent moon as the day turned into night.

I heard the cruiser driving towards the house, and realized that I would have to leave soon. I walked over to the bed and took one of her hands in mine.

"Bella?"

She turned in her sleep, and I knew she was going to wake up soon.

"Bella? I have to leave now. Your dad is on his way home."

She opened her eyes a bit.

"Will you come back?"

I thought about this. I had returned because of her, because she needed to know that she wasn't alone. But I couldn't make her depending on me, that would be just as bad as ever coming back.

"Not tonight. You need to get some sleep."

She nodded. She probably understood.

I let go of her hand and walked over to the window. I turned to give her a last reassuring smile, before I vanished into the night.

Bella's POV

It felt so unreal. I couldn't find the will to get up and go to greet Charlie. Carlisle was back, and he had come to see me. I had never expected to find him waiting for me in my house.

But he hadn't returned.

Not that I had believed he would. But now I really knew that he didn't want me to be with him. Carlisle had come back without his family, because he wanted to make sure I was alright. At least he felt that I had become a part of their family in the months I and Edward had been a couple.

"Bella?"

I got up reluctantly, and walked slowly down the stairs, no need to push my luck now. Charlie was standing in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. He looked up and smiled.

What was I supposed to tell him? He would find out about my collapse by Billy or Jacob, they were always so caring, and they would check up on how I felt later.

"Um. I got sick and Jacob drove me home."

Charlie immediately took a step back.

"Whoa Bells. If you got the stomach flu, you should just go back to bed."

"You're right."

I was about to turn and return to my room, when Charlie told me to wait.

"I don't want to wandering around in the woods alone Bella. Especially not down at the reservation."

Why would I do that? I wasn't that into hiking in the first place, and I would definitely not go wandering around in the forest alone. With my luck that would be suicide.

"There have been multiple sightings of some sort of bear wandering around. Probably just a story that got out of hand, but we have to take this seriously."

"I'm not the one to go hiking, and I'll make sure I don't start now."

I walked up to my room, and laid back down on the bed. Bears didn't really scare me, I'd already kissed the most dangerous predator alive on the mouth. And not to mention nearly gotten killed last spring. You could trick a bear to think you were already dead, while a vampire could hear your heart beating.

The sound of my cell saved me from the morbid thoughts. I picked it up from the floor and looked at the caller-id. Jacob.

"Hi Jake."

"Bella! I figured you would call sooner or later, but you never did. I just wanted to see how you were feeling."

"I'm better now Jake. It passed."

It was silent for some seconds.

"Billy wondered if you and Charlie wanted to eat dinner here. Sue and Harry is also coming over."

I hesitated. I wanted to see Carlisle tomorrow, but I didn't have an excuse. It wouldn't be logical to spend time with my ex-boyfriends newly divorced adoptive father.

"I'm sure Charlie will be thrilled. I guess there's a game on?"

I could hear Jake laughing on the other end.

"You're so right. I guess some of the guys will come over too. We have the biggest TV."

This time it was my time to laugh.

"When would you like us to come over?"

"Ehm. I thought I would pick you up. Since Charlie's working and you don't have a car at the moment."

I'd almost forgot about it. But I didn't have a problem with Jake picking me up.

"Sure Jake. When?"

"I'll call."

"Ok. I think I'll go to bed now. I'm exhausted."

"See you tomorrow Bella. Bye."

**The next chapter will be the dinner at La Push, and Bella's first encounter with the other boys, and Leah.**

**(I will not make any promises to when I'll get to write it. But I will try to write faster this time.)**


	5. Sunday at La Push

**I didn't plan for the chapter to be this long. But I hope you'll read it anyway. (And please forgive me if I have some errors. My spell-check wouldn't work today.)**

**I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters.  
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**Jeanita **

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Bella's POV

I didn't sleep well that night. The memories were clearer after Carlisle had come to see me. I could remember every little thing now, and kept reliving some of the episodes in my head. The drive back from Port Angeles, when he first had told me he was a vampire. The first kiss after the hike to the meadow. The prom, which I had not wanted to attend, but he had made it so wonderful anyway.

It all seemed so much closer now, like I had travelled back in time. But I knew that I could never get those days back, I had realized that when Carlisle had returned alone. Edward would never come back. I had to learn to live with that.

I got up and opened the curtains. The sky was cloudy again, but Forks almost never get to have nice weather two days in a row.

I walked over to my drawer and chose a pair of jeans and a light blue shirt. Not to dressy, but a little nicer than what I usually wore. This was going to be a dinner with Charlie's friends after all, nothing wrong about using my more formal clothes.

I walked out to the bathroom and turned on the shower before I undressed so that the water would be warm when I got in. I stopped in front of the mirror, I had to see if I had to do major damage control after all the crying yesterday. But my face wasn't as swollen and red as I expected it to be, Carlisle's hands had preformed magic. The only thing that said that everything wasn't ok was the hint of red in my eyes, but I could have gotten that from a sleepless night.

I walked into the shower and felt the warm water ease my tense muscles. It felt so good to be able to relax. I washed my hair with my favorite strawberry shampoo, and felt disappointed when I realized that there was an end to the hot water.

I got out and wrapped myself in a big towel. I had a good feeling about this day. I blow-dried my hair, I didn't want to have to wait for it to dry, and got dressed. I walked downstairs and, to my surprise, found Charlie sitting in one of the kitchen-chairs.

"Hey dad. Thought you'd be working today?"

He looked up from the newspaper.

"Yeah. The stomach-flue was only a 24-hour thing. The guys are alright now."

I walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a bowl. As I walked towards the fridge to get the milk, I heard Charlie clear his throat.

"So, I heard Jacob is picking you up for the dinner."

His voice implied that he hoped this had been my idea.

"Yeah, he said that he could, since he has my car. But I guess I'll call him to tell that he won't need to now. I'll just ride with you."

He quit the subject immediately.

I poured milk on the cereals and begun to eat. Breakfast at our house is a quiet event. I eat, and Charlie just drinks his coffee and reading the newspaper. He has always eaten by the time I get up.

A bowl of cereals doesn't take forever to eat, so I was quickly finished and walked over to the sink to wash and dry my bowl and spoon.

"So when are we expected at the reservation?"

Charlie must have gotten just as much information as me then.

"I don't know. Jake was supposed to call me right before he picked me up."

Charlie got up and walked over to the phone.

"I'll call Billy now. I'll tell him that Jacob doesn't need to drive up at the same time."

I walked upstairs to do some of my homework. I had already done most of it, but the load that I was supposed to finish yesterday had been neglected. That included trigonometry. I'm not a fan of that subject, but I'm not bad at it. It just takes a little longer to understand than other things.

I didn't really have the concentration for math now, I only thought about Carlisle and the fact that their family had gone their separate ways. I couldn't help feeling guilty about it either.

"Bella? We have to go now if we want to eat. Billy says that Jacobs friends may come over later."

I looked at my watch. I had been sitting here for two hours without doing anything. I shouldn't be allowed to be alone with my thoughts.

"I'll be there in a sec!"

I put my books back in my bookbag and run downstairs. I almost tripped and fell, but I managed to regain balance just in time.

Charlie looked like he was about to laugh at my clumsiness, but he quickly put on a serious face.

The drive down to La Push was as quiet as always. The only thing interrupting the silence was Charlie when he cleared his throat a couple of times. I stared into the green forest, but I didn't see any bears, I didn't see any animals at all.

We pulled up in front of the house and I could see Billy waving to us from the kitchen window. He turned, as if to talk to someone, before he looked out at us again. Charlie waved back with the same enthusiasm, it was clear that these two had been friends for a long time.

We didn't bother to knock, everyone already knew we were here. I had just taken one step inside the door when I felt strong hands lifting me from the ground to give me a hug.

"H-hi Jake."

His smile reached from one ear to the other.

"Can't breathe."

He put me down on the floor and let me go while Charlie let out a loud laugh.

"It's good to see you kids getting along with each other."

When he walked out to the kitchen to chat with Billy, Jacob gave out a relieved sigh. I looked at him, and was about to ask what was happening.

"You're the last ones to arrive and Billy hasn't stopped asking questions about you. Even Sue and Harry got curious. Not to mention Seth and Leah. Now that you're here, they won't start asking again."

"Seth? Leah?"

I couldn't remember those names.

"Yeah, Sue and Harry are their parents, so it's only natural that they're here."

Charlie had said something about a girl my age down at the reservation.

"Ok."

He motioned for me to follow him, and we walked into the livingroom. The chairs we're already occupied by what had to be Leah and Seth, so we went to sit in the couch.

Leah was a really beautiful girl. She had long black hair, grey eyes, and eyelashes that could have gotten her a role as a make-up model. Her skin was perfect and had the same copper color as Jacob. A natural beauty.

She didn't even bother to look up when we entered the room.

Seth could be 13 or 14 years old, but he was tall for his age. He had black hair, with a hint of brown in it, and dark brown eyes. When he realized that I was looking at me, he gave me a huge grin, and winked. He reminded me of a younger version of Jacob, I could already see that he was going to break some hearts in the future.

"So you're Bella?" Seth asked.

"That's me."

"And you're Jacob's girlfriend? I heard Billy talking about you earlier."

I hadn't expected that one.

"Ehm.. No, Jacob is just a friend."

It didn't seem like my answer embarrassed him. He was about to open his mouth again when Jacob came to my rescue.

"Is this an interrogation? She just arrived."

Seth looked at Jacob for a second, and then he turned back to watch the TV. It was a program about wildlife in the Olympic Peninsula.

Nobody said anything for a while, we just sat there in silence and watched the program. Or in my case, pretended to watch the program. It didn't quite catch my interest, and I had way too many things on my mind to force myself to focus.

I wondered if I would be able to see Carlisle soon. I knew I shouldn't need to, he was Edward's father. It wouldn't be normal for me to visit him, people would start talking. He was pretending to be 33 now, or at least that had been what Edward had told me. He didn't look 33 though, he wouldn't be able to stay here for a long time.

"The food is ready." I heard a woman call from the kitchen.

We got up and walked into the small, but cozy kitchen. There was no way all of us could fit inside the room, so Charlie and Harry had placed a table outside the house. Sue handed us plates and food to carry outside, and soon we were all seated around the table.

The food was great, Sue was a really good cook. We had a really good time, Billy told old stories, Jacob joked, and it was hilarious when Sue pretended to be mad at Harry for eating too much fat. He had seen the doctor and been told to change his eating habits. If not, he was in risk of heart attacks and other diseases.

The parents went inside after we finished eating, and left us kids to talk outside. Sue brought blankets and candles, and it was nice to be able to sit and talk with people on my own age. They didn't know how I had been the past three months. Even Leah joked and contributed to the conversation after a while.

Then we saw them walking towards the house. A group of muscular, tall boys. One was walking in front of the others, as if he was leading them. Leah froze in her seat, she didn't look comfortable at all. I turned to Jacob, and he must have guessed what I was about to ask.

"That's Sam's gang. They've been like this for some weeks now, doesn't talk to anyone else, is out all night without telling their parents, and they don't seem to care about anyone."

He leaned a little closer and whispered in my ear, just loud enough for me to hear it.

"Leah and Sam were together, and when he changed he started to date her cousin Emily. They used to be like sisters, but now they don't even talk to each other. That's why she's so cranky all the time."

Emily got out of her seat and started to walk back up to the Clearwaters' house. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there.

The boys didn't even bother to say hello to Jacob. They just walked inside without bothering to knock, like they were expected.

"Looks like the party's over."

Jacob got up and motioned for me to do the same. We walked to my car, and then we stopped. Neither one of us knew what to do or say, but after a while Jacob broke the silence.

"It's not that I want you to go, but these guys aren't the most polite. I can guarantee Charlie and the Clearwater couple will leave when the tribal elders arrive too."

I wasn't sad that I had to go. It was getting late and I still had some homework to do.

"It's no big deal Jacob. I'll come down another day."

"Really?"

He looked like he didn't believe me.

"Yeah. I had a good time, of course I'll visit you later. You'll probably get tired of me."

He smiled, and it was one of those smiles that put the sun to shame. It felt good to hang out with Jacob.

I got into my car and started the engine. It came to live, but not as loudly as it used to.

"I would ask you what you've done to it, but I wouldn't understand the answer."

He laughed.

"See you later then, Bella."

I waved goodbye and started to drive.

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**That's it. Hope you liked it. If you have questions, just ask. I promise to answer.  
I've already started to write the next chapter;)**

**Read and review :)**

**Jeanita**


	6. Spying

**I promised a chapter in Carlisle's POV, and I try to always keep my promises. Here he is : )  
But I'm **_**really**_** nervous for this chapter. A part of me likes it, and a part of me doesn't think anyone would like it. **

**(I sould have been clearer on the ending of the last chapter. Jacob isn't welcome at the meeting between the pack and the tribal elders. He doesn't like or understand it, but he respects it.)**

**Jeanita**

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Carlisle's POV

This was wrong in so many ways. I was sitting in a tree outside Bella's house, just because I hadn't been able to leave her. I had said that I wouldn't come back, but I had regretted the decision as soon as I made it. So here I was, for the second night now.

Bella had come home a while ago, and I had expected her to try to call me, or falling apart again. It would only be natural if she did, she had had a post-traumatic experience, I could recognize the signs as a doctor. And still she was just sitting by her desk, doing her homework. As if everything was normal. This girl was something special, to be able to suppress this kind of emotional stress.

But I hadn't been able to go even if I had seen she had been alright. I _wanted_ to protect her, like I wanted to protect my family. She had become important to us, and she _needed_ more protection, she was so much more fragile than us. Not only in the way that she was more breakable, she also seemed to experience feelings in a different way. Like her mind told her that everything was her fault no matter what the problem was.

It started raining, I could feel the water dripping from the branches above me. It couldn't feel cold to me, but it was uncomfortable with wet clothes, even if you were a vampire. It wasn't only the feeling of wet clothes that bothered me, but the noise the rain caused made it harder for me to hear what was going on inside the house. Maybe I would have to move closer to the house when it got dark.

I had given up on the logic. I didn't want to stay away from Bella, so why couldn't I make sure she was alright as long as she didn't see me? I still didn't think it would be smart to make her too depending on me, that hadn't changed. I just knew that she would act braver when she had to face the rest of the world, and I wanted to be close enough to know if she had another breakdown. But I didn't know what I would do if she did. Should I come to her rescue as the knight in shining armor, or should I keep my distance for her own sake?

In my non-beating heart, I knew that I wouldn't be able to just stand by and watch while she was hurting. I had become a doctor because I didn't want people to suffer, and it was harder to watch someone you cared for being hurt.

I wasn't used to have such complicated matters on my mind. Life as a vampire was fairly easy, you could never have babies to worry about, you didn't have to think about getting sick, or fat, or getting cancer. And usually, we wouldn't have to worry about the ex-girlfriends of our "sons".

If Edward had been here, he would have told me that this was in my nature. That I couldn't change the fact that I cared about people.

It was getting late, and I could hear that Bella had moved from her desk and down to the kitchen. Charlie was there too, so maybe I should use these minutes to run home and put on dry clothes and a rainproof jacket? It would certainly be more comfortable than moving around in wet clothes.

I moved around the house so I could see through the kitchen window.

This was so childish. Spying on a girl. I almost had to laugh when I thought about it. I wonder what people would be thinking if they had seen me now. I suddenly though of Alice, how could I forget about her visions? She had to be dying from laughter. I would have to expect to be reminded about this for the rest of my existence.

It looked like they'd just begun to eat, I would have plenty of time to get a more comfortable outfit. I ran back to my house in vampire speed and changed to a dry pair of jeans and a rainproof jacket. I still didn't like what I was about to do, but there was something that bothered me about leaving her alone and unprotected.

I had just begun the way back to Bella's house when I felt my mobile phone vibrating in my pocket. I cast a quick glance at the caller id, Alice. Maybe she decided that she couldn't wait with the mocking.

"Hello Alice."

"Carlisle!" her voice was higher than usual, something had to be wrong.

"What have you seen Alice?" I tried not to sound hysteric or stressed, but the tone of Alice's voice scared me.

"It may be something, and it may be nothing. Don't freak out yet, ok?"

"What is it Alice?"

"I saw that Laurent is coming back to Forks. But I don't know why. He's going to be there in two weeks, so you'll have enough time to take precautions."

"Thanks Alice."

"And Carlisle? You're going to ruin the jeans."

Then she just hung up. You almost never got a goodbye from Alice, she said she never had the need to say goodbye, she said she would always know if there was a reason to wish someone _good_bye.

So Laurent was returning too? Why would he do that? When we had visited Denali, he seemed to have found love with one of the sisters, Irina. He had broken free from his coven when we had gone after James, and he had easily adopted our vegetarian lifestyle. But still, could it be that he was after Bella.

Of course not. I was just being paranoid. Maybe he had heard that I had returned. Maybe he wanted to ask more questions. I shouldn't worry about this for the moment. Alice would see the reason as soon as Laurent made up his mind, and then I would be able to decide what the right move would be.

I ran through the forest, and it didn't take long before I was back at the house. But I had been delayed by the call from Alice and they had already gone to bed. I walked around the house so that I could see Bella's window. I wasn't going to look inside, but I wanted to be able to hear if she had a nightmare, or if she couldn't sleep.

I sat down on a rock in the cover of some trees not too far from the house. I could see that the light was still on in her room, she hadn't gone to sleep yet. I could hear water running from inside the house, so I guessed that she brushed her teeth.

I could see her shadow as she entered her room. But instead of turning of the light and going to bed, she walked over to the window and opened it. She was standing there for a while, just staring out into the darkness. She looked like she was waiting for something, or someone.

"Carlisle?" she whispered.

Impossible, how could she know I was here?

"Carlisle? I know you're out there. I noticed you when you were standing outside the kitchen."

Bella was too observant. A normal human wouldn't be able to notice us if we didn't want to be noticed. But I had forgotten how different Bella was from other humans. Not that being this observant was a good combination with her luck, it could easily become a lethal mix.

I stood up from the rock, and my jeans got caught in a branch. I looked down and saw a small hole just below the knee. Alice was right.

I stepped out of the shadows so Bella could see me.

"I thought you said you wouldn't come back here?"

She was right, I should have kept my promise, but she didn't seem surprised to find me here.

"I am still waiting for you to go into shock, or at least have another breakdown."

She raised one of her eyebrows.

"Why are you worrying so much? I'm not really worth the trouble."

She looked down, as if she was about to cry again. I wouldn't be surprised if she did, she had hardly gotten any sleep the night before, and she had just relived some of the most painful moments of her life.

"Bella, this is what I was worried about. I don't want you to suffer in silence, I don't want you to think that you're not good enough."

She lifted her head and I immediately saw the trails where the salt tears had made their way down her cheeks. I could see that she was suffering more than she let me know.

I couldn't believe that I was about to do this.

"Do you want me to come in?"

She hesitated to answer. Maybe she thought she would be a burden.

She finally nodded and moved away from the window. I jumped, and landed with a light thud on the wooden floor.

She was sitting in her bed with her knees under her chin. Her eyes were closed, and her forehead was wrinkled. My logic told screamed at me when I walked over to sit next to her. But what else could I do?

I placed an arm around her shoulders and begun to hum a lullaby I had learned many years ago. I knew that it would be good for her to get it all out, but it was more important with a good night sleep.

I could feel that she began to relax, and it didn't take long before her head rolled on to my shoulder.

I laid her on the bed and wrapped the quilt gently around her. I had a feeling that this would be a long night.

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**There. **

**In the books, Bella seems to make people protective of her even if she doesn't know it. I used the idea for this chapter. Carlisle wants to protect Bella, but he isn't really sure why. He tells himself it's because she's a part of the family.**

**Jeanita**


	7. Coming back to life

**Here's chapter 7. I've been sick, so it's not the same quality as the rest of them. But I wanted to write. The next one should be out in a couple of days.**

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Carlisle's POV

The night was just as long as I expected. Bella had so many nightmares, and she screamed out in her sleep. I was afraid that she was going to wake Charlie, but she always calmed down as soon as I placed a hand on her forehead. I was relieved that it was so easy to chase away her bad dreams, but I couldn't understand how the touch of my hand had that effect.

It had begun to dawn and you could see the sky lightening in the horizon. I knew that Bella's alarm would start to ring soon.

I hadn't moved from the rocking chair, except from the times I had to calm her down. It had been so hard to hear the beating of her heart when the nightmares had begun. She had been twisting and turning in the bed, and it wasn't until she had been close to falling off that I had walked over to try to calm her.

I knew that there was no going back from here. I had asked her if she wanted me to come in, not the other way around. And I knew that I would do the same if I got another chance. I had always liked it when I could help people, make their day brighter. But I rarely got the chance to help my family, they are so strong and independent.

I watched Bella sleeping. She seemed so calm and untroubled now. The whole room was filled with peace, I had never experienced anything like this. She mumbled something in her sleep, but it wasn't clear enough for me to understand it. I wished she could stay this untroubled forever, but I knew that as soon she woke up the memories would return, and she would have to endure the nightmares even if she was awake.

Her dark hair surrounded her ivory skinned face, and she had gotten blue rings under her eyes from the lack of sleep. If it hadn't been for the pink tone in her cheeks, and the sound of her beating heart she could easily have been mistaken for a vampire. She had the beauty, but she didn't belong in the shadows with us. Maybe I should compare her to an angel instead.

Her alarm went off, and she began to turn. She finally sat up in the bed and turned it off, then she yawned, stretched, and opened her eyes.

"Carlisle?!"

She looked surprised, maybe she hadn't expected me to stay the whole night.

"Good morning Bella."

She smiled shyly, and looked down.

"Have you.. I mean, did you stay the whole night?"

She didn't look up, probably too embarrassed to meet my eyes. I smiled.

"Of course Bella."

Her face was no longer pale, it had gotten a very bright shade of red.

"Um, I didn't want to be trouble. You could have gone home you know."

"Did you want me to go?"

She looked at me now, with her big brown eyes.

"No. I didn't mean it like that! I just didn't want you to have to feel like you're babysitting me. I can take care of myself."

She turned away again. It seemed like she usually did that when she didn't want people to know how she felt.

"Bella. I told you that you don't need to suffer this alone. I promised to be here for you, didn't I?"

She suddenly laid back down on the bed, her hands covering her eyes.

"I just feel so stupid. We wasn't even together that long, and I'm still feeling like this. There has to be something wrong with me."

I fought the urge to sigh, sensing that that would only have made it worse.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Everybody deals with heartbreak differently. Your father hasn't found anyone new himself. Sometimes you just have to work your way through it. And I believe that you've just tried to forget everything."

She didn't say anything. We just sat there and looked at each other for some minutes.

"Look at the time! I'll be late for school!"

She jumped out of the bed and grabbed her bathroom-bag. I guess that I should be going. Having me here would just delay her even more.

"Bella? I think I better be going now. I'll see you before I go to work."

I had the nightshift so I would have to be at the hospital at 22.00.

"Ok."

I opened the window, and climbed out after making sure that nobody saw me. It would mean trouble if anyone saw me climbing out of the police-chief's house in the morning. The 33 year old doctor and an 18 year old student. The official age gap would be 15 years.

I ran towards my house, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. It had felt like trespassing when I had spent the night watching Bella sleeping. To watch her while she dreamt had felt like witnessing something private, something I shouldn't see. But it was also fascinating. Sure, I had seen people sleeping hundreds of times at the hospital, but I hadn't taken my time to wonder what they were dreaming.

I reached the house and went directly up to my study. I needed to get my mind on other things, and the best way was to start reading. I struggled to find something I hadn't read before, but I finally found an unread book.

Bella's POV

I didn't have time to think about last night or this morning. I was already running late because I had been sitting in bed just looking at Carlisle. What had happened? I guess it was just the lack of sleep.

I hadn't had time to do anything but find clothes and pull my hair up into a ponytail. I would have to go without eating breakfast. I grabbed my bookbag and ran out to my car, almost tripping when I reached the door. I started the engine, and drove as fast as the car allowed me. I didn't want to have to take it back to La Push already.

I got to school just on time. I tumbled into the classroom just as everyone got seated. I could see Jessica waving from the back, she had a vacant seat beside her. I didn't think she would want to talk to me after what happened at the cinema, I had acted like a mindless zombie. But I walked to the back of the class to sit with her.

"Soo?"

She had turned towards me, and I could see from her eyes that she was searching for gossip.

"So what?"

"I heard that Dr. Cullen is back, is the rest of the family back too?"

So this is what she was doing, she was trying to find out if I had gotten back together with Edward. Well, she was going to be disappointed.

"No, it's just Carlisle."

I would have to be careful with what I said. I hadn't officially met Carlisle yet, and the more I said, the easier would it be for Jessica to get ideas.

"Soo. Has he contacted you? Have you talked with him?"

"No. Why would he? I heard it from Charlie, they have been gossiping down at the station."

She suddenly seemed less interested. She turned to look at our teacher, but I could tell that she didn't really pay attention to what he was saying. She had just gone back to ignoring me.

I spent the rest of the hour thinking about everything that had happened this weekend. With my car, Jacob, Carlisle, and not to mention all the memories that had made their way back into my head. You should think that you would feel refreshed and have new energy after a weekend, but I felt exhausted.

The bell finally signaled that the class was over, and I hurried out the door. I could hear my stomach growling, and thought about lunch. I had to endure another class before I was able to eat.

"Bella!"

I turned and saw Angela running towards me with a huge smile on her face. At least one person was happy to see me.

"Hi."

She started to walk beside me.

"How are you? I mean, with Dr. Cullen moving back to town and all?"

Angela was so much more considerate than Jessica.

"I guess I'm fine. I mean, why shouldn't I be?"

She looked at me with disbelief, but she let it go. Instead she turned her face and changed the subject.

"So are you coming along with us to First Beach next weekend?"

"I don't know, I haven't exactly been invited."

She stopped.

"Oh. Jessica was supposed to ask you. We thought that she was closer to you than us, you know, with the girls' night out and all."

I could hear that she was a bit hurt, but Angela would never admit it. I wished I could give Angela the real reason for taking Jessica instead of her, but I didn't feel like reopening emotional scars during school.

"No. Jess has probably been too busy to remember. But I would love to tag along to La Push."

She smiled again, and we started to walk. Angela is really great, I couldn't believe that I had managed to shut her off too.

The rest of the day disappeared faster than I could have imagined. People even dared to talk to me during lunch. There had been so many things happening while I was mentally gone. Lauren had joined our lunch table, and this time she seemed to have her eyes set on Mike, she had also cut her hair just like Alice's. Jessica and Mike had broken up, and Mike seemed thrilled to see that I was talking to people again. Angela and Ben seemed to be closer than ever though, and I was happy to see that they had each other. It made me feel a little less guilty about my zombie months.

When the final bell rang, I quickly took my bag and headed for the parking lot. I felt relieved. I didn't think it would be this easy to come back to the real life again.

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**I'm going to start writing the next chapter tomorrow.**

**(I'm not a big Jessica fan, but she won't be this cold towards Bella in later chapters)**

**Jeanita**


	8. Sleepless night

**Here's chapter 8. I liked writing this one, so I hope you'll like reading it. This time I've only written in Carlisle's POV again. I think the next one will be in Bella's, but I'm not sure yet. **

**Btw, you guys are great, thank you so much for the reviews =)**

**Jeanita **

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Carlisle POV

It felt good to be back at the hospital again. To be surrounded by the smells and sounds that I had known for so many years. It was easier to think about other things than Bella, and I could do other things than just sitting around worrying about her.

I had noticed that many of the nurses were very eager to be at the same place as me at all times. They had probably heard about my divorce, and now they were even flirtier than before. They probably thought that I would be looking for someone new. They couldn't be more wrong. I wasn't ready for a new relationship, and they would probably have forgotten all about be when I got to the point where I needed another soulmate.

I started thinking about my family, and how we'd never been apart for long periods of time. I felt like I had abandoned them, like I had left them behind. It had been me who had changed them, I had damned them to this existence. And then I just left, like it didn't matter that I had forced them to live forever. I hadn't even been able to ask if they wanted this life.

I felt a wave of guilt washing over me, but I know that I wouldn't have chosen differently if I had the chance. My family as I knew it had been destroyed, and there wasn't much I could do about it. I guess I should concentrate on taking care of the one family member that had been left behind. That's why I went back to Forks in the first place. It was too late for "what if"s.

"Carlisle, there you are!"

It was the director of the hospital. He was the only one not wearing scrubs and a stethoscope. He was a big man, and the suit made him seem even bigger.

"I have been looking for you."

"Well, now you've found me."

He smiled one of the smiles you see in commercials when they want you to buy something.

"We're really glad you're back. Are you planning on staying?"

"I haven't made plans to move if it's that you mean."

He laughed a very loud laugh.

"You should tell me what shifts you prefer, I'm pretty sure we can work out some arrangement."

He really wanted me to stay. I was about to say that any shift would be alright with me, but then I realized that this might me my chance. If I choose the early shift, I would be able to get off work only an hour after Bella was finished at school. I could be there immediately if she needed me, and I would be able to stay there at night.

"I would appreciate it if you could get me the early hours. From 07.00am to 03.00pm."

He looked at me with a surprised look on his face. And I understood why, most of the doctors and nurses preferred to work day or evening.

"I guess I could do that."

"Thank you."

He turned around and started walking towards the offices. I looked at the watch over my head. 05.11am. Almost two hours till I finished work. I had never been so restless before, usually I loved working, but the only thing I could think about was Bella, alone with her nightmares.

I wished that I could be there now, that I could chase away the bad dreams like I had done the night before.

I could hear the alarm of a heart monitor that belonged to a patient we had gotten inn earlier that night. An old man who had suffered a heartattack, a good example of the circle of life. I ran towards the room and yelled that someone should bring an emergency trolley. People came out of nowhere to help, and I had to make people leave the room. It was too many persons. I struggled to get the heart beating, but in the end, we had to admit the defeat, nature had succeeded.

Dying is something natural, a human right. That right ceased to exist the moment you became a vampire. There were no dying as a vampire, your heart could never get tired, your veins could never be blocked or explode in your head. Viruses and bacteria couldn't attack your body. You're skin was hard as granite. You could continue to exist as long as the world did.

I wondered what dying felt like, but I had no need to experience it myself. I wasn't ready to leave this world, and I wasn't sure that I'd ever be ready to leave everything behind. I liked living. After I had become a vampire, I had learned to appreciate the cards I had been given.

But for a human, living had to be hard. Infections, loved ones dying, getting older. It was probably a relief to be able to die after having lived a hard and eventful life.

"Time of death: 05.30am."

A nurse laid a clean white sheet over the dead body before moving it to the morgue. I went to wash my hands before starting to work on different tasks. I had to write a report on the man with the heart attack, and I had a few patients I had to check up on before I was finished.

I decided to take the patients first. I needed to get my thoughts on other things than death. The rest of the work hours flew by, and I was surprised to see that the shift was over.

I walked out to my car and got in. I needed to see Bella before she left for school, but I couldn't take my car to her house. I sped up the road, trying to get to my house as soon as possible. If there was a control, I would be in trouble, Edward could always hear their thoughts from far away, and was able to slow down as soon as he knew there was a cop nearby. I just had to rely on luck.

But luck was on my side. I got to my house without even meeting a car on the way. I ran inside and changed, I didn't have time to slow down now. I don't think I've ever run so fast before. The forest was just a blur around me, I couldn't be much slower than Edward now.

The police cruiser was already gone when I reached her house, and the light was on in her room. I tried the front door, and it opened without making a sound. I walked inside.

"Bella?"

I didn't get an answer. I could hear her upstairs, but I didn't want to walk in on her while she was dressing. I chose to stand beside the stairs.

"Bella?" I raised my voice this time.

I could hear her heart skipping a beat. She stopped moving for a second, and she walked quickly towards the stairs. Something she shouldn't do with her clumsiness. As she reached the top of the stairs, her foot got caught in the carpet, and she began to fall.

I could see her moving her arms in a hopeless attempt to regain balance.

I didn't even think about it, I just jumped up the stairs and caught her before she had a chance to make contact with the floor. For a second she was hanging in my arms, her heartbeat was so fast and hard that it felt like it was trying to make its way out of her chest. She slowly lifted her head, and her eyes met mine. We stood like this for a while, her face only inches from my own.

"Are you alright?"

She was shaking, and her face was even paler than usual.

"Yeah, I guess so. I've fallen down the stairs before, but that was the first time diving."

I laughed.

"I don't recommend a second try."

She suddenly blushed furiously, and her scent got much stronger. Only by noticing this I knew that I had to go hunting as soon as possible.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

Bella shifted in my arms, and slowly regained balance. I let her go and took a step back. She managed to walk down the last steps herself, and she headed into the kitchen.

"I wanted to check up on you before you left for school."

I could hear the refrigerator being opened and closed.

"I'm sorry, I really have to eat. Yesterday I spent half the day starving and I can promise you that it wasn't a pleasant experience."

"I had no intentions of keeping you from eating. How much time do you have before you have to leave the house?"

I walked into the kitchen just as she looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall.

"About ten minutes. I woke up early, so I have more time than usual."

She opened the cupboard and took out a bowl.

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah, for some reason they returned today. I didn't have anyone last night though. Maybe I ate too late.."

She didn't even remember having the nightmares last night?

She sat down and began to eat her cereal. I sat down in the other chair on the opposite side of the table. She looked at me with her big brown eyes. I couldn't believe that Edward had been able to look into them and still leave her. They were pulling you inn, and you didn't want to look at anything else.

I lost track of time, but luckily Bella didn't. She placed the bowl and the spoon in the sink, and threw away the empty milk-carton.

I quickly got up and ran upstairs so that she wouldn't have to risk falling just because she had to get her bookbag. I was already downstairs when she walked out of the kitchen heading for the stairs.

"I wouldn't want you to push your luck. This is clearly not your day."

She blushed again and muttered a "thank you" before she turned to the door. I followed her outside, and she stopped again, not turning her head towards me this time.

"Will you come back later?"

Last time she had asked me that I had said no, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay away from her. Why deny it?

"If you want me to."

"I suppose I do."

The smell of blood got stronger again so she must have blushed.

She walked towards her car and got inside. I waved her goodbye, and then I headed for the forest. I had to hunt.

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**I hoped you liked it. Please leave a review and let me know?=)  
(The man at the hospital was NOT Harry Clearwater!)**

**Jeanita**


	9. Rainbows and other shades of light

Chapter 9.

**I know it's late, but here it is. I will try to write most of the next chapter tonight (we have REALLY bad weather), and it should be up in the next couple of days (and I will write it in Carlisle's POV of course). **

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Bella POV

I saw Carlisle waving from the porch as I drove down the road. I couldn't believe that he had come back this morning, I hadn't expected to see him today at all. Maybe that could explain my irrational behavior when I had heard his voice? I knew that I shouldn't be running towards the stairs, my statistics of accidents would say that both running and stairs was dangerous. And together they could mean catastrophe.

I drove in to the school's parking lot and found an open space, parked the car, and just sat there for a moment. My head was so full of thoughts, memories and other vampire-related stuff, I wasn't able to think of anything else for the moment.

And that wasn't good. I had gotten a call from Billy last night, asking if I would join them for dinner today. He had already invited Charlie, but he considered me as an independent woman, and he said that it would be alright if I didn't want to do the same thing as my dad. I had said that I would be there, it seemed lonely to spend an entire day in the house, and I did want to see Jacob again. But now I wished that I had chosen differently.

I felt so guilty for wanting Carlisle to come back to me, but he had this reassuring aura. His eyes told you that you were completely safe, and he was always so calm. That didn't make it right for me to want him to stay with me though. He had work, and he had a family. Maybe not in the sense of a biological family, but they had close bonds, maybe even closer than Charlie and me.

I heard a sharp knock on the passenger window and I looked up to see who it was. Mike was standing outside, smiling, and holding an umbrella over his head. He walked around the car, and opened the door for me.

"I thought I could share my umbrella with you."

I wasn't able to react fast enough, and he raised an eyebrow while he waited for my response. I took my bookbag and jumped out of the car.

"That's nice of you." I said as I locked the doors. I immediately hoped that Mike wouldn't think too much of it, I didn't want him to get any ideas.

He struggled to get the umbrella to cover the both of us and we started to walk towards the door. He looked like he wanted to say something, but every time he opened his mouth, he closed it just as fast. He suddenly stopped walking and turned towards me.

"I'm glad to see that you're back to normal, Bella."

He looked so serious, like he was standing in front of a person that had been told they only had months left. Then it struck me, he was about to start the Edward conversation. The whole dating and love thing. I turned and started to walk towards the door again.

"At least as normal as I get." I tried to sound like I had an everyday conversation, but I could feel my words trembling out of my mouth.

He hadn't expected me to start walking, but he caught up to me fast.

"I heard that you were coming to First Beach with us. Maybe you would ride with me like last year?"

I remembered the full suburban and the cold glares from Jessica.

"Maybe we should take more cars this time. It got pretty claustrophobic last time. I could take my truck, I could take most of the stuff on the back." I hoped to sound enthusiastic, but I couldn't tell if Mike fell for it.

"Yeah, we'll see.."

We got to trigonometry, and he waved goodbye and continued to his class. I walked to the back of the classroom and took my seat next to Jessica. She didn't even look at me and I didn't want to be the one to start an argument. She wasn't the one to hold grudges, so maybe I could just give her some time.

The rest of the school-day passed in a blur. I wasn't able to focus on anything, but the teachers had given up on asking me questions, and for the most of the time I was able to escape in my thoughts. I was so relieved when the final bell rang, and I almost ran out of the building. Rays of sunlight had been able to slip through the clouds, and there was a magnificent rainbow going from one end of the sky to the other. It was a beautiful sight. I walked over to my car and got in.

The drive down to the reservation didn't take long, mostly because I wasn't able to keep track of the time. I wondered how I was supposed to act normal around Billy, he was always so good at reading people.

Jake was already outside the house when I parked the car, but if I hadn't known better I would say that he had grown over the weekend. The clothes seemed to be smaller and his face seemed bigger. I shook my head, it was probably another trick of the mind, and I hadn't been myself all day.

"Hey Bella! We didn't think you'd be here so soon." He managed to say while he smiled from one ear to the other.

"I thought I was supposed to come straight here from school, but if you want I could just go home and come back later."

I put my hand on the handle of the door to make my point.

"No! Not at all, it's just that dinner won't be ready in an hour or two. You can wait here."

I lowered my hand and followed Jake into the house. The house felt so cozy and warm, just like a home should feel. I followed Jake into the kitchen where Billy had started to take out a recipe-book and a collection of different spices. He looked up and smiled.

"Hi Bells. I thought I should see if I have all the ingredients."

"I doubt that you'll need all those spices."

"The problem is to find the right ones. We rarely use anything but salt and pepper here."

He went back to studying the recipe and sometimes he would look at a spice to see if the names matched. I had to concentrate on not laughing, he looked so helpless. At least he wouldn't be able to ask me questions about Edward. I felt Jake pulling my arm, and I followed him outside again.

"I was working in the garage when I heard your truck. You won't mind sitting there till I'm finished?"

I knew that he wouldn't be waiting for an answer, he already dragged me over to the small garage. He opened the door to the passenger seat and I sat down. He was already behind the hood of the car. I felt like I should start a conversation, but I really didn't know what to talk about. It felt nice just to sit there though, it wasn't an awkward silence.

"So, how are you, Bella?"

"I'm fine."

He walked over and stood in front of me.

"Are you sure? You've been very quiet, and I can see the dark circles under your eyes."

Great, Jacob seemed to have inherited his father's ability to know when something was wrong. Wasn't boys supposed to be emotional handicapped? I would have to pull a white lie to escape this one.

"I just worked on my homework most of the night. It seems like the teachers are planning to kill us before the graduation."

I could tell that he didn't believe me, but he was a gentleman. He didn't bring up sleep, feelings or Carlisle's return. Instead he started talking about school, his friends, and that Quil had started to spend time with Sam and the rest of the gang.

I couldn't believe how easy it was to talk with Jacob. He didn't make a big deal out of things, and he had no problem with having to be the talking one. I could just sit there and listen, and sometimes agree or disagree.

We were laughing at something Jake had said when we heard someone entering the garage.

"Hi guys!"

Seth Clearwater walked towards us, and he was completely wet. It must have started raining again.

"Seth!"

Jacob greeted Seth with a smile, but I could see that he didn't really want him there.

"Billy and Charlie told me to go get you. Apparently dinner's ready."

I looked at my cell phone and was surprised to realize that we'd been out here for almost two hours.

"Are you going to join us for dinner?" Jake asked Seth with an irritated voice.

"There's no way I'm eating what mom's making for dad. He's been told that he can't have any fat, and today they're having vegetable soup." He wrinkled his nose as if he'd smelled something horrible.

Jake offered his hand to help me out of the car and I took it even though I didn't need it. We walked to the little kitchen and sat down. Charlie had volunteered to be the one to serve the food, there were just no room for the food on the little table, and it would be a mess if everyone was going to get their own food.

Everybody talked and joked. Even Charlie seemed to have transformed from police-chief Swan to the Charlie my mother had fallen in love with so many years ago. It was one of the happiest days I had had in a long time, I felt so alive.

"So, did anyone else move back with Dr. Cullen?" Billy asked.

Charlie looked at me, like I would know better than him. I didn't really know what to answer, but I didn't think they'd pursue the matter if I told them the truth.

"No, it was just Carlisle. The rest of them have fallen in love with California."

"I'm sorry Bells." Jake said, and I could tell that he meant it.

The funny thing was I really didn't feel the aching hole in my stomach when I thought of Edward anymore. Sure, I was a little sad that he hadn't returned, but he had told me that he didn't want me. I would just have to live with that. And right now it seemed like I could manage to live without him.

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**Ta dah! I'll start writing the next one in an hour or so. Just need a break. Carlisle _will_ be back in the next chapter. Ask if you have questions, I promise to answer. And I would love reviews if you have the time : )**

**Jeanita**


	10. The Second You Sleep

**Chapter 10**

**This chapter took a long time to write. And I had to rewrite it a couple of times. But here it is, and it hasn't been more than a day since my last update. But I don't think I'll be able to write a new one by tomorrow night.**

**Stephenie Meyer is the genius who thought up Twilight and all the wonderful characters. I'm just borrowing.**

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Carlisle POV

I was almost loosing my mind. I had been waiting for Bella since she left for school, expecting her to come home around 3:00pm. It now the sky had begun to darken and she still hadn't arrived. I had been down at Newton's too, to see if she was at work, but I hadn't heard or smelled her. I was afraid that maybe Laurent had decided to come back early, that maybe something had slipped through Alice's visions, but I couldn't call her yet. I didn't want to overreact before I had a reason.

I wished that I could call her or something, but Edward had said that she didn't have a cell. I had tried to google Bella Swan, but there wasn't anyone in Forks with that name and a number. I would just have to wait this out.

Maybe she was down at the reservation? Charlie's best friend Billy lived there, and it wouldn't be too unbelievable for them to spend a day there. Except that it was a Tuesday and that they both had to get up early in the morning.

I looked at my watch again. It was almost ten and I knew that Bella usually went to bed around eleven. Maybe I should call Alice again to see if something had happened? I pulled my cell out of my pocket and dialed Alice's number.

"Hello Carlisle."

She sounded bored, and I took that as a good sign.

"You're going to ask about Bella, but I'll tell you now, there's nothing new. In fact, I haven't been able to see anything since this morning."

Maybe it wasn't good after all.

"You haven't seen _anything_? How's that possible?"

"It shouldn't be possible, I'm usually capable of seeing every little decision. I've really been trying to keep track of her, but it doesn't matter how hard I try. I just come up with blanks."

What could this mean? Was Bella hurt? Or even worse, -dead? I had come back to protect her, to help her through the hard time, could I have failed so badly?

"I don't think anything's wrong though. I didn't see anything bad happen, but Charlie disappeared about an hour after her. Maybe it's been too long since I saw them."

I didn't bother to listen to the rest of her discussion with herself. I was too worried. Alice had always been able to see everyone she'd ever met. She just needed to concentrate, and she had become so attuned to Bella that she often saw random everyday events.

I started pacing in the small bedroom while I heard Alice's voice chatting nonstop on the phone. I wasn't able to focus on what she said, but she suddenly screamed loud and I stopped walking.

"What is it Alice?"

She talked so fast, and so high, I had no chance to understand a single word.

"Alice. Talk!"

"They're back!"

"Who's back?"

"Bella and Charlie. They just popped back into my head. I wonder what happened."

I tried asking her what she had seen, but she was back to debating with herself. It couldn't have been bad though. Alice was maybe disorganized, but she would tell me if she saw something bad. I hung up on her, and looked outside Bella's bedroom window.

I didn't see them, but I closed my eyes and listened. Alice was right, I could hear Bella's truck driving up the road. The cruiser was right behind it. I couldn't find words to describe how relieved I was, I had been expecting the worst.

I sat down on her bed, which would seem more relaxed when she came up to her room. I really didn't want her to know how worried her absence had made me.

I could hear the cars pulling up in front of the house and doors opening and closing. I felt nervous, but I couldn't understand why. I could hear the key slide into the keyhole and being turned around and Bella walking inside.

"I think I'll just go to bed now, I'm dead tired."

"Ok Bells, goodnight."

I could hear her kick of her shoes and walking up the stairs. She yawned and opened the door. She stopped in the doorway when she saw that I was sitting on her bed.

"Hello Bella." I said just loud enough for her to hear.

"Carlisle! What are you doing here?"

"I promised I would come back, didn't I?"

She closed the door behind her and walked over to her dresser.

"I told Charlie that I would be going to bed, so he expects me to use the bathroom first." She explained as she took out a bathroom bag.

"Sure, I won't go anywhere."

She stopped before walking out, as if she wasn't sure that she could trust me.

"I promise."

She cast a last glance before she opened the door and walked into the bathroom. I could hear her brushing her teeth and doing other human actions. After a few minutes she returned to the room. I stood up so that she would be able to lie down in her bed, she looked very tired.

"I wasn't expecting you to come back today." She said with a sleepy voice.

"I never break a promise, but I will be gone before you wake up in the morning."

She looked up at me with eyes almost covered by heavy eyelids.

"You're working early now?"

"I got them to give me the early hours so that I would be able to spend more time with you."

She looked shocked.

"I didn't mean it like you had to be here all the time. I don't want take over your life, and doesn't night-shift pay more than the day anyway?"

"Yes, but I really don't need the money. I have forever to make money, you need someone right now. And I'm not doing this because of guilt if it's that you think. You are family now, we protect our family."

She sat up in the bed with her quilt wrapped around her. I sat down on the end of her bed turning my head so that I could see her.

"You guys really think of me as family? Even if I wasn't good enough for Edward? And what happens when he finds another girl?"

She was afraid of being abandoned again, I could see it in her eyes, the fear and sadness that I had seen the day I came back. I wanted so badly to tell her the truth, that Edward had left her because she was too good for him. He didn't want her to be with a monster, but he hadn't acted like one before he left her alone in the woods.

"Bella, you're more than good enough to be counted as one of the family. Edward doesn't have the power to change that. And if he finds another girl one day, so what? We'll never disregard you if he does."

She smiled to me. I hadn't seen her smile like that since her 18th birthday.

"I think that you became my family too. The first place I actually fit in without having to change. Ironically enough."

I laughed at her comment, but I could see why she said it. Our family was a different species, and still she fit in like she was one of us.

"_You_ changed _us_. We would never have guessed how much."

She looked out of the window into the black night. I could see from the dim light in her room that her face was more relaxed today. She didn't seem to be as worried as she had been a couple of days ago.

"I'm glad you came back."

I could see her eyelids dropping, and she would soon be sleeping. I didn't understand why she forced herself to be awake.

"Maybe you should turn in now?"

She looked at me with those big brown eyes.

"But if I go to sleep, you'll be gone when I wake up."

I would be gone in the morning, but I would still be back every night. I wouldn't be able to stay away.

"And I'll come back tomorrow night. I'll come back as long as you want me to."

She shifted position and lay down under her quilt.

"You should try to get some sleep, Bella."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." She said before yawning.

She turned over to her side, and it didn't take long before she had fallen asleep. I stood up from the bed and walked over to the rocking-chair, thinking that it was a good thing that I was a vampire, that chair would have been painful if I were a human.

I stayed the whole night, never looking away. Watching Bella sleeping was one of the most peaceful things I had ever witnessed. She didn't have any nightmares, but sometimes she would talk in her sleep and turn around. I wished she would speak clearer so that I could know what she was dreaming. I would give anything to know what she dreamt, to know where she was when she didn't have to face reality. I understood Edward's wish to be able to read her mind.

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_**The Second You Sleep**_** is a song by SAYBIA, a Danish band. It's a really beautiful song, and I have listened to it almost nonstop while writing this chapter. Here's the lyrics to my favorite part of the song:**

I stay awake  
I stay awake and watch you breathe  
I stay awake and watch you fly  
Away into the night  
Escaping through a dream

I stay  
To watch you fade away  
I dream of you tonight  
Tomorrow you'll be gone  
It gives me time to stay  
To watch you fade away  
I dream of you tonight  
Tomorrow you'll be gone  
I wish by God you'd stay

**I'll post a link to youtube on my profile. But if you have Spotify you'll find the song there.**

**Jeanita**


	11. Daydreaming

**Sorry about the delay and the choppy chapter. There's been so much going on. (A relative died, exams, national day..)Hope you'll like it anyway. I hope that there won't be so much stress this week.**

**Jeanita**

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**Carlisle's POV**  
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I really didn't want to leave Bella when the morning came. She had slept so quiet the whole night, and I had become so fascinated with watching her sleep and trying to understand the words that she said in her sleep. But she never spoke clearly enough and the only words I were able to recognize were "no" and "don't". I had forgotten how it was to dream, how it was to step out of reality and into the fantasies. Edward could read minds, and I had always thought that it was easier for him to remember the life as a human when he could know everything about them. I had often wished that I had a gift like him. But I couldn't complain, what was supposed to happen happened.

I stood up quietly and walked over to her bed. Her hair was lying over her face and I reached out as if to tuck it behind her ear, but I didn't want to risk waking her up and stopped. I wanted her to sleep as long as she could, she hadn't slept well the last months. I walked over to the window and after a last glance at the bed I jumped out.

I ran back to my house to change my clothes before I took my car and drove to the hospital. The night had been quiet as usual and there wasn't a lot to do. I had some morning appointments and I could already see that this was going to be a slow day. The first wave of the flu had already passed, and it would be some weeks before we'd get the next one. Decades of practice had given me the time to study the different patterns of virus-related disease.

I sat down behind my desk and found the different patient files on the computer. It wasn't difficult cases. I was surprised to see that Harry Clearwater's file had been sent to me, one of the older doctors had retired and his patients had been assigned new doctors, but I hadn't thought that one of the Quileute men would be happy to have me as their physician. Maybe the old legends were only that now, legends. I hadn't seen any giant wolves for years, it could be that the gene had died out. But it would have been so interesting to be able to do some research on the wolves, I wondered how their DNA structure would look like.

I was lost in my thoughts for a while, and I was almost surprised when I heard footsteps coming towards my door. I heard a knock and asked the person to come in. It was one of the nurses.

"I was just supposed to tell you that the first patient is here."

She looked at me shyly and smiled.

"Ok. I'll be right out."

I grabbed my lab coat and headed for the door.

"Ehm.. I also wondered if you would like to have dinner or something?"

She didn't meet my eyes, I guessed that she was afraid that I would turn her down. And I had to. Not that she wasn't a cute girl, but it didn't seem right to go on a date with her.

"I'm sorry, I don't feel ready to go out just yet. I'm flattered by the question though."

She smiled a disappointed smile.

"I understand. Maybe another time."

I felt bad for her, it was never fun to be rejected. It wouldn't be possible for me to go out with a human even if I wanted to. We had thought that it would work out when Edward first met Bella, but it hadn't. Edward had left because he had seen all the dangers the vampire world had meant. He had left because he loved her, and I didn't believe that I would be able to put someone I loved in that danger. It was also illegal to tell anyone about our true identity. Dating would cause some questions, like the skin temperature and the fact that I couldn't eat. At least not the same food as the human.

Things were different with Bella. She already knew our true nature, and the fact that she did made it harder for her to be alone after the break. She could never talk it out with a friend. She could never tell them why she wasn't good enough. And if that wasn't enough, she would be dead if the Volturi found out. We would all be dead.

I reached the examination-rooms and the nurse pointed at the one with my patient. I walked in to see an old lady with an angry expression. I stopped a sigh. This was truly going to be a slow day.

***

_Bella's POV_

I woke up and immediately remembered Carlisle's visit. I sat up in my bed and looked around. It seemed like I had woke up too late. There was no one in the room besides me, and the window wasn't really closed. He had probably gone to work already. I felt disappointed, it felt good every time I saw him. Like everything became real again. The dreams I had were so frightening, I had started to dream about Edward again, but I also dreamt that I woke up to realize that it wasn't real. That he was just a part of my imagination. And I really didn't want to forget.

The alarm on my cell went off, and I got out of bed. I found clean clothes and walked into the bathroom. I went through my morning routine and headed downstairs. Charlie was still sitting in the kitchen, I had finished earlier today.

"Hey, Bells. Slept well?"

Charlie looked up from the newspaper and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah. I haven't slept so well for weeks."

He looked back down and continued to read the news. Charlie wasn't the one to start a conversation in the morning.

I was preparing my breakfast when he spoke again.

"There've been more sightings of the bear. We will probably have to start looking for it. Can't have a loose bear close to the town, especially not with the hiking season around the corner."

I wondered if I could ask Carlisle to track the bear next time he needed to hunt. He would probably do it if the bear could be dangerous. Maybe I could ask him tonight? I felt my heart jump when I remembered that he would be back. He had said that he would continue to come back to me as long as I wanted him to. A dangerous promise from him. I didn't know if I would ever be ready to leave the supernatural world behind, and he was the only connection I had.

Charlie left and I finished my breakfast quickly. I looked at my watch and realized that even though I had finished early and eaten fast I didn't seem to have more time than usual. Maybe I'd just been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed the time. I got my bag and headed out to the car.

The day went slowly and uneventful. I avoided Mike the best I could, and it seemed like he understood. In lunch he sat down next to me, but he mainly talked with Ben and Eric. Angela sat down on the other side and formed a bridge between me and Jessica. Jessica talked to Angela, Angela talked back to Jessica, and then she would turn to me and ask my opinion while Jessica looked the other way. Awkward.

I was relieved when the day finally ended and hurried home. I wanted to finish my homework early, just in case. I hoped Carlisle would come over earlier today. My stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies, and I realized that I acted like a child. But it was natural, wasn't it? I hadn't been able to talk to anyone for months, and then he shows up. It had to be that.

My homework wasn't hard, I had been putting extra effort into school after Edward left, and I had almost only A's. I was almost finished making dinner when Charlie came home. We had fish, again, since Charlie and Harry went fishing almost every Saturday. Charlie didn't mind though, he was more than happy with a warm meal every day.

Charlie seemed suspicious of me. Like he was afraid that I might go back to being a zombie if he turned the other way. He hadn't been happy about my behavior, and he could easily think that I was acting in front of him. But I don't believe that the zombie would return as long as Carlisle would stay.

"Billy thinks it's great that you're spending time with Jacob."

I hadn't noticed Charlie coming back into the kitchen while I was washing the pans after dinner. He was standing in the doorway, smiling. It was probably not only Billy who liked the fact that I had become friends with Jacob.

"Jacob's a nice kid."

I could probably have chosen a different word, but I wanted Charlie to know that there was nothing more than friendship.

"Billy says he talks about you all the time. He talks more about you than he does about the clown Quil these days."

I really didn't want to talk about Jacob. Not with Charlie anyway. Jake was just a friend. I finished the dishes and when I turned around I realized that Charlie had gone back to the livingroom. It looked like I wouldn't have to find an excuse to go upstairs after all.

I was standing in my room, staring out of the window. I knew it was too early, and that he probably wouldn't come before it was almost time for me to sleep. I didn't know what to do or say when he got here though.

How could it feel so normal to have the father, or more like creator, of my ex in my room every night? Not that Edward had acted like Carlisle had been a father to him, but he had pretended that he was. You should think that this would be an awkward situation. I lay down on the bed with my feet dangling off the edge and covered my eyes with my arm. This was really confusing. One minute I wanted him there, and the next I debated how I was supposed to feel about it? I felt a cold wind brushing gently over my skin.

*** _(No moving in time, just changing POV's again. Carlisle's POV)_

"Bella? Is something wrong?"

She was lying on the bed with her arm covering her eyes. Maybe I had waited too long, maybe I should have come back earlier.

She removed her arm, and I was relieved to see that she wasn't crying.

"No, I'm fine."

She didn't look fine. She looked exhausted.

"No, really. I was just tired of doing homework. I suspect the teachers are trying to kill us."

"Well, maybe I should come back later if you have homework to finish."

I really didn't want to go, but if it could make it easier for her to do homework with me gone I would.

"They're finished."

She was still lying on the bed, with one hand over her head, and the other one on her stomach. I didn't feel comfortable with looking at her while I talked, so I turned around and looked out the window. I could hear that she moved, but I didn't turn around to look.

"Have you seen a big black bear wandering around in the woods?"

Her voice didn't sound like she was lying on the bed anymore, so I thought it was safe after all.

"What do you mean? There aren't bears in this area."

"There have been a lot of sightings of a huge bear. Larger than grizzlies and completely black."

Larger than grizzlies? I had been around for centuries, I had hunted bears and other predators. I hadn't seen an animal bigger than the grizzly since.. no it couldn't be.

"Have there been any attacks?"

"No, not that I've heard of anyway."

Maybe..

"Where have they seen it?"

"Mostly down by the reservation. But there were some hikers that had seen it up in the mountains."

"They're back." I whispered, too low for Bella to hear.

"What?"

"I really don't think that the bear will cause any problems. Has there only been one?"

"Only the one. But it could be more, people could have seen different bears."

Maybe the gene wasn't gone. Maybe it was just extremely rare. I wondered if they still remembered the treaty as something else than a legend.

"I'll keep an eye out for it when I go hunting."

I walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. I could hear her heart miss a beat, but it went quickly back to a normal rhythm. I was sitting and thinking about the giant wolves we had seen when we first got here. Majestic creatures. But I also remembered the young ones, the aggressive ones. They could easily be a danger to others, even though they didn't mean to be. I knew that Bella spent time down at the reservation, but I couldn't tell her about the dangers until I was sure that the shapeshifting had started again.

"What's wrong?"

"It might me nothing, and it might be something."

"What might be something?"

"The bear. It's possible that it's something different."

She looked at me with big eyes, and I knew that she wanted to know what I was talking about.

"I'm not sure yet. So I'll tell you when find out."

She relaxed a little, but her forehead wrinkled. Maybe she was scared.

"It's nothing to worry about. I promise that whatever it is, it won't come near you."

Unless it actually was her friends down at the reservation. I didn't want to break the treaty, I had been there when it was made, and I wasn't the one that was going to break it.

We sat quiet on the bed for a while. It felt good, it was so different to be able to feel comfortable in the silence. I hadn't experienced it for many years now. We had been so many vampires, and even though we were supposed to have patience our house had always been filled with different sounds. The only sound here was the sound of Bella's breathing and her beating heart.

She tried to hide a yawn, but I could see that she was tired. Why would she always try to stay up longer than she should?

"Bella, you need to sleep."

She looked at me like she wanted to refuse.

"You're a human after all."

She stood up silently, like she did it in protest, and headed for the bathroom. She finished quicker than usual and came back wearing an oversized t-shirt. I was about to stand up and walk over to the rocking-chair.

"Please, don't get up. I can sleep if you're sitting there."

She blushed furiously and looked down. Her heart was racing, and I understood that it had been hard for her to ask me that. I couldn't bring myself to get up, but moved a little so that she would get more space. She slid down under her quilt and lay down on her pillow. She looked at me, but as I thought, it wasn't long before her eyelids fluttered and her breathing evened out.

I looked down at the sleeping girl and sighed. I would probably do anything for her.

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**I really don't like the chapter (because I didn't get to write it in one sitting.) But I hope you do. Now I have to sleep, I have work tomorrow.**

**Jeanita**


	12. Fresh Feeling

**Chapter 12**

**Here it is. I'm stressing again because it seems like I still have a lot of things to do. It's a little longer than the last one, but I do have more errors when I'm stressed.**

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**Whole chapter in Carlisle's POV**

For the second time I realized that I didn't want the morning to come. She deserved the peace the dreams gave her. She had slept quietly and still most of the night, she hadn't even spoken in her sleep. I had wished that she would though, when I was sitting this close I had a better chance to understand what she was saying.

The time was measured in Bella's heartbeats, the soft sound was much better than any clock. The sound of the beating heart would be torture for most vampires, but I had never tasted human blood. You can't miss something you've never experienced. It was true that Bella smelled exceptionally good, like roses do next to daffodils, but I wasn't really affected by it.

I had wondered what Bella would smell like if she had become a vampire, but I had realized that I wasn't allowed to think about those things. She would never become a vampire now, I was here to make sure that she could continue on with her life. I was supposed to help her start her life as a human again.

It stung when I thought about that. She would have to die sometime, she would have to grow old and feel her body giving up. I couldn't vision Bella as a old woman. I had always thought that she would be one of us sooner or later, Alice had said that she would. Her visions had changed after Edward decided to leave Bella of course, but she always looked to see if the future changed.

I didn't know what I was hoping for, I just wanted her to be happy. I was against changing someone if I had a choice to let the person live a happy life as a human, but if Bella was unable to be happy I'd rather let her become a vampire. Could you really live when you only had regrets and bad memories? Wouldn't you only be stuck in the past, unable to move forward?

I looked at my watch, it was almost time for me to leave again. I looked down at the sleeping girl one last time and whispered a goodbye. I would have to come here earlier tonight, I wanted to be able to talk to her before she was too tired.

I got up from the bed and walked to the window. I could hear Bella turn in bed and turned around to see if she had woken up. She hadn't, but she had moved to the spot where I had been sitting the whole night. I smiled and jumped out.

***

Work wasn't more interesting than yesterday, and all the accidents and the blood made me realize that I probably should hunt The downside of only feeding on animals was that we had to feed a lot more often than other of our kind. I wasn't starving, but I didn't want to take any risks when I was going to be around humans 24/7. I would have to postpone going to Bella's house.

The workday finally seemed to end, and I was sitting in my office doing some paperwork when the hospital administrator knocked on the door.

"Come in." I really hoped that he wouldn't have one of those long conversations, I wanted to be able to see Bella soon. He opened the door and walked in.

"Carlisle. I'm glad to see that you're back in the old routines."

"It wasn't really that hard, I've only been gone three months." I tried my best to smile, but I was sure that some of the impatience shone through.

"Uhm. Yes. I was just wondering if you would approve your new shift-list. " he handed me the list. I read it quickly and saw that I had both day, evening and night-shifts. I had asked for day, but I knew that this was a little hospital, and I knew that they had done their best to make it work.

"I realize that it's not really what you wanted," he continued. "but we really tried to let most of the shifts be day-shifts." He really looked like he was sorry.

"It's alright. I'm sure that this will be fine." I didn't look forward to the nights at the hospital, knowing that I would be thinking of Bella the whole time.

The administrator smiled and walked out again, probably because of my impatience. Impatient vampires weren't pleasant to be around. I finished the paperwork at vampire-speed, but I still double-checked that I got everything right.

I almost left my car in the hospital parking-lot, but I knew that I lived too far away to leave it behind and run without people noticing. So I started my car and struggled to keep it within the limit, but I sped up when I reached the private road to the house. I stopped the car and headed for the forest, didn't even bother to change into something less expensive before the hunt. Alice wasn't here anyway.

I ran deep into the forest, deeper than we normally had to, before I found a mountain lion. While I drank I wondered to myself where all the animals could have gone, there should be more now when our smell had disappeared from the forest. I didn't have time to think more, suddenly a huge, black wolf walked out of the forest. He stopped, and two other wolves came out of the trees behind him. They weren't as big as him, and they all had different colors. The black one walked back into the trees while the two others watched me without blinking.

"I heard that you were back. Why?" A man walked out from the shadows wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off jeans. He was tall, muscular and had a face that said that he had experience well beyond his age.

"You must be the new generation of Quileute protectors." He looked right into my eyes, his face was hard.

"Why are you back?"

I couldn't tell him about Bella, she wouldn't be welcome at the reservation if they knew that she had been with Edward even though she knew what he was.

"Our family fell apart, I returned to Forks because I have a home here."

"Family." The man spat the word out. "The likes of you don't have families, they died when they were supposed to die. You're not supposed to exist."

There was nothing but hate in his voice, like I had done something to insult him personally.

"We considered our coven as a family. Vampires who only drink the blood of animals get closer to each other."

"You still feed on the blood of living creatures." He didn't look like he was going to back down.

"Yes, but you also use animals as food, I don't think we're worse. And you know that I am different, I promise you that I have never tasted human blood in my entire existence."

The man said something on the tribal language, a language that I'd never gotten the chance to learn, and the wolves walked back into the forest.

"The treaty is still valid, we'll know if you break it. The only reason you're standing is because of our respect for Ephraim Black." He turned around and ran into the forest.

I hadn't been wrong. The Quileute tribe still had the gene, and the legends weren't only legends. How many of them knew about vampires and shapeshifters? Could it be that the tribe hadn't changed? That the collective memory had kept the legends alive all these years?

I would have to find out what Bella knew about this. And if she didn't know, I wasn't allowed by the treaty to tell her anything. So many secrets, so many things I couldn't tell her. What would she think of me when she found out?

I suddenly remembered that I was in a hurry, that I had wanted to come back to Bella sooner today. I looked at my watch and realized that it was later than I had thought. I turned around and headed for my house. I took a quick shower to wash of the smell of the mountain lion and the forest and changed into clean clothes. Then I ran through the forest as fast as I could.

***

Charlie wasn't home yet when I got to her house, he probably had to work late because of the wolves. I decided to knock before I came in today, since she expected me to come later. I could hear her walking to the door and struggling with the lock for a couple of seconds before the door opened.

"Carlisle!" she looked at me with a surprised expression. "I didn't think you'd come over this early."

She opened the door all the way and stepped aside so I could get in. She blushed and the scent brought my eyes to her face. She looked so much better now than she had just a couple of days ago, her eyes shone, her skin had gotten back the rose tone that she had before we left, and the circles under her eyes were almost completely gone. She looked healthy.

"I wanted to see you when you're awake."

"Oh. I was just preparing dinner for Charlie, you can sit in the kitchen if you want to." She blushed again and turned to walk into the kitchen.

"What are you making?"

"Fish, wok and rice. Charlie is always fishing, and so we have to have fish at least twice a week. But I've decided to cut down on the potatoes."

She sliced the vegetables and I was afraid that she would cut herself, she didn't really have the best technique with the knife.

"Do you want some help?" she looked like she wanted to say no, but I couldn't stand just looking when the knife was only millimeters from her fingers. "I'm a vampire, we'll get the work done faster like this."

She put the knife down and went on to prepare the fish. I sliced the rest of the vegetables and sat down on a chair by the table. I watched as Bella cooked, our hunting seemed easy compared to all the work humans had to do before they could eat. And while they had so many different choices, we never had to plan what to eat, only where.

"If you don't want Charlie to see you, you better go upstairs or hide somewhere else."

I looked at my watch and realized that she was right. Charlie would come home soon, I didn't want him to find me here. I didn't know how he felt about the whole Edward thing, but I was pretty sure that he wouldn't be thrilled to find me here anyway.

"I'll go when I hear the car. Do you want me to wait here, or should I run back home?"

"You can wait here" she blushed "I'll come upstairs as soon as I'm finished eating."

"Then I'll wait here."

"But you'll probably be bored, I have a lot of homework."

I smiled at her. "You're really afraid that I will be bored? I have been around for over 300 years, there's been a lot of free time. I'll survive."

She smiled and continued to cook. It was like I was seeing a whole new Bella. The one I had met a couple of days ago were nervous and looked like she was about to fall apart any moment. This one was relaxed and more confident.

I was disappointed when I heard the cruiser coming up the road, and I stood up reluctantly and walked out of the kitchen. Bella seemed to understand what I was doing and started to set the table.

***

I waited for her to finish her dinner and chat with Charlie for a while. An hour was nothing compared to the amounts of time I had spent waiting in my life. At least this time the waiting would be worth it. I knew that she would come upstairs sooner or later, it had been worse the days and nights I had spent by the beds of my family. I hadn't known if they were going to get through the change.

I finally heard her walking up the stairs. She came in with her bookbag over her shoulder and smiled shyly when she saw me standing by the window. She mumbled a hi and sat down on the bed with her bookbag next to her.

"I'm really sorry, but I have to start if I want to get some sleep tonight."

"It's alright. I might even be able to help you if you're stuck." I joked. I knew that I would be able to help her regardless what subject she might have troubles with.

"I'll hold you to that." She said and blushed again. Edward hadn't been exaggerating when he had said that she blushed a lot. And every time she did she filled the room with the smell of freesias.

She opened a book and started to read. I wondered if it was ok to talk to her, or if she preferred to do her homework in silence. I decided to let her be the one to speak if she wanted to. I was watching her study for thirty minutes before she finally looked up at me.

"It's alright to talk if you want to."

"If you need the silence to concentrate I don't mind waiting."

"It seems like we only had to repeat the last chapter in trigonometry, and now I only have English and Biology left."

She put away her trigonometry book and opened the Biology-book. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her, not even asking if that was ok. She looked at me and the room was again filled with the sweet scent of freesias. I quickly looked down at her book. It didn't look too complicated, but I had studied biology at the university many years ago.

"Do you like biology?"

"It's one of my best subjects." She said and looked down. "But I'm not an expert."

We sat and talked while she did the rest of her homework. I helped her sometimes even though she never asked, I just figured that she would finish earlier if I could guide her to the right answers. It's amazing how much you can learn about someone when you're just talking like that, I could see why Edward had become so fascinated with her.

She was finally finished and she jumped off the bed and grabbed her toilet-bag.

"I'll be right back."

She smiled and hurried into the bathroom. I took the liberty of putting her books into her bag and placing it on the floor. It didn't take long before she came back.

"Are you going to stay?"

"I promised that I would stay as long as you wanted me to, didn't I?" it seemed like she wasn't going to let herself believe that. Then I remembered the shift-list.

"Right."

"But it seems like the hospital had to give me other shifts too. There will be nights that I can't be here."

"That's ok. I think I'll survive."

She looked like she was fine now, but I had seen what she had looked like after spending the night alone. There wasn't really anything I could do about it though, if I wanted to work at the hospital I had to act like a normal person.

Bella sat down on the bed with her back against the headboard and looked at me.

"Would you mind sitting here again?" she looked down immediately "You don't have to if you don't want to."

I smiled and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Is this alright?

She looked down and nodded. I moved a little so that she was able to lie down under the covers.

"Are you working early tomorrow?"

"No. I'm working tomorrow afternoon, so I'll be here when you wake up."

She smiled the shy smile again and closed her eyes. In a way I was happy that I would be able to be with her in the morning.

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**There it is. I know that I have more errors when I'm stressed, but if it really bothers you just tell me and I will correct them;) **

**I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I think that I will have it posted within a week.**

**Fresh Feeling by Eels. (They are both having a new beginning, finally things are brighter, they are getting to know each other.)  
**

**Jeanita**


	13. Caring is Creepy

**This chapter didn't turn out like I planned, but it sort of wrote itself. I'm still stressing, and even though I try to avoid errors I don't always succeed. But I hope that you can look past my English. **

**Jeanita**

**(And I have forgotten a LOT of disclaimers. But that doesn't mean that I think I'm Stephenie Meyer, or that I own anything related to the Twilight saga. I'm just always in a hurry to post!)**

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Bella's POV

I loved the evenings and mornings I got so spend with Carlisle, he always made me feel better. I had gotten so many comments on how much more healthy and well I looked, and I had seen the improvements myself. I looked alive again, the zombie had disappeared. I just hoped that it would last.

School wasn't really fun. Jessica had begun talking to me again, but only because Mike insisted on following me everywhere. It seemed like he had gotten a new interest now that Edward was out of the picture. _Was_ he really out of the picture? I hadn't felt the aching whole in my stomach since Carlisle begun spending the nights in my room, but I still had dreams where he drifted further and further away from me. I had tried to run after him in the beginning, but after a few nights I just stood there. I had given up on following him.

I liked the afternoons when I worked at Newton's, it was great to earn my own money, but often I wished that I could be home spending time with Carlisle. I had discovered a different side of him, and I was really glad that we were able to talk to each other like friends. He had centuries of stories and experiences, and I never grew tired of listening to them.

Sadly Carlisle hadn't gotten the weekend off, so I suddenly had a lot of free time. Nobody had asked me to do anything with them, except from Mike, but he only wanted to drive down to Port Angeles to see a movie. I wasn't really interested in dating, and I had told him that I had other things to do. But now I really regretted it. It was Saturday evening and Carlisle had just gone to the hospital. I was planning on an early night, knowing that Carlisle would be here when I woke up.

My heart raced again. It had picked up the old habit, beating twice as fast whenever I thought about the vampires. A little embarrassing when Carlisle was sitting next to me, I knew that he could hear it, not to mention smell it when I blushed. But he never commented on it, he was always the perfect gentleman.

Today, as the previous days, I laid on my bed thinking. It had become a new habit. I had begun to like the moments when I could clear my mind, or tidying up the mess the last months had caused. After a while of remembering and daydreaming time almost ceased to exist.

Suddenly I heard a buzzing sound from my nightstand. My phone was ringing and I reluctantly sat up to see who tried to contact me this late. The display told me that it was Jacob, and I didn't know if I should answer it or not. I knew that he would want to plan something, and I didn't really want to. I knew that I should at least pretend to have a normal social-life, but if I missed an opportunity to be with Carlisle..

"Bella!" Jacob sounded as enthusiastic as always when I picked up.

"Hi Jake." I tried to sound enthusiastic too, but I had always been a lousy actress. "What's up?"

"I just thought that you might like to come down at the reservation tomorrow afternoon. We're having this bonfire and a lot of the reservation kids are coming." He sounded like he expected me to turn him down. He had probably been instructed to invite me by Billy and Charlie.

I weighted my options. I had the whole morning with Carlisle, and Charlie would soon get suspicious if I locked myself in my room every single day.

"Okay. When should I be there?"

He was quiet for a moment, probably surprised by the answer. "Uhm. I really don't know yet."

I laughed. "You can give me a call when you know. I won't be doing anything else tomorrow anyway."

"Yeah." He paused. "I'm really glad you want to come though." His voice was serious, it didn't have the same tone as he usually used.

"What's going on Jake?"

"Nothing, nothing." I could still hear that he wasn't telling me the truth.

"I think I know you well enough to tell when you're hiding something from me."

"Really, Bella. It's probably nothing."

"If you say so.." I couldn't force him to tell me what was bothering him over the phone. I just hoped that I would be able to find out what he didn't want to tell me tomorrow.

"Yeah." There was an awkward silence as none of us had anything else to say.

"Well, I won't occupy your line any longer. I'm sure that people are trying to get through to you as we speak." He laughed a little of his own joke.

"See you tomorrow then."

"Bye Bella!"

I heard a click and he was gone. I really didn't want to worry about Jacob tonight, but I couldn't help feeling uneasy. I lay back on the bed, but I quickly realized that I wouldn't be able to go back to daydreaming now. I decided to take a shower, better now than tomorrow morning anyway. I didn't want to wash my hair twice in one day, and remembering the bonfire and the way I would smell after I came home, I thought that it was better to shower tonight.

The hot water washed away the worries, at least for the moment. It was comfortable to feel my muscles relaxing because of the hot water, and I stood there a little longer than necessary. I could feel myself getting more tired. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a big towel, one of the towels I had bought after realizing that Charlie only had small, old ones.

When I had brushed my teeth and had gotten dressed for the night I crawled under my quilt.

***

The sunlight woke me up before my alarm had gone off. As soon as I realized that I was awake I sat up in my bed and looked around. He was standing by the window, the light made him project all kinds of colors in my room. It was breathtakingly beautiful. He turned around and looked at me, and as he turned the brilliant colors played along my bedroom walls.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" His voice was concerned, like it always was when he thought he'd done something wrong.

"No. I went to bed early yesterday."

He smiled, and I could feel that my heart missed a beat just to catch up with it at double speed. To hide my face I turned to the nightstand and grabbed my cell. The display said that it was 08.50, early, but I knew that Charlie would have gone fishing already.

"Aren't you a little tired of your room by now?" Carlisle suddenly asked. "Maybe we could go somewhere else today."

I liked the idea of getting out of the house, but I wasn't sure what Carlisle had meant with the question.

"Well, it depends on what you mean by somewhere else." I wasn't sure if I would be able to spend a day at his house. The last time I'd been there was my birthday.

Turned back to look out the window, and I got op from the bed and walked over to my dresser. I took out a pair of jeans and a dark blue hoodie. I had moved my underwear to the bathroom, just in case.

"It's sunny. I thought that you'd like to spend the day outside."

"I don't mind the sun, but wouldn't it be kind of difficult? No offence, but you don't really look like a human in the sun."

He laughed. "There are places where humans rarely go. I'm sure we could find a spot where we can be alone."

My heart did another pirouette at the last word. Alone. Carlisle seemed to notice.

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable with it. We could just stay here."

"No, you're right. I should get out of the house." I realized that I was still standing with my clothes draped over my arm. "We can talk about it after I've had my human minutes."

He nodded and I walked quickly to the bathroom and locked the door. I changed and washed my face with cold water. I couldn't understand why I blushed all the time. Sure, I had always been easily embarrassed, but this was getting out of hand. Maybe things still felt awkward because of Edward. That would be normal, right? But I hadn't really felt embarrassed around Carlisle, it was actually comforting to be able to talk with someone.

I took a deep breath and walked back to my bedroom. Carlisle was standing by the door, waiting for me.

"I think you should eat before we do anything else."

"Right." I turned too quickly and felt the ground slide away under my feat. I closed my eyes and prepared to meet the floor, but I never did. Two cold hands had scooped me up before I had gotten the chance to try to regain balance.

"Oh!" I couldn't really seem to find anything else to say. I felt my cheeks burn, and looked down immediately.

"You really do fall down a lot." he laughed as he started to walk to the stairs. We were standing in the kitchen before I even had the chance to tell him to let me down. He placed me lightly on the floor.

"Yeah."

I was still embarrassed when as I found a bowl, a spoon, milk and cornflakes. Avoiding Carlisle's eyes I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. I almost expected him to join me, but he was standing in the doorway looking at something far away. I was about to offer him a seat when I suddenly spoke.

"I have to make a phone call." He darted out of the kitchen.

I finished my breakfast and placed the bowl and the spoon in the sink. I didn't really feel like washing them now. When I turned around to get the milk and the cornflake-box Carlisle was standing in the doorway again, smiling.

"Sometimes I wish that you would make more noise when you walk, I'll probably die of a heart-attack someday." His smile disappeared for a second.

"I had to check something."

"Do I get to ask what?"

He frowned. "I had to see if it was safe for me to take you somewhere."

"Oh." He had called Alice. I waited for the sting in my torso, but there was no pain.

"Are you ready to go?"

I took the jacked that hung on the railings by the stairs. "I am now. But are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"No. Alice said that it was better to keep it as a surprise."

I walked over to the door and opened it.

"And exactly how are we getting there if you're planning to keep the location a secret?"

He looked at me and gave me a smile I knew too well. "How much do you trust me?"

My mouth popped open and I backed towards the door. It didn't help. Before I knew it I was lifted from the ground. Then we flew through the forest.

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**The next chapters will be different from the earlier chapters. I thought that it would be nice for them to get out of Bella's room, and I was longing for the sun. I really look forward to write the next chapter. **

**The title is a song by The Shins. This one is NOT on spotify, but I'll find a link to it and post it on my profile.  
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**Till then.**

**Jeanita**


	14. The plan

**Wow. I really don't like this time of the year. There's too much to do, and too nice weather for sitting inside writing. But here's the next chapter. I've been really busy, and it doesn't seem like it's going to slow down this week, but be patient, I'm not giving up on this story.**

**Jeanita**

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Carlisle's POV

I wondered what Bella thought of me now, just lifting her up and taking off into the forest. But I knew that I had no chance. Alice had called last night to tell me that she could see Bella disappearing for a couple of minutes later today. She had told me that she had been able to see that Bella was going to La Push to see her friend Jacob, but after a while everything went blank. Alice had panicked, of course, but after a while Bella came back into her vision.

I hadn't told Alice about the wolves, and I wasn't planning on either. If she thought that Bella was in danger she would return immediately, and she would leave Jasper behind. Jasper wouldn't want to come back. He was still ashamed because he had attacked Bella, and he felt guilty because the family had broken apart.

I could assume that the wolves had something to do with Bella disappearing from Alice's visions, and I wanted them to know that there would be consequences if she was hurt. That's why I had lifted her up in the first place. I wanted them to smell that she was still being protected by me. I knew the dangers young shape-shifters posed. They weren't stabile. But they had a good sense of smell, and I knew that they would be able to tell that it was me.

This was the only way that I could protect Bella without telling her about them. The only way that I could keep them away from her. I just hoped it would work.

"Where are we going?"

I looked down on her surprised face and smiled. "A place where we can be alone."

If my heart had been beating it would have skipped a beat when I looked into her eyes. Her smile reached her eyes, and it was so genuine, so real, that I began to wonder what I had done to make her smile like this. If I was the reason behind this smile, it would be thousand times better than saving a life at the hospital.

I looked up again, pretending to concentrate on where we were going. I could easily dodge trees without looking directly at them, but I couldn't concentrate on running without crashing when I looked into Bella's eyes.

We finally reached a little clearing deep inside the Olympic forest. There was a small river and the sun shone down on the crystal-clear water and made it sparkle. A carpet of small, white flowers completed the harmony. There was a large rock standing in the middle of the clearing, and I sat her down on the cold surface, regretting that I didn't bring a blanket.

"What do you think?" she hadn't said anything yet, maybe she didn't want to be here?

She looked around at the surroundings. "Where are we?"

"A place far away from any hiking-tracks." I answered, she wouldn't remember the coordinates if I told her.

"It's so beautiful! How do you find these places? First Edwards's meadow, and now this?"

"Well, we have to go into the forest to hunt." I frowned, afraid that the information would take away some of its charm.

"I wish I could find a place like this sometime."

I sat down beside her, and we didn't talk for a while. It felt good just to share this place with someone who hadn't seen every beautiful thing on the planet. A person who really appreciated the simple beauty of the nature and everyday-miracles. She seemed to love it, the smile hadn't left her face as she kept looking around.

I couldn't believe how much I had learned in the process of helping her. She wasn't an old soul like Edward had described her. She was complex, she could show childish joy as easily as she could help someone who was hurting. I wondered how he had missed that.

She noticed that I was looking at her and blushed. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I was just wondering how you're feeling."

She looked down at herself. "I'm fine. Shouldn't I be?"

"I don't mean physically. Are you better now? Has the nightmares stopped?"

"Honestly? They haven't stopped completely, but it seems like they only return when you are gone." she became even redder.

"It can have something to do with how safe you're feeling." I didn't want to ruin the day with these questions, but it had been a week since I came back for her. I wanted to know if I had made the right decision.

"But life is a little less overwhelming now. My head isn't constantly spinning with questions." She smiled again and I was happy to see that it still reached her eyes, I hadn't made her unhappy.

We started another conversation about everything and nothing. She didn't mind just sitting and talking about my past, music, books, and other unimportant subjects. Time flew by so quickly when we talked, I was always surprised when I looked at the watch later.

She suddenly jumped down from the rock. She managed to fall down to the ground even though it was only a little more than a meter down.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I jumped after her to see if she had hurt herself again. Maybe the rock wasn't a good idea after all.

She stood up. "It's nothing, I always fall down. I just wanted to pick some flowers."

I sat down on the rock again while she picked a bouquet of the small white flowers. They had almost no scent and they weren't especially beautiful either, but maybe she just wanted something to do. I had forgotten how easily humans got bored.

She came back and handed me the flowers before climbing back on to the rock.

"I wanted something that proved that this place exists." She explained. "I have to keep the flowers in my room though, if Charlie finds out that I was in the forest he'll probably lock me up and throw away the key."

I laughed. "But you know that flowers wither and die? They'll probably not even survive till we get back." I handed the bouquet to her.

"Maybe I'll be able to dry them. That way they'll be able to live forever."

I took one of the flowers and placed it behind her ear. "Dried flowers looses their charm, maybe you should let them shine as long as they can and then let them wither."

She blushed and looked at me again. "I don't think they'll loose their charm. And besides, if I dry them I don't have to see them die." Her eyes were sadder now, and her voice was serious. I got a feeling that she weren't talking about flowers anymore.

"Dying is a part of life, it's just another phase."

She looked down at the flowers again.

I wasn't capable of talking for a moment. Did she still want to be one of us? I didn't want to have this conversation with her now, there were just too many feelings involved. We just sat there, and I wondered if I should comfort her, or if she would react badly to that now.

Her phone started to ring, and she fished it out of her pocket. She cast a quick glance at the display before she hit receive.

"Hi Jake."

I knew that the polite thing was to try to not hear what he said, but there was no way I could ignore the conversation.

"_Hi Bella. I want to pick you up in an hour. Is that ok?"_ She looked at me and I nodded.

"Sure Jake. Should I bring something?"

"_Nah. Sue is cooking, and we have plenty of food. I think we'll be ok."_

"Ok. See you later then."

"_Yeah. Bye Bella!"_

"Bye."

She put the cell back into her pocket.

"Do you want to go back right now?"

She just shook her head and lay quietly back on the rock. It couldn't be comfortable. I took of my jacket, lifted her head and laid it under. Then I turned back and looked at the river. The sun had gone behind the trees now, so the water seemed calmer.

I wanted to be able to say something to Bella, something that could clear the air. I had meant that dying was a part of life, I would never have chosen this life for myself or anyone I loved. The only reason I had changed my family was that I believed that everyone deserved a chance to experience life, and because they had seemed special. I didn't change every person that was about to die young. I had changed Edward because I promised his mother to save him, I had changed Esme because I could see that she hadn't had enough time, I had changed Rosalie because I thought she deserved a second chance and that she might have been someone for Edward, and I had changed Emmett because Rosalie had told me to save him.

I turned to look at Bella, and I could see that she was getting cold.

"Maybe we should go back? It's getting colder, and your friend is picking you up in less than an hour."

She sat up. "Can we come back here another time?"

"If the weather is good, and if we remember to bring a blanket and some food." her stomach complained like on command.

She laughed. "Maybe we should go back."

I got her to put on my jacket over her own before taking off back into the forest. There was no way they wouldn't notice now.

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**Not the best chapter that I have written, but it's a necessary one. **

**No songs to this chapter. No one had the right inspiration.. **

**Jeanita**


	15. More unanswered questions

**Wow. This turned out to be a long chapter after all, but since I haven't updated in a while I guess that it's ok. **

**Jeanita**

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Bella's POV

I pressed my face to his chest to avoid the ice-cold wind. It helped a lot with the motion-sickness too, I didn't have to look at the trees flying by. When I breathed I could smell the sweet perfume that only vampires have. I couldn't help it; I took a deep breath and tried to analyze the smell. No use. It was like nothing I had smelled before, still it was remarkably different from how Edward had smelled. I froze and waited for the pain to return.

But there was no pain. I wondered how long I would be able to escape the horrible feeling of being slowly ripped apart from the inside. I couldn't believe that it could keep up like this much longer. I had begun to panic when I first noticed t, was it possible that I was beginning to forget about Edward? But I realized that I thought about him more than before, and yet the gnawing hole in my stomach seemed to have healed.

Maybe it had something to do with Carlisle? Maybe the key was to be able to think about Edward without having to be afraid of being left alone for the rest of my life. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I hadn't been spending much time alone lately.

Whatever the reason, I was grateful for not having to endure the stabbing pain.

"Are you ok?" Carlisle's voice sounded worried again, it had done that a lot today. I wondered why he was so on edge.

"I'm fine. I just don't like nausea and fainting."

He laughed. "It won't be long now."

Suddenly I felt like I didn't want to get to my house just yet, but I discarded the feeling quickly. Why should I want to stay outside? It was colder now, a typical Forks spring-day.

"We're here." I opened my eyes and realized that we had stopped on the porch. He let me down carefully, maybe he expected me to fall down again.

"Thanks." I could feel my cheeks heating up again, and turned before I fished the key out of my pocked and unlocked the door. I walked in and Carlisle followed right behind me.

I remembered that I hadn't made dinner for Charlie. Oh well, even he managed to find some leftovers in the fridge. I walked into the livingroom even though I should have gone straight upstairs to change into some warmer clothes, I didn't want to ask Carlisle to leave just yet.

"I should get going soon, but I promise that I'll see you tonight. Maybe you want me to pick you up at the border?"

I thought about it for a moment, it was very tempting to say that I wanted him to pick me up. The problem was that I didn't have a proper excuse. Jake would start wondering if I told him to only drive me to the main-road.

"I don't know. What should I tell Jacob? He'll get suspicious."

He looked at me for a moment. "You're probably right." Then he seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a moment.

"But promise to give me a call if he can't give you a ride home. If something gets in the way."

"What should get in the way of Jake driving me home?" He had said that he wanted to pick me up, so I assumed that he would drive me home too. It was only fair.

"I don't expect anything to get in the way, but promise to call me if something does. Ok?" He was completely serious again. Like there was something that he wasn't telling me. I didn't see the point of trying to get him to tell me what it was.

"Sure."

"Then I'll see you later Bella. I'll be here when you get home." He turned to leave.

"Hey, wait!" I remembered the jacket. "You probably want this back." I got up and began to take of the brown leather-jacket.

He just smiled at me. "I'm sure it'll be safer here, Alice would probably not be happy if I ruined it after one week."

"Oh." So he was going to hunt again. I had almost forgotten that he was a vampire. He never acted like one. He hadn't even flinched when I had gotten a papercut when I had done my homework.

I wondered if it was like this for all vampires. If everyone could ignore blood like Carlisle if they had enough training. Or maybe it could be counted as one of the special abilities?

Carlisle smiled, and the next second he was gone.

I walked upstairs and changed to a warmer sweater, I didn't bother to change the jeans. I looked through the clothes my mother had bought me when she realized that I wasn't coming to Florida with her. She had marched down to Newton's and gotten me a fleece, an outdoor jacket and woolen tights. My mother was a little like Alice; new clothes equaled a new attitude and a new chance. I hadn't even taken the things out of the plastic bag.

But I knew that it was going to be pretty cold tonight, so maybe it was the right time to test the fleece and the jacket. I found a small bag and packed the extra clothes and a bottle of water and some painkillers. I didn't want a headache to spoil the evening.

I had just zipped the bag close when my pocket started vibrating, I had set it my cell on silent after Jake had called when I was with Carlisle. I hadn't wanted it to disturb the peace again.

"Hi Jake."

"Hey Bells. I'm on my way. Hope you're ready."

"I am. But you should really not talk with me and drive at the same time, Charlie is working."

"Sure, sure. See you in a few minutes."

The line was cut and I put the cell back into my pocket. I suddenly remembered what Carlisle had said about calling him if I had any troubles with getting home, but I didn't have his number. This was going to be difficult.

What was I thinking? Was I really hoping that he had to drive me home? I could feel the blood rush to my face, and was glad that nobody was here to see me. There had been a lot of wishes to see Carlisle, and to be able to spend more time with him. It felt so good to spend time with someone I could talk to.

I heard a car pull up in the driveway, and then a honk. I walked as quickly as possible down the stairs and ran the last meters to the door. He was already standing right outside, with his trademark grin on his face. It didn't really reach the eyes like it used to, and I remembered how distanced he had been on the phone last night. I would have to ask him after we had gotten inside the car.

"Hi Bella!" he lifted me up into one of his bear-hugs, and he didn't let me down before I was gasping for air.

"I'm so glad you want to come down to the reservation tonight."

"Wouldn't miss it. Will Seth and Leah be there?" Besides Jacob, they were the only people on my age I knew there.

"I'm sure Seth will, but I wouldn't count on Leah to show up. Emily is helping Sue with the cooking. Her cousin, you remember?"

"Oh." I remembered Jake telling me about how Leah's former boyfriend had dumped her for her cousin. I could understand that Leah didn't want to see them together.

Jacob took my bag out of my hand. "Ladies first." He grinned again while he held his hand out to show a red car parked in my driveway.

"Yours?"

"You bet. I'm just done fixing it up. Looks good, doesn't it?"

I nodded and gave him a smile. I really didn't know what made a car look good. He walked beside me and opened the door to the passenger-seat.

"You know that I don't expect you to be a gentleman?" I joked.

"Ouch." He mocked a hurt face. "And I've been trying so hard."

We both laughed. He got in and started the engine. This car was a lot less noisy than mine, but I guess that it's easier to find parts for it too. It didn't look quite as old.

I was glad that we didn't get stopped, Charlie wouldn't be happy if he knew how fast Jake was driving. He didn't even slow down when we reached the road down to the reservation, but at least we got to the beach faster than we would have if I was driving.

People had already gathered on the beach when we arrived. There was a large bonfire, and some smaller spread out over the beach.

"I think they used all the driftwood they could find. Word got out that someone from your school was planning to have a bonfire next weekend." He winked at me.

"Yes. That'll probably be a problem." I thought about the bonfire we had had last year, and how Jacob accidentally had told me about vampires. That was one of the few things I remembered from that night. The rest of the night hadn't been important.

"Hey! Jake, Bella! Over here!" the voice came from one of the smaller fires. I turned and saw Seth sitting there with a huge grin on his face. We walked over to him and sat down.

"I thought I should find somewhere we could sit without the glares from the La Push-gang." I could see Jake tense beside me.

"Good idea Seth." I tried to make it sound positive, but I was really worried about Jacob.

"Leah will come down later, dad talked her into it." Seth hadn't stopped smiling yet. I got the feeling that he was the one who always was in a good mood, no matter what.

Jake walked over to one of the other fires and got some food. We ate, laughed and had a really good time. But after a while I realized that I hadn't seen anyone of Jake's friends around.

"Where's your friend? Embry?" I asked. Jake looked down.

"He's a part of the gang now." He said dryly. "Hasn't bothered to talk to me for a couple of days."

Suddenly I understood why Jacob had been so different on the phone yesterday.

"He's one of them too? How?"

"Well. One day he's fine, and the next I can't get in touch with him. Tried calling, but his mother was hysterical, he had run away in the middle of the night. Hadn't even left a note for her. Then he just turns up the next day and refuses to tell her what's going on. She thinks that Sam and the rest of the boys are doing drugs or something. When I tried to talk to Billy he just told me that I had other friends."

"That's awful! He should take this more seriously. Didn't you say that Embry ran away in the middle of the night? I could get Charlie to look into it."

"I don't think we should jeopardize the friendship between him and Billy. We should wait and see what happens." I just nodded. I didn't want to make him more miserable than he already was.

We continued to eat, but in silence. It took a while before Jake said something.

"I'm just worried that I'm the next one. They keep giving me these looks, like they know something that I don't. But I don't want in on what they're doing."

"Nah. We won't let them get you." Seth smiled. "If you turn in to an idiot we'll just turn you back. You're not getting rid of us easily."

Even Jake started laughing, it was good to have someone like Seth here. The mood got a lot better when he fished a bag of marshmallows out of his backpack.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Jacob asked after some time. I was really full, and the thought of walking to shake that feeling off were tempting. I looked at Seth, but he was in deep conversation with another Quileute boy that had joined us. I guessed that they wouldn't miss us.

"Sure. Where to?"

Jake looked at me and raised one eyebrow. "I don't think we should go too far, it's too dark. And I probably shouldn't take you too far away from the others, Charlie tells me that you're a danger-magnet." He was probably referring to the Phoenix-episode, where the official story was that I had fallen down two stairs before breaking a window. But he still had a point.

"You're probably right. Just down the beach then?"

He got up and held out his hand to help me up, I took it. He didn't let it go when we started to walk, and I wondered if I should feel uncomfortable. It was Jacob after all. But I didn't feel anything beside the heat that Jacob seemed to generate.

"Held your hands to the fire?"

"Actually, no. I'm just really hot these days." He turned and winked at me. "Seriously. I'm running a temperature all the time. Nothing seems to help. But dad just tells me that it's not dangerous until you feel ill."

"I didn't know that Billy had a medical degree." I muttered. His father seemed like he didn't really care about what happened to Jacob.

"But he's right. If I'd gone to a hospital I would only be an object for research. My temperature is so high that a normal human would have died. But I feel really great, no fever-pains at all."

"Huh." Maybe Jake _should_ be an object for research.

We walked over to some of the rocks and sat down. It was nice to just spend some time alone with Jake. He made me seem like I was a normal human girl again, someone far away from the supernatural. We were sitting and talking about my friends at school when they came over to us. A gang of five unnaturally large boys.

"What do you want?" Jake shifted his position so that he was shielding me.

"We wanted to talk to your girlfriend here, if that's ok with you." The largest of them said. I was shocked to see that even if they all seemed large, Jacob was almost just as big.

"Well, you have to talk to her from where you're standing." Jake's voice was cold.

"I don't see the problem with that." He looked directly at me. "We just wanted to warn her that she's not welcome here when she has the friends that she has. We don't want her down at the reservation."

What was he talking about? I couldn't see how any of my friends had insulted the Quileute boys that bad. Nobody I knew would have the guts.

"I'm aware that you don't like me, but leave Bella out of it." It was Jake's voice this time, and he sounded angrier than I had heard him before.

"Do you really think that you're the reason?" another one of the boys said, but he was quickly silenced by a glance from the man I remembered as Sam.

"You can't keep Bella away from La Push, no matter who you like or don't like. She's my friend." Jacob stood up and pulled me up along with him.

Sam looked from Jake to me and back again. "You might want to be her friend now, but you'll understand soon enough."

Then he and the rest of the boys walked away. Jake was almost shaking with anger, but he managed to calm down.

"Don't listen to them Bella. I'll never join their pathetic gang, and I'll definitely always stay your friend. That's a promise." He turned to me and winked again.

I was still thinking about my friends. The only person that could have said something to offend the Quileute boys was Mike, but that's only because he always managed to trip in his own words. There was no harm behind it. At least not enough to want me away from the reservation.

I suddenly felt weird.

"I think I should get back home now." Jake looked at me, but I could see that he understood.

"Ok. Let's get you back."

We walked back to the bonfire and collected my things. Then we headed back to Jacob's car. The drive back to my house was silent and uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say. When Jacob stopped the car and I was about to jump out he grabbed my arm.

"Don't listen to them Bella. It's not worth it. They're not my friends anymore. I'll always be your friend, don't believe that I'll leave you just because the gang tells me to." I looked into his eyes and saw that he meant every word he said.

"Thanks Jake."

I got out of the car and waived him goodbye.

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**There. I still want Sam to be bitter and angry with the vampires. I know that Jake isn't supposed to change after Quil, but I wanted to write it this way.**

**Carlisle will be back for the next chapter.**

**Jeanita**


	16. An unexpected call

**I know that you're missing some days, but nothing important has happened yet. I didn't want to write a lot of almost identical chapters, so I just thought that I might jump a little in time. You'll see that there hasn't been much change yet. **

**Jeanita**

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Carlisle's POV

My plan had worked, but with more effect than I had counted on. I hadn't believed that the wolves would have confronted Bella the way that they did. We had lived in peace with the last generation of wolves, so I couldn't see where all this hate came from. There had to be a hidden reason.

I had avoided Bella's questions, or just not given her answers. I wasn't allowed to tell her about the wolves, which would be a violation of the treaty. And I didn't want to provoke the wolves more than I already had. Bella had begun to think that one of her friends had done something to the Quileute boys, but she hadn't found someone to blame.

She didn't think too much about the warning, she still visited Jacob, and she drove herself to the reservation. I was glad that she had a way of getting out if something went wrong. When Jacob arrived to pick her up I had been standing in the shadows to see if he had become one of them, but he hadn't even flinched when he hugged her. She was safe with him, for now.

He was still unnaturally large for his age, and with his bloodline he was almost guaranteed to go through the change. I was always terrified whenever Bella went to La Push, but there was no way I could stop her from going. She had told me about his friends, and that she didn't want to let him down now.

I could see that it was her nature to act like an angel, but I still wanted her to stay away from the reservation. I wanted her to spend more time with me. I knew that I was selfish, we spend several hours together every day, but whenever she was around I felt like a normal 23 year old man. I didn't have to be Dr. Cullen or a father figure, I could be the person that I wanted to be. I had almost forgotten how that felt.

It was Thursday now, and Bella was visiting Jacob. I spent the time pacing in my study, I didn't have anything better to do. I had already checked the documents the hospital had sent me, and I had read a new medical-book. I looked at my watch for the millionth time, just to see that it had only been a minute since the last time I had looked. How could time go by so slowly?

I hadn't seen her all day, I had worked night and she had texted me to tell me that she was going to visit Jacob again.

I could here the phone ringing, and I quickly ran over to my desk to take it. It was only Alice, I had been hoping that it was Bella. That she'd come home early today.

"Hi Alice."

"You're hiding something from me." I could almost hear the pouting on the other end.

"How could I possibly hide something from you, Alice?"

"Well, the fact that Bella disappears from my visions almost every day now tells me that there's something wrong."

"Maybe it's nothing."

"Oh, it's definitely something. Because I always see her driving, and then.. poof. Gone." she was angrier now. "And since I know that you know where she is at all times, I guess that you also know the reason for the disappearing."

"Alice" I began, but she interrupted me.

"I can see that you don't have any immediate plans to tell me what's going on. I'm coming down."

"Don't you think you're overreacting now? There's nothing going on." I had to find a distraction. "And what would Edward do if he knew that both of us were down here?"

"Do you really think that I care what he thinks about this? It's his fault that we're in this mess. Besides, he hasn't been home since he stormed out the day you left. I don't think he plans on coming home anytime soon either."

"But what about Jasper?" I didn't believe that she would leave him behind while she returned to Forks. And I began to feel confident when she hesitated to answer.

"I'm coming down this weekend. 3 days should give me enough time to find out what you're hiding. And it's natural for a daughter to visit her father, isn't it?"

I knew that I couldn't get her to change her mind now. "Sure Alice. You're always welcome here."

"See you tomorrow." She hung up before I could say anything else.

I put the phone back down on the desk and sat down in the chair. Having Alice coming over was the last thing I needed now. I was so worried about Bella, and I didn't want to have Alice hanging around me 24/7. And what should I tell Bella? Could I tell Bella, or would the fact that another vampire in our family returns to Forks be too much for her? She had made so much progress, I didn't want to send her into another depression.

But I had to tell her. I couldn't sneak out like a teenager to see her, Alice was a vampire after all. And she would know before I left. I wondered if she'd been looking into my future too, or if the disappearing of Bella's future had made her so busy that she'd forgotten to check mine.

I suddenly realized that I didn't want to know my future. I wanted to be free, like a human. I wanted to be able to learn the outcomes of my decisions myself. I wanted to be in control of my own future and present. But I didn't want to tell Alice to stop looking, I was afraid that it would hurt her.

I was sitting in deep thoughts for a long time before I took a quick look on my watch. It was getting late and I should head down to Bella's house. I changed my clothes, and started to run. I didn't want to lose one minute of the time I could spend with her. The forest was only a blur around me, I didn't need to focus on the surroundings. I finally reached the road and darted over. Her window was already open, and I climbed up silently.

She wasn't in her room, but I could hear her heartbeat. I sat down on her bed to wait for her.

"Bella?" I heard a Charlie's voice calling from downstairs. "Would you come down here for a second?"

"Sure."

I heard footsteps going from the bathroom and down the stairs.

"Something wrong?" her voice sounded guarded.

"No. Nothing's wrong." He hesitated. "I've just noticed that you're better now, that you're acting more like.. Well. You're back to your old self."

"I guess so."

"I just wondered if Jacob had anything to do with that? You've been spending a lot of time down at the reservation." His voice was hopeful. Like he wanted her to be with one of the shapeshifters. I felt my anger building up. I didn't want her to be with one of them, I wanted her safe. With us.

"Jake's a great kid, he's a good friend."

She sounded irritated, and I felt relief wash over me. There was nothing going on with her and that wolf.

"Uhm. Yeah." Charlie seemed disappointed. "I was just going to say that if you like Jacob, I approve of him."

"If I liked Jake then I wouldn't need your approval, would I? I'm old enough to decide who I want to be with, don't you think?"

She was really irritated now.

"Sure kid. I didn't mean that you _need_ my approval. I just said that you _have_ my approval."

"Sure. I'll be upstairs, doing my homework."

I could hear her footsteps coming up the stairs again. She was muttering silently to herself. Something about Charlie minding his own business. She opened the door, and her heart sped up when she saw me sitting on the bed. I should probably stop showing up like this. She never seemed to get used to finding me there.

"You're here!" her face suddenly turned red. "How long have you been here?"

I wondered if I should lie, but I decided to tell the truth this time.

"A few minutes." I confessed.

"Then you heard.." her face turned even redder.

"It's not a big deal. Aren't teenagers supposed to argue with their parents once in a while?"

She sat down on the bed, her legs crossed, facing me. "I guess."

She still seemed pretty embarrassed and I thought I should try to change the subject.

"So how was your day at the reservation?"

"Good I guess." But she looked down immediately. Was she hiding something?

"We did our homework and watched a movie." She still looked like there was something that she didn't tell me, but if she didn't want to tell me she didn't have to.

"Sounds like you had a nice time."

There was suddenly an awkward silence as we both knew that the other person knew that we weren't saying something.

"So, how was your day?" she still avoided to talk about Jacob.

"Well. Alice called." Bella's eyes widened. "She says she's coming to Forks this weekend."

"Oh." Bella still looked confused, but her voice was enthusiastic. "She's coming here? Alone?"

"Yes. Jasper didn't really want to go." He hadn't forgotten the fact that he had tried to kill her last September.

She didn't say anything for a while.

"If you're not comfortable with it I can tell her to come down some other time." I wondered if Alice would listen to me if I told her, but she would probably just ignore it and come anyway.

"No! Alice can come. It'll be nice to see her again." There was no doubt in her voice, so she was probably honest.

"Great." I tried my best to give a convincing smile, but I had hoped that I would find some way to make Alice postpone her visit.

Bella smiled. "Is it a secret? That she's going to be here?"

"No. At least I don't think so. Why?"

"Well, then I'll have a legit reason to skip the bonfire this Saturday."

"I'm sure Alice will be thrilled to spend Saturday with you."

I had almost forgotten Saturday, and suddenly I felt relieved that Alice was coming. If nothing wrong happened this weekend I could try to convince her that everything was just fine.

"And Alice doesn't blame me for making Jasper miserable?"

"Why would she? It could have happened to anyone, he just happens to be the most emotional vampire in the world." She still didn't look like she believed me, an I wondered how long it was going to take her to see that it was Edward who had managed to make this mess. "Besides, as long as he's with Alice he won't be affected. She's the most optimistic creature on earth."

Bella laughed. She was so beautiful when she laughed. All her worries disappeared for a couple of moments.

"Maybe I should tell Charlie that Alice is coming though. He's probably her biggest fan."

I remembered Bella's injury and laughed a little at the memory of Edward avoiding Alice at all costs. He had been so scared that he accidentally would see something that he wasn't supposed to see.

I could hear Charlie walking up the stairs, and I rushed to get Bella's books and place them on the bed before I hid under it. It probably happened so fast that Bella missed it. But I could feel her jump when she heard the knock on the door.

"Bella? It's getting late. Do you want to use the bathroom first?"

"Yeah. Just let me pack my things."

The door opened and Charlie walked in.

"I didn't mean to interfere with your life kiddo, I just talked to Billy and he's probably been reading too much onto it."

"You and Billy gossip like old women." Her voice was warmer now.

She placed her bag on the floor and I could hear her walking over to her dresser.

"Alice called."

"Oh? Why?" Charlie sounded like he didn't know if he was angry or happy.

"She's visiting Carlisle this weekend and wondered if I could spend some time with her."

"And that's ok with you?"

"It's Alice, dad. She's my best friend. Of course it's ok with me."

"Best friend? She hasn't even called once."

"Well, Edward is her brother. Taking sides was hard."

"Hmm." He didn't say anything, he just walked out.

Bella walked quickly to the bathroom to get ready for the night. I crawled out and sat down on the bed again, but the place I used to sit while she was sleeping this time. I could hear her finishing brushing her teeth, washing her face and walking towards her bedroom.

She slid down under the quilt.

"Will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?" she looked up at me with her big brown eyes, and even if I had had work tomorrow I would get out of it. I had originally had the evening-shift tomorrow, but I had to trade it because of Alice. The pretence was everything.

"Yes. I'm not working tomorrow. Because now I have to pick up Alice at the airport."

"Why _is_ Alice coming? It's not to drag you off to Alaska, is it?"

"No, of course not. She's here to see you."

At least it was a version of the truth.

"But since she's arriving tomorrow, I suggest that you sleep now. You'll need the energy, believe me."

She laughed again, but turned around so that she was facing the door instead of me. She didn't fall asleep as quickly as she normally did, but she was probably excited about Alice coming down from Alaska.

I just hoped that Alice wouldn't find out about the wolves.

* * *

**I have always planned it this way, because Alice sees the future, and it would be impossible for her to not look when Carlisle was there. But this is a good thing for the story, as you'll see later;)**

**Jeanita**

**Songs I listened to when I wrote this chapter was _Bend the Rules_ by **Saybia** and _Vy Från Ett Luftslott (Directly translated: Wiew from a Castle in the Air)_**** by the Sweedish band **kent**. Most of you wouldn't understand the lyrics to the last song, but I'll post a link anyway. It's a great song.  
**


	17. Logic

**I was supposed to write this and the next chapter into one long one, but I really don't know when I would have posted if I did so. You'll get this one now, and then I'll try to finish the next one really fast. **

Carlisle's POV

This night went by even faster than the other nights, probably because I wanted it to last longer. Bella was talking in her sleep, and I had managed to isolate my name from the rest of the mumbling. I had been sitting completely still since I heard it, hoping that she would keep talking. But it went back to the mumbling it normally was.

I was disappointed when the morning arrived without a clue to why she had said my name in her sleep. When I knew that it wasn't long until the alarm rang I tucked her hair behind her ear. I wanted to see the untroubled face she had when she was sleeping just one more time before she woke up.

Her alarm went off and she reached out to turn it off.

"Good morning Bella."

She blinked a few times to let her eyes adjust to the light. "Good morning."

She stretched and yawned before she got out of bed and over to her dresser.

"When do you think Alice will be here?" she asked while she picked out her outfit for the day.

"I really don't know, but I expect her to have driven all night. She'll most likely be here when you get home from school."

"And when is she going home?"

"Sunday evening I guess. She is never far away from Jasper for a long time."

Jasper and Alice were really made for each other and they had only been a couple of days apart since the day he walked into the diner.

It took a while to see that some of the enthusiasm disappeared from Bella's eyes, but once again she just continued with what she was doing and walked to the bathroom to shower and get ready for school.

I walked downstairs and put everything she needed for breakfast on the table, why should she do it when I was there anyway? All I could do was help her save some time before she had to take off to school.

I could hear her brush her hair and if I could blush I probably would have. I had promised myself to not listen to what she was doing. In my family privacy wasn't really something everyone had with Edward reading minds and Alice seeing the future, and I knew that my super-hearing was an ability that only I possessed in this house. I didn't want to have an unfair advantage.

I could hear her walking out from the bathroom and into her room before she headed for the stairs. She managed to get down without falling and entered the kitchen. She stopped when she saw the table.

"Oh. You didn't have to.."

"But I wanted to. And it didn't really take any time either, I've spent enough mornings here to know where everything you need is."

She blushed and sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the table. I watched as she filled the bowl with cereals and milk, and I couldn't really understand why anyone would eat that. I hadn't eaten food in over 300 years, but at least the food looked better back then.

"Something wrong?" she looked at me, and I realized that I might have wrinkled my forehead without thinking.

"No, I was just thinking back."

"Back?"

"Yes. To when I was human. I remember the food looking more edible back then."

She smiled. "Well, I don't know anything about the food you ate when you were human, but I think cereals are great. And you don't have to spend a lot of time preparing it."

I laughed a little, but I didn't find anything else to say. I was too worried about Alice finding out about the wolves. If she did, then the whole family would feel forced to return just to protect Bella, and I didn't think that would be a good idea.

I suddenly realized how strange that sounded. Didn't I want my family to be united again? Didn't I wish that we all could live under one roof? The logical part of me said 'Of course! Tell Alice about the wolves and you'll have everyone here within a week!', but still I didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. And since I'd always listened to my logic I figured that I could go with my instinct on this one.

And I didn't know how Bella would take it if everyone returned to Forks.

"You look like you have a lot on your mind." Bella looked up at me with curious eyes.

"Yes, but nothing important." I sent her a reassuring smile, but mostly I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing.

She got up and walked over to the sink to wash her bowl and spoon. I quickly got up and put away the cereal and the milk, then I went over to the sink to stand beside her. She turned around to place the bowl in the cupboard.

"Oh!"

She suddenly dropped the bowl. I reached after it immediately to prevent it falling to the ground and break.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

She blushed furiously and took the bowl.

"Nothing to worry about. I'm sure Charlie wouldn't even have seen that it was missing if I'd broken it."

My eyes met hers and we just stood there for a moment. Her blush suddenly intensified and she turned around and headed for the door.

"I don't want to be late for school."

I nodded and followed her out of the house. She turned around before she got into the car and there was an awkward silent moment. It was always strange to say goodbye before she left for school, and it had only gotten more awkward every morning.

"So.. I guess I'll see you and Alice after school then?"

"Yes. I don't know where you want to be, but you could always come to our house. We have plenty of space. But I think Alice might have planned something."

"I bet she has."

She looked at her watch. "I should start driving."

"I'll see you later, Bella. Have a nice day at school."

Her eyes met mine for a moment, and then she climbed into her car and started the engine. She waved once before pulling out of the driveway and headed down the road.

When her car had disappeared from my view I started to run towards my house. I knew that I didn't have to get anything ready before Alice arrived, but I really didn't know when I should be expecting her.

I thought about the moment in Bella's kitchen when we had been standing there and looking into each others eyes. I hadn't wanted to break the connection, she had the deepest eyes I'd ever seen. So full of wisdom beyond her years, and still so curious.

I reached the house and ran directly up to my study where I kept the suitcase with my clothes. I changed into a new pair of jeans and a dark blue sweater. Alice was probably bringing new clothes anyway, so I didn't even bother to do laundry today. I knew that she was only going to throw away the clothes I had brought here anyway.

I walked down to the livingroom, and realized that since I got back I'd only been spending time in my study. I hadn't needed any other part of the house, I hadn't even been inside my old bedroom. I turned on the TV and sat down in the unnecessarily large sofa. There wasn't really anything interesting, but I tried to pass time without thinking too much about the upcoming weekend. I wondered what Alice had planned.

My phone started to buzz, and I already knew who it was.

"Hey Alice."

"Carlisle! I just wanted to tell you that I and Bella are going to have a sleepover this weekend. Don't worry, she'll love it. We'll be staying at your house, and Charlie will give her permission to go."

She talked so fast that even a vampire would have trouble keeping up with her. "That's nice Alice, but Bella is a human. You know that you'll need something to do, right?" There wasn't a reason to argue with her, but I just hoped that she had made a plan so that Bella didn't have to get bored.

"Yes. I've bought a huge selection of comedies and a few action-movies, we're going to have a pedicure and a manicure and.."

She sounded really excited, but I wondered if Bella would feel the same way when she found out. "Manicures and pedicures don't really seem like Bella's style."

"I know, but she can't like it before she tries it. She's a girl after all."

"And you've thought about food?" I asked, afraid that she might actually try to cook.

"Sure. You'll order pizza."

I wasn't sure about that either, but it seemed like a very human thing to do. I could also go to the store to pick up something that I already knew she liked. I thought about the cereal and the pop-tarts. She always ate that for breakfast, but at least she liked it.

"Great idea, Carlisle! She's going to love it." Alice said immediately after the thought hit me.

"Then I guess everything is settled."

"Well." Alice began. "Almost everything. You have to lend Bella your bedroom for the weekend. Let's face it, she'll never fall asleep in any of the other rooms."

Yes. Bella would need to sleep, and I could see why she wouldn't be able to sleep in the rooms that had belonged to the rest of the family. Edward's room was never an option since he didn't have a bed, and sleeping in the rooms of Rosalie and Emmett or Alice and Jasper would probably bring the guilt of breaking up the family strong again.

"Sure. I'll change the mattress and the sheets." I didn't really want Bella to sleep on the same mattress that had belonged to me and Esme, and at the same time I felt that it was right to let her have the room. I didn't have any use for it now.

"Fantastic! I'll see you in a couple of hours."

She hung up and I went straight to work. I found a new mattress in one of the storage-rooms. We had always had spare ones because of Emmett and Rosalie. I put the old mattress down in the garage, and put new sheets and covers on my old bed. The room still reminded me too much about the past and I rearranged the furniture and got some of the pictures from my office. The room looked completely different by the time I was finished.

I wondered how it would be to have Bella staying here for the weekend. Well, I had to work tomorrow night, but I guessed that Alice would keep her company. I wondered how Bella would react to being in this house again, she hadn't been here since her birthday, and it wasn't pleasant memories from that day.

But Alice hadn't said anything about her getting worse from being here. All I could do now was wait.

**So the next chapter will be Alice and Bella's sleepover. And I'm REALLY sorry about not being able to post the whole thing right away, but I've got other things to do too..**

**Jeanita**


	18. In My Head

**Here it is. Chapter 18.  
I really liked writing this one, and I hope that you think it's good enough. **

**Jeanita**

Bella's POV

When the final bell rang I couldn't even remember which lessons I'd had through the day. I had so many things occupying my concentration. And I especially though about the moment when I had looked into Carlisle's eyes this morning. The image of the golden eyes seemed to be burned into my brain, and it appeared every time I closed my eyes. The worst part was that I didn't even understand why. It shouldn't be something special, I looked into people's eyes every day.

But I didn't spend as much time with other people as I did with Carlisle. But it never seemed to be enough, I always wanted the minutes to last forever. I had gotten to know him, and he was a very interesting and easy to talk to. If I considered Jacob as my best friend, what was Carlisle?

Thinking about Jacob made me feel a little guilty. I had been there a lot during the week because his other friends had just started to ignore him, but I hadn't really been able to be the same Bella that I used to be. My mind was occupied thinking about other things, or more correctly; Carlisle. Jacob had noticed, but he didn't say anything. But he had been more silent than usual.

I was about to climb into my car when I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and saw Mike running over the parking lot.

"Hey, Bella! Wait a sec."

He stopped a few feet away from me.

"I was wondering if you want a ride down to the beach tomorrow."

He didn't seem like he'd given up on the idea, and I didn't look forward to disappoint him.

"I'm sorry, Mike. But I won't be able to go to the beach at all."

"Oh." He looked suspiciously at me. "Can I ask why?"

"Sure. Alice is coming to Forks to visit Carlisle. I just want to spend time with her when I can."

He didn't really look any less suspicious, and I could understand why. He thought that I hadn't had any contact with the Cullen's at all, and he wasn't entirely wrong. I hadn't even talked to Alice since they'd left.

"I'm sure that nobody would have anything against bringing Alice along. The more the merrier, right?"

He looked hopeful, but I could hear his doubt about bringing Alice along. The Cullen's hadn't exactly been the most popular students.

"I don't think we'll be able to make it. We're driving to Port Angeles to do some shopping and maybe watch a movie." I was surprised by how easy lying to him was.

"Too bad. I was really looking forward to having you there." He took a step back, probably seeing that this was a lost cause.

"I'm sorry, Mike. But I promise to call if we change our plans, ok?"

"Sure."

He walked over to his car, and I climbed into mine. I suddenly felt guilty about lying to him, he never meant any harm, and he had never done anything to hurt me. He had been one of the few people that actually stood by me while I had my zombie-months. But I knew that I could never tell him about the vampires.

As I got closer to my house I didn't really know what I felt, or what I hoped. Excitement and nervousness fought to be the dominant feeling. What could I expect? Carlisle had said that Alice would be here by the time I got home from school, but would they be waiting for me? Or maybe they would just call later?

I couldn't help feeling disappointed when I saw the empty driveway in front of the house, but there was a small hope that they would be inside the house. I parked the car and grabbed my bookbag. I walked up to the porch and took a deep breath. I unlocked and opened the door, and walked inside.

"Hello?" I said. Knowing that if there were any vampires here they would hear me.

But I seemed to be the only person there. I walked upstairs with my bag and marched down again to start making dinner.

They hadn't even called when I was washing the dishes. Charlie was sitting in the livingroom, watching some brainless sitcom. I had volunteered to help me clean up after dinner, but I needed something to take my mind of the fact that they hadn't called. Every time the phone had rung, I'd almost run to make it there before Charlie. But it was only salesmen and Billy.

When the phone started ringing again I was just waiting for Charlie to answer. I could hear him getting up slowly and walking to the phone. I hoped that the person on the other end had a good patience.

"Swan residence." He answered with his cop-voice. He sounded so serious that most of the salesmen gave up even before telling their own name.

"Hi Alice!" his voice was suddenly filled with enthusiasm and I hurried out of the kitchen. I held out my hand to show him that could take it from there, but it seemed like he listened to something Alice said.

"Sure Alice. I'll tell her. I'm sure she'll be thrilled."

I felt my mouth fell open. Was he actually planning things for me? Like I was in preschool again?

"Sure. I'll talk with him."

Another silence followed while Charlie obviously waited for Carlisle to come to the phone. I wondered what took him so long, maybe the pretence thing.

"Hello Dr. Cullen."

My heart was racing. I didn't know why Charlie was talking to Carlisle.

"Of course. I'm sure that'll be fine. They're big girls now, I'm sure they'll manage one night alone."

One night? Was I spending a night at the Cullen house?

"I'll tell her."

He hung up. I was so mad that I was almost shaking. What was he thinking? That it would be fine with me if he planned things for me?

"What?" he looked innocent. "Carlisle said that he'd be working tomorrow night, and asked if you'd spend the weekend there with Alice. I thought that you would."

My heart almost jumped out of my chest. Was I spending the whole weekend at their house? At Carlisle's house?

Charlie didn't react to my blush, and just kept talking.

"He also told me that they'll be here in twenty minutes, so you better pack."

I started walking up the stairs. I packed quickly so that I would be finished by the time they got here. As I packed my old t-shirt and pajama-pants I made a mental note about buying a new one when I had a chance. This one had had better days.

When the bag was zipped close and I had double-checked that I had everything, I walked downstairs to say goodbye to Charlie. He was sitting in front of the TV and I could hear that there was a game on. I walked into the livingroom and stood beside the couch.

"So. Do you think you're capable of making your own food for two whole days?"

He laughed a little and looked up at me.

"Of course, Bells. Don't worry about me. I'll be joining Billy and Jacob for lunch at the Clearwater's tomorrow, and Billy is coming up to watch the game tonight." He looked at his watch. "He should be here now."

I heard a car pull into the driveway, and I walked over to the window to see who it was. It was easy to recognize Carlisle's car, and I felt my heart speed up again. I walked over to Charlie and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"See you on Sunday."

"Have fun Bells."

I almost ran out the door and directly into Alice. It was like running into a brick-wall. She hugged me and almost lifted me off the ground in the process.

"I'm so glad to see you, Bella! I've missed you so much!"

I couldn't tell her that I'd missed her too, I wasn't able to breathe.

"Alice, I think you're crushing her."

I felt the grip loosen and my feet met the ground again.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I guess I forgot how breakable you are."

"No broken bones, no harm done." I said, but my back was a bit sore after the hug.

Alice took the bag and placed it in the backseat and I followed and sat down behind Carlisle. Alice sat down in the passenger-seat, she hadn't stopped talking at all, but I didn't really pay attention. I just picked up words like manicure, pedicure and shopping. The last word triggered an alarm.

"Shopping?"

"Yes, you wanted to go to Port Angeles to watch a movie and go shopping. I liked that plan." She turned her head and winked at me.

"But Alice." I started whining, but she'd already begun talking again.

"And besides, you could really use a new wardrobe."

"But I don't have money for that." I immediately regretted the words as they left my mouth.

"You really think that I would let you pay for it yourself? That hurts." She mocked a hurt face, and I knew that I'd lost.

"Fine. But I won't like it."

"That's the spirit." She grinned and turned back.

Before I knew it the car was parked and Alice had disappeared. I looked around just to see that Carlisle was outside my door, about to open it. I wished that they would give me a hint when they used their vampire-abilities.

Carlisle held out a hand to help me out, and I took it without hesitation. My eyes met his again, but this time I looked down quickly and let his hand go. He ran around the car to get my bag, and then he followed me up to the house. Alice was still nowhere to be seen.

We walked into the house and Carlisle stopped for a moment.

"Would you like to see where you'll be sleeping this weekend?"

I hadn't even thought about sleeping arrangements, and I suddenly hoped that it would be anywhere but Edward's room. It didn't feel right to be there.

"Yes."

I followed him upstairs and into a beautiful blue room. The walls and the ceiling were painted in a beautiful sky-blue color, and there was large windows covering one of the walls. Light transparent curtains were hanging over them. There was a double-bed with light-blue sheets, a mahogany dresser, a ridiculously large TV and a mahogany desk with a laptop.

Carlisle walked to the desk and placed my bag on the chair in front of it.

"Who's room is this?" I breathed.

"Well, it used to be mine and Esme's, but I thought that you would have more use for it. And Alice said that it was the only room that you'd fall asleep in. The TV was Emmett's and the computer belonged to Jasper. I thought that you should be able to do other things than just hanging out with Alice if you wanted to."

"This is amazing." I was literally out of words.

"The bathroom is there." He pointed to a door in the corner. "I'm going to go down to see what Alice is up to."

"I'll go with you." I said. Taking a last glance at the room before I turned and followed him out the door.

My hand was only inches from his, and for a moment I just wanted to reach out and take it. It felt like magnetism. Like my hand could be moving itself if I didn't concentrate on not doing it.

We walked down the stairs. Alice was sitting in the livingroom on a mountain of dark-blue and white pillows wearing a blood-red silk pajama. One with full-length pants and a pajama-jacket.

"Movie night!" she yelled, and threw me a black shopping-bag. I looked inside and saw the dark-blue, shining fabric.

"Alice.." she cut me off.

"I know that you don't want to, but you're my only human friend, and I really want to do this." She looked at me with the same puppy-eyes that she had used on Charlie last year when she wanted me to stay out late.

I knew from her grin that I was going to lose this argument too, so I turned and walked back upstairs to change. The pajama was luckily covering enough so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. It was just as big as Alice's.

I walked back down and felt my mouth drop. Alice had clearly exaggerated the whole sleepover idea. There was a big bowl of popcorn, a lot of jellybeans and probably really expensive chocolate. I decided to not bring this up too, I could just ignore it.

Alice was sitting on the pillows with a blanked around her. I knew that she didn't need it, but she hadn't had a movie night before.

She started the first movie and we watched it in silence. I didn't really pay any attention to the movie. My mind started to wander again, and I wondered where Carlisle was now. He had said that he would leave girl's night to the girls and then he had walked upstairs again. I didn't want to ask Alice where he was, maybe she would think that she hadn't made this entertaining enough.

Suddenly I realized that the movie had ended and that Alice had turned towards me.

"What do you want to do now?" she looked more excited than before.

"I don't know. What did you plan?" I wasn't really sure that I wanted to hear the answer, but at least it wouldn't be lethal.

"Well. Make-up, manicure, pedicure. And a lot of other things you wouldn't have done. But we could just watch another movie, and maybe talk."

"Sure." I wondered what she wanted to talk about. I knew that I couldn't be the other Cullen's.

"So." She begun. "Is there any boys you like? And don't try to lie to me. I've seen the future. And the future you are in love."

My heart skipped a beat. In love? With who? There weren't any boys that I liked, except Jacob, but I only liked him as a best friend. And I could guarantee that that wouldn't change in the near future.

"Not really, Alice. How far away did you say this future is?"

"Not far away at all. Next week, or the one after I think. And you're really in love, I don't joke with that."

"How can I be in love next week if I don't even like any of the boys at school?" I was beginning to think that her visions had failed. I didn't believe that I could ever fall in love again. Maybe Alice had begun to look into the past too.

"Maybe he doesn't go to your school. And maybe you just don't know that you're falling for him. But I know the look I saw in the visions. It's definitely love."

"I haven't betted against you before, Alice, but this time will be the first."

"There's no use. I'll call you when I see who he is. For some reason you haven't told him in my visions."

We continued the discussion about the impossible vision until Alice realized that I wasn't going to give up.

"Fine. But you'll see." She crossed her arms over her chest and stomped over to the TV to put a new DVD in the DVD-player.

It was another comedy and I still couldn't find a will to concentrate on the TV. This time I couldn't stop thinking about what Alice had said, about me falling in love. But I didn't _want _to fall in love. I didn't want to give Carlisle a reason to leave, I wanted him to stay in Forks.

I felt my eyelids dropping and my head tilted towards the pillows. I was so tired. Suddenly I felt two cold but comfortable hands lifting me from the ground and carrying me. I could smell that it was Carlisle, but I didn't find the strength to open my eyes. I felt that I was put down on what I assumed was the big, blue bed. I suddenly felt like I was going to panic. Would he leave me tonight? Because of Alice?

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look around.

"Sleep, Bella. You're tired." The voice was so close that I almost jumped. My eyes finally adjusted to the dark, and I could see that he was sitting on the bed beside me.

"But Alice.." I begun, without knowing what I should continue with

"Alice already knows about the nights I spend in your room. I don't think she'll mind if I stay here tonight." He reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Just sleep. I promise to be here when you wake up."

I closed my eyes, too tired to even want to force myself to be awake, and dreamt about golden eyes.

**In My Head is a song by Queens Of The Stone Age. One of my favorite songs actually. I don't know when I'll be able to post again, my computer decided to black out and die Thursday night, so I don't know when I'll get another one. I have to use my boyfriend's and my mother's till then..**

**But the story is beginning to speed up a little.**

**While you wait for my updates you can go and read Golden Moon by NusiainForks and A Light In The Darkness by mrsalreyami**.** The first one is a Bella/Jasper fic, and the other one is a Bella/Carlisle fic. Both great stories.**

**Jeanita**


	19. The Day after Tomorrow

**I managed to write this chapter even though I've only had limited hours with computer access, but I liked it. **

**It's a long one, but it's also my only update this week. (There will be more next week since I get to have my boyfriend's computer the whole week.)**

**Jeanita**

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Bella POV

He was there when I woke up. Lying on the bed reading a thick book in a language that was unknown to me. I blushed immediately, he was so much closer now. He turned his head and looked at me with curious eyes and I suddenly understood that I must have been talking in my sleep again.

"You're really awake this time." It wasn't a question, more a statement.

"Yes. And you're still here."

"I promised." He said as he closed the book and flew over to the desk to place it there.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"I don't know what my options are." I didn't think there would be many, this house belonged to vampires after all.

"I think we'll be able to make anything you desire. We have to buy food to keep up the pretence, so we have a lot of food."

"Oh." I felt a little embarrassed, I should have seen that coming.

"Maybe you want to see the selection before you decide?" he smiled one of the heart-warming smiles and I felt more blood rush to my cheeks.

"Yeah. But I think I want to shower first." My hair wasn't greasy yet, but I just needed some time for myself before beginning the day.

"Sure. I'll go downstairs to talk to Alice."

I just nodded and walked over to my bag to find some clothes. I went for dark jeans and a coral singlet with a dark-blue cardigan. I thought that Alice would approve of that outfit. I turned around to see if Carlisle was still in the room, but the door was open and e was nowhere to be seen, so I guessed that he had gone downstairs. My heart skipped another beat when I thought about how he had stayed with me the entire night, in his room. There was something more special about that than spending time in my room, that place had had vampires come and go as they pleased before.

I walked into the incredibly beautiful bathroom and undressed. I folded my clothes and hung one of the towels on a chair by the ridiculously big shower. I couldn't really understand what it was with vampires and money, but they sure spent a lot.

When I was finished showering I put on my clothes and brushed through my hair. I knew that Alice would have done more, but I didn't have the patience to put on make-up or style my hair.

The shower hadn't helped so much, the things Alice had said yesterday still occupied my head. I hadn't thought that Alice could be wrong about the future, but this time she couldn't be right. Wouldn't I know if I was falling for someone? Especially since she said that I was going to be in love next week or the week after.

I walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. There weren't anyone in the livingroom, so I guessed they were waiting for me in the kitchen. I took a deep breath before I walked in.

"Good morning, Bella." Alice skipped over to me with a huge grin on her face. She looked at my clothes, but it seemed like I had done something right when she just hugged me and walked back to the table.

Carlisle was standing by the counter with his back to me, and it looked like he was doing something. I took another breath and smelled eggs and bacon. I blushed, I should have picked something for breakfast before I showered. There were already a box of cereal and a mug with milk on the table. Carlisle turned around and I saw him carry a plate with food.

"You didn't have to." I began.

"But I wanted to." He smiled. "And besides, you're going to need the extra energy today."

Alice almost jumped in her seat from excitement and I could see what Carlisle meant.

He placed the plate in front of an empty chair, and I sat down. There was already a bowl and a spoon there, but I wanted to eat the warm food first. I wasn't really surprised when I found out that it tasted good, what else could you expect from an over 300 year old vampire?

Carlisle had sat down in the chair beside me, and I felt my heart speed up again. I tried focusing on my food, and it seemed to work.

"I really look forward to go shopping. Well, they don't really have all the stores that I like, but I'm sure that I'll be able to find something for you."

I groaned, but I didn't want to start a discussion with Alice. She was going to buy the clothes with or without me, and I wanted to decide for myself what I liked. I stopped eating when I felt full, but there was still food on my plate. I felt a little guilty for not being able to finish it, but Carlisle just removed the plate and cleaned up the table in vampire-speed.

"So when are you leaving for Port Angeles?" Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, looking at Alice. I felt my heart skip a beat when I could feel the chill from his skin through my cardigan.

"As soon as possible." She looked over the table at me. "When Bella is ready to go."

I didn't think I'd ever feel ready, shopping with Alice was something that required more than just being ready.

"And when will you get home?" Alice just looked at Carlisle. "Well, Bella is our responsibility now. I want to know what to say in case Charlie calls."

Alice didn't seem convinced. "I'll have her home by eleven. And Charlie isn't going to call, so you don't need to worry."

She suddenly jumped out of the seat and dragged me out of my chair.

"We haven't got all day, I think we should get moving."

I cast a last desperate glance at Carlisle, but he just smiled a smile that said "I'm sorry, but there's nothing that I can do."

Then I followed Alice into the garage. There was a blue, shiny car that looked like it could go way too fast, and she was aiming directly for it. I would have thrown a fit if it hadn't been for the dark-tinted windows, it was ok as long as nobody could see me.

She pushed me gently in the direction of the passenger door, and I opened the door and got in without complaining. Before I knew it we were speeding down the road. I knew that we were driving fast enough to get Alice in jail, but I also knew that there was no chance of someone seeing us. She and Edward had an advantage when it came to controls and other obstacles.

"So where do you want to go first?" Alice's eyes sparkled with the thought of shopping.

"I really don't know. When I shop I usually look for price and quality."

"That's ok. I know the perfect place."

My mind drifted away as Alice begun talking about the different stores and the different fashions. I thought about the mysterious guy I was going to fall for during the next couple of weeks, I had begun to think that it would be some sort of placebo-effect. I thought I was going to fall in love, and therefore I would.

A part of me wanted to ask Alice if she had seen anything else about who I was supposed to fall in love with, but another part said that she couldn't be right. It would take weeks to fall for someone. And I didn't know someone that I could fall for. Mike was too.. Mike, and Jacob was like a brother. I didn't like any of the other boys at school, and I didn't know any guys that had finished school.

Before I knew it Alice had stopped the car and sprinted over to my side to open the door.

"Alice!" I said, half in frustration. "What if someone had seen you?"

"Then I would have known." She winked and pulled me out by the arm as soon as I had unbuckled my seatbelt.

She slammed the door and locked the car before she almost dragged me down the street.

"You have to hurry Bella, we have so much to do!" I didn't really have a choice as she forced me down the street.

The day went by exactly like I expected it to. Alice wanted to shop for me, and it didn't take long before I had my hands full of bloated shopping-bags.

"When am I supposed to use this? It's not like I can bring all these bags home, Charlie will notice." I said with a faint hope that Alice would return some of the clothes.

"No he won't. I'll take them though the window tonight, and he doesn't really know what clothes you have and don't have. Trust me." She gave me a look that told me to not try to argue with her.

And so I shut up and let her lead for the rest of the day. Luckily she didn't try to make me buy me much more than I already carried in my hands. I had gotten a completely new wardrobe, and I wondered if Charlie really was that oblivious to what I wore.

I actually felt excited when I realized that we were heading back to the car, but it was only to put the bags away and drive closer to the cinema.

"I really don't need to see a movie here Alice. There's really nothing that I want to see."

"But we have to secure our alibi. Or maybe you want to let Mike think that you stood him up?"

"He wouldn't even know." I gave her a puppy-eye look, but she didn't back down.

"I want to see this movie, and I want to see it with you."

I didn't have much choice as she took my hand and walked inside to buy tickets. Of course she chose the romantic comedy, and we got to our seats just as the movie started. I didn't really pay any attention to the action on the screen, but Alice seemed to be fascinated.

I could just think about going home to their house again. Even though Carlisle would be at work. I knew that as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning. I missed him.

I looked at the two main characters and thought that the acting was poor compared to real love, but no matter how good the actors were it would probably be too difficult to make it seem real. The guy on the screen leaned closer to the girl and looked her in the eyes before kissing her passionately. Noone had kissed me like that, Edward had never been able to.

I wondered if Carlisle would be able to, he had never tasted human blood and he was immune to the smell.

I felt the butterflies go bananas in my stomach, and I realized something that I probably should have realized before.

**Hours later. Carlisle POV**

I had gone hunting almost immediately after Alice and Bella left. I knew that it was time when I started to react to Bella's blood. She smelled better than other humans, and it reminded me to hunt. Hunting hadn't really been a prioritized activity after I returned to Forks, I had begun to spend all my time with Bella.

But it was hard to stay concentrated as I constantly worried about Alice discovering my secret. I just hoped that she didn't see, or not see, anything wrong. I hadn't really paid much attention to the hunt itself, and I was surprised when I realized that I had drunken enough. I looked at my watch and saw that I should be preparing to go to the hospital. I turned around and headed for the car.

The night was just like any other night. Few emergencies, little to do, and the constant restlessness. I wanted something to take my mind of Alice and Bella, but it seemed like I was bound to be thinking about them all night.

It was a good thing that people usually avoided vampires in a bad mood, I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.

The time passed by slowly, but finally it was time for me to go home. I tried to hurry, even though I knew that Bella would be asleep when I got there. I reminded myself to not use the vampire-speed as I walked to my car.

Chief Swan would be disappointed if he could see how fast I was driving, and I was glad that it was so early in the morning that nobody would see me. I wondered if Alice had decided to stay with Bella because she had seen me do that for the last two weeks, or where she would be if she had decided that she didn't want to babysit her.

Felt nervous as I pulled up in the driveway. The only thing I and Alice had talked about when she arrived was how everyone else was doing. We hadn't talked about me or Bella, but I guessed that that conversation would come now that she had spent the weekend with her. I walked slowly to the front door.

Alice was sitting in the pitch-black livingroom. Dawn seemed to drag on today, or maybe time just went by more slowly now that I didn't spend all my time watching Bella sleeping.

"I wanted to talk to you, Carlisle." Her voice wasn't the same enthusiastic sound that it always was.

"Ok?"

"You remember that I told you about the visions when Bella and Edward first met? That I told you that either Edward killed her, or she became one of us."

Of course I remembered the visions. Rosalie was more than eager to let the first one become reality.

"Sure Alice. How could I forget?"

She looked down. "I expected the visions to change when Edward decided to leave, but it's still the same. In one vision I see a dead Bella, clearly not a vampire, and in the other I see her like us. _With _us. _Happy_ with us."

If my heart had been beating it would have missed a beat.

"Dead? What do you mean?"

"Dead. Like in; blood everywhere, no heartbeat and us in mourning." She looked me directly in the eyes. "Strange visions. And the funny thing about them is that Edward is nowhere to be seen."

"Do you know anything else about the visions? Like where or when?"

"Bella can't be much older than she is now. We have a couple of years, tops. I can't see where, only that the sun is shining."

I sat down in the couch beside her. My hopes that Bella would get a normal life disappeared, but I didn't want to try to save her like Edward had. There was no way that I could leave her behind again.

"You're not going to leave." It wasn't a question.

"I can't. You must have seen the state she was in when I found her. I can't knowingly send her into that again. I think that even a thousand lifetimes like one of us would be better for her than one life feeling like she did."

She just nodded her head and looked down at the floor.

"But we can't tell the others. I have told Jasper, but he isn't tied to the others in that way. I just thought that you should know." She paused. "I thought that if I could understand why her future disappears all the time that maybe I could change the future, but it seems like a cruel twist of faith. Especially since Edward isn't going to come back for her."

"But I still see her madly in love. And that's already next week. And why would she then be so happy as a vampire?"

I had overheard their conversation last night, but it still felt wrong. Was Bella really supposed to be madly in love with someone next week?

"It kills me to not get all the facts!" Alice curled up in the corner of the sofa, hugging a pillow tightly.

I could hear Bella turning in the bed upstairs, and I looked at the stairs.

"She hasn't slept well, you know. Somehow she only seems to be sleeping when you are close. It didn't work with me." She frowned. "You should walk up to make sure that she gets some hours of rest, we have time to discuss this later."

I hugged her and walked up the stairs. The door to my old bedroom was open, and I walked inside. From what I could see she was asleep, only very restless. I walked to her bed and bent down to tuck another loose strand of hair behind her ear. She turned around again.

"Carlisle."

I almost thought that she was awake, she said my name so clearly, but her heartbeat hadn't changed. I looked down at her perfect face and realized that she had saved me as much as I had saved her. She had shown me that I could still be the person that I wanted to be, even though I had been the leader of my own coven for over hundred years.

I leaned down to kiss her forehead, and was surprised by the instant effect. She calmed down and smiled in her sleep. I suddenly felt the need to make sure that she never fell in love with any weak, pathetic human, she needed someone that could take care of her. The feeling I had gotten when our eyes met in her kitchen intensified a thousand times, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to leave if she sometime wanted me to.

I lay down on the bed beside her and watched her chest rise and sink with every breath she took.

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**The Day after Tomorrow is another song by Saybia. (I really love them..)**

**Alice will be going home in the next chapter, so Bella and Carlisle will get more time together. **

**Jeanita**


	20. Discovering

**Here. I finally got internet to upload this chapter. It's been waiting on my memory-stick for almost two days. This chapter is in Carlisle's POV and you get a chance to look inside his confused mind. **

**I'd like to thank all the people who have reviewed, you're SO amazing. **

**I still don't own twilight.  
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**Jeanita**

Carlisle's POV

I felt guilty. I was lying in a bed next to Edward's ex-girlfriend. It hadn't really bothered me before, but this time it felt different. I was here to look after her, not falling in love with her. And I really believed that I was falling, what else could explain these feelings? My head was going through every minute these last weeks, and I didn't really like the vampire memory right now.

I wondered how long these feelings had been bubbling under the surface, love didn't spring out of anything.

Love. Was I really sure about this? Vampires weren't known to fall out of love, and yet I had with Esme. Maybe these feelings had come due to self-pity or something like that. But I didn't believe that either, the feelings went too deep to not be real.

I tried to recall if I had felt like this before, but not even the first time Esme opened her eyes as a vampire could compare to this. Esme had been my best friend, and the only one I could really relate to. But had we really had that life-changing love that Rosalie had found in Emmett and Jasper had found in Alice? But we had both remained the same, the only difference was that Esme had gotten a chance to be a mother.

But my life had also changed, it had changed when Bella had come into our lives. She had brought a new set of eyes to evaluate our existence, and she hadn't doubted us for a second. I had believed that she was the one to be with Edward, that she would be a perfect addition to our family.

And then he had decided to leave her for the rest of her life. How was that even possible? He had described them as soulmates and said that he couldn't stay away from her, but still he managed to leave her after she had become so dependent on us.

How could anyone leave her when they had gotten to know her? I looked over at the sleeping girl beside me and wondered if she knew that she could change the world if she wanted to.

I could hear Alice walking up the stairs, but I didn't bother to move. She would have seen me lying here anyway. The door opened quietly and Alice came inside with a worried look on her face.

"I think I want to go home as soon as possible, Jasper isn't doing too well. There were some humans and.. I'm just glad that Emmett was there with him." She talked so quietly that Bella wouldn't have heard it if she was talking directly into her ear.

"That's ok, Alice." I answered in the same low voice. "Did you find out more about the disappearing visions?"

She shook her head. "It must have been a system overload or something. Maybe I'm just worrying too much."

I just nodded my head.

"But there's something you probably have to know. It's not long before Laurent will return, and I still don't know his motif."

I hadn't forgotten about Laurent, I'd just forced the thought to the back of my head, not wanting my worries to ruin my time with Bella. But maybe it was time to start worrying soon. I couldn't let him get too close to Bella.

"Will you call if you see anything else? I don't want to worry Bella if I don't have to."

"Sure, Carlisle." She looked from me to Bella and back again, but thankfully she didn't ask any questions. "I guess I'll head back. Say goodbye to Bella for me."

"I will."

She smiled and walked quickly down the stairs without the characteristic skipping. Probably too worried about Jasper. I could hear her packing, and it didn't take long before she had gone out to the garage to get her car and start driving.

I felt Bella move on the other side of the bed, and I turned my head back to look at her. She hadn't woken up yet, and that was a good thing since she hadn't fallen asleep until the middle of the night.

I wanted to hold her close to me, keep her safe through the night, but I couldn't. There was no way that I could betray the trust she had in me, I didn't want to scare her away when she had made so much progress.

I knew that Alice had planned a movie marathon for her and Bella today, and I wondered how I was going to find something that interesting to do without Alice's creativity. Suddenly I was glad that I didn't have a beating heart, it would probably have awoken Bella. I had a whole day alone with her, here in my house. If she wanted to. I had no guarantee that she would stay with me when Alice was gone. Maybe she would want to go and see Jacob, for all I knew he could be her new love.

She turned around again, she had done that a lot this night. Maybe her thoughts were uneasy because of the things Alice had told her. I wanted to lean over and kiss her forehead like I used to, but after a long night of thinking it felt forbidden.

Her neck was exposed now, and I wondered how life, or my existence, would turn out if I just bit her and let the venom spread. If I had turned Bella into a vampire. Would she hate me for it? Or would she be happy to get an eternity as a eighteen year old girl? Not that I would ever change her without making sure that she wanted it 100 %, I shouldn't even be thinking like this. Esme and Rosalie would easily give up immortality if they could be mothers, I wouldn't change anyone until I was sure that they had only one choice.

But if Bella dreamed of being a mother then she shouldn't be with vampires. We lacked the ability to father children.

I shook my head for just continuing down that trail of thoughts. I shouldn't even be thinking about Bella in a romantic way, and definitely not be speculating if she wanted to be with me or not. I wasn't going to let that be an option. She used to be Edward's girlfriend, and I didn't want to put more pressure on the family than there already was.

But would I really have the strength to go away when Bella was ready for me to leave? I doubted it. If these feelings were going to grow even more I would probably never going to be able to stay away from her. It was already too late.

I heard Bella's heart begin to beat faster and less even. She must have woken up. I lay completely still, waiting for her to turn her head. She looked tired, dark circles already forming under her eyes. She reached a hand up to her eyes to shield them from the unexpected light, the morning sun was already shining in through the window.

"Carlisle?"

It felt so good to hear her say my name when she was awake, but at the same time I felt a sting in my chest. This wasn't going to last, she would find someone to love during the next weeks and even though I wished it was me I knew that it was impossible.

"I'm here, Bella."

She turned around and used her arm for support so that she wasn't lying on the pillow.

"What time is it?"

I looked at my watch and was surprised to see that time had passed by so quickly.

"It's almost eleven. How are you feeling?"

I could hear her heartbeat accelerate. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "A little tired, but fine."

"You don't have to get up now." I wouldn't mind sitting here for a couple of more hours.

"I don't usually sleep this long. And besides, I have a movie marathon with Alice." She began to get out of bed.

"Alice isn't here. Jasper had an almost-accident and she is probably halfway to Alaska by now. She told me to say goodbye for her."

"Oh. I understand."

She didn't meet my eyes when she talked to me, but I couldn't hear any disappointment in her voice. She got out of the bed and marched over to the pile of shopping-bags in the corner of the room. She was clearly looking for something, systematically searching through every bag.

"Aha!" she said while she took out a pair of black, cotton sweatpants.

I almost laughed, imagining how hard she must have discussed to be able to buy them while Alice was there with her. Plain, black sweatpants weren't exactly something Alice usually approved of. Bella ransacked the bags, probably looking for a comfortable sweater or t-shirt.

I should leave her to have her human moment, but it felt like something would end the second I walked out the door. Bella turned and looked like she was going to say something, but there were no words. Her eyes met mine again, and it felt like I melted into the chocolate-brown circles. And it felt like I belonged there, like my life had led me to this girl. Like there was a greater reason for my over 300 years as a vampire. I heard her heartbeat speed up again, and for a second I hoped that it was because she felt this connection too. But I knew that it was impossible.

She suddenly broke the eye-contact, and I snapped back into reality.

"I'll go downstairs to make you something to eat."

"I'll just take a shower."

She blushed and hesitated a bit before walking into the bathroom. I saw the door close behind her before I managed to move from the place I was standing. I hurried downstairs to start making breakfast, but I didn't know what she would prefer to eat. I decided to let her choose when she came downstairs, that would also guarantee me a couple of more minutes with her. I didn't know if she would want to be driven directly home after she had eaten.

I sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, twining my fingers while I waited for Bella to come downstairs. What if Bella wanted to stay here? With me?

I knew that the questions I was asking myself weren't only directed at this single day, I was thinking about the rest of her life, or maybe existence. Would I let her? Or would the opinions of my family weigh more than the feelings I had for Bella?

I felt so confused. This was the best, yet most frightening thing I had ever felt. In one way it felt like my heart had grown, there wasn't longer enough room for it in my chest, and then there was the fact that Alice had said that she was going to be head over heels in love next week. She would probably find someone human, someone that could keep her warm at night and make sure that she had a long and happy life.

I just hoped that that person deserved her. That the person would see that Bella was the most unique and special girl in the whole wide world.

But most of all I wanted that person to be me. I had never wanted something for myself this badly before, and the jealousy that washed through me when I thought about who Bella was going to fall for was a feeling that I'd never experienced.

I was surprised when I realized that Bella was on her way downstairs, I hadn't heard her. I jumped out of the chair and walked over to the window without really knowing why. Behind me I could hear Bella entering the kitchen. I turned around.

"Hi."

"Good morning, Bella." I smiled to her. "What would you like to eat?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and looked a bit uncomfortable, maybe it was being alone here with me.

"I'll just have some cereals." She walked over to the cupboards to look for the food, but I beat her to it. I had found everything she needed before she'd taken three steps. Then I sat down on the other side of the table.

Bella turned red and bent her head so that her hair covered most of her face, she was clearly embarrassed again and I felt like an idiot. I almost couldn't believe how I was acting.

Bella sat down and started to pour cereal into the bowl. I tried not to stare, but it was hard to not look at her. Now that I had realized what she meant to me I didn't want to let her out of my sight ever again.

I had to tell her, but not today.

**I am writing the next chapter (halfdone), and I get my new computer tomorrow!:D So I'm going back to my old writing routines. **

**Jeanita**


	21. Do You Want To Know A Secret

**A shorter chapter, but I don't want to fill it with unnecessary things. **

**I want to thank my reviewers, I haven't been able to answer you, and it's been killing me. You say so many motivating and great things. Don't be discouraged by the fact that I don't answer, but the only place where I can see the internet now is on my cell.**

**Jeanita**

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Chapter 21

It was so hard to find something to say as we sat by the kitchen table. I knew that nothing had changed since yesterday, not really, but I had become aware of how I really felt. I hadn't been able to sleep much since I had gone though my emotions over and over again, imagining the outcome of the many 'what if's.

Logically I knew that there was no way that anything could happen between me and Carlisle, he was -in a way- Edward's father. I had to remind myself of that, I hadn't seen the person Carlisle used to be since he came back to look after me.

A little voice in the back of my head said that he had done just that, he had returned just for me. Could that possibly mean that there was a chance? I tried to stop thinking like that, it was wrong in so many ways. He didn't come back because he loved me, he had come back because he wanted to make sure that I would be alright. And he would soon return to his family, as soon as he found out about me falling in love. Especially if he realized that I loved him.

But Alice had said that I was going to be happily in love, right? And I couldn't see how I was going to be happy if this continued. I was scared to death. The person I loved was going to leave me again, the only difference was that I was aware of it this time. I had time to prepare for it.

I suddenly realized that I was finished with my breakfast and that I was just sitting there, letting my finger trace the pattern of the spoon.

"Is something wrong, Bella?"

A thousand butterflies came to life in my stomach by the sound of him saying my name, and my heart beat faster than the wings of a hummingbird.

"No. I guess I'm just tired."

"You can go back to bed if you want to."

"No thanks, I'll just go to bed earlier tonight."

I avoided eye-contact, feeling that if he could see into my eyes he would get to know everything. Not that I didn't want him to know, but I was afraid that he would leave if he did. He was so considerate, he would probably leave for my own good, and I couldn't blame him. What was I doing? Falling for a man who had just divorced his soulmate? It could be centuries before he was ready to start looking for someone new. And I wouldn't be here then.

"Alice left the movies here, in case you wanted to see them without her. But if you want to go home I'll drive you."

It sounded like he didn't want me to go, but it could easily be my brain playing with me. I didn't want to go home though. Charlie would be down at La Push anyway, and I didn't know when Carlisle would come down later.

"What kind of movies?"

"I don't know. I didn't really go through them."

I got up and was about to take the bowl and the spoon to the sink, but they were gone before I had gotten out of the chair.

"It's much faster if I clean up. Why don't you go and see if there is anything you want to see?"

I did as he said, but I hadn't walked longer than to the door when I heard footsteps behind me. I could feel the chill from his skin, and I couldn't believe how close he was. It felt like a current ran over my skin where he was closest, like the same magnetism that had made me want to reach out for his hand.

My heart had jumped up to my throat, and I wanted so badly to turn around and.. And what? I shouldn't be thinking this. I should probably not even be here with him. But I wasn't strong enough to go home. I didn't want to stay away from him.

The pile of DVD's was standing on the floor under the TV. There had to be at least a dozen of them. I sat down on the floor and looked at the names on the back of the covers. There were a awful lot of romantic comedies and dramas, and even though I wanted to see at least three of them I didn't know if it was the right kind of movie to watch with Carlisle.

I had to correct my thoughts again, I didn't even know if Carlisle was going to watch the movie with me.

"Found anything you like?"

I turned my head to see that he was sitting in the sofa in the middle of the room. It didn't look like he was planning on letting me sit here alone. An involuntary blush found its way to my cheeks and I quickly turned back to the DVD's.

"There are a few, but it's difficult to decide. Do you have a special genre that you like better than others?"

He laughed. "No, but I'm not really fond of the modern action-movies. They can't seem to make a movie without violence these days."

I smiled a little. Carlisle was the only man I knew that hated everything that involved violence. Charlie had always said that he was against violence in every form, but he had always watched action-movies.

There was suddenly a movie that caught my eye. I took it from the pile and managed to make the rest of them fall to the floor.

"Don't worry about it." Carlisle said. I had no problem with doing as he said.

I looked for the DVD-player but it was nowhere in sight. I turned to ask where it was, and suddenly I was standing with my face only inches from Carlisle's chest. I looked up till I saw his face. It suddenly felt impossible to move, I wanted to stay here. I could live with the fact that he didn't love me back as long as I could stay so close to him.

His fingers brushed lightly against mine as he took the DVD from my hand, and the current shot though my whole body. Carlisle froze and looked down at me. My eyes met his and were locked there. The magnetism felt so strong now, and I wanted so badly to reach up and kiss him. His face was so close. I felt my heart go bananas.

But suddenly he was gone. I turned around almost in panic, afraid that I might have scared him away.

"There." I heard his voice from behind me. He was standing by the TV, and I could see that he was placing the DVD in the built-in DVD-player. Then he walked back to the sofa in human pace.

I still hadn't regained the ability to walk, and I felt a little stupid just standing in the middle of the room. I felt that my cheeks still burned, and I forced my feet to walk forward.

The sofa seemed too big, if I sat down where I usually would have Carlisle would be too far away. I didn't have many choices, I could sit close and risk that he understood what I felt for him, or I could sit far away and risk sending the exact opposite message. The question came down to who I wanted to be. If I wanted to be a braver Bella than I ever had before or if I chose to stay the way I'd always been.

I took a deep breath and sat down in the middle of the sofa. My heart was pounding so hard that I suspected that it tried to make its way out of my chest. I knew that Carlisle could tell, but he didn't even look at me. I tried to even my breath, that usually calmed me, but every time I smelled the wonderful smell that came from Carlisle I felt the magnetism getting stronger.

I could see from the corner of my eye that he was looking at the back of the DVD-cover.

"Big Fish?"

"Yes. It's one of my favorite movies."

"Then I'm sure it's great." He smiled shyly.

He started the movie, and even though I'd seen it many times before I managed to get lost in the story. Sometimes I could feel Carlisle moving next to me, and I wondered why. Vampires don't need to shift to find a comfortable position. I turned my head a little, just to look, and I could swear that he was sitting closer now than he had a couple of minutes ago.

I could feel the restless feeling creeping up on me, and I wanted to be like the other girls on my age. The ones that dared to speak their mind. I wondered how he would have reacted if I told him that I loved him. In the ideal world he would have told me that he loved me too. In the ideal world we'd be able to stay together forever. Maybe even longer.

I felt the sadness return. He was going to leave me. He had another place where he belonged, he had a family that he belonged with. Maybe he'd even fall back into love with Esme? I curled up with my arms around my knees, expecting the pain of being left behind to come back to me any moment.

Suddenly I felt Carlisle's hand around my shoulder, and I automatically shifted to sit more comfortable.

"Are you alright?"

The voice in the back of my head almost screamed, but I managed to keep calm. The butterflies had been transformed into seagulls, and my heart was about to break one of my ribs, but it was still the best feeling that I had felt as long as I could remember.

"I'm fine." I looked up in the golden eyes, and was surprised to not see any of the worrying he usually had.

An overwhelming feeling of hope washed through me and drowned all the fright and the worries on its way. There was a chance that he loved me too. A small chance, but I'd take what I could get.

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**The next chapter will be a LOT more interesting, and a bit longer. The story is nowhere close to the end, it's marked with Romance/Drama, and we haven't even gotten to the drama. I'm so glad that I was able to finish this first part of the story, and I'm looking forward to the next.**

**Do You Want To Know A Secret is a Beatles song.**

**Jeanita**


	22. Too far along in our crime

**This chapter is released with a mixed feeling of nervousness and joy. I just hope you like it. **

**Jeanita**

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I was sure that my heart would have collapsed if it suddenly got the ability to beat. It would have given in because of the shock. My whole body felt like it was humming. I was restless, but I still wanted to sit like this for the rest of time. To be near Bella was enough. For now at least.

We had seen three movies, and I knew that Bella was going to get hungry soon. And I probably couldn't keep her here for much longer before Charlie started to get suspicious, I was supposed to drop Alice of at the airport too. Not to mention that I had to work tonight. The main characters gave each other a final kiss and the movie was over.

I wondered when it would be most natural to take my hand away from Bella's shoulders. I looked down at her, she kept her eyes on the screen. Was she avoiding eye-contact? I moved my hand away and walked over to the TV to take out the DVD. I knew that I hoped that Bella would ask if we could see another one, but I also knew that she was very responsible. She would want to return home soon.

I placed the disk in the cover and turned around to see Bella again. She seemed so distanced. Like she had a thousand things on her mind. I felt a sting in my stomach. It could have been my fault that she was confused and had a lot to think about now. Maybe I had gone too far with putting my arm around her? Maybe I had misinterpreted the signals?

I put the DVD down and walked into the kitchen to see if Alice, who had been in charge of shopping for groceries yesterday, had bought something that Bella could ea without having to spend a lot of time preparing. I opened one cupboard after the other and realized that most of the edible things were chips, candy and chocolate. I knew that I should have gone shopping myself, but Alice had been so excited about it.

I frowned a bit, not knowing what I could offer Bella. I could hear Bella getting up from the sofa in the other room. Maybe it would be better if I tried to act normal this time, so that I didn't scare her more than I already had. So I didn't turn around to face the door before she came in, I let her walk the whole way into the kitchen before I even started to turn in human speed. I leaned casually with my back to the kitchen counter.

But acting normal didn't take away the feelings that surfaced every time I saw her face. I felt warm, even though I hadn't been able to be warm in the last 350 years. And I felt like I would do everything for this girl without hesitation. I would do anything to make her safe, to make sure that she was ok.

Bella suddenly looked down and blushed, and I guessed that I didn't look as normal as I wanted to.

"I just thought that I should get you something to eat, but it seems like Alice didn't think too practical when she went shopping."

"That's ok. I'm really not that hungry."

She was standing with her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt-jacket, and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Obviously nervous.

"I have to go home soon." Even though I knew that she would say it, it hurt a little to hear the words. Maybe the connection I had felt would disappear when I dropped her off at her house.

"I'll drive you back when you're ready."

She nodded and was about to turn and walk back into the livingroom.

"Oh. And is it possible that I can leave some of my clothes here. I mean the clothes Alice got me yesterday? I don't think they'll all fit into my closet."

At least this was a good reason for her to come back later.

"Sure."

I followed her in to the livingroom, and I walked a few steps behind her. I looked out the windows and saw the rain running down the glass. It always rained a lot in Forks, that was the reason why we had settled here. The area here was almost always cloudy.

Bella didn't sit down like I had expected her to. Instead she continued up the stairs. Probably to pack. I didn't look forward to be alone here again. The atmosphere had been completely different when Alice and Bella had spent the weekend here, and it made the loneliness seem even lonelier.

I walked over to the windows and looked out on the forest outside. The same familiar sight I had looked at so many times before. I wondered if it would be possible to just find another home sometime. To find a place that would mean this much to me, but without all the conflicting memories and feelings. This house had in a way been mine and Esme's. I hadn't given it much thought, but it felt suddenly weird to invite Bella to stay here. I wondered if things would have been different if I had lived another place. If Bella would think differently of me.

Because I had decided that I wanted her to love me back. I hadn't done many selfish things before, but this time I couldn't see a different choice. I was going to do my best to make her fall for me. I couldn't live without her. I had discovered the old feeling of living when I got to know her, and that must mean something.

If Bella could love me back, then I wouldn't ask for something in my life ever again. I would be happy. And if she loved me but wanted to stay as a human I wouldn't try to change her mind. She could have whatever she wanted. And if she one day died, then I would follow, because I didn't believe that there was a force strong enough to keep me away from her.

I heard her footsteps walking down the stairs and I walked over to take her bag. But when I saw her and what she was carrying I almost spurted up the stairs to help her. Not only her bag with clothes and toiletries, but four full shopping-bags.

"I thought you asked if you could leave some of the clothes here?" I asked while I balanced the bags.

"I have actually." She frowned.

"At least you don't have to go shopping for a while."

"You think it'll be that long till Alice visits again?" she joked.

"You're right. We should get you a bigger closet."

Her face looked shocked.

"I joked. I'll ask Alice to slow down next time. She forgets that there is something called modesty."

Bella smiled. We walked out to the car and sat in. I didn't want to start the goodbyes before I had to, so I didn't say anything. But this time it didn't feel like an uncomfortable silence. It was nice to just sit next to Bella. I didn't exceed the speed limit this time, everything that could make the moment last longer was better.

But we arrived at Bella's house too soon, and I could see the police cruiser in the driveway.

"Crap. I wasn't expecting Charlie home so soon." Bella looked at the backseat with all the shopping-bags.

"I'll take them through the window for you."

"But he'll notice if the car stays too long."

"I'll drive a little longer down the road. He won't notice a thing."

She bit her lip and looked like she didn't trust the idea, but nodded. Then she opened the door and got out. She only took her overnight-bag, and then she walked up to the house. I waited to drive until I saw the door close.

I didn't need to park far away, the area had so many trees that just a couple of meters was enough to make sure that Charlie wouldn't see the car. I took the shopping-bags and ran with vampire-speed to the house. Bella's window was an inch open, so I could easily open it and get inside. I could hear Bella talking to Charlie downstairs, and I guessed that she would stay there for a while. I placed the bags on the bed and looked around in the room.

It had somehow changed since the last time I was here. It still looked and smelled the same, but I got the feeling that it was somewhere that I wasn't supposed to poke around. My eyes fell on the glass with the now withered flowers. I threw them out the window, Bella shouldn't have to be reminded of the conversation by the river.

I could still hear her talking to her father, and I decided that I could stop by before I went to work. I jumped out the window and ran back to my car. I drove a little faster on the way home. I already missed Bella terribly, and I wanted to just turn around. But I didn't, I didn't want to seem desperate.

I pulled up in front of my house and stayed in the car for a while. How could I show Bella that I loved her without risking scaring her away? I laid my face in my hands for a while, searching though different ways to show my affection. Suddenly I knew.

I opened the door and ran. There was one thing I had to do before I had to go to work.

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**Bella's POV**

My head felt like it was spinning. There were so many things going on at once. I had almost broken down when Charlie had said that he wanted to talk to me. I hadn't gotten the chance to sort things out in my head before Charlie wanted to tell me even more. But I understood why he wanted to talk to me. Jacob had gotten really ill, and I wasn't allowed to visit until Billy or Jake called. It was probably mono or something like that, and Charlie didn't want me to get it.

"If you catch it then we'd probably have to set up a guestroom for Dr. Cullen. I don't think I'll do any good as a nurse." He had said as a joke.

I had blushed and laughed it away. There was no way that Charlie was going to understand that I had fallen for Carlisle. Charlie believed that Carlisle was a 33 year old doctor with adopted children and that he had just broken it up with Esme. He would probably throw a fit and throw me out of the house.

Now I was lying on the bed, trying my best to understand what was happening to me. I hadn't thought that love could grow this fast. But it had with Edward too, so maybe it was just me. Edward had never loved me like I had loved him. And I had paid the prize for falling that hard, that fast.

But it didn't feel the same this time. It felt so much stronger, so much more definite. It felt like the world had decided for us, but I didn't really mind. I put the pillow over my head when I realized how corky that sounded. When had my mind begun thinking like that?

I turned around in bed to watch the flowers I had picked up in the clearing. But they weren't there. The glass was there, but without the flowers and the water. Great. Either Carlisle or Charlie had thrown them out. I walked over to the window and looked outside. I had been right, there was small, white petals everywhere.

I sighed again. There wasn't really much I could do about it. I had loved the flowers, and somehow if probably would have hurt less to throw them out before the weekend. They were the reminder of the special place I had seen with Carlisle. I wondered if I'd ever get the chance to see it again. I had only been to the meadow once.

But it wasn't the clearing that was the most important. It was the fact that I had been there alone with Carlisle. And these feelings must have begun even before that. Maybe even before Edward left me. I remembered my birthday-party and my conversation with him. He had been the only one who had been strong enough to stay in the same room as me. He hadn't even flinched. Even Edward had walked out, my blood had been too tempting for him.

Maybe the feelings had started then, during that conversation. I recalled him talking about how he believed that even vampires got a shot at the afterlife. It had to be that conversation. I hadn't really talked too much with Carlisle before that day. Maybe things really happened for a reason.

I lay down on the bed again, trying to relax. It was an impossible task. Less than 5 minutes later I was wandering around without a purpose. I should have been doing my homework, and so I sat down by my desk and opened the trigonometry-book. The letters and numbers made absolutely no sense, but I tried to force them to.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next time I woke up it was already dark outside. I sat up immediately and realized that I was lying on the bed. I looked around and saw Carlisle standing by the window.

"You're awake?" his voice was more beautiful than anything I had ever heard before.

"Yes. Shouldn't you be at work?" I looked at my watch.

"I told them I'd be a little late because I had to drive Alice to the airport." He smiled vaguely.

"Oh."

I looked into his eyes and felt the strong connection again. There was no way that he couldn't feel it. I managed to force my eyes away from his. I looked around in the room, trying to find something else to stare at. I suddenly saw the glass that my flowers had been standing in. There were new flowers. And a lot of them. Lot more than I had picked the last time.

"I'm glad you did." I almost chocked on the words. My throat felt thick.

He walked over to the bed, and I could feel my heart speed up. It was pounding desperately, like it wanted to tell Carlisle everything. He sat down on the bed beside me. Closer than he had done before.

"How much time do you have?" I was afraid that I didn't want to know the answer.

He looked at his watch. "Not much. 20 minutes."

I wished so badly that he would stay, just this night.

"Is it true?" he suddenly asked.

"What is true?"

"The things you say in your sleep?"

I looked up into the golden eyes, and the butterflies were seriously trying to make their way out of my stomach. What on earth could I have said?

"I.. I don't know. I don't know what I say in my sleep."

He just smiled, and I suddenly didn't care what I had been saying. All I needed was that he didn't leave again. But I knew he would. I knew that he had to work, and I knew that he had only a little more than 15 minutes left.

I could feel the current running over my entire right side, wherever his body touched mine. I suddenly saw his hands moving over to take mine in his. My heart was pounding so hard and so fast, he had to know how I reacted to him now. I closed my eyes for a small second, and suddenly I felt that his hand had left mine, and my head was tilted up. He didn't use much force, I think I did most of the moving myself.

I opened my eyes slowly and stared directly into the warm, golden eyes. He was so close to me now, his face only inches away.

"Is it true that you love me?"

I felt dizzy, and I realized that I must have forgotten how to breathe. I inhaled deeply, and his scent made the magnetism even stronger.

"Y-yes. At least I think so."

I almost expected him to turn around and run, but somehow I knew that he would never do that. He _could_ never do that. I wanted to kiss him, and I imagined how it would be just to lean forward and do it. I took another breath and closed my eyes, trying to memorize the moment.

I felt his cool lips against my forehead, and I shivered involuntarily. I shouldn't have.

The next second he was standing by the window.

"I have to go to work now."

I was so disappointed I could feel the tears of frustration gather in the corner of my eyes.

"Goodnight, my Bella." he came over and gave me a last kiss on the forehead, then he disappeared into the night.

I lay down on my bed, disappointment and ecstasy running through me. I had been so close. So unbelievably close. I should have dared to do something.

I looked over at the flowers on my nightstand and removed one of them from the glass. I held it up in front of me.

He had called me 'his Bella'.

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**As always: I LOVE my reviewers. You guys are the best. I just hope that the internet will come back at my house soon, so that I don't have to visit my boyfriend to answer you. **

**The title is from a song by The Shins called Phantom Limb**

**Jeanita**


	23. Regret

**This has taken some time, but I've been**_** really**_** busy. My brother was in town the whole week, I went to see Leonard Cohen live on Friday (that was AMAZING btw), and then I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (I'm also a Harry Potter nerd..) with my boyfriend on Saturday. **

**But here it is.**

**Jeanita**

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Chapter 23

I had waited for a while before running to Bella's house to give her the flowers. I didn't want to seem desperate. I had been lucky. The flowers didn't bloom that long, and I had just gotten the ones who had been blooming late. I thought that this would be the perfect way to show Bella how I felt, with flowers. She wasn't the girl who would accept roses or other expensive bouquets, so these would be perfect. Even more because they had the memory of the clearing attached to them.

I had literally been walking around in circles, wondering if this really was the right thing to do. If it was right to show Bella that I cared. There was a chance that she didn't love me back, that I had somehow deluded myself to think that she could. But I would never know if I never tried.

It was finally time to see her before I had to go to work. I decided to run back for my car later, there was no need to take any risks. I had already been ready to go for an hour, so I only locked the door and ran. I'd maybe forgotten how it was like to have a beating heart, but I could definitely feel that it had changed during the last days. It felt lighter, but at the same time heavier. The sensation that I was lighter than air, that I could just spread my arms and fly, and the feeling that gravity had gotten a much stronger hold on me, like there was a reason for me to stay on this earth.

I didn't even need to look at the forest that passed by in a blur, the route had become so familiar to me that I knew the exact location of every tree. I ran as fast as I could, eager to see her face again. I reached the house and I could see that there was light in her room. I climbed up quietly so that her father wouldn't notice. I couldn't believe how much I felt like a high school-boy I felt. Sneaking in the window to see the girl I loved.

She was laying over the desk with her books under her head. So innocent, so beautiful. I walked over to the nightstand to place the flowers in the glass, and hurried out to the bathroom to fill the glass with water. I tried to be as quiet as I could, even though just being a vampire would probably be enough. I sat down on the bed, not really sure what I was waiting for. Bella moved, and I could see that she couldn't be comfortable. I walked over to see what I could do for her.

I lifted her carefully out of the chair and held her in my arms for a moment. She was so warm, so soft. I could feel her blood running through her veins, her life slowly passing by. It made me feel guilty for wanting to rob her of the experience life was. Because if I got her, if I could call her mine, then I wouldn't hesitate in changing her. But only if she wanted it herself.

I lay her down on the bed, making sure that she was comfortable. I sat down on the bed, planning to wait for her to wake up. But it took longer than I thought. When the time came when I had to go to make it to work at time, I decided to call and tell them I'd be late. I could say that I had to drop Alice off at the airport and that the drive back took longer than I thought. I didn't think Bella had told Charlie that we watched movies all alone.

I snuck out the window again, and walked a couple of meters into the forest to make the call. As I had expected they were more than happy to let me be an hour late. I hadn't missed a single day of work since I started here. I had taken some days off when the sun and my shifts didn't go well together, but mostly I'd managed to sneak in anyway.

A part of me wished that I hadn't gone back to work, if I had all days off I could spend all my time with Bella. I didn't really need the money, Alice had a good eye for the stock-market. I just worked to be able to feel like I had a purpose with this life. But last night I had discovered what the real purpose was. I hadn't found it when I was younger, so to speak, because Bella hadn't existed.

Bella was the reason for my life as a vampire. One of us must have been born on the wrong time, and faith had found a way for us to be together.

I was sure that this was right. It all fit in. now I just had to make sure that she had the same feelings for me.

I climbed inside her room again and sat down on the bed. She was still asleep, her hair messy, her face calm, and her breathing even. I leaned over to kiss her forehead, but she moved. I heard her whispering something, probably in her sleep.

"I love you." I whispered in her ear. I had to say it, but I didn't want to wake her up. "I love you more than you could possibly imagine."

I tucked some of her hair behind her ear, I just wanted to see her face more clearly.

"I love you."

My whole body froze when I heard the words escaping her mouth. I knew that it could have been the fact that I had whispered the same words in her ear just a couple of minutes ago, but I choose to believe that she was saying the words to me.

"Carlisle."

I wished that my heart could have been able to beat. I wanted to feel what the sound of my name said by this sleeping girl could have done to me. I could feel the pride, the love, the anxiety, but I couldn't feel the desperately beating heart.

I took one of her warm hands in mine and kissed her carefully on the back of her hand.

"I love you, Carlisle." she said and then sighed.

I couldn't even move. The thing I would have waited decades to hear had just been said. I couldn't believe how fast this was evolving. I had just found out that I loved her, and she had already said that she loved me. She had maybe said it in her sleep, but the words were as clear as when she was awake.

I got up and walked over to the window. I wanted so badly to take her in my arms and tell her that I couldn't live without her. That she was just as important to me like the air was important to her. If she ceased to exist, so would I.

But I didn't know if the feelings she had for me were the same that I had for her. I couldn't gamble my life, and hers, on this night. If she realized that it was something brief, something that had an end, I didn't want the break to kill us both. I had to give this more time.

I felt so helpless. I leaned on the wall beside the window and looked out in the darkness. But there was no answers there. Only nothingness.

I could hear Bella moving, and she sat up too quickly for her own good. She seemed confused, looking from the bed to the desk and then to me.

"You're awake?" I didn't mean to say that. But the words just blurted out.

"Yes. Shouldn't you be at work?" I looked at my watch. At least I pretended to. I knew that I should get going if I wanted to make it in time.

"I told them I'd be a little late because I had to drive Alice to the airport." I tried to smile. But I felt that it was more like a grimace.

"Oh."

She looked into my eyes. And I felt like I was sucked into the brown orbits again. Like I could get lost if I stopped paying attention to other things around me. She looked away, and her eyes fell on the flowers I had brought her. It had seemed like a good idea at first, but I couldn't help wondering if she thought it was childish.

"I'm glad you did." Her voice was thick. Like she was about to start crying. I didn't know if she referred to me being here, or if she was thanking me for the flowers. I didn't want to start speculate.

I walked over to the bed, almost automatically. Her heart was beating so fast, so strong. I knew that she was feeling something. I sat down on the bed beside her. So close that my entire left side was touching her. I almost gasped by the sudden flow of something close to electricity.

"How much time do you have?" her voice was almost shaking.

I looked down at my watch again. "Not much. 20 minutes."

I wanted to stay. But I knew that I probably had to go. If I stayed this night she was probably going to be more awake than if I left. Especially after the questions I had to ask her.

"Is it true?" I realized how stupid it sounded after I'd said it.

"What is true?"

"The things you say in your sleep?"

Her heart skipped a beat. I didn't know if that was a good sign or a bad one.

"I.. I don't know. I don't know what I say in my sleep."

Maybe she didn't even remember her dream. I wondered if she had even realized it. It could be her subconscious thoughts.

I could feel her blood rushing through her veins. Her heart was pounding like crazy, and her breathing was uneven. It couldn't all be subconscious. She closed her eyes and bend her head a little. I couldn't resist. I reached out and took her chin in my hand. I carefully lifted it up a little. She opened her eyes and looked directly into mine. She was only inches away.

"Is it true that you love me?"

She must have forgotten how to breathe, because she suddenly inhaled a lot of air.

"Y-yes. At least I think so."

I didn't know what to do. I had gotten my answer, for now at least.

She closed her eyes again. I was going to lean in and kiss her. I wanted it more than anything in the world right now. But I knew that it would be unfair. I wouldn't be able to leave if I did so, and she had to go to school tomorrow. I changed my course and kissed her on the forehead instead. She shivered.

I almost jumped back. I didn't want her to be cold. And I really had to get going. I realized that I was standing by the window, ready to go.

"I have to go to work now."

I could see that she was tired, but I wanted to give her a proper goodbye. I walked over and kissed her on the forehead one more time. "Goodnight, my Bella."

I almost jumped out the window. Not because I was eager to get out, but because I wouldn't be able to go if I stayed just a second longer.

…

But I regretted leaving the whole night.

Work was a mess. I don't think I've ever been this distracted in my entire existence. The only thing I could think about was Bella. She had told me that she loved me, and I had just left her there. I had deluded myself to think that it would be better to cut the night short. To let us both have the time to think about what this meant.

What did it mean? She had told me that she loved me, but I had just disappeared. I hadn't even stopped to tell her that I felt the same. I hadn't even kissed her. I remembered how disappointed she had looked.

"What's wrong?"

The nurse who had shown an extra interest in me was walking by my side.

"Nothing. I'm just tired." She looked at me with one raised eyebrow. Like she wondered what I could have been doing this weekend if I wasn't ready to put myself on the market.

"My daughter was here for the weekend." I explained, hoping to sound more normal. "She had a sleepover, and I didn't really get much sleep."

For the first time it felt weird to talk about Alice like my daughter. She was Bella's best friend, they were almost the same age. Give or take a couple of decades.

"Oh. Of course. But none of them are moving back to live with you?"

"No. But you know how they are at that age. California seems more interesting."

"Yeah. It's not that long since we were young." She smiled shyly, and I looked away quickly. Not in the mood to give another rejection.

"I should get this done." I tapped my pen at the stable of papers in my hand and headed towards my office.

I sat down in the chair by my desk and just stared at the wall. What had happened to me? I had been so sure that taking things slow was the right thing to do, so why was I regretting leaving her? Why was I regretting not kissing her?

Maybe I could go back after work? I only had two hours left before I got off work, but what was I going to say? "Sorry, but I really wanted to kiss you, I just didn't have the guts."?

I sighed and put my head in my hands. These feelings that were ripping me apart from the inside were in a way completely new to me. I might have experienced something like this when I was human, but I couldn't recall it. I was now lost in my new emotions, wanting my life to keep changing.

I looked down on the documents I had to go through before I could go home. Not anything complicated, just some paperwork on a couple of patients. I began reading, correcting and adding things that weren't there. It didn't take long, but to make it more believable I stayed in my office for almost the rest of the time. Debating whether I should go and see Bella before she had to go to school, or if I should let it be.

When I walked out from my office and headed towards my car I could have been shaking with anticipation if I could. I knew what I had to do. Bella was expecting me to be there when she woke up, and I wasn't able to let her down. I could feel the rain soaking my hair as I walked over the parkinglot. I got in my car and started to drive.

I didn't care about the speed at all, I just wanted to get there as soon as possible. It still didn't seem like I was going to get there in time. I had to make up for the mistakes I had done last night. I had to tell her that I loved her too, and that I'd never leave her side if she wanted me to stay with her. I might also tell her that I would never leave, regardless of what she wanted. My life was tied to this girl, and it felt like there was no way that I could survive a day without her.

I ran inside the house to take a quick shower and change into new clothes. I wanted to be the new me on the outside as well, and this was the best I could do. I looked in the mirror, the person staring back at me looked like the person I felt like.

I took a deep breath and ran out into the forest.

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**I know, I know. But this is how I have been planning this all along. But you won't have to wait long now. **

**Jeanita**


	24. Faith

**I know that this is late, but I have been gone, and then I started to work the same day I got home again (working at a retirement-home, on the floor with the terminally ill), so I have been REALLY busy. But I have tried to write something every day, and today I FINALLY finished this chapter. **

**Hope you'll enjoy it.**

**Jeanita**

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There was no way that I could have been able to fall asleep that night. I wasn't even able to think about falling asleep. I was just thinking about his words. His Bella. It felt so right, like it had been like this forever. I sat with my back to the headboard of the bed, hugging my pillow tightly. My stomach flipped, and my heart wasn't able to slow down. If we had all been given a number of heartbeats, my life had become a lot shorter tonight.

I looked out of the window. I knew that morning had to be approaching, but the heavy clouds blocked any light from coming down. It hadn't stopped raining all night. Instead of thinking about it as a bad omen, I imagined the rain washing away all the earlier mistakes, making room for a new beginning. I needed a new beginning. I thought about the first day I had seen Carlisle when he came back to Forks. I had been broken. Broken because Edward had left me. I hadn't seen an end to the pain.

The memories made me embarrassed now. I just hoped that Carlisle could forget what a mess I had been because of Edward. I didn't want the old me ruining for my new chances.

I looked at my watch. It was almost time to start expecting Carlisle to climb through the window. I felt my eyelids flutter. This couldn't be happening! Not now. I had to stay awake. Staying up all night hadn't even been something I'd wanted to do. But I really wanted to see Carlisle before I went to school. No. I needed to see him.

I pinched my arm in an attempt to stay awake. But the pain was to temporary to last long enough, and after a while it seemed like I became immune to it. My head felt so heavy, and I yawned uncontrollably. I just had to stay awake a little bit longer..

I woke up again. It took less than three seconds to realize that I wasn't alone. I was wrapped in my quilt, and I could feel that I was leaning against something hard and cold. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. I was surrounded by Carlisle's smell, and I slowly lifted my head to see that it really was him.

"Hi." He smiled and looked back down at me.

"Hi." I tried to make my voice strong, but it was closer to a whisper.

I felt his arm around me, and I understood why I was wrapped in my quilt. I turned my head to look out of the window. The sky was almost blue, and I could see rays of sunlight through the trees.

"What time is it?" I tried to sit up properly, but he held me back.

I suddenly became hyper-aware that he was sitting right next to me. Holding his arms around me, closer than he had ever been before. The sensation was overwhelming. The pulsing current shot through me, making me dizzy and unfocused.

"You were in no condition to go to school this morning." I looked into the golden eyes, and I was at ease at once. "So I called the school and told them that I had gotten a call from you."

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them that you have gotten the stomach-flu. It's already begun with the second round, so it's believable."

"And Charlie?"

"Not home yet. But he'll probably stay away when he gets here. I called his office too."

I was glad that he had done it. Like he said, I probably wouldn't have been able to go anyway. An awkward silence filled the room, and I looked down again. My heart was hammering, and my whole body felt numb and over-sensitive all at once. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of my thoughts. Every thought was colliding with each other, making everything seem twice as complicated as it was.

"I don't want to seem rude, but did you really mean the things you said last night?"

I tried to swallow, but my throat was suddenly dry.

"It's true."

He sighed. I wondered what he was going to say next. If I had just imagined him calling me 'his Bella'.

"You're really sure that you love me? That it is love?"

I just nodded my head. The sudden lack of the ability to breathe made it impossible to answer.

He turned his head back to me and looked me in the eyes. My head started spinning, and I suddenly gasped for air. His eyes became worried again, and I knew that I needed to convince him that I told him the truth.

"I-I love you." He looked away again. "I know that it's crazy, and I know that you probably don't feel the same way about me, but I really love you."

I closed my eyes, I didn't want to see how he reacted to the things I'd said. I felt my head being tilted up.

"Bella? I do love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible."

My heart skipped a beat.

"I feel like you're the only reason for my existence."

I could feel that he fastened his grip around me for a second. I wanted to say something romantic. Something that made him understand that I felt the same way, but I couldn't think of anything. I felt a tear running down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, but he had already noticed.

"What's wrong?" he carefully brushed the back of his hand against my face.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

It wasn't normal for me to be crying when I was happy. It wasn't even normal for me to be crying because of pain or when I was sad. But it wasn't embarrassing to cry in front of Carlisle. I didn't care if he saw a side of me that others couldn't see. I just wanted him to love me for the person I was. I wanted him to stay with me, despise all the flaws I had.

I felt a cold hand brush away the tears. Then he hugged me closer and I buried my face in his chest.

"I love you." It was the only thing I managed to say.

I could feel that he kissed the top of my head. I couldn't believe how fantastic this feeling was. Sitting in bed this close to Carlisle. Knowing that I loved him, and that he loved me. It felt so permanent, like there could be no end to the new life that had started today.

The fear I had had when I was with Edward, the fear of not being good enough, didn't exists anymore. I knew that Carlisle loved me, I couldn't explain how, but I knew it. I knew that I was good enough. I knew that he wouldn't leave me.

"I love you too." I could feel the depth of his words, I knew that he meant it.

He loosened his grip on me, and I looked up to see his eyes. The eyes I couldn't get enough of. He tucked a few loose strands of hair behind my ear. I looked up and looked closer at him. He had changed so much in the last few weeks, and I wondered if he had noticed himself.

The hair, that had normally been combed back in some sort of old-fashioned style, probably to seem older than he really was, was almost messy now. He was wearing a dark blue jacket, a grey t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans. If anyone had seen him now they wouldn't believe that he was 33.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Mostly luck. I can't seem to understand how this happened to me."

I blushed and looked down again. I almost expected him to tilt my head back up, at least to say something, but the silence filled the air. When I finally looked up again I was met by the scent of his breath. Sweeter than anything I could remember to ever have smelled. His face was closer now. Just a couple of inches away.

I almost leaned in again, but then I remember how he had reacted last night. I didn't want him to move away.

I wondered how I could get him to understand that I wanted to kiss him without scaring him. I almost turned my head away again, but I couldn't. Not only because I wanted to be this close to him, but also because he held his hand on my cheek.

My heart was hammering and I knew that he would be able to hear it. It felt like I was shaking, even breathing became harder. I could feel his cool breath caressing the skin on my neck, and I closed my eyes. The electricity was running through my entire body, and his breath on my skin made it feel even more restless.

The sensation was a mix between torture and the sweetest feelings I had ever felt.

I suddenly felt his cool lips on my forehead, and even though I loved how safe it made me feel, I was a bit disappointed. I almost sighed when he moved away, but it was only for a second. He continued to kiss my cheeks, the tip of my nose and last my chin.

I was shaking now. His scent was so much stronger, and I could feel the icy air on my face. I hadn't dared to open my eyes, afraid that this might be a dream. Another kiss was planted at the corner of my mouth, and I leaned towards him without thinking. But he didn't move away.

He held my face in his hands, and I could feel that his nose was briefly touching mine.

"I do love you." He whispered. "And I don't believe that this is luck, Bella."

And then his lips finally found mine. It felt like the whole world ceased to exist. His lips was moving with mine, carefully but passionate. It felt unreal, like a dream. His hand was still lying on my cheek, cooling my now overheated skin. This wasn't anything like kissing Edward, I was almost overwhelmed by the sudden emotion.

I never wanted it to stop. I wiggled closer without breaking the kiss, and pressed my lips harder to his. I wanted him to know that I was all his. That I had always belonged to him despite the mistakes we both had made earlier.

I felt that the world started spinning, and I reluctantly broke the kiss to gasp for air. I could see that being a vampire had its advantages. I looked up into the golden eyes, and this time I didn't feel embarrassed or weird. This felt so right.

I had to agree with him. This couldn't have anything to do with luck. This wasn't a coincidence. This was the only right thing.

I couldn't explain how I knew that this was the one true love, after all I had thought that Edward was going to be the one. But this time around I could feel it in my entire body, I could feel that I belonged next to him. That the magnetism I had felt for a while was there for a reason.

He smiled and kissed my forehead again. "I'm never going to let you go now. I hope you understand that."

"I don't want you to let me go."

I placed my head on his chest again. I knew that we had a lot of things to talk about, but that could wait. Something told me that we would have enough time.

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**I have a day off on Thursday, so I'll try to write more then (it's torture to go a day without writing anyway).**

**Jeanita**


	25. Treaty

**The treaty**

**I managed to finish it! I'm so glad that you liked the last chapter, and I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to answer a lot of the reviews. I'll see what I can do tomorrow when I'm home from work. Another day off at Saturday, so maybe you'll get another chapter then.**

**Jeanita**

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**Carlisle's POV. **

**Thursday.**

I had done it. I had told Bella that I loved her, and then I had kissed her. It felt so unreal, and even more so because she had returned the kiss. It had been so good to have her in my arms, holding her close to me. My heart had been breaking just because I had to leave her to go to work the morning after. I wanted so badly to stay, to be able to escape reality for a month or two, just spending time with Bella.

Every kiss left me wanting to kiss her again, made me longing for the rest of our lives. Because I was determined to make this something that would last forever, if Bella wanted to live like me. We hadn't been talking much about the future, or the present for that matter, it had felt too good to just be there. But I knew that the subject of our relationship would come up sooner or later.

Alice had called, of course, to congratulate. She hadn't been able to stay on the phone for more than seconds though, the others weren't supposed to know yet she had said. They weren't ready. I had wanted to ask her so many questions, wondering if there was something she could see that could steer out a course for us. But she had asked me not to call her, she would come to Forks soon enough.

It was almost impossible to work, knowing that Bella was alone or at school. Her friend, Jacob, had fallen ill, but I hadn't seen him around the hospital. Not that I should expect them to let me treat him if it became that bad. But what scared me was how they avoided her calls, and how short it had been the one time Billy actually had answered. He had said that Jacob had gotten mono, and that he was too sick to be able to see Bella. She was scared, but I had tried to tell her that it wasn't usually dangerous and that she would be able to see him in a week or two.

But I hadn't told her the fear that had been growing in my mind. That her friend might be having something more permanent than mono. That he might be turning in to one of the shape-shifters. If that was the case, then I wouldn't want her to go and see him so soon. She would have to wait till the danger that she might be accidentally hurt got smaller.

I tried my best to spend as much time as possible with her, to make sure that she didn't take unnecessary risks. I would do anything to keep her from danger. I traded shifts, I even played with the idea of resigning my position at the hospital. But I knew that as long as we wanted to keep this a secret I had to keep on working. I just wished that there was a way that I could stay with Bella all the time.

I sighed over the paperwork that I had been neglecting the past few days, choosing to believe that it would be easier to deal with it later. But I had been waiting for three days, and it was almost towering up on my desk. I still hadn't the necessary concentration for the task. I could hear the people walking back and forth outside my office, but it wasn't tempting to join them either. I reluctantly took up a pen and started to go through the documents.

The door opened and the nurse, Camilla, came inside with a new stack of papers. She smiled.

"So, who is the lucky girl?"

If I had a heart that could have skipped a beat, it would have.

"What do you mean?"

"You're late on the paperwork, you seem distanced and you always look like your mind is in Alaska."

She couldn't have been more wrong about the location, but she was very good with her observations."

"I always hoped that you would have asked me out when the time was right" she tried to put on a joking tone, but I could hear that she meant it. "Oh well. Love happens, right?"

The girl couldn't be much older than Bella, probably just finished with her education. Her hair was long and blond, and she had clear blue eyes. She could have been a model, at least an actor, she had a body that most girls would envy. She shouldn't have a problem with getting a date, not here in Forks anyway. But I knew the effect vampires had on some kinds of humans.

"I'm afraid that you're mistaken. I haven't been feeling very well lately, and it has most definitely been influencing my work."

She raised her eyebrows, probably wanting to believe my explanation. I could still see that she wasn't entirely convinced.

"Sure."

I took a quick glance at the big clock on the wall by the door. Less than half an hour before I got to head off to see Bella.

"I should probably finish these before I go home." I pointed at the growing mountain of papers on my desk.

She just nodded and walked to the door. In the doorway she turned around.

"If you decide you want to see something else than the inside of the hospital, you know where to find me."

She winked and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her. I hoped that she wasn't expecting too much, but girls like her tended to do exactly that. She reminded me of Rosalie. The way she always had to get the thing she wanted, no matter what it took to get it. I tried to shake the feeling of that it was something wrong off while I ducked back to the unfinished paperwork.

…

Bella wasn't back when I got to her house. I knew that she had her shift at Newton's, but I had still hurried back to her house, thinking that maybe she had decided that she didn't want to work. Of course she was way too responsible to skip work.

That gave me time though. Time to remove the pictures and the CD from her room. I walked over to the loose floorboard and lifted it carefully from the floor. The things were there, just as I had left them when I discovered them. I took them out and looked around to see if I could find a plastic bag to carry them in. I took the one that was lying next to Bella's wardrobe, one of the shopping-bags from Saturday.

I jumped out of the window with the bag in my hand and ran back to my house.

It wasn't that I didn't want Bella to be remembered of Edward, I just felt that we needed the best start that we could get. I knew that I would think about it all the time if the memories of him were literally under the surface, just waiting to be discovered.

I didn't feel guilty for taking them away, would she need them now anyway? She was over him, she had said that she loved me now. I was sure that nobody would object to me moving them to a more appropriate place.

Lost in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed the soundless shadows on my sides. I suddenly heard a breach breaking, and when I stopped I could smell the strong scent of the La Push wolves. The circle around me closed in, and I could see the now six giant wolves. My suspicions had been true. A russet-brown wolf stepped back into the shadows, and the others made a lot of noise.

A boy walked out from the shadows where the wolf had disappeared just seconds earlier. He had cropped black hair, a large muscular build and had the face of a warrior.

"Why are you still here?"

His voice was furious.

"Jacob, I presume?"

The boy clenched his hands tightly.

"Now is not the time to chit-chat, leech. Why are you still living in Forks?"

"I'm needed here."

"No, you're not. I know that you like to think that you're protecting Bella, but she doesn't need protection from someone like you."

He was almost shaking with anger.

"I'm going to stay here as long as Bella want me to. You have to understand that."

"And then what? You're going to make her dependant on you, and then you'll just leave like the other bloodsucker? In that case she's better off without your protection."

"Like I said. I'll stay here as long as Bella want me to."

He cocked his head to the side. "No way. You've fallen for her, haven't you?"

I started walking, but the wolves closed in as I walked.

"You think that Bella would fall for someone like you? She's got better taste than that."

I felt irritated. Didn't this kid know when to stop?

"I would leave the second she told me to, but for now it's clear that she wants me to stay."

He looked at me, clearly surprised by the answer.

"You're together?"

His hands were losing color, and he was shaking.

"Yes." There was no point of trying to lie to them. "I love her. I really do."

Jacob's shape became blurry as he tried to take control of the emotions. The large black wolf was restless now. Making sounds and walking in place. It seemed like it helped Jacob keeping himself together.

"You're disgusting. Making a fool out of Bella like this. Does she know that this relationship doesn't have a future?"

"What do you mean?"

He laughed. "Don't pretend like you have forgotten about the treaty. The only thing that's preventing me from ripping you to shreds right now."

I suddenly remembered. In addition to promising to not feed on humans I had agreed to not bite another human again. Believing that it wouldn't be necessary.

Jacob must have noticed my hesitance. He laughed the cold laugh again.

"You really had forgotten about it. It's a good thing that werewolves have a good collective memory."

"And if this is what Bella wants? Doesn't she get a say in it?"

"Why should she want to be like you? Living off the blood of the living? Never being able to have children? Watching all her friends and family dying? How could anyone want that for themselves? How can anyone want that for the person they _love_?"

He backed into the trees, slowly disappearing into the shadows.

"Unfortunately we can't make you leave. And we can't kill you unless you break the treaty. But know this; we will be watching your every move."

The other wolves followed his example, and it wasn't long before I could hear them running in the direction of the reservation.

I started walking towards my house, slowly. I could see what he meant, I could even understand it, but he didn't know how we felt. He didn't know that this was faith, that this was the only right thing to do.

I suddenly started to run, I wished that I could make the time go backwards, I wished that I could go back and never leave Bella's house. I shouldn't have told him that I loved her, I should have tried to lie. It could have worked.

I had given them a reason to keep an eye on things, they weren't going to back down now. The worst thing was that I couldn't tell Bella. I was bound by the treaty and I couldn't say anything about it.

I arrived at my house and went straight up to Edward's room to leave his belongings there. Then I changed into a new outfit.

The pack had underestimated me; I wasn't going to back down either. I would try my best to find a way, and if that didn't work I'd just have to break the treaty. Somewhere far away from Forks.

I was on my way out the door again less than a minute since I got to my house. Bella had to be done at work now, and I needed to see her. I needed to have her in my arms again, just to know that there still was hope.

It didn't take me long to get to Bella's house, and I didn't hesitate to climb inside. She was there. Lying on her bed, doing her homework. She smiled warmly when she saw me, and got up to walk to me.

"I thought you'd come over later."

"I just couldn't stay away." I opened my arms and hugged her close. I smelled her hair, and inhaled the beautiful scent. She was too perfect for me, but I wasn't going to send her away.

She tried to move, and I loosened my grip on her. I looked down into her large brown eyes, and I leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose.

"I love you." She whispered.

I closed the distance between our faces, and I kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I love you too." I whispered, my mouth still touching hers.

Then I kissed her again, deeper, more passionate. I hoped that she didn't notice the desperation. I lifted her off the ground and sat down on the bed, not breaking the kiss before I had placed her beside her books.

"You've got homework to do." I said.

She sighed, but went back to her books. I walked over to the window, looking out on the forest outside.

There he was. The russet-brown wolf.

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**Things are starting to make problems already, and some of you might be afraid that Bella and Carlisle won't get enough time together before I bring on the drama, but I'll assure you that they will. I've just started to make the puzzle more interesting.**

**And I truly love getting reviews.**

**Jeanita**


	26. A decision

**Chapter 26. A decision. **

**I managed to finish the chapter today, I have really been working on it. **

**This is a slower chapter, but with some important clues to the future (not gonna tell you what though).**

**And a BIG thanks to my reviewers. You are the best. **

**(Disclaimer: I'm still not Stephenie Meyer, and I still don't own the characters.. And remember that for the future chapters, I usually forget to write it.)**

**Jeanita**

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**Carlisle's POV  
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I was lying beside Bella, one arm over her quilt, one arm supporting my head. I wished that I could be lying closer to her, that I could be under that quilt, holding her tight. But that would be too cold for her, she was only a human after all. For now. And after the conversation in the woods she might stay like that for a while. But I wasn't giving up forever.

It felt so good to be able to be this close to her. To be able to feel her breathing, to be able to smell the sweet scent of freesia whenever I inhaled. I was so lost in this girl, and I knew that it was going to be like this for the rest of my time. Vampires didn't go through big changes that often, and when they first did it was almost always permanent. My first change had found place almost immediately after I had become a vampire. I had decided not to feed on humans. I had yet to drink a human's blood.

When I had bitten Edward, Esme, Rosalie, even Emmett who was drenched in blood, I had been careful to only let venom in, not blood out. But it had been close, I knew that. I could hear the blood running through their veins, I could feel it pulsing under my lips. It had been close, and I was glad that I had been able to resist the temptation to just taste it just to know how it felt.

I was a little proud of the fact that I could honestly say that I had never tasted human blood. And it was more important to me now than it had ever been. It made me feel like I could deserve this pure girl lying inches away from me.

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, and I gave Bella a light kiss on the cheek before I soundlessly escaped through the window. It was Alice. I had waited for her call for several days now.

"Hello Alice."

"Jasper didn't want to go hunting by himself, so I had to threaten to drag him shopping with me. You ought to be thanking me for this." She sounded a little irritated, but I didn't want to remind her that she was the one calling.

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome." Her voice was suddenly happy again. "I'm soo excited! Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? No of course you don't. And I haven't been totally sure either, both your futures have been so unsure. As a matter of fact, I'm still not sure how things are going to end up."

I was barely able to keep up with her.

"Alice! Slow down. Please?"

"The real reason that I called is that Laurent is on the move. At least I think he is. But he seems harmless, even befriending a human."

I was a bit relieved that I wouldn't have to fight him. I wasn't that much of a fighter, and I didn't like violence at all. But if there was even a single chance that he might try to hurt my Bella..

"I'll still be on my guard."

The fact that he was making friends wasn't going to make me slack on the defence.

"That's probably smart." She still sounded as energetic as usual.

I remembered what I had been wanting to ask her about.

"Alice. Have you seen Bella's future?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end.

"I have seen many different futures, and it hasn't settled yet."

I could hear from her voice that there was something that she didn't want to tell me. And to be honest, I didn't know if I wanted her to. Would I really be ready to hear that she might decide to die of old age sometime? Or if she found someone else. Humans were fleeting after all, small things could change their minds forever.

"To be honest" Alice continued. "I can't even see more than a week ahead right now. My visions are failing me. Even _your _future disappeared the other day."

I knew why Alice had lost sight of me the other day, and I still couldn't tell her. Then she would find out about the treaty and that I wasn't allowed to change the girl I loved. But I couldn't see a reason to why Alice's visions had started to disappear. There was no chance that we were going to live with the wolves.

"I'm sure you'll get your visions back. It could be stress."

I wasn't sure if I tried to calm me or her, but I could hear the doubt in my voice.

But what if her visions didn't return? Was it really that bad? Of course it would be for her, she didn't know a life without being able to see the future, but would it make it harder or easier for the rest of us?

"One thing I _do_ know is that you have to get back inside, or Bella will wake up without you at her side."

Alice suddenly seemed eager to end the conversation, and before I had a chance to say goodbye she had already hung up. I still felt like something was wrong. Like Alice had left out some important piece of information. But surely she wouldn't do that on purpose, would she?

I could hear Bella tossing in bed, and I quickly climbed up the wall to be at her side when she opened her eyes. I lay down on the bed as carefully as I could, no need for her to know that I had been gone.

She turned towards me, and I could hear by her heart and her breathing that she was almost awake. I placed my arm over her again and kissed her forehead lightly. I let my lips linger a bit longer than usual when I heard her heart skip a beat. I felt the slight change in temperature as the blood rushed to her head and I moved away so that I could see her face. She was unbelievably beautiful when she blushed.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

She moved closer and buried her face in my shirt. Then she nodded.

"But it was better to wake up." I could feel her warm breath on my chest when she spoke.

I tightened my grip on her and pulled her closer to me. I was so glad that none of us had anywhere to be today. That we could enjoy a lazy Saturday together. She sighed, and it sent me imaginary shivers down my back. I kissed the top of her head, and I knew that if I could stay like this forever, I would have.

"I'm glad you think that."

She moved her head and I looked down in her eyes, brown, sparkling and so full of life. The sun broke out from the thick clouds and rays of light came in through the window just when she smiled, making her look even more like an angel. I felt that my heart grew with love and pride when I remembered myself that this girl loved me.

I laid my hand on her cheek and my skin sent sparkles through the whole room. She wiggled even closer to me. I knew what she wanted, and I bent my head down and kissed her softly. She sighed, putting more force into the movement. I concentrated to not use too much force, but it was easy to get carried away. After a couple of seconds I could feel the longing to have her even closer, to kiss her with even more passion. But I knew that I couldn't, not yet at least.

I couldn't make myself pull away from her, she was the one to break the kiss. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and buried her face in my chest again.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." She almost whispered.

Her stomach growled loudly in protest.

"But that's not possible."

She was about to get out of bed, but I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll get breakfast for you." I kissed her on the forehead and ran out of the room.

Charlie had left to go fishing hours ago so moving around in the house wouldn't have been a problem even with human speed. I went through their cupboards and their fridge, looking for something that I could make Bella, something that required a little more work than cereals, but I discovered that they had an even smaller variety of food than I had. I made a bowl of cereal and ran up the stairs.

She was sitting in the bed now, her pillow behind her back. I gave her the bowl and sat down next to her.

"Er.. Thanks." She took the spoon and began to eat.

Silent minutes passed by as she finished her breakfast. I watched her, and sometimes her eyes would meet mine and she would blush and look down on her food. When her bowl was empty I took it and placed it in the sink, I returned before she'd even realized it. She looked at her empty hands.

"You know that I could have done that myself?"

"I wanted to do it for you. Today you get to stay in bed for as long as you like."

"I think I need a shower, and I probably ought to call Jake. He must be bored to death. Not to mention that I'll be the only one who calls."

I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, but I knew that I would break the treaty if I told her about the shapeshifting. And that would mean that I was fair game. I had to make her forget about Jacob, I had to make her see that she didn't need him. After all, I knew that she wouldn't be welcomed there again. At least not as long as she was spending time with me.

Instead I just sat down beside her and wrapped the quilt around her before lifting her up and placing her on my lap.

"There are other things to do if you're bored with me." I smiled.

She looked surprised.

"I'm not bored with you!"

"I know that. I just want you all to myself for one whole day. Do you think that's possible?"

I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her on her forehead. It had the effect I hoped for. She shivered and sighed.

"We could watch a movie, or we could go to the clearing." I kissed her on the cheek. "Or we could stay right here."

I turned her face a little so that I could kiss her on her lips. Her kiss was more desperate now, and she tried to turn her entire body. She placed her hands behind my neck, pulling herself closer to me. It dawned on me that I might have given her the wrong idea, that she was putting more into this than I was. It wasn't that I didn't want the same thing as she did, I could feel my entire body longing for her, I just didn't believe that we were ready for it. I pulled away, forcing myself this time.

"Staying right here doesn't sound like a bad idea." Her breathing was uneven.

I kissed her on her forehead and then I turned her body a little so that it would be more difficult for her to continue the kiss. I looked out on the sky and realized that the sun was shining from an almost could-free sky.

"We should go outside, enjoy the sun a little."

I could see that she was disappointed, but I wasn't going to do anything before she was ready. Before _we_ were ready.

I kissed her on the side of her head before I sat her down on the bed beside me.

"Go and shower. I will be here when you get back."

She got up and walked over to her dresser before she headed towards the bathroom. I felt a bit guilty for leading her on like that, I would have to think better through what I was saying.

I looked over at the nightstand, almost every single flower in the glass had withered. I couldn't stand looking at them, they reminded me too much about the circle of life. The circle that I had loved, that I had thought of as the most natural thing on earth. Now it just reminded me that sometime it could be Bella's turn.

I would have to get her new flowers. These ones were out of season now, and I doubted I would find anyone like them in the forest. I could hear Bella turn the shower on and I sat down on the bed to wait.

Would it be safe for me to take her to the clearing? I hoped so. The wolves had said that they would keep an eye on me, and I knew that they would probably follow. But if they showed themselves to Bella then I could tell her about them, I wouldn't have to be afraid of breaking the treaty. And who knows, maybe she could convince Jacob to let her go through the change?

I felt a little spark of hope, there was definitely a chance that she could talk to him about it and get a positive answer.

The shower was turned off and I knew that it wouldn't be long before she came through the door. I could hear the towel as she dried her skin, and I could hear her getting dressed. She blow-dried her hair, and then I finally heard the lock on the bathroom-door being turned around. I straightened up a bit.

She was so beautiful, even in the simplest outfit. She wore light-blue jeans and an oversized red sweater. The color brought out the rose tone in her cheeks. I walked over to her and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Are you ready to go?"

She just nodded her head. I scooped her up in my arms and ran downstairs, I didn't want to jump out of the window with her in my arms. What was a couple of more feet for her comfort?

We flew through the forest. She had her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shirt. I could feel her warm breath on my skin, I could never get tired of that feeling. The spring had already been here for a while, but I hadn't really taken my time to enjoy the smells and the color of the new start.

The clearing was changed now, the white flowers were gone and there was only a carpet of green grass. The trees had gotten leaves, and when the sun shone through them it left a mysterious, green light. The small river had grown, and the water was clear. I placed Bella on the large rock by the water.

I sat down beside her, and I could feel the tension. I wondered if she still was upset by the misunderstanding, but I didn't think it would be polite to ask. So I choose to sit there in silence.

"What's going to happen with us?" her voice was scared.

"You're asking me about the future? I don't really know."

"No. I'm asking you about us, now. What am I to you?" she turned her head and looked me in my eyes.

I took her face in my hands.

"You're the most important person in the whole wide world to me. Never doubt that."

I could see her eyes tearing up.

"I will never leave you for as long as you choose to live."

"Choose to?" she looked confused.

"I'm selfish enough to want to spend the rest of my time with you, for as long as that might be, but I won't make that decision for you. I want you to decide for yourself." I kissed a tear away from her cheek.

"Of course I want to stay with you! I just thought that you didn't want to change me. The others, the others were almost dead when you changed them." Tears were running freely down her cheeks now, but I could see that it wasn't because she was sad or scared.

"Bella, I changed the others because it was either that or death for them, but in my mind this is the same thing. Changing you, and being able to spend the rest of our time together, or letting you grow old and die, something that would kill the both of us."

I kissed her on the lips, and once again she threw her arms around my neck and pressed her whole body against mine. I knew that I might have taken on a difficult task by promising her to change her, but I would have to find a way. For both our sakes. One lifetime with her wouldn't be enough.

A sudden howl from the woods set a stop to our kissing. I pulled Bella closer to me, knowing that the wolves were observing us from the dark forest. I kissed her on the side of her head.

There was no way that I would let the wolves stop me. I was going to find a way, even if I had to fight the whole pack alone.

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**I hope you liked the chapter. I will try to get the next one written just as fast. **

**Till then**

**Jeanita**


	27. Timing

**Chapter 27. **

**Soo. I don't have much to say about the chapter. I just hope you like it.**

**You guys did great on feedback on the last chapter (as always). I truly appreciate all the kind words and the reviews.  
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**Jeanita**

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**Bella's POV**

Something was wrong, and I knew it. Carlisle was hiding something from me. Everything had been perfect in the clearing, and I had wanted to ask him so many questions, about him, about his family. About the future, now that I knew we had one. But minutes after the terrible howling had begun he had decided that I wasn't properly dressed for a day outdoors, and he had insisted that I climbed on his back. More aerodynamic, he had said.

But I couldn't shake the feeling of fleeing from something. And I knew that it couldn't be the wolves, wolves had nothing against a vampire. And I suspected Carlisle to know precisely how to deal with them, he must have feed on some in the past.

Still, here we were. In my bedroom, him watching me doing my homework. Don't get me wrong, this was nice too, everything was when I was with him. I just longed to do something more couple-ish. Something that normal people would do. Not hanging around in my room with a boyfriend that could easily be my tutor as long as I had a textbook in front of me.

I couldn't let him see that I was annoyed, he would definitely blame it on himself and feel guilty. I really didn't want him to think that he bored me. I felt him playing with my hair, and I realized that the movement calmed me more than I wanted to. I wanted to be able to be strong, to stand up for myself, to get him to tell me what was wrong. He had helped me so much. Even if I could only help a little it would be good enough for me.

His thoughts were flying far away, I could see it by the absentminded look on his face. It was clear that something wasn't like it was supposed to be. But I didn't know how to ask him about it, it could be something he didn't wanted me to know, in that case I had to ask the right way if I wanted a chance to find it out.

But I wouldn't be in any condition to be demanding answers if he continued to distract me this way.

I sighed and turned my body towards him. "Is something wrong?"

He smiled a warm and reassuring smile, almost making me forget my question immediately after I had asked. "Nothing is wrong, Bella. Everything is completely perfect."

He kissed the top of my head and I could feel the worrying and the wondering being forced back by stronger emotions. I couldn't let this happen. Something wasn't right. I sat up on my knees.

"I can see that something isn't right. I just wished that you trusted me enough to tell me what you're so worried about." I knew that I wasn't playing nice. His eyes flashed with guilt, and I could feel the emotion building in me too. I just couldn't let it get stronger.

"Bella, there is nothing wrong. At least nothing you have to worry about. And when it comes to whether or not I trust you, you know that I do. I trust you with my life, my heart, my eternal love. There are just some things I can't tell you. I'm bound by old promises." He looked like the subject caused him pain. And I could only guess that it did.

I looked down, the guilt was gnawing a hole in my stomach. He had been worrying before, but now he also felt guilty for not being able to tell me what he was afraid of. I felt his icy hands cupping my face. His face was now on the same line as mine, his breath blurring out my senses.

"Bella." his tone was comforting, but still worried. About me this time. "There's nothing in the world I want more than being able to share every single thought I have with you, but I can't. Not at the moment."

I could feel a tear running down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away with the back of my hand. Why did I always have to cry?

Carlisle bent over and kissed the spot where the tear had trailed down my cheek. "I will tell you when the situation allows me to."

I leaned onto his chest and felt his arms around my back. It suddenly hit me that I would be able to stay like this for centuries. This close to him. Never moving from his side. I wanted the change to happen, and I wanted it bad. I wanted it now.

I straightened up a little, so that our heads were level once more. I locked my hands around his neck. His golden eyes met mine, and I could see that he was confused. He hadn't anticipated this reaction.

It didn't take him long to begin kissing me though. His lips moved in synchronicity with mine, and I could feel his breathing become heavier and uneven. I pulled him closer to me, or was it me closer to him? I didn't know, I just felt the kiss become more desperate. His eyelids tickled my chin, and I could feel his hands at the small of my back, carefully but still firmly pressing my body towards him.

I could feel that my body was bending to fit his, to get as close to him as possible. One of his hands trailed up my back and didn't stop until it was twined in the hair at the back of my head. My blood felt like liquid fire as it washed through my veins.

His lips were suddenly extremely cold on my now overly-sensitive skin, but I didn't mind, all I wanted was him, all of him.

He suddenly stopped me, he were out of my reach within a second. I looked around, my eyes searching for him. He was standing by the window, looking out at the now drizzling rain.

"We have all the time in the world, Bella. Even more than that. Let's not rush things." He turned around to meet my eyes.

"We don't have all the time in the world. I'm growing older, don't you remember how living works?" I couldn't help the bitterness in my voice. I had been so close to getting one of the things I wanted the most, and now it felt like I had just been woken from a good dream. Again.

"Bella, love." He sat down on the bed beside me. "You have a couple of more years before the change has to happen. It's not like you're in any danger of outgrowing me. And besides, Esme was three years older than me."

"But you said that I could choose. That I could decide for myself when I wanted the change to happen." I wasn't giving up.

"No. I said that you could choose, but only whether or not you wanted to become like me. I won't rush things. I want you to be completely sure that you're making the right decision."

Damn these vampires and their overly moral ways of living.

"But how can it _not_ be right if I'm with you. I want to spend the rest of time with you. I haven't been surer about anything." I felt that tears of frustration gathered in the corners of my eyes.

He still smiled the same calming smile, and he still had the comforting tone in his voice.

"Eternity is still a long time compared to a few more years." He kissed me on the forehead. "Like I said, we still have more than enough time on our hands."

"But I don't want a few more years. I want to become like you. I want to be able to live with you. I don't think I'm strong enough to wait."

"Then be strong enough for Charlie and Renee. Don't you think they'll miss you if you suddenly disappeared without an explanation or a trace? They'll be devastated."

I knew that he was right. I flinched at the thought of never seeing them again. But I knew that as long as I could protect them, as long as I knew they were ok I would be able to deal with it. I was not so sure that I could survive a life without Carlisle.

"I know that it'll be hard for them, but it won't become any easier with time. I'm completely sure that this is what I want."

"There's still other things that has to be taken care of before we can run off together. What about my family. They deserve to know what's going on, don't you think?"

I knew that he was right. His family would not be oblivious to what was going on. They would be there for all eternity too. We might as well make sure that they knew. I was sure that Alice knew and that she was ok with it, if she wasn't then she would have called and told us what was on her mind. She was just that kind of person.

But I didn't feel like waiting too long. It felt like I had a ticking clock over my head, counting my heartbeats. Despite what Carlisle believed about us having more time than we thought, I couldn't help feeling that there was something that pressured the both of us. An invisible threat.

"But we can tell them. Make them see that we mean, that we're not going to be able to be apart." Even I could hear the desperation in my voice now.

"Bella. They'll just say the same thing as me. Don't rush it. We have more than enough time. You have my word that I'll change you, when the timing is right. When we're all ready for it." He walked over and took my hand in his. "I'm not going anywhere." He kissed my palm.

There was an unidentifiable glimpse of pain in his eyes, but it disappeared too quickly for me to be sure that I had seen it. I still felt uneasy, not knowing what to believe.

"Come here." He was suddenly sitting at the top of my bed.

I hesitated, but I was suddenly in his arms, my back against his chest, lying on the bed.

"Let's stop worrying about the future for a second. The present is a much brighter subject." He whispered in my ear.

I couldn't help relaxing, his cold breath send tingles down my spine and his velvet voice hummed tunelessly. I closed my eyes and drifted off.

Carlisle's POV

I knew I had to leave at first light. I had been lucky to have had all these hours alone with Bella. I kissed her carefully on the cheek before I hurried out the window, I had already spent more time than I should have. I hurried back to my house to change clothes and get my car.

I drove way too fast to the hospital, I had to if I wanted to make it there in time. I parked my car and jogged over the parking lot in human speed. I looked forward to get this day over with, and being able to return to the girl I loved.

Camilla came over to me as soon as I had changed to my labcoat. It looked like she was heading home, her bag casually flung over her left shoulder.

"You seem happy. Are you sure there's no girl involved?" she winked at me.

I just smiled back at her. I was a little tired off her efforts to make me ask her out. Sooner or later I would have to make her understand that I wasn't ever going to do that. I had already found the girl of my dreams. The universe had decided this for me a long time ago.

It was a busy day, the extreme amount of rain the previous night had caused quite a few accidents. People had slipped on the muddy ground, some had broken bones, some had dislocated shoulders or ankles, and there were also two small car-accidents.

Needless to say that I had enough work to keep my mind off things.

I was just finished with a patient when I heard my phone buzzing in my pocket. I wasn't supposed to bring my cell everywhere, but it had become a habit after I had given Bella my number. I wanted her to be able to tell me if there was something going on.

It was Alice. I couldn't understand what she was calling for now, she probably just had something more to add to her congratulation. I had to run to the ER anyway. Cardiac arrest. I turned off the vibration on my cell and got to work.

There was nothing in the world that could kill my buzz. I chatted easily with the patients, I smiled at everyone. I felt like I was on the top of the world.

I didn't even check my cell before I was sitting in my car. Alice had sent a dozen of texts, every single one of them begging me to call her. Saying that something major had happened.

I dialed her number and she answered it on the first ring.

"You have to save Bella."

A ringing sound filled my ears and the phone dropped to the floor.

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**I know! You hate chapters that end like this. But I promise to write as fast as possible. I would love to see your ideas of what's happening, so feel free to leave a review. **

**If you miss our fav vamp and Bella while you wait I just stumbled over this AMAZING Bella/Carlisle story called Dark Moon by PrincessofTheValerious92. Check it out if you haven't already. It's really worth it.**

**Jeanita**


	28. Hopes, plans and other catastrophes

**Yeah.. Finally managed to get properly logged in to . Have been going crazy here. Got these messages that said there was technical issues, and later I just couldn't get in. There was one time I actually managed to log in, but the connection got lost when I tried to upload the document. But here it is (I hope).**

**Jeanita**

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I felt like the world slipped away from beneath my feet. Everything I lived for were disappearing out of sight. There was a new future now. A darker one. The world lost all its colors, and I could only think about Bella.

"Carlisle!" I could hear the screaming from the cell phone on the floor of my car.

"Carlisle! That came out wrong! Sorry! She is not in immediate danger, but she will be if we don't do something about it." Her voice pleading now.

I snapped out of the shock and retrieved the phone from the floor.

"What do you mean Alice?" my voice sounded more like a growl, but she would be able to understand me.

"She is safe, for now at least, but Laurent has allied with someone I can't see. There's another blind spot on my visions. But that blind spot is going to get Bella killed if we don't act fast."

"How fast?"

"In my first vision she was dead before you got to her, that has of course changed now. She will survive the day."

The day. What was this thing coming after her that Alice couldn't see? I turned the key around and the engine purred. I had to get back to her house as fast as I could, I wouldn't even have the time to park the car at home. That had been my immediate plan when I had heard Alice's first sentence, if I changed it now it might be too late. I speed up to the point where more speed would make me lose control of the car.

I could see Bella's face so clearly, her beautiful features, her long lashes, her creamy skin. I would not let her disappear before my eyes. I would fight to keep her here, keep her here for the rest of time.

"And will you please tell me why you won't change her? She'd do great as one of us, and you know it." Her voice was heavy with accusation.

"Alice. This is not the time to be discussing Bella's mortality."

"I think it's the perfect time to be discussing her mortality, considered that hers might get her killed one of these days."

"It's not the right time, Alice. It's not the right way. She would be miserable if I robbed her of every chance to say goodbye to her friends and her family. She would be devastated if she had to see them cry for a dead daughter who she knew to be very much alive, or at least existing."

And I wanted her to be mine before I changed her. Mine in every single way. That was the way I had been raised. Alice suddenly gasped.

"You want to marry her before changing her!"

"Alice. I said I wasn't going to be discussing this now."

"You don't need to say anything, do you? Your future speaks for itself." She sounded smug.

"I thought you saw Bella die?"

"Of course I did, but that changed the moment you called me. She is safe for now, without anymore death-threats on her back."

I calmed a little by her statement.

"But Carlisle, I suspect the only reason for that is that you're not planning on letting her away from your sight. You know that that's not going to work."

It would have to work, Bella was far more important than my job. I would stay with her all the time.

"She would have to go to school, you need to hunt."

"I'm a doctor, I'm sure I can get Bella out of school for a week or two. And you know that I can go a long time without hunting."

"I will come down." She suddenly offered. "I can follow Bella to school, and I can stay with her when you are working."

The offer sounded tempting, but I knew that if she did this it would hurt her and Jasper. He needed Alice too, both for reassurance and her visions.

And there was a smaller part of me that screamed that Bella was my job to protect. A selfish part that wanted to show her how clever and strong I could be. But I couldn't let Alice know about that.

"And what about Jasper?"

There was silence on the other end, then she groaned.

"Good news, your plan is going to work. For now. I'm sure that whoever wants Bella dead is going to give it another try. Too bad I can't see it before they do."

She didn't know how much that part annoyed me. I wondered why Alice hadn't seen how Bella should have died, who the murderer was. I opened my mouth to ask, but she bet me to it.

"I'm afraid that these blanks in my vision are coming more often now. I really wish that I could do something about it, it's starting to scare me." She sounded weaker now.

I had arrived at Bella's house now, and it was good to have a proper excuse to not talk more with Alice. I knew about the holes in her vision. Or I had a pretty good idea about the catalyst.

That's when it struck me. I knew what kind of monster that had almost killed Bella. A werewolf.

"Carlisle!" she gasped, probably when my future slipped away from her.

"I have to go Alice. I'll call you soon." I hit end, and jumped out of my car and into the forest. The whole place reeked like wet dog, and it only strengthened my suspicions. He had to be nearby.

"Please." I talked only loud enough for him to hear me. "Whoever you are, come out so I can see you."

I could hear a branch breaking and a couple of seconds later a halfnaked boy stepped out of the shadows. It was the same boy that had led the wolves the other day. Bella's friend, Jacob.

"What are you doing here?" I tried to sound strong.

"I could ask you the same, leech." He spit the last word through his teeth.

"I said I would stay with Bella for as long as she wants me to. I'm not leaving her." I knew that these wolves would be consistent. "But you shouldn't be near her. You're too young."

He just laughed.

"I may be young, but I can control myself."

I didn't want him to know about Alice's abilities. I would have to try to make him understand without telling him too much.

"Are you sure? What if you guys starts a heated argument? Are you sure that you won't snap?"

He looked down for a moment, but when he lifted his eyes his face was more determined than ever.

"I would never hurt Bella."

"You don't know that. You are still unfamiliar with the strength you have. It wouldn't have to be a big argument to trigger the wolf in you." He was even shaking by this calm conversation. There was no way I would let this boy near Bella.

"She needs to know who you are. That she has others she can depend on."

"She knows."

He looked at me, his eyes was on fire.

"Until you have learned how to control these powers I would prefer that you stayed away from Bella. We don't want to put her in unnecessary danger, do we?"

His mouth was just a thin line now, and his lips had lost all color. I could see that he was shaking, fighting to keep it together. He took another step towards me, he was already several inches taller than me, and he glared down at me with a condescending look in his eyes.

"I'm not forcing you to stay away from her the rest of her life, I just want you to gain some more control first."

"So she knows about me?" he looked suspicious. "You know that's breaking the treaty."

"I haven't told her anything. I'm sticking to the mono-story."

He didn't say anything. He just kept looking at me, almost angry enough to shoot lightning with his eyes.

"Please, Jacob. Stay away for Bella's sake. She has gone through enough for now, and I would appreciate if you let her have a chance to grow stronger before you put her in any danger." He relaxed a bit. "If you wait most of the danger will be gone anyway, you will have learned to control your abilities better."

I was still going to keep a close eye on Bella to make sure that he didn't come back. He should have known what I knew. That he had been so close to killing her. I wonder how he would have reacted if I had told him.

"You don't need to guard her 24/7 either. She is perfectly safe with me."

"How can she be safe with a bloodsucker? How can _you_ be sure that_ you_ don't hurt her?"

"I have never tasted human blood, and I do not plan to either."

"But you have changed others before, how can I be sure that you don't take advantage of the time alone with her and change her while we're not here."

"I do not plan on changing her at the moment either."

"At the moment?"

"That should be good enough for you. I will not break the treaty."

"I will never trust a filthy bloodsucker."

He still looked angry, but I knew that I had won. There was no way that he could be close to Bella in his condition, the other pack members must have told him that too.

"You have no choice, do you? You can't risk getting too close."

He turned around and started walking back into the dark forest.

"You know that I will get better at this. And then I'll come for her. She will know that she has other choices."

I knew that he told the truth. Ever since I learned about the wolves I had expected them to come and try to convince Bella to leave vampires behind. They believed that we were evil to the core, that we should be hunted down and killed. I had seen that in the previous leader's eyes. Ephraim had been so different. He had really hoped for a peaceful coexistence. And that had been the reality, until the new generation of wolves had gone through the change. I could only hope that age would give them more wisdom.

I could hear the sound of paws hitting the ground and I knew that Jacob had started on his way back to the reservation. I walked slowly out of the forest, went through the conversation over and over again before I even made it to thinking about going to see Bella.

This time I had given him my word that I wouldn't change her. This time it would be a catastrophe if I did. I wondered if they would kill Bella or if they would settle with killing me if I changed her. Wouldn't Bella be innocent if I were the one to make the decision? I couldn't count on that. I would have to talk to Jacob when he managed to keep calm more than 30 seconds.

I looked up at her window, she was standing there, probably waiting for me. She had her hands around her waist, and she smiled vaguely. Her skin was glowing in the golden light of the sun and she looked more alive than ever before. She hadn't noticed me yet and I picked up some small rocks just for the fun of it, and threw one carefully at her window. She jumped a little, her eyes searching for the source, and she beamed when she saw me.

I smiled back at her and motioned for her to step away from the window. I quickly climbed up and got in. She immediately hugged me, and I circled my arms around her, carefully.

"There's been someone outside the house ever since I came back from school." She started. "At first I thought it was you, but whoever it was didn't respond at your name. Or more precisely, there was a howl, like a wolf, and I closed my window. Silly, really, I know that wolves can't climb walls, but the sound was really scary."

I suddenly understood why Jacob had wanted to kill Bella. It had snapped already when she had called my name. She had probably saved her own life when she closed that window. She had forced him to think it through. To not do anything rash.

"I'm here now." I said in the most soothing voice I could manage at the moment. I was still angry from my conversation with Jacob. "And I won't leave again. There is something in the forest. Something far more dangerous than I imagined. Something even I can't kill. I'm taking an extended vacation."

I had decided that I would do it anyway. Laurent was closing in too after all.

She looked at me with horror in her eyes.

"I won't let it touch you. I won't even let it come closer than hundred feet."

"But your job! Your cover? You can't just quit."

"That's the beauty of it. I can. But I think they'll settle for an extended vacation. They need me here." I continued when I saw the look in her eyes. "Really, Bella. There's no way to talk me out of this."

I kissed her on her forehead. I would not let her be unprotected again. Not until she was strong enough to protect herself. I stopped that thought from going further. Unwilling to think about the promises I had made.

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**This chapter has been finished for three days! But it had been impossible to upload it. I'm sure that it would have been better if I managed to get it up sooner, but that was a technical impossibility. **

**It should clear up some things at least. That Jacob is pissed, that Carlisle doesn't want to break the treaty, that something is building up. There is an important clue in the last conversation with Alice (not this chapter), but I won't tell you what it is. **

**Jeanita**


	29. A world out of order

**So, I know this is late, but I have only had one day off work in over a week. Please don't give up on me. Trying to balance writing, working, friends, boyfriend and spending time with my great grandmother (she's not well), tomorrow I have to add school to that mix. **

**The chapter was supposed to be uploaded last night, but the mobile internet connection really sucks! *HATE*  
When I start school I'll be able to get the chapters up when i want to.  
**

**Jeanita**

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**Bella's pov  
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Friday (the next weekend)

I couldn't understand Carlisle's sudden behavior. He almost never let me out of his sight, and he always seemed like he was looking for something. And the way he had told me about this creature that had been haunting this town, that he couldn't kill it. It made the hair on my arms stand up to think that it, whatever it might be, could be something stronger than a vampire.

I didn't have the courage to ask him either, I was too afraid of the possible answer. I had done my best to act like I normally did, but I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said, and the things it could mean.

"Bella?" Angela's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Is everything ok?"

"Hm? Yeah. Fine."

She had invited me home to her for the hundredth time, and Carlisle advised me to go. She had been my only friend in my catatonic period, and she had noticed that something had changed during the last months. She had vaguely asked, but I had just waved it off as natural. I had to get over Edward sometime. I could see that she suspected something else, but she wouldn't ask.

"You phased out. Are you tired?"

"A little." I lied.

"Maybe we should take a break."

She closed her biology book and sat up on the floor, leaning towards the wall with her legs crossed in front of her. I just closed my book, didn't bother moving from the floor.

"How are things with you and Ben?" I asked. I hadn't seen them together for a while, he always hung with Eric.

She looked down.

"Not all that great actually. I don't know. He wants more out of this relationship than I do, if you know what I mean."

I understood. Ben was a boy, and Angela was the minister's daughter. She wasn't all that religious, but she wasn't the type of girl that just jumped into bed with a boy.

"I get it. And I think you're doing the right thing by sticking up for yourself. Don't do anything that you're not comfortable with."

She smiled her kind smile.

"Thanks. At least someone agrees with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well." She begun. "I had the same conversation with Jessica, but she just asked me what the big deal was."

I remembered her asking me the same thing about Edward and shuddered.

"You know that she's not the right person to talk to about this. She believes that that's the only way to keep a guy."

"She might be right." She looked sadder. "Ben hasn't talked to me since our conversation."

"You don't need him. You don't need anyone who doesn't like you for being you."

She didn't answer, but she gave me a thankful smile. It felt nice to sit here, talking about perfectly normal things like a perfectly normal person. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade being with Carlisle for anything, but sometimes being the only human in the supernatural world became too much. I wondered if things would get easier when I became a vampire.

My whole body tingled at the thought of having a chance to spend the rest of my life, or existence, with the man I loved.

"You want to see a movie?" she nodded towards a shelf on her wall.

She had an incredibly good selection of DVD's, and I walked over to see if there was anything interesting. I had to give up and lifted my hands in defeat. There were so many good classics, and so many new and interesting movies.

"I don't know where to begin. There's just so much here!"

She laughed. "I know."

She walked over to the shelf and chose a cover that had to be a chick-flick, I could see it from the colors. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on anything, but I was at least going to pretend.

I really tried to pay attention to the TV, but it was impossible. When my mind didn't need to concentrate on answering questions or having to be able to response to another person it went blank, and all I could think about was Carlisle. I missed him whenever I was away from him, and I just wanted to be closer to him when he was near me.

I wasn't Angela, and Carlisle wasn't just any guy, but he had still pushed me away when I had made my intentions clear. I knew that him being a vampire made the whole sex-thing much more difficult than it would have been if he was human, but he had been able to live like a human, to work like a human, for so many years. I couldn't believe that he was able to hurt me.

But he had said that until we were sure that I wasn't going to get hurt _and_ when we both were ready to deal with the consequences of a physical relationship he wouldn't do anything else than kiss me.

I had tried to show him that I was ready, both for becoming a vampire, and to take our relationship to the next level, but he had always carefully, but determined pushed me away before it went too far. And which consequences was he really worrying about?

Only the thought of these things made the butterflies come alive in my stomach, and I couldn't help wondering if it would be like this when I became a vampire. I wondered if he felt it like this. I wondered if he longed for me the same way I longed for him.

My mind wandered off, and I suddenly realized that the film was over. Ending text slowly passed over the screen, and Angela yawned. I looked at my watch and realized that Carlisle was waiting outside. He had told me that he would. I wondered why he hadn't called, it was later than I had told him I would head back home.

"You're tired." I stated. "I'll go now."

"You don't have to go, I'm sure I'll be able to stay up a little longer. I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately."

I could understand that. She had probably been worrying about her and Ben. I wouldn't keep her up longer than necessary.

"You look dead-tired, Angela. And I wouldn't mind getting some sleep myself." I was a little tired, but mostly I wanted to spend more time with Carlisle.

"Are you sure? I wanted this to be a fun girl's night, but I can't seem to be much company these days."

"I've had a great time, Ang. Don't worry, we'll have plenty of chances to spend time together." At least some. If I got my way I would become a vampire as soon as possible.

She hugged me, and at first I was too surprised to return the hug.

"You're a great friend, Bella. I really trust you."

The guilt stung when I realized that she didn't have any reason to put any trust in me. I could never tell her the truth, I could never be the real Bella around her. It was only a couple of persons, or should I say vampires, that knew everything about me.

"You're a great friend too."

She took a step back and smiled at me. I had never thought that I could be of any help to a girl like Angela. She was so perfect, so kind, so wise. So many things that I lacked.

I packed my things and gave her a quick goodbye hug. Then I hurried out the door. I looked around, desperate to see the golden eyes. I suddenly felt two strong hands around my stomach.

"I've missed you."

His cool breath brushed softly against my cheek as he whispered the words, and the smell was nothing less than intoxicating. I could feel my breath coming faster, more uneven.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting." I tried to make my voice even, but it was a bigger effort than I had thought.

"I have waited so many years, I'm sure that a couple of minutes wouldn't kill me."

I remembered that we were standing right outside the Webber's house, and I opened my mouth to tell Carlisle that we should move. Before I even got the chance to fill my lungs with air so that I could talk I felt that my feel lost contact with the ground. I felt Carlisle's cold lips at mine and I closed my eyes in surprise, when I opened them I was already inside my car. The door was closed silently, and the next second Carlisle was in the driver seat, starting the car.

"Are we in a hurry?"

"Not really." He smiled widely.

His eyes shone with the same light that children had when they knew they had done something wrong but didn't regret it.

"Then why are you trying to kill my car?"

The speedometer showed that we were too close to another car problem. And this time I didn't have Jacob to fix it for me. He was still in bed, there was apparently a risk that his spleen might burst. Something that could kill him.

I suddenly realized that we were going in the wrong direction.

"This isn't the way to my house." it wasn't a question.

"No." he smiled a guilty smile. "It's the way to _my_ house. I kind of got Alice to call your dad and tell him that she was coming to Forks this weekend. So you're staying with me. I hope that's ok?"

I felt my heart trying to jump out of my chest, the butterflies were going bananas.

"I-I.. That's ok."

He laughed.

"But wait. Is Alice coming?"

"And Jasper. Not tonight though. Maybe tomorrow, but they'll be here by Sunday."

I was alone with Carlisle. In his house. This time aware of both mine and his feelings. My heart fluttered, and I wondered if I was going to pass out. Carlisle just smiled at me, and I knew that he probably heard every single heartbeat.

"I just wanted to spend some time with you on a more safe location."

Safe. My thoughts lingered at the word. Safe as in safe from the vampire-killing animal that was roaming in our woods? Or safe as in away from Charlie? And if it was the last, why did it need to be safer?

We were driving up the road to his house, and I realized that it was only seconds till we were there, alone. It felt like I had gotten a shot of adrenaline, my body refused to calm down, small amounts of electricity were running through my body, and I felt like I had enough energy to run the marathon.

How could it feel so much different to spend a night at his house compared to spending every night at my house? Probably the possibilities that opened up for. My heart skipped a beat, and I decided now to follow that train of thoughts.

All the lights were on in the house, and it felt so warm, so much like a home. He was at my door before I had the chance to open it, and he scooped me up in his arms again. I looked up into his eyes, and once more I felt like I floated away in the warm gold. I vaguely heard the car door shut. He kissed me softly on the lips and I locked my arms around his neck.

He moaned quietly, and the smell of his breath made me dizzy. I suddenly felt that I was lying, but I didn't bother to open my eyes to see where. I should have known that Carlisle would be able to kiss me and move me to another place without me noticing it. I loosened my grip and moved one hand to the back of his head, twining my fingers into his hair, trying to press his face closer to mine. The kiss intensified, and I almost gasped for air.

He was lying over me, the only thing that kept my steadily increasing temperature in check. My skin tingled almost painfully wherever our bodies touched, and at the same time I did everything I could to get closer.

I could feel the anticipation growing inside of me, hoping that this might lead to something more. He pulled his lips away from mine just to kiss me softly down my neck. His lips brushed gently along every centimeter of my neck and continued down the line of my collarbone. Wherever his icy lips touched it felt like he left the skin burning, it felt like I had a hundred times the sensitivity I usually had.

His mouth returned to mine, and I was more than eager to kiss him back. His tongue carefully traced the contours of my lower lip.

My head was spinning, and I reluctantly pulled away, only to catch my breath.

He smiled down at me, one of the warm and reassuring smiles. Then he kissed me one more time on my lips before he pulled away. I pouted, deep down I had expected this reaction, but like always I had allowed myself to hope.

I suddenly noticed something in his eyes, a desperation I hadn't seen when we were sitting in the car. Something scared him. I realized that he had said Alice and Jasper. She was not coming down alone, and Jasper wouldn't have come if it wasn't something important. She had seen something.

"Carlisle, what's wrong?"

He looked down to the floor for a second, and I wondered if he was going to avoid my questions like Edward had. When his eyes met mine again, the look told me I had been right. He opened his mouth and said one word, one name.

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**I've been planning this for a while now.  
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**I'll also say that some of you are great guessers. I'm sure that I haven't uploaded my notes somewhere.. Hmm.. Anyways. I won't confirm who was right, because that would ruin the story for them.**

**Jeanita  
**

Jeanita


	30. The calm before another storm

**Wow. I'm amazed. I'm totally sitting down to answer heaps and heaps of reviews now. You're amazing. I hadn't really expected this kind of reaction to another cliffhanger. I really hated doing it, but it was the best way to end the last chapter. **

**And here it is. The next chapter. The biggest twist so far. And from Carlisle's POV this time.**

**Jeanita**

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I had known for a while that this day had to come, I had known ever since I moved back to Forks to look after Bella. But then I hadn't counted in the latest events. Like me and Bella falling in love, or the wolves. There were so many things that could go wrong.

I was glad that Alice had been able to see this so soon, a couple of more days and we would have had to face the storm alone. Now we had her and Jasper, a united front against the unexpected threat.

I hadn't believed it when Alice had told me about her vision. I hadn't been able to imagine him doing something like that, threatening us. He had in so many ways been my son, my first real companion in this life.

Bella's eyes had widened in fear when I had said his name, even though I had expected a totally different reaction. But it wasn't really reassuring that she looked like she had seen a ghost in broad daylight.

"Edward?" she whispered. "Why?"

I didn't know the answer to that, I had just looked down. Alice had just seen him coming, and gotten really mad when he had found me and Bella. But he wasn't going to find us together now, I had to find a way to calm him down before letting him know anything. But that was more difficult with Edward than anyone else, he could read minds, something that meant I had to be able to think about everything else than Bella and her safety when he arrived.

I wondered if it was possible for me to do that. Alice had said that no matter how careful I choose to be, this wasn't going to be pretty. I had been edgy the whole day, never being more than a couple of meters away from Bella, just in case our future changed again.

It wasn't really Edward's anger I feared the most, it was the feelings the two had had for one another only months ago. Feelings that could be the reason for Edward to return to the place he had vowed to never set his foot in again. Feelings that might me ignited in Bella when she saw him..

I believed that the love I had for Bella was undying, eternal, feelings that could last a million lifetimes and still shine bright. I just didn't know if it was the same for her. I knew she loved me, I didn't even doubt that for a second, but it was possible for a person to love two people at the same time. Usually one more than the other. I just wondered who the one she carried the strongest feelings for was.

I wanted it to be me, I _needed_ it to be me. If she choose him, I would always be waiting for her, never be able to let her go. There was no rational reason for me to think that, but deep down I knew that I would never be able to feel living again without the wonderful Bella Swan. After all, I belonged to her, she owned me, heart and soul. But she wasn't mine. A human mind changes all the time because their lifespan is so short compared to ours, by the time Edward arrived it would have been enough time for her to realize that I was just a way to spend her time.

I mentally scolded myself for letting me think these things. It was Bella, I shouldn't doubt her for a second. I had already promised her to love her forever, and that came with trust and respect. I had to believe in her. I took her in my arms to calm myself, to show myself that this was still my Bella, my one true love. The sole reason for my existence.

"It's going to be fine, we're just taking all precautions."

It was probably silly to be able to think the worst of my own son too, but I knew from experience that heartbroken vampires were an ugly thing. He wouldn't be in control of his own emotions, he would be worse than a newborn. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to blame him. If someone tried to take away _my _Bella, I would not be able to take responsibility for my actions. And I knew that that might be the exact outcome from this situation. That was where Jasper came in to the picture.

I tried to think about something else than the upcoming confrontation, this night belonged to me and Bella. There were so many other ways to spend it than worrying about Edward. I moved Bella from the couch to my lap, holding her close, listening to the calming beat of her heart.

"I love you." I whispered, and kissed her on the top of her head.

The passion and desperation that had filled me a couple of minutes ago slowly drifted away. I shouldn't fight for her with dirty tricks. I couldn't let things go too far because of Edward. It wasn't the right reason or the right time. Now it would just be worse the next time things got a little heated. If it would be another time.

She nuzzled closer, resting her head on my chest. I knew that she wouldn't be trying for more today, the shock was as big for her as it had been for me. I could feel that she needed to be close to me as much as I needed to be close to her, we were both preparing for the worst case scenario.

Sunday evening seemed so close, too close. It seemed like the clock was inevitably ticking towards the end of the world, to my personal apocalypse. I buried my nose in Bella's hair to escape in the calming scent of freesias and life. As long as she was in my arms, I could let myself believe that we were coming out of this even stronger than now.

It was comforting to have a person you could share everything with, even quiet moments. We could sit there in the silence, and still know that the other person was thinking about the exact same thing. I kissed the top of her head, and tilted it a little up so I could see her eyes. I could still see the fright, the worrying of what was coming.

Could this really be as terrible as we expected it to be?

Of course it could. This wasn't another bump in the road. I could run away from the werewolves and change Bella somewhere far away. I was pretty sure that Laurent was harmless, especially since he was going around making friends with humans. But I couldn't run away from Edward, he deserved to know what was going on. I was not sure that Edward was harmless, he had still been in love with Bella when he left, and I couldn't believe that the feelings had just drifted away.

But if we could stand through this, if we could survive as a couple, then we could make it through anything.

I kissed her gently on her forehead.

"Don't worry." I told her. "I will never, ever leave you. You're much too important to me."

"I know that. But this is going to be it, right? After this everyone will know."

I hadn't thought about that before, but she was right. Edward would tell Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. They would find out about me and Bella. This would get harder than I had thought.

I nodded my head. "Yes, but they would have gotten to know sometime. This is just a little sooner than I expected."

I knew that Rosalie would be furious. I knew that Emmett would take her side, he always did. And I didn't know how Esme would react. Would she think badly of me for falling for Bella? Would she manage to be happy for us? Would she understand that there was no other choice for us, that we _had_ to be together?

The worrying wouldn't let go, even though we both tried our best to think about other things. I could hear Bella yawning, and I stood up and carefully carried her up the stairs.

"I don't want to go to sleep." She said. "There's not enough time to be sleeping."

I smiled. Of course Bella wouldn't want to sleep, she always had a mind of her own. But she wouldn't manage to stay awake for long.

"I'm not going to force you to sleep, I'm just moving you to a more comfortable place in case you get too tired."

I walked into the blue room, which now held more memories of the time Bella had stayed here than the years, decades I had spent with Esme. The time before seemed cloudy, like I had lived in a constant fog and just seen the sun a couple of weeks ago. It was comparable to human memories, memories you had to keep thinking about to remember.

I laid her on the bed and tucked her in. then I took my usual place on the top of the covers, to keep her from getting cold. Her face was turned to see me, and soon she turned completely in the bed. She stretched her neck to kiss me on the lips. Suddenly all the problems in the world were worth lying here next to her.

As I had predicted, her breathing was soon even, her heartbeat had settled into steady beats.

Bella didn't sleep well, she kept twisting and turning in bed. I could understand it, how could she have pleasant dreams when she couldn't concentrate on anything else than the upcoming events? I did everything I could to make her more comfortable, I even broke my own rules and slid under the covers when I believed that she was too warm. She hadn't taken her clothes off before going to bed, something that was partially my fault, and I knew that my body temperature was enough to make it a little colder.

When the morning came and the first light broke through the large windows I thought that it was time to wake her. She had had enough sleep, and it couldn't have any effect to sleep if you only woke up exhausted with nightmares. I kissed her on her forehead and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the way I usually woke her up in the morning.

She opened her eyes sleepily.

"Good morning, love."

She blushed, she was probably never going to let go of that habit. Well, someday she'd have no choice.

"Morning." She whispered, her voice still week from sleep.

She sat up in bed, trying to comb her fingers through the untidy hair. "What time is it?"

"Still early." I answered. "But I thought it would be better to get an early start."

She nodded her head and looked around. Her eyes widened when she saw the mountain of shopping bags that were placed in the corner of the room.

"I thought it would be easier to deal with Alice if you wore some of the clothes she found for you. I didn't know which one you wanted, so I got them all."

"When did you..?"

"When you were at school yesterday."

She looked down at herself.

"I fell asleep after all."

I smiled. "Yes, but you were tired. I didn't expect anything else."

She stood up and walked slowly towards the bags, like they could attack her at any time. I decided to give her some privacy.

"Your bathroom bag is standing on the shelf above the sink, and there are clean towels hanging on the shower."

"OK." Her voice was still sleepy.

I backed out of the room and darted down the stairs. I wanted to make her a big breakfast, I wanted her to be as strong as she possibly could, mentally and physically. She was going to need it.

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**As you see, no cliffhanger here. If I were to keep writing, it would be too much content in one chapter. I know some of you have been waiting for his return, and some of you don't want him back at all. But I promise you, without him the story would end in tragedy. He is one hundred percent necessary. **

**If you have any questions regarding the story, just ask. I won't tell you about the ending, because it's not that close yet. We still have some more loose treads to untangle. **

**I didn't know what to call this chapter. I was very close to "Chapter 30" but then I opened iTunes and listened to random songs, and The Killers had a phrase in "Where the White Boys Dance". So it's not inspired by that song (even though it's a great song).  
**

**Jeanita**


	31. Undecided

**Here's the next chapter. If you want to know how I managed to get it done before the weekend you should credit the swine-flu.. The doctor told me to stay home for a week. It would have been OK if Dr. Cullen had told me that, but.. *Sigh* **

**You all know what's going to happen during this chapter, so I won't keep you waiting. Get ready, set, READ!**

**Jeanita**

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Carlisle's POV

The waiting was killing me. Alice and Jasper was on their way, something had changed, and now we had even less time than we thought. He was on his way.

The day had been slow, too slow. Both Bella and I had been waiting to hear from Alice, and neither of us were able to focus on anything else than Edward. He was coming, and we didn't know his reaction to this. We didn't even know what our own reactions would be.

Most of the day had had gone by with Bella in my arms, whether she ate, we watched a movie or just sat there, I was not in any shape to let her go. A little voice in my head kept saying that this might be my last day with her, that she might return to Edward, even though I felt that this was the one true love.

Outside we could see the sky darken, the mist giving the already mysterious landscape a ghost-like aura. Alice had said that they were close. That they would arrive precisely at 11.07pm. They were only twenty minutes away. Bella yawned loudly.

"You can go to bed if you want to."

"No, I can't. I want to see Alice. I want to know what she has seen. I want to know what's going to happen." She answered stubbornly.

But Alice hadn't even wanted to tell me when I had asked her while Bella had gone to the bathroom, and that had made me even more frightened about this whole thing.

"Bella, as long as we stay together everything will be just fine." I kissed her hand.

"But we don't know that. What if Edward gets mad? What if your whole family gets mad?" there was a tone of panic in her voice.

"I don't care what the rest of my family thinks. You're everything I need and more. As long as I have you I can survive a little resistance from my family. After all, this is my life."

She rested her head on my shoulder and wiggled closer to me. I fastened my grip on her as much as I could without hurting her. I knew that this was going to be hard on all of us. All of us except Alice. She was thrilled to have Bella as a member of the family, and I think that she would do anything to get the future she had seen when Edward left Bella back again. The future Bella had with me.

I could hear the car turning and starting the climb up the forest. Jasper was driving, I could recognize his technique.

"They're coming." I lifted Bella carefully off my lap and stood up on the floor, still holding her hand.

She looked like she was trying to decide whether to be scared to death or be relieved. The car parked outside, and I could hear their footsteps as they walked up to the house in vampire speed. Of course they didn't bother to knock, and Bella jumped a little when Alice suddenly hugged her.

"I've missed you so much!" her face was literally glowing with expectation and happiness.

"I've missed you too?" Bella's voice cracked at the end, making the statement sound more like a question.

Alice hurried over to hug me too, but it was a brief hug. Jasper was standing in the background, looking like he would rather take a bath in acid than being here in the same room as Bella. Not that acid would kill or hurt him, but metaphorically.

I looked him in the eyes and tried to give him the most reassuring smile I could. It hadn't been his fault, it could have happened to anyone. Well, anyone beside me I guess. But it had taken me years of practice. Jasper looked down, he had probably felt my pity, and how I felt sorry for him. I would have to control how I felt, I didn't want to cause him unnecessary pain.

"It's going to be fine, Jasper." Alice's voice chimed like bells. "You're safe, Bella is safe too. You won't hurt her. In fact.."

"Jasper.." Bella's voice broke Alice off. "I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful. It wasn't your fault."

Tears were already starting to form in the corners of her eyes. I laid my arm around her protectively. How could she believe that it was her fault? Should she avoid any object that could or could not cut her skin? That would make an awfully long list.

I bent down and kissed the top of her head. "It was nobody's fault, love."

Jasper's face had changed after Bella's apology. He took a couple of steps towards her.

"Bella." he begun, looking like he didn't know how to continue. "Being around vampires is highly dangerous, and still you stick around. I don't know whether you're stupid or brave, but I know that life is a lot less interesting without you around. I'm terribly sorry for charging at you, and I wish I could say that it won't happen again, but I don't know that. I'm still struggling with this new lifestyle, and someday I hope to tell you why."

Alice rolled her eyes, but her smile indicated that she was happy with how things turned out. She turned her face towards Jasper.

"I need to talk to you." She whispered too low for Bella's human ears to hear.

I kissed Bella on her head again, wondering how she would take being left alone with Jasper for a couple of minutes.

"She'll be fine." Alice whispered. "We don't have all night."

"Bella, I have to go talk to Alice for a while. I'll be right back."

"Of course. Take your time."

I hurried after Alice, wondering what was so urgent that she needed to talk to me right away.

"What's wrong, Alice?"

"Well. The fact that I only see Edward arriving is one major problem. I don't know how he'll react."

"What? I thought you said that this wasn't going to be pretty? I thought you had seen some outcome, but that you wouldn't tell me."

"I _know_ that this is going to get ugly. Edward's original intention was to tell Bella how he felt, but of course that changed as soon as I learned it. I was going to tell you, and you weren't going to let Bella get close to Edward."

"All I know now is that he is coming, and then everything gets all blurry. It's always like this." She sighed. "I wish I could see the actual futures, everything included."

I nodded, I could understand her frustration. But at the same time I was relieved. When she had mentioned the word blurry as she talked about the future I had immediately thought about the wolves. I had almost been scared stiff by the thought of them showing up at the same time as Edward.

"But what are you planning, Carlisle?"

"You have seen it, you tell me."

"I have only seen Edward going to Bella's house to find she isn't there. And then he decided to come here.."

Of course. I hadn't even planned where Bella was going to be, how could Alice know?

"She won't want to be far away." I said just as I realized it. "She would want to be there, to talk to Edward herself."

Alice's forehead creased, and I knew that she was trying her best to see the outcome of that scenario.

"Carlisle! If I'm going to see if it turns out to be for the good or for the bad you have to let Bella be there."

I tried my best, but I couldn't find a way that letting Bella stay in the same room as her former boyfriend, and now jealous vampire, would be safe. How could we know how he would react? How could I know how I would react? I didn't want Bella to see me if it came to a fight.

"I'm sorry, Alice. But it won't be necessary. Bella is not going to be in the same room as us."

She looked at me, her eyes skeptical. "We're only three. You, who clearly have some things to sort out with Edward, Jasper, who might be the only way to stop this from turning into a catastrophe, and me."

"You could stay with Bella."

"You think that will help?"

"Yes. You'll see how things evolve, and you'll be close enough to come help us out if we need it."

"So you want Bella in this house?" she raised one eyebrow. "Edward will smell her, more than that, he will be able to hear my thoughts."

"And we're strong enough to keep him from coming directly up there." I paused for a moment. "Who knows, maybe it's not going to be as bad as we're thinking? Who are we to judge Edward? He is more than capable of making the right decision."

I didn't want to think of my so-called son as a possible kidnapper or worse, but at the same time I couldn't bear the thought of letting him near Bella without knowing what he would do.

"How much time do we have?"

Alice closed her eyes in concentration, could tell that she wanted to know precisely how long we had before he would be here.

"Less than an hour. He's almost at Bella's house, he'll wait there for a while before giving up, leaving him with only one choice. He'll come here."

We would have to keep Bella upstairs, my old room was the best since her things were already there. It was just as safe as the other rooms. I had hoped Bella would go to sleep so that she didn't have to worry about the outcome, but that would have been silly to believe. Bella would want to fix this, especially if she believed that it was her fault.

"She's not going to like this." Alice said.

"I know."

We walked back into the livingroom where Bella and Jasper were sitting as far away from each other as possible in the sofa. I hoped that their relationship would get better, even though I knew that both did this to make it as easy as they could for the other.

"Bella, I don't want you to be here when Edward gets here."

She looked from me to Alice and back to me. "What do you mean? Why can't I be here?"

What was I supposed to tell her? That Edward might still have feelings for her? That it could turn out to become a fight between me and him? I hadn't told her the real reason why he left, and I was a little scared that it might be too late now.

"Because we don't know how he'll react." Alice took over, her voice sure and strong. "I can't see."

Bella looked at me, her eyes frightened.

"Jasper will be here with me."

"No! I don't want you to face him alone! We're together in this."

"Bella, I don't think this will turn out badly, but if it does, I don't want you to be caught in the crossfire."

"But you say that there is a chance. That it might become something more than a conversation. I can't sit around and wait."

A single tear escaped the corner of her eye.

"I'll be there with you, Bella." Alice said, optimism saturating her voice. "I'll be able to see how it evolves, and I promise that we'll get there in seconds if we need to."

Bella's eyes looked from one to the other again. Her eyes stopped on Alice, and her expression made both me and Jasper look.

"We don't have time for this." She growled and lifted Bella off the couch and almost flew up the stairs. I could hear the door to my bedroom close just in time to hear the footsteps in the distance.

He was almost here.

Jasper was suddenly standing beside me. I looked around in the room to see if there was a better way to keep Edward from running directly up the stairs. But there was no time. The footsteps were closing in fast, and I knew that he would be here in seconds.

Closer and closer. The running slowed down to a walk, and then it stopped, just outside the door. I could almost hear the arm move as he reached to open the door. Of course there was no sound when the handle was pushed down and the door swung in, except the 'woosh' as the air was forced to move.

A pair of curious golden eyes met us, and I couldn't see why we had been so afraid, but as soon as he found out. I tensed my body, knowing that the blow might come at any time.

He took a step back, his eyes looking at me with disbelief and disgust.

"How could you?" his face turned vicious as he asked the question I had prepared for since Alice had called.

"Edward.."

"No!" he snarled. "She's mine! You knew that Carlisle! You knew that the only reason I left was because I wanted to protect her from this world. I wanted her to be able to live a normal life."

I could feel the massive waves of calm Jasper sent out, trying to calm Edward.

"But you didn't save her from anything." I could feel the anger building up inside me. How could he believe that he had a claim on Bella? "She was a mess when I found her. She was broken, Edward."

I recalled the memories of the tired and hurt Bella, making the images as vivid as I could. I watched him wince as I forced him to see the result of his attempt to save her.

"Where is she?" his voice was calmer now, and the pain seeped through.

"Upstairs." There wasn't really a way to keep the truth from him. "But I don't think you should go up there now."

"Why not? She deserves to know the truth. She deserves to know that I still love her."

"What difference do you think that makes Edward?" I tried to sound strong and determined. "Don't you think she's been hurting too much already?"

"She needs to know what her alternatives are. She needs to know that I'm back. For good this time. I won't leave her again."

Desperation filled me, I would do anything to keep him from trying to get back with Bella again.

"Edward, she is with me now, where she belongs." I thought about all the things I and Bella had done. I thought about every kiss, every embrace, every time she had told me that she loved me.

The pained look on his face turned into anger again.

"She loved me too. See how easily her mind changes? She doesn't need you, she needs a replacement, and you were the closest to me she could find."

I could hear that he wasn't sure, but the words still had a bigger impact that they should. I couldn't know if he was right before Bella had seen him. I couldn't know if he was right before she had made her decision. I didn't want to doubt the love I had for Bella or the love she had for me, but I knew that none of us would settle until we knew.

I could hear the door open upstairs, Alice must have seen our decision to bring Bella into this.

Edward winced again, and I felt a shot of hope as I realized that it might be from Alice's visions.

"Don't get your hopes up." He said as he read my mind. "As for the moment there are two possible futures."

I turned my head when I heard they reached the stairs. Two futures, none of them dominating over the other. Bella's mind was still undecided.

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**I'm only brave enough to do this (you people really hate cliffhangers..) because I have more time to write. I'm stopping this chapter here because the next chapter is going to be in Bella's POV (and there is really much going on there right now). **

**I'm really curious who you think she **_**should**_** be ending up with (not that it's going to influence the outcome of the next chapter). **

**I'm going to make some tea now before starting to write the next chapter (at the same time as I update my blog) . See you soon: )**

**Jeanita**


	32. No one's gonna love you

**I'll be honest. I have **_**never **_**struggled more with a chapter before. I have never been more unsure about a chapter before. I have never spent so much time editing and changing my mind about what was the best way to get it told. Maybe because I have been stressed. Maybe because I have been tired because of the flu. But here it is. *wiping my forehead*.**

**And regarding the question I asked about who you thought she should choose; I never meant that the answers would influence my decision. I just wanted to know. **

**But now I'll post this chapter before I have the time to change my mind again.**

**Jeanita**

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I hadn't been happy when Alice had taken me upstairs to the bedroom, I hated to be unable to know what was going on. But the look in her eyes had told me that she wasn't going to change her mind, she was going to keep me her whether I liked it or not. I knew that I wouldn't be able to hear them talking, raised voices to them was nothing more than the usual volume I used in a conversation. I just wished I could be there.

I paced back and forth on the floor while Alice was sitting on the bed, checking for mistakes on her manicure.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll see if something goes wrong. I'll even see it before they do." She talked quietly, like she was afraid someone might hear her.

I wondered if Edward was here. I wondered if he had arrived already. Did it matter if he was here? I wondered why everyone was so on guard. Why Alice had taken Jasper. Edward wouldn't get that mad when he found out, he had no reason to. The bitterness of being left behind was stronger now, and all I could think about was that Edward had no rights at all to be angry or feel betrayed.

Every second felt like a small eternity as I waited for more information.

Alice's eyes suddenly went blank, and I knelt by the bed.

"What do you see Alice?" there was a lot of begging in my voice, but I really needed to know what was going on.

"I'm going to strangle them both at the first occasion." She mumbled as she stood up and dragged me to my feet. "I can't believe that they're doing this. Can't they see that it's just going to cause more pain?"

She stopped again in the middle of the hall, her eyes looking at something distant, her mouth becoming round as an 'o'.

"They shouldn't have."

Alice ranted out a lot of words that didn't fit her character. I had never seen her so mad before, her eyes was completely black, her face hard as stone. She walked over to the stairs and then she lifted me up in her arms and carried me down. She put me down at the bottom, leaving me there alone.

What was I supposed to do now? I reluctantly looked away from Alice, moving my eyes quickly to Carlisle. I knew that looking at Edward would only make me feel rejected once more. Carlisle's eyes were warm, understanding and filled with love. I wanted to run over to him, to lay my arms around his neck and tell him that he could never make me leave him again, that I would stay by his side forever.

Edward moved, and without thinking I looked at him. His face had a pained expression, and he looked at me with eyes that shifted from confusion to anger. He looked just as I remembered him, his untidy bronze hair, the white skin. I could remember everything. Every kiss, every touch, and every single morning I had woken up with his arms around me. For a second I could remember exactly how I had felt with him.

But as I let my eyes meet his I knew that though he hadn't changed he was a stranger. _I_ had changed too much. I wasn't the same person I had been when I loved him. I couldn't even tell if it had been real love. The only thing I knew was that it was definitely not the same way as I felt for Carlisle.

"Bella." Edwards voice sounded as pained as he looked. "I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

The words hit me harder than I had expected them to. Forgive him? I had done that a long time ago, I had realized that I wasn't good enough for him, that he was looking for something else. And I had been right. I hadn't been the one for him, and he had been right to go look for someone else.

I took a step towards Carlisle, it would be OK to go to him now, right? Since Edward had taken it so well? I smiled towards my own personal angel, but he didn't give me the same reassuring smile he usually did. He looked frightened.

"I still love you."

The words made me freeze, and I was standing in the center of the room, between my first love, and the man I had feelings for that clearly went beyond love. No, no, no. It couldn't have been. My sick imagination was playing with me. There was no way that Edward would have said anything like that.

"I only left you to protect you from this life. To keep you safe from other vampires. To give you a chance to live a normal life."

I looked at Carlisle, and the moment our eyes met he lowered his as in shame. I turned towards Edward, he looked me directly in the eye. How could he be saying these things? _Why_ was he saying these things?

"What?" It was the only thing my brain allowed me to say while it tried to decode the things Edward had said.

"I never stopped loving you, I just thought that you'd be better off without vampires."

"You left me because you wanted to save me?" I could hear the icy tone of my voice.

"Yes, I thought it was the best thing to do." His voice was still confident.

"How could it be?" I felt the emotions I had struggled with before Carlisle came to my rescue resurface. "You left me in the woods. Alone. Telling me that you didn't want me anymore. Telling me that it would be like you never existed."

My voice was higher now. Angrier.

"But how could you make that promise? Every day I had to go and feel the gnawing of a hole you left inside of me. Still I had no other evidence that you even had been there. No pictures, no address.."

He looked away. "I didn't do it to hurt you."

"No, but you should have known that that was the only thing that was going to happen."

I was glad that I didn't have a chance to look into his eyes before I continued.

"I'm happy now, Edward. I love you, and I will probably always love you, but not the same way as I love Carlisle." my eyes wandered from one vampire to the other, except from Jasper it seemed as they all knew something I didn't.

Edward's eyes filled with a new desperation. "For how long have you loved him, Bella? A couple of weeks? A month? How do you know that this is going to last?"

"I'm not discussing this with you."

I closed the distance between me and Carlisle in five strides. His arms opened and I walked into them, feeling them circle around me.

"Bella?" I couldn't stand to hear his pleading.

"Edward. I didn't leave you. I don't owe you anything. What we had was great, but I'm moving forward, so should you." He opened his mouth to talk again, but I beat him to it. "You didn't want me and I'm OK with that, but I'm not going back to someone who already left me once."

"Still you cling to the one who don't tell you the truth."

Edward's jaw clenched and he looked angrier than I had ever seen him before. Angrier than when James had been trying to kill me, angrier than when Jasper had tried to attack me at my birthday party.

"Why don't you tell her, Carlisle?"

My heart skipped a beat. I looked up at the blond man with his arms wrapped around me. He didn't look at me, he kept his eyes locked at Edward.

"The big question is why you didn't tell her before. You knew, and you still didn't tell her."

I looked at Edward again, trying to understand what he was talking about. His face was still hard as stone, his eyes still locked on Carlisle.

"I told him everything before I left. I told him why I left, and I told him to stay away too. I wanted it to be like I never existed, but just to make it safer for you."

It felt like the air had just disappeared from my lungs. My head was spinning. He couldn't be telling the truth. There was no way that Carlisle would keep this from me. I looked up at the blond man, but his face looked like an exact copy of Edward's.

"Carlisle?" my voice escaped in a whisper.

He looked down at me, but he didn't say anything. I could see that Edward hadn't been lying.

I backed out of his arms, he didn't restrain me.

"Bella." a pain flashed across his face. "I didn't want to make it harder for you. He said that he wanted you to live like he never existed. I never expected him to return and I didn't want you to get false hopes or slide back into the depression."

"And I never removed myself from you completely. I couldn't." Edward's voice was softer when he spoke to me, as I looked at him I could see that the love in his eyes wasn't gone. "But I guess you can ask Carlisle about that too." his eyes wandered from Alice to Carlisle and back to me.

"Stop this Edward." Alice sounded angry.

"Why? She has a right to know."

"Yes, I agree. But don't you think that you should have been the one to tell her before you left her? This will only result in heartbreak." She stared him down, and I could see from his reactions that she was thinking about unpleasant things.

He bent his head, his fists were clenched, his eyes closed. A part of me wanted to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be fine, but I couldn't make myself go to him. He had left me. No matter what the reason had been, no matter if he still loved me. I couldn't allow myself to feel sorry for him.

"She should know anyway. She has a choice to make. Besides, why is the thing I did so much worse than what _he_ did?"

Alice looked like she wanted to say something, but she just shot Edward another angry look. Alice had always been the one to fight my cause, the one to make sure that I knew what was going on. I could only assume that she could see how much Edward's words were hurting me.

"I left the pictures and the CD under the floorboards in your room. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you completely. I always intended to come back sometime, to see if you were happy."

He glanced quickly at Carlisle, like he wanted to blame everything on him. I felt the frustration and anger ice through my veins. I wouldn't let him pin his mistakes on Carlisle.

"And what were you planning on doing if I was miserable? Just watch from a distance? That's really considerate." My voice was heavy with sarcasm. I felt a sting of pride when I saw him wince at my words.

"That was the original plan, but I doubt that I'd been able to. I can't stand to see you hurting."

I lifted my hands to make him stop. I couldn't listen to this. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted everything to go back to the way it had been before he had come here. I looked over at Alice, her eyes was blank again, probably searching for the future.

"You don't understand, Bella!" he was suddenly in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. I turned away, I was too angry to stand looking into his eyes. "Carlisle took the things from your room. He found out, and he didn't tell you."

I could see Carlisle bend his head in the corner of my eye.

"No." I whispered.

Edwards face seemed to relax.

"Bella. I love you." He reached out his hand, and he smiled the smile I had fallen in love with.

But I had seen the exact same look in his eyes before. It was the same look he had given me when I was being chased by James, the same look he had had before he had left me. He wasn't planning for this to last.

"No Edward." I stopped him. "He didn't take them away. _You_ took them away several months ago! He just moved them. And now I'm glad he did."

I looked at my fair-haired savior, and I regretted doubting my love for him, even if it had only been for a second. Edward's face was clearly shocked, and even Alice's face seemed to be a little surprised.

"I'm not going to change my mind about this."

I looked at Carlisle and I knew that I had made the right choice the instant my eyes found his. He seemed surprised by my decision too. Stupid vampires. Sure, he had kept things from me, probably lied too, but the things Edward said about him couldn't make me leave him. I never expected love to be easy, it never was in the books. Why should my life be any easier?

I could see Alice grinning at me before Carlisle put his arms around me and hugged me close. I breathed in the sweet smell and felt my knees get weak. I buried my face in his chest and heard the front door slam shut. I winced, I hadn't meant to hurt him.

"He'll be fine." I turned my face to see Alice walk towards Jasper. He kissed her on the top of her head the moment she walked into his arms, their moves were perfectly synchronized. They looked into each other eyes, and I could almost feel the love they had for each other. I felt like a peeping-tom, and turned my head to look at Carlisle instead.

His warm, golden eyes were still surprised. His hair was a mess, the result of pulling his fingers through it in frustration. He pulled me closer.

"I wish you knew just how much I love you."

I stretched my neck to kiss him, but I felt the ground disappear beneath my feet. His hands were at the low of my back, but that was the least important thing right now. I felt his ice-cold lips moving with mine, his sweet breath caressing my cheek.

Alice suddenly cleared her throat, loudly, and we broke the kiss. He put me back down on the floor, but he kept his arms locked around me in something that was the warmest embrace I could ever have imagined. I didn't mind the cold.

"We'll move back into our old room then." She was smiling.

Carlisle just returned the smile without asking any questions.

"You're staying?"

"Yes. I'll just say that I missed my dad too much. It shouldn't be too hard to get back into school." She cast a quick glance at Jasper. "And Jasper has no reason to stay away anymore."

I couldn't believe how easy it had been to get them to accept _us_. The thought made my heart jump again.

I looked back at Carlisle. I knew that the others wouldn't be as understanding as Alice. She could have known all along for all I knew. But his warm smile made me forget all the worries about the future, they seemed stupid when I saw the love in his eyes. We _had_ a future, and that was all that mattered.

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**Some team Edward fans will be disappointed, but this is still a Carlisle/Bella story, and I'm determined to see this through. I was very happy to see how many that's cheering for the Carlisle/Bella happy ending. And this time I managed to avoid the cliffhanger. Ta-dah!**

**Jeanita**


	33. The truth

**Slower chapter. More explaining. But it's up earlier than I intended it to be. I'm supposed to be in bed, have work early in the morning. Not much drama in this chapter. For more information on my story, I'm planning on posting more on my blog (you can find the link on my profile). **

**Jeanita**

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Bella POV

Things cooled off a bit. Carlisle relaxed more with Alice in the same house, but I couldn't get myself to believe that everything was fine. Something was bubbling under the surface, and I was determined to find out what. But there wasn't much time to be nosy.

After Edward had rushed out I hadn't really had a spare minute. Carlisle had scooped me up in his arms and carried me to his bedroom, and tired as I was, both physically and emotionally, I fell asleep almost immediately. My dreams were peaceful, probably the best I had had for months.

It had felt incredibly great to wake up and gaze into his warm topaz eyes, knowing that there were no secrets between us. But living with Alice has its disadvantages. It didn't take long before she dragged me out of bed, talking about food and clothes. It had taken a while before I had realized that it was Carlisle she was talking about. She had sent Jasper upstairs to force him to go hunting.

I started to complain the moment I understood what Alice was planning. Girl talk is not one of my favorite pastimes.

"Alice!" I groaned as she sat down on the opposite side of the kitchen table. Pretending to watch me eat. She smiled widely, not bothering to play innocent.

"Tell me everything!"

"You already know everything! You're a psychic, remember?"

"I know just as much as you can know by looking at a movie, it's not like I can read your feelings." She pouted, the faux sadness would probably have worked on anyone but me.

"Just ask Jasper if you want to know what I'm feeling." I took a bite of the sandwich she had made me. It tasted like paper and glue.

"But Jasper isn't a psychic! He can only know what you feel at the same moment you're experiencing it. Please, Bella." she fluttered her eyelids and gave me another puppy-dog look. "I never get to have girltalks."

I put the sandwich back on my plate, pretending to be too embarrassed to eat.

"What do you want to know?" I would have crossed my fingers if it weren't for the fact that it wouldn't help.

"Well.." her forehead creased as she searched for the most embarrassing question. She suddenly grinned, and I realized that she had found it, _and _the answer. "Sex."

I felt the heat in my cheeks and waited for her to continue. She never did.

"That's not a question."

"I would have asked you a question if I believed that you would answer it. I just wanted to get a clearer view of the future." She grinned, obviously pleased with herself.

"That's not fair." I mumbled while I dissected the object disguised as food on my plate.

"Sure it is." She cocked her head to the side and looked at me. "It's not like I'm spying or anything."

I could hear that she was fishing for questions, and I suddenly remembered the one thing I had meant to ask her.

"Alice, I want you to be completely honest with me now." The playfulness disappeared from her eyes and she nodded her head. "How long have you known?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"About sex?"

"No. About me and Carlisle."

She suddenly looked completely serious.

"I have known since I met him. Usually I can't see the future before the person has made up its mind, but in your case it was all so clear. Even though you weren't born yet." She looked down on the table, brushing away invisible dust with the back of her hand. "I couldn't tell him though. Every time I planned to the future disappeared. He would never have left Esme if he knew, he would have blamed himself for hurting her. I had to let him find out himself."

She paused and looked up at me, looking for reactions.

"You have no idea how much time I spent wondering about your future. Separately you both disappeared, but together there was a love stronger than anything I could have imagined. It was like there couldn't be one without the other."

"Still. Keeping my visions from Edward has been a full time job. I couldn't let anyone know." She sighed before she continued. "And then you finally arrived in Forks. I was so excited! I really looked forward to meet you. Of course you managed to get the seat next to Edward in biology.. I wish I could have seen that coming." She mumbled the last sentence.

She shook her head. I could feel my heart skip a beat at the memory of the murderous glare I had gotten that first day.

"If I'd only known that your blood smelled so good to him.. And the fact that he couldn't read your mind made you even more attractive. He wanted to get to know someone by spending time with them instead of reading their minds. He fell in love with you."

I had to look ridiculous. What she said made so much sense, but I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

"If you knew all along, why didn't you do anything to stop me from falling in love with Edward?"

"Because that was the one thing that made you tie bonds to our family. The original future was one where he managed to bite you on your first day at school, a future where you had no choice but to stay with us. But he was stronger than I could have thought. Of course I got a little scared when he decided to run away, I even tried to find another way for you to get to know us and the truth about us." She smiled. "But that worked out fine."

"I might have to apologize for your birthday though." she looked down again.

"There's nothing to apologize for." I really meant it. It hadn't been anyone's fault.

"Not to you, silly. To Jasper." Her eyes met mine again.

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't." She sighed. "I knew about the papercut. I knew exactly what was going to happen when I wrapped your gift. Jasper has been in pain for the last months, blaming himself for almost killing you. It has been so hard to keep this from him, since I'm really the one to blame."

Her expression became pained as she thought about her love and what he had been going through because of her. More precisely; because of me.

"Alice, if I had known.."

"But you couldn't. The future was much too important. Like I said, I never see anything but people's intentions, but with you two it's different. I couldn't gamble with it."

"Can you see our future?" I couldn't disguise the curiosity in my voice. "I mean, the rest of it?"

She laughed.

"I can see some things. Other things aren't decided yet."

"I thought you could see us even though we hadn't made up our minds. You said you could see me with Carlisle years before I was born."

"Yes. And those visions haven't changed. But I can only see you two together."

I hesitated. There was one more thing I wanted to know, but I was a little worried about the answer.

"Am I like you in those visions?"

"Of course, Bella!" She looked surprised that I asked. "I saw Carlisle promise you that. You have no reason to doubt his words, he wouldn't manage to go on without you."

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks again, and the butterflies went crazy in my stomach. I was going to spend the rest of time with the man I loved. The man I was destined to love. I couldn't help feeling a little nervous at the same time. I would have to talk with him about this too..

"When am I going to.. change? Become one like you?"

"I don't know. Why?"

I couldn't tell her that I was afraid of getting older. That I might outgrow him. I was scared stiff of getting older.

"Bella." Alice reached out her hand over the table, she must have realized what I was thinking. "He's not going to wait too long, I know that much. Take it easy."

I could see that she wasn't lying to me. She gave me a huge smile and then she disappeared. As did the plate in front of me.

"I'm not going to ask you why you didn't finish your sandwich, but I could see that you wouldn't. Better to clean up before the men return, don't you think?"

She walked over to my chair and dragged me to my feet. I followed, I didn't really have any other choice.

"Carlisle refused to go far to hunt, he didn't want to be away from you for a long time. So I have to take Jasper for a longer run. I hope you guys can survive a day without us." She winked at me.

I blushed again, not because I had any reason to, just because she winked. I realized that we were standing in the hall. The door went up at the same time I turned my head to ask Alice what was going on.

Before I know it she was gone, leaving nothing but a gust of air that made my hair play around my face.

"Come on Jasper. I don't want you to be complaining tonight."

She dragged him off by his hand before he had the time to respond, or maybe he did, only so low that I couldn't hear what he said. I lost my train of thought as I heard the warm laugher coming from the doorway. Carlisle was standing there. The sun was behind him, and he looked more like a god than ever.

He walked towards me with a smile that I hadn't even seen on Hollywood actors. I looked for traces of the hunt, but he looked exactly like always, not a wrinkle on his shirt. He opened his arms and I walked into them, trying to imagine what it would look like from the outside. Were our movements as coordinated and synchronized as Alice's and Jasper's? I didn't really care.

"I've missed you." I mumbled into his chest while I inhaled his sweet scent. It was mixed with smells from the forest.

"I've missed you too."

He kissed me on my head.

I remember Alice's winking, and the heat returned to my cheeks. But that wasn't my main priority now. I wanted to know his plans. Alice had said that he had some, and that he wasn't going to let me wait too long.

I took his arm and led him into the livingroom. He followed without hesitation. Probably curious to why I was doing it. I sat down in the large white sofa, motioned for him to do the same.

"What's wrong, Bella?" he looked worried.

"I want to know what you have planned."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Alice said she saw me changed. And I want to know when you intend to do it."

He was quiet for a moment.

"I intended to change you when it seemed most natural. When it would be easy to lie to your parents about why you were gone so long."

He paused. Looking at me to see how I reacted.

"After graduation." My heart skipped a beat. That was only months from now. "Only if you wanted to!"

He had probably misinterpreted my reaction.

"It seems most practical. Moving away to go to college. The first year is very hard, and you could always say that when you couldn't go and see them for Christmas. We could always wait a couple of years, but I got the impression that you wanted to become like me as soon as possible."

I couldn't answer him. I just threw my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. I was going to start my life with him in less than a year.

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**We're not at the end of the road yet, for those who wondered. Still have more to write. More to tell. Will try to start the next chapter tomorrow after work. **

**What do you think I should incorporate in the story? (Don't mean I will, I just want to see what people want to read about.) If you ask any important questions I'll write the answer for everyone to read at the end of the next chapter. **

**See you later.**

**Jeanita**


	34. Pleading and guilt

**Thank you so much for the response to my last chapter. **

**Here's the next one. Not much to say about it.**

**Jeanita**

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When Carlisle dropped me off by my house on Sunday I remembered that I hadn't done any homework during the two previous days. Sure, some of my biology was already finished thanks to the evening I spent with Angela, but I still had a ton of work I should have finished by Monday.

I still didn't want to get out though. I could sit there until my graduation, I could just forget about school and school related problems. There would be time to take school later. Lots and lots of time. I didn't want to see anything but his eyes.

I wanted to lean over and kiss him, but I knew that there was a chance that someone could see us. The thirty-three year old doctor and the daughter of the town's chief. That would have given the old ladies at the diner something new to talk about. The men too for that matter. Things like this just didn't happen in Forks.

"I have to go now. Charlie is coming out to greet you. He's almost at the door. I'll see you soon."

He gave me a quick kiss on my forehead, moving so fast that if it hadn't been for the fact that I felt it I wouldn't have registered it, and then he disappeared without a sound.

I looked over at the house, and sure enough, Charlie was walking towards the car. I quickly opened the door, gathered my things and jumped out.

"Hi, Dad."

He smiled, but I could see that he was worried about something.

"Hi, Bells." His voice confirmed my suspicion.

"What's wrong?"

"The bears, or whatever they are, are beginning to come dangerously near the populated areas of Forks. I saw one of them sneaking around the house early this morning. At least I think it was one of them."

My heart jumped. These were the creatures that Carlisle didn't feel comfortable to go up against. Something that could possibly be more dangerous than vampires.

"I don't think we should go outside alone anymore. Especially not if we're going far. I want you to take the car no matter how short a distance."

I just nodded. I wouldn't dare to do something else. I wasn't that much of a hiker anyway, I wouldn't miss anything.

Charlie reached out to take my bag and I let him. He wanted to act like a father, and I wasn't going to stop him. He carried it all the way to my room and placed it on my bed. Then he walked to the door and waited in the doorway, like he expected me to follow.

"I have a ton of homework I have to do before the morning. I'm sorry."

"That's alright, Bells. We'll do something another night."

I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but he faked a smile.

"By the way, have you seen Jacob lately?"

I just shook my head. I knew that the mono should have passed by now, but I just hadn't had the time to go visit.

I felt guilty as I sat down by the desk to do my trigonometry homework, something Carlisle always helped me with. I had spent so much time with Carlisle that I had almost forgotten my dad and my friend. But I knew Charlie wouldn't complain. He just wanted me to be happy, whatever happy meant.

Jacob on the other hand.. No. He hadn't wanted to talk to me before, surely he had the decency to make the first move if he missed me. I felt the irritation build up and opened the book before I had a chance to start focusing on Jacob.

I hadn't been able to sit there for a long time before my phone started ringing. It was Angela's home number. She never called.

"Hi Ang."

It was silence on the other end for a while, and I wondered if she had just hit call by a mistake. Bella should be almost at the top of her phonebook, so it would have been an easy mistake.

"I broke up with him."

Her throat was hoarse, like she had been crying. I didn't know what to say. It made me a little sad that they hadn't been able to make things work, but life wasn't always that easy. He had been pressuring her to do something she didn't want to, and she had been right to stand up for herself.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. But I'm glad you did what was right for you. How are you feeling?"

Another silence.

"I don't really know. A part of me is relieved, the other one not so much.."

"I guess that's natural. You really cared for him."

"Yeah." I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"It will pass, I promise." I wasn't the one to be making promises like this, but it would pass. She could talk to me about this and get is out of her system. And later she would meet the perfect guy for her.

"I know. It's just that it feels so empty."

I recognized the feeling. The hole that just grew larger and larger in the stomach. The need to keep yourself together no matter what you had to do.

"We should go out tomorrow. Catch a movie in Port Angeles or something."

She laughed.

"I doubt that heartache can be cured by failing the biology-test we have on Tuesday."

I looked at the pile of books on my desk. Now I had to ad a test to all the homework. But I reminded myself that I would have time to take school later. I could improve my grades then.

"Later this week. Just find a day you can and I'll take you to Port Angeles."

"Thank you." Her voice was filled with gratitude.

"No problem. You probably would have done the same for me if I had let you."

She laughed again. "Definitely. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye Ang."

I heard the click as she hung up.

I suddenly felt a sting of guilt. Why was I trying to bond with her when I would disappear from the surface of the earth in about two months? I was just going to let her down. I couldn't see her again, the changes would be too severe for that. She would see that I wasn't myself anymore.

Maybe we could have an e-mail friendship. That way I would still be able to talk to her. I could be there for her, just not in person. I could say that I'd moved far away.

I laid my head on my desk again. The guilt was paralyzing. I was leaving everyone. But I wanted to. There was no pull stronger than the one to become a vampire and spend the rest of time with Carlisle. I would just have to stop bonding with people. Maybe not having time for Charlie was a good thing.

I felt the breeze from the open window before I heard him walk towards me.

"I'm awake, but you know that."

I heard the warm laugh of the most perfect man in the world, and that was enough to make me stand up and walk towards him. He put his arms around me. I looked up into his golden eyes and he bent his head down to kiss me.

"I have homework" I groaned.

He gave me a quick kiss on the lips before he turned me around and led me back to the desk.

***

_Next morning._

I had smelled the wolves immediately when I had arrived at her house. A strong scent of wet dog was still hanging in the air. They had been here again. I wished I knew why and how many. They shouldn't poke their noses into things that were none of their business.

But I didn't trust them. I followed Bella to her car in the morning, hiding in the shadows, just to make sure that the wolves were nowhere to be seen. Something told me that they would try to sabotage my plans.

But I had to talk to them. Make them understand that changing Bella was something she wanted too. It would have been easier if I could bring her with me, if she could speak for herself. But that would be too dangerous. The wolves were young, at least some of them, and that made them unstable. I would have to convince them myself.

I was glad Alice couldn't see them, then she would see what I was planning and try to stop me. I had to do this.

Graduation was only two months away, and those months would quickly turn to weeks. I had much to plan, and not enough time to do it. I wondered if Bella had started to send in college applications, which could be an excellent cover for her time away from humans.

I would have to talk to some of the schools. Make sure that she got into a good one. I had enough money to make sure that she did.

I ran soundlessly through the jade-green forest. Leaping over moss covered trunks and stones, jumping over an overflowing creak. It rained heavily, but beneath the leafy roof of the large trees the raindrops rarely hit me.

I wasn't sure of where I was going, I knew they would find me. They would jump the opportunity to try to scare me again. This time I wasn't going to play along. I needed them to understand. At least an opportunity to convince them.

The light vanished as I ran deeper and deeper into the forest, I changed my course and started to run in the direction of the border. The one place where I was guaranteed to meet them. And I wasn't wrong. As I closed in I could feel that there was someone looking at me. I could hear three sets of paws thudding in the darkness.

I stopped. I didn't want to get too close to the border either, no need to provoke them more than I was planning on. There was a whoosh in the trees behind me, and then there was the sound of footsteps. I turned around in time to see a huge Quileute boy emerge from the trees. It wasn't Jacob. This was the boy I had met the first time. Maybe it was better this way, he didn't have a personal bond to Bella.

"I'm guessing you want to talk to us?"

His voice was filled with authority, but at the same time a little more respect than Jacob's. Maybe I had been wrong in my assumptions that Jacob was the Alpha. This was truly the best leader.

"Yes. I need to discuss something with you."

"We're all ears."

He gestured towards the trees where the two other wolves were standing, barely visible.

"I need you to be open minded. I need you to understand that I'm asking this for a reason."

His hands clenched. As if he already knew what I was going to ask of him. My hope shrank, he hadn't even heard what I wanted to ask of him, and he already wanted to rip the head off my shoulders.

"I want to make another treaty, I want to set some new ground rules."

The two other wolves began to whimper and pace in place, but one look from the leader silenced them immediately. He then looked at me, his eyes completely black, and his face stone-cold.

"A new treaty? Which rules do you want to change exactly? Could it be the one about not biting another human being again?"

I knew that I was outnumbered. That if I provoked them unnecessary I wouldn't have a chance to run more than a few feet before they got me. I knew that if I didn't watch my steps I risked never seeing Bella again. That was not an option.

"Yes. But I don't mean that we'll hunt humans. I just want this one change. This one exception."

His eyes got smaller, his lips was almost just a white line from pressing them together. Not a good sign.

"Why should we grant you this one wish? So you can change the Swan girl? So you can take a daughter away from her father? What would you have told the parents? That their baby died in a car crash, or maybe from a rare illness?"

The wolves were growling, they probably expected a fight.

"I'm not taking her away from them. I'm not going to fake her death. They're going to know she's alive, only on another place of the country. Somewhere far so they won't expect her to visit. I'm going to make this as easy for everyone as I possibly can."

I paused, looking for any change in his face. I would plead if he wanted me to. My whole future depended on this outcome, more than that, Bella's future depended on this. I had made her a promise that I refused to go back on. I would just have to take her somewhere far away. Somewhere they wouldn't follow.

"She wants this herself. If you want to ask her I'm sure that I can arrange that, but I assure you that I wouldn't do anything if she didn't want if herself."

I could hear the desperation in my voice. The leader's eyes relaxed a bit, maybe he could understand where this was coming from. Maybe he could understand my pain.

He looked over at the wolves by the trees before he turned his head back to mine.

"I'm not the right person to ask, and even if I were I can't say that I could just promise you something like that without consulting with the tribe elders. It's Jacob you want. He's the new Alpha, and he's the only one who can allow changes in the treaty and grant permission to change someone."

He looked down at the ground before his eyes found mine again, and I could see that he knew what I was feeling. How desperate I felt.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think Jacob is going to let you have your way. He hates you. And maybe he's right. Maybe you have manipulated Bella into thinking that she wants to become one of you, but I can see that you love her. I will talk with the elders, but I doubt they'll overrun Jacob's decision."

I couldn't see any other reason for Jacob to become the Alpha than his bloodline. This was the man who should have had the position. The only one who respected vampires, at least the kind that didn't pose a threat to the tribe. Maybe he understood the importance of having allies instead of enemies.

He walked back into the shadows, and there was another whoosh before I heard the thudding of the paws running in the direction of the reservation. I wondered if he would keep his promise. He seemed like a man who did, but it could just be a play to keep the peace.

No matter what he did or didn't, Jacob would soon find out what I had asked. And if my first impression was right this could really provoke him. I had to be ready for everything. And staying close to Bella was more important now than it had ever been before. I didn't want her to have to confront Jacob alone.

I backed up a couple of steps before I turned around and ran back through the thick forest.

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**For consideration of my readers I decided that I'd put the Q&A on my blog to prevent spoiling the story for the ones who didn't want to know. **

http : // .com/2009/09/14/qa-about-changes-and-some-other-facts/ (without the blanks, they were obviously needed if I wanted to give you the address)

**Copy and paste this into the address line of your browser and it will take you directly to the post. If you want to see my other posts you should just go to my profile and you'll find a link there.  
**

**I had completely lost my inspiration last night, and therefore I think I ought to credit the thing that made it come back. Faith in You by Jaspers Izzy. A REALLY dark, M-rated Jasper fic. If you're into that kind of thing I suggest that you take a look. It's a great story.**

**Jeanita**


	35. Port Angeles

**I want to say some things before you read this chapter, I have a feeling that you won't care when you've finished reading. I have some outtakes from Changes that I'm thinking about publishing for you, but I don't know if there's an interest for that. If you want to you can go to my blog and read a preview of the first one. (Also, should I publish them here or on my blog?)**

**Won't keep you from reading any longer. Here's the next chapter. Read, enjoy and review: )**

**Jeanita**

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**Carlisle's POV**

I couldn't stand to be away from Bella for any extended time anymore. Not even to hunt. The hunting I and Jasper had done on the Sunday hadn't been much, so it didn't take long before I felt the thirst burning in my throat again.

I imagined this felt almost the same as a sore throat for a human. And that wasn't all that bad. I still remembered how the burning had been when I first changed. Like someone had poured hot wax down my throat.

My main worry now was Jacob. He knew that I planned on making Bella one of us, one of the creatures he hated more than anything in the whole wide world. He had been hanging around her house almost every day now, and I knew that if he wanted to attack me he could. He was just as fast as me, and he could actually kill me if I didn't watch out.

Alice had asked again and again what was wrong, and I hadn't been able to answer her. She had noticed my disappearance as I had gone to talk with the wolves, but she hadn't been able to reach me before I was halfway back to the house since she was at school. Jasper had gone back to Alaska to get the car and other things they needed.

He had come back yesterday with enough clothes to fill a small store and a lot of books. Alice's response had only been that she would have to buy more since he left almost everything in Alaska.

I looked at the watch for the hundredth time that hour. Time went by too slowly. It was Thursday so Bella and Alice were at school, and that meant that I had nothing to do. I still kept close though, in case I had to hurry down. I didn't trust Jacob.

I especially didn't look forward to tomorrow. Bella was taking Angela to Port Angeles. Apparently Angela had broke things off with her boyfriend and needed to do something to take her mind off it. I didn't like it. I had asked Alice to ask if she could tag along, but she said that that would ruin their night. I would just have to spy myself.

I had convinced Bella to take my car since it was a little more reliable than her truck. It would also help that they had a car that Jacob wouldn't recognize immediately.

Jasper looked up at me from the book he was reading.

"Care to tell me why you're worrying so much?"

Living with an empath was a sure way to have your secrets tricked out of you one way or another.

"It's nothing."

"That amount of emotion is never nothing."

His eyes went back to the book.

"But if you won't talk about it can you please try to turn it down a little, it's almost like you're screaming at me."

I knew that he had a hard time coming back as it was, I should try to do my best to make it as easy as possible, but I seemed to do the exact opposite.

"It has nothing to do with you." I reassured him. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"I know that it has nothing to do with me. You never worry this much when Bella is around, not even when I'm standing inches away from her." He sighed. "This has something to do with what you're hiding from Alice, right?"

I felt a sting of guilt and I knew that he would pick that up too.

"You should tell her you know. She could be helpful."

He didn't know how wrong he was. She couldn't change the future, in this particular case she couldn't even _see_ it. She didn't even know about the werewolves, not even the last generation of them. She hadn't been here when the treaty was made.

"I can't tell her. Not yet."

He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Your loss. And I really would appreciate if you could turn it down a little."

I sat there for a couple of seconds more before I walked out of the room. I didn't know what to do or where to go, but I continued out the front door and started to jog through the trees. I concentrated on making as little sound as possible as I didn't know if I was being watched. I realized that I was running towards the high school, and I stopped myself before I could get too close to turn back.

I knew that I had to go back. Bella would want me to be there when she followed Alice home from school. Jasper and Alice were going to Seattle, she was desperate for a new wardrobe. I slowly turned and started to walk back to the house.

They had already got home by the time I walked through the front door. Alice looked at me with confusion in her eyes. She had probably seen everything. Including the talk with Jasper. She looked at Bella and then back to me with a look that told me that I had some serious explaining to do as soon as Bella was out of hearing distance.

Maybe it was time. Alice and Jasper was here to stay now, they could know about the treaty without counting that as a breach. I nodded subtly towards her, glad that Bella hadn't noticed that I had walked into the room yet. She was talking with Jasper about something.

I walked quietly over to her and placed my arms around her waist when she lifted her arms. She jumped. Then turned around to see that it was me.

"Don't do that! I can still get a heart attack."

Silly Bella. I laughed a little. I took a deep breath and felt how her scent made my throat ace just a little more than it would have from anyone else but her. I had known from the beginning that her scent was more appealing to vampires than normal humans, but I had never minded it. It was a smell better than the most perfect perfume, but I had never wanted her blood.

I lifted her up in my arms.

"What do you feel like doing today, love?"

She made a face like she was thinking very hard and then she sighed with exaggeration.

"The hand-in I have to have finished to tomorrow's trigonometry and the report on the lab we had in biology."

I laughed.

"That shouldn't take too long."

She smiled, and I let her back down on the floor and led the way to my study. She hadn't done homework here before, but I figured that my or Jasper's study would be the best place for her to work. I walked over to the desk and pulled the chair out for her.

She blushed, and I could smell it as the floral sent saturated the room. There was no need to ignore the light burning in my throat as I inhaled, it wasn't all that dominant.

Bella sat down in the chair and took out her books. I hovered behind her chair, looking down at the books from over her shoulder. I kept answering any question she asked while playing with a lock of her hair. Her homework was finished quickly and I kissed her briefly on her shoulder. I could feel the goose bumps rise as I breathed out and straightened up again.

She stretched out her neck so that it was completely visible, and I felt the intoxicating scent hit me with an unknown intensity. But it wasn't her blood I was craving. It was her. I wanted her. I wanted her to stay with me all the time, to never leave. And I wanted her like a man wanted a woman.

I put my lips to the sensitive skin of her neck over and over again, trailing down the neckline. I could hear her breathing getting heavier and shorter. I knew I ought to stop before this got too far, before I had to disappoint her again. She wanted this at least as much as I did, or she thought she did.

Humans were easily influenced by hormones, the primitive needs. Hormones almost ruled their entire lives, telling them when to eat, when to procreate..

My mind trailed off.

Even though I knew all that I wasn't able to stop. I kissed her earlobe and felt the heat that was radiating from her skin. I couldn't help it, even though I had no need for oxygen I felt my breathing become uneven and shallow. My mind was already thinking about how it would be to be even closer to her.

Her lips were moving with mine with a new desperation, like she already knew that I was planning on stopping. Like she believed that she could change my mind. I could feel her hands as they grasped my shirt and tried to pull me closer to her.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and for almost an entire second I thought about ignoring it, leaving the world for a while, but I knew that it might be important. I carefully removed myself from Bella's grip and fished the cell out of the jeans.

"Alice?" I asked warily, she had only left a little more than an hour ago.

"Not to disrupt your time together, but I thought I should give you a warning." She sounded irritated. "Charlie is about to call to say that Bella has to go home. He seems to have important news."

I looked at Bella, her face was flushed, her eyes glassy. In one way I was relieved that Alice had called, I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't been able to stop. I didn't want us to go too far, especially not since we hadn't talked much about this.

"Thanks, Alice."

"No problem." Her voice was lighter now. More like the normal Alice. If such a thing existed.

I hear her phone clasp together before the conversation was terminated. I put the phone back into my pocket without meeting Bella's eyes.

"What did Alice want?" she sounded wary.

"Nothing important. She was just telling me that your father wants you to come home, he's going to call soon."

She raised one eyebrow, like she couldn't see the importance of a phone call from Charlie. Just as I gathered her books in human speed I could hear her phone buzzing. She looked at it for a couple of seconds before she hit receive.

"Hi."

"Bella, I was wondering if you're coming home soon." Charlie's voice was serious and tense.

"Sure. I'm on my way."

Charlie cut the call before Bella could ask why he wanted her home, and I knew that he was going to talk to her about something unpleasant.

I had always thought of Charlie as a laid back person, but there was a tone in his voice that had alerted me. I wondered if I should come down with her to see what it was that had made Charlie call Bella to come home.

I closed the zipper of her bookbag and handed it to her. I knew that Alice had picked Bella up before school today and that she had taken her here with her own car, I would have to drive her back.

"Come on. I'll drive you."

She nodded and followed me down to the garage, she was clearly wondering about what Charlie was going to tell her too. I opened the door for her and she gave me a smile before she got into the car. I started to drive.

I decided that Bella should get her time alone with Charlie, I would come back later anyway. If it was something important she would tell me later. I kept the limit all the way down to her house, not wanting the time to pass too quickly. But we arrived at her house too soon as usual. I could see Charlie in the window, he was impatient and restless, there was definitely something wrong. Bella saw him too, and got out of the car. She whispered a goodbye and walked to the door.

_Next day. Carlisle POV_

Of course the weather had to be uncharacteristically sunny when Friday morning arrived. The sun was shining from a cloudless sky and the temperature was promising an early summer. Bella was of course happy with it, but for vampires it meant that we were doomed to stay away from humans. That meant that Alice couldn't have tagged along to Port Angeles even if she wanted to.

Bella hadn't told me what Charlie had wanted to talk to her about either, so I guessed that it wasn't all that important. She had been a little quiet, but I had to try not to worry about every little thing. She was allowed her own space, her own secrets. I couldn't demand knowing everything.

And that was why I was worrying about tonight. I was about to let her go to Port Angeles unprotected. I knew that it was the right thing to do, but I could feel the worrying creeping up on me. Bella seemed to attract danger more than the average person, Edward had been right about that, and stopping to worry completely was impossible.

She would be on her way soon, Alice had taken my car to school and would switch cars with Bella at the end of the day. She had convinced Bella that she wouldn't ruin it, but I really didn't care about the car as long as Bella would be safe.

Jasper had suggested that I used the night to go hunting, he was more annoyed with my conflicting feelings than anyone else. I suppose that was only natural as he was the only one that could feel them without knowing the reason for all the worrying. But he had been trustworthy, as far as I knew he hadn't told Alice about it.

My phone was in my pocked, ready if Alice would call to tell me that something had gone wrong, that Jacob had decided to follow Bella or something like that. The only downside with not telling them about the wolves was that she wouldn't know what to be looking for. Just a blank future.

But I wanted to tell Bella when I told the others. She deserved to know as much as them, she actually deserved it more as it was her future the wolves was meddling with.

The forest was full of life today, as it always was when the weather was warm. I jumped lightly over a large rock, knowing that there was a buck on the other side. His heartbeats were uneven and fast, he had already sensed my presence. My feet hit the ground behind him with a quiet thump and I quickly broke his neck before letting my teeth sink into the furry skin. I could feel the warm blood running down my throat, extinguishing the fire on its way.

The flow of the warm liquid stopped too early, and I continued deeper into the forest, looking for other game. It would have been nice to find a mountain lion or a bear, but they rarely came this close to the civilization. I could hear the heartbeats of another buck and crouched to attack again.

The sun was already low on the sky, time passed faster when you constantly had something on your mind. They would be in Port Angeles now, celebrating Angela and her freedom. I wondered what they were going to do, watch a movie maybe? Or perhaps eating out. I wished I could be there. Just to see that they were safe.

A sudden buzzing in my pocked made me freeze. I knew that Alice would only call if there actually was an emergency. The buck heard it too and turned to run. I could easily catch up with it, but I had other things to worry about.

"What is wrong?"

"The future disappeared again." Her voice was nothing but a growl. "This is no coincidence, is it?"

I hung up and ran. I knew which direction would lead me to Port Angeles, and I felt my feet take me there automatically. I had no idea of how fast I was running, I just needed to get there before him. It had to be him, Charlie could have told Billy and he could have found out like that.

Could it be that he had just decided to follow them? In that case I had a good chance of getting there in time. In time for what? I shuddered at the thought. Jacob was a young shapeshifter, he could be dangerous if he got angry.

I moved closer to the highway, running directly behind the wall of trees. It wouldn't matter where I ran now anyway, nobody could see me. If they did they wouldn't find me when they blinked to check if it was something wrong with their eyes. I ran faster than the cars were driving, they passed as blurs of colors.

I almost laughed at myself. Freedom. The right to have her own life. It seemed ridiculous now. She was in danger. I should have followed her after all.

It would have been a good idea if it was anyone else but Bella. She attracted danger, she knew more about the supernatural world than anyone else. I should have followed on a safe distance.

I could see the lights of the city now, I was getting close. Panic struck me when I realized that I didn't know where they were. They could be anywhere. I fished the phone out of my pocket as I ran. I dialed her number, it took less time than look it up in the phonebook.

She answered on the third ring.

"It's Bella."

"Bella, Jacob is on his way to Port Angeles. I need you two to get in the car and drive out of the city, I will meet you on your way out."

"How.." she began. But she cut off before she had a chance to ask.

"Bella!"

I froze when I heard the voice in the background. Jacob was already there, and from the tone of his voice he knew that it was me on the phone.

"Back away slowly." I urged her.

"What's wrong, Jake?" she sounded scared. "You're shaking."

"Bella?" Angela's voice sounded wary too.

"Get in the car." I yelled.

I felt helpless. I didn't know where they were. I couldn't get there in time.

"Jake?"Bella's voice was still scared, but there was also concern.

"Hang. Up. The. Phone."

If I had had a heart it would have stopped to beat when I heard his hate. I could hear his voice shaking. He was too young. They didn't have enough time.

"Bella!" I screamed into the phone.

There was a whoosh and a ripping sound. I could almost hear the ragged clothes falling to the ground.

Then I heard a piercing scream before the line went dead.

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**Please don't hate me. I have already opened a new document to write the next chapter. It will also be a preview of it on my blog (hopefully later today.)**

**Jeanita**


	36. The witness

**The Witness.**

**Yes. Me and my wicked evil cliffhangers. But if you see the length of this chapter you should understand why I did it. If I hadn't done it the chapter would have passed the average word counting by 3000-4000 words. Not really logical;p**

**And I'm seriously wondering whether to do cliffhangers more often since I got over ten reviews more on this chapter than the last one;)**

**Here is the continuation from Bella's POV. **

**Jeanita**

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It all happened extremely fast. We had just parked the car on a large empty parking lot and were about to walk down to the little Italian restaurant when my phone started to ring. I could see that it was Carlisle, but I had to put on a show for Angela.

"It's Bella." I said in my most business-like voice.

"Bella, Jacob is on his way to Port Angeles. I need you two to get in the car and drive out of the city, I will meet you on your way out."

Carlisle sounded frightened, but I couldn't see why. Jacob was a friend, and he had no reason to be angry with me. I didn't even understand why Carlisle bothered to keep an eye out for him in the firsy place.

"How.." I was about to ask how he knew that Jacob was coming when a large man walked out of the shadows by the trees at the end of the parking lot.

"Bella!" The man called, and I realized that it was the raspy voice of Jacob.

Only this couldn't be Jacob. This was a grown man. The person continued to walk out of the shadows. That's when I saw it. It really was Jacob, only a larger, more grown and muscular man. He had cut his hair short and was wearing nothing but cut-off jeans and a grey t-shirt. No shoes.

I looked at his face, his features had changed, he looked older. His eyes were cold and dark.

"Back away slowly." Carlisle said on the phone.

I had no reason not to. Jacob looked furious, like he wanted to rip someone apart. With his new muscles he probably could. I took a step backwards and I heard Angela do the same. She reached out for my free hand.

She had never met Jacob. She couldn't know that he was a good kid. Though kid was probably not the right word to use anymore. Angela was almost shaking. To her Jacob looked like a villain.

Jacob looked at the phone I was holding and his eyes narrowed. His jaw was already clenched. As I watched his body began to shake furiously.

"What's wrong, Jake?" I failed to keep my voice even. "You're shaking."

It didn't stop, if anything the tremors increased.

"Bella?" Angela asked as she pulled me back.

"Get in the car!" I could barely hear Carlisle's voice though he was obviously yelling into his phone.

But the car was on the other end of the parking lot. The end where Jacob had emerged from the trees. To get there we had to run past him, and something told me that we weren't going to make it there.

"Jake?"

His face was torn between pain and the rage. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe we should take him to the hospital.

"Hang. Up. The. Phone." He snarled between his teeth.

But I couldn't do that. If something was going to happen Carlisle had to know. He had to be close now.

"Bella!"

Jacob looked at my phone with hatred unlike anything I had seen. Then he started to run and jumped into the air. His body transformed. When Jacob's feet had left the ground he had been a man, when he came down there was a wolf. A russet wolf larger than any bear I could think of.

Angela screamed.

I lost the grip of my phone and heard a splintering sound as it hit the ground.

The wolf snarled and crouched, an attacking pose. My mind searched for logical reasons for a boy to transform into a giant wolf, but I quickly determined that there weren't any. The only thing my mind found was the old legend Jacob had told me that first time on the beach.

Their tribe descended from wolves.

In the corner of my eye I could see Angela turning a light shade of green, she was either going to pass out or throw up. I took a step to the side to place my hand around her waist, my eyes glued to the creature standing in front of us. Angela's knees gave out beneath her and she sank slowly to the ground.

I had to make sure that she didn't hit her head on the way down, so I slowly bent down to lay her safely on the ground. Then I took a step forward so that my body was shielding her if the wolf decided to attack.

"Go away." I tried to sound angry and strong, but the words came out as a whisper.

The wolf inched closer, taking small steps. But the snarling had stopped. Instead his eyes looked pained, Jacob's eyes looked pained. It made me want to comfort him, but I didn't know if I could go over to him.

The wolf, I hated thinking about it as Jacob, walked over to the parkas I had lost on the ground. It picked it up in its mouth and then there was a strange light. The whole shape of the wolf was blurry and then it stood up on two legs and transformed once more.

Jacob was standing in front of me, his body only shielded by the parkas he was holding in his mouth. He took it in his hands and looked at me.

"I'm sorry." His eyes were still hard, but I could see a glimpse of regret.

"Huh."

I felt the world turning and I sat down on the ground with my head between my knees.

"Is everything OK?" I could hear Jake walking towards me.

"Don't come any closer." I warned him.

He stopped.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"Of course not. You figured that turning into a giant dog would lift the mood." I muttered.

He laughed.

"Same old Bella."

I wanted to say something but I bit it in. It wouldn't change anything. I looked over at the unconscious girl beside me and hoped that she would wake up soon.

Jacob noticed and got a worried expression on his face.

"Is she going to be OK?"

"I hope so." I said, emphasizing hope.

"I didn't mean to do that. But listening to you talk to that leech.."

My heart skipped a beat. Had he said leech? As in a small wormlike creature feeding on blood? He couldn't know about vampires, could he? My mind answered that question before I asked it out loud. Of course he could. What was so special about knowing about them when you yourself morphed into a giant wolf?

It was probably better to pretend I didn't know what he was talking about though. Maybe he would just let this go.

"Leech?"

"Do you prefer 'bloodsucker'?" He still struggled to talk without spitting the words through his teeth.

"I thought your father was the superstitious one?" I tried to keep my voice light.

"Come on, Bella." he sighed. "You know as well as I that the legends were true. That they _are_ true."

I didn't bother to answer him. My head was finally done with the worst spinning and I crawled awkwardly towards the unconscious Angela. I could see from the condensation in the air in front of her face that she was breathing. Her brown hair was surrounding her delicate face and her glasses were lying on the ground beside her. I took the glasses and put them in the pocket of my shirt and lifted her head to place it in my lap

"So can you tell me why you've been stalking us, nearly frightening Angela to death?"

He looked down.

"I have to talk to you about something."

The hatred returned to his eyes, letting me know that this wouldn't be one of the light conversations we had used to have.

"I have a phone you know." I looked over at the pieces of metal and plastic. "Or at least I used to."

"I had to see you. And I doubted that the bloodsucker would have let me."

It took a couple of seconds before I grasped what Jacob said. Carlisle had known about this? He had already told me that there were something more dangerous than vampires out there, but was this it? Jacob? A sting of betrayal shot through me. Carlisle had known about Jacob and kept it from me?

Jacob saw my expression, and his face softened a bit.

"I wish I could play the 'he lied to you' card, but he has kept the treaty. He's done nothing wrong." He got on the same mask of hatred and fury before he continued. "I wish he had told you about us though, then we would have a reason to rip him apart."

I shuddered by his choice of words, but then I analyzed the sentence.

"Us? We? Are there others like you?"

He laughed.

"Of course. The tribe needs more than one protector."

I felt some of the dizziness return at the thought of a whole pack of giant wolves. How many could there be? I avoided asking, afraid that I might not like the answer.

"You're shaking. Do you want this?" he almost handed over the parkas and I turned my head the other way.

"Really, Jacob? I have no interest in seeing you naked, and I think that you might need it more than me anyways."

I waited to turn my head until I could hear that he moved the parkas in front of him again.

"I really don't need it. I could swim for miles in the ocean without getting tired or cold now." He grinned. "But if you're worrying that you might like me more than him.."

"Bella!"

The voice that was coming from behind me made my heart skip a beat and start in double speed. Carlisle was here.

"Over here!" I called, knowing that he had already heard and smelled me.

He was suddenly at my side, standing between me and Jacob. He looked down at Angela before he turned around to face Jacob.

"I suggest you leave now." His voice was hard but even.

"I'm not finished."

The light tone Jacob had used when he talked to me was completely gone. His eyes were narrow again.

"I think you are. Here's an unconscious girl that needs to be taken to the hospital."

"Please, she didn't even hit her head."

Carlisle looked at me and I carefully shook my head to confirm Jacob's statement.

"Still. You really want to be here when she wakes up?"

Jacob looked down on his naked body and grinned.

"I don't think she'll be disappointed."

He read the expression on Carlisle's face and continued.

"But I will make this quick. We won't allow you to change Bella."

Jacob wouldn't allow what?! When did he get to make the decisions in my life? Carlisle clenched his fists and jaw.

"_You_ won't allow me to change Bella. Sam has already said that he thought it was OK."

"But Sam isn't the Alpha anymore. I am. And that means that I get to decide. I won't have any more.."

"And how much does my wish matter? Don't I have any saying in this?" I asked them furiously. "It's _my_ life, therefore _my_ decision."

Both looked at me with surprise in their eyes.

"No. It's not. The treaty says that the leeches aren't allowed to _bite _another human. It's actually written down and signed by him." He nodded towards Carlisle.

"It's not like he's going to kill me. I'll actually get to live longer that way."

"But you won't live. You'll be undead, neither alive nor dead. And that is not living." His cold, hard eyes were trying to stare me down. But I wasn't going to let them.

"So you define living by having a beating heart? Not by experiencing the world? Being in love? _Feeling_ alive?"

I could feel frustrated tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. Carlisle walked back to me and squatted down on the ground beside me. He kissed my head and wrapped his hand around my shoulder.

"Of course it is Bella. I believe that I'm alive, and I also believe that you are the reason for that."

"Oh please." Jake muttered. "Your opinion doesn't matter because you can't change the treaty."

"But you can." Carlisle's eyes were pleading. His voice desperate.

"No. It would be the same as mocking my ancestors."

"Please, Jacob." I was surprised to hear my own voice. "I can't live without him."

"I'm not telling you to stay away from him, if I had that power I would have done that a long time ago. I'm just saying that I won't let him bite you."

Angela suddenly stirred and moaned.

"We're done here. Guess I'll see you later."

Jacob threw my parkas on the ground and changed before I had the chance to see anything I didn't want to see. Then he ran back into the darkness.

"Bella?" Angela opened her eyes slowly. "What happened?"

"You hit your head." I answered without thinking about it. It was the same explanation Edward had given me when he refused to tell me the truth about how he stopped the van.

She sat up slowly.

"It doesn't hurt.." she moved her hand to her head to examine it. "I remember seeing this man and then there was this huge wolf.."

She trailed off as she looked up and saw Carlisle. Still sitting on the ground beside me.

"Oh! Dr. Cullen!"

"Carlisle." he corrected before helping her up on her feet.

"What are you..?" She looked from me to him and back to me. Examining the space between us and the way he looked at me. Probably adding the fact that I borrowed his car.

Carlisle took a step to the side, he had seen her confusion too.

"What are you doing here?" she finished.

Carlisle looked at me before he spoke.

"Didn't Bella tell you that I would be riding back with you?" I tried to keep my face calm, but it wasn't easy to keep up with the lies and the pretence.

"I've been in Port Angeles today, meeting up with some old friends. That's why Bella got to borrow my car in the first place. There weren't any late busses."

Angela raised an eyebrow at the lousy explanation. I should have warned him. It wouldn't be an easy task to fool her. She was at least as stubborn as me, but not as big mouthed.

"I don't believe you, but if that's the story you're sticking with.." she turned around to take a look at her surroundings.

Carlisle looked at me with worried eyes, and I just shrugged. What were we supposed to do now? We could always tell her, she would probably not let this go anyway.

"And where did the other man go? And don't try to say that he wasn't here, because I could hear you talking."

I couldn't stand looking into her eyes and lying, this was Angela. She needed someone who told her the truth. She needed a real friend. She wasn't as fragile as the others, she wasn't the kind of person who had prejudices and gossiped. She was like me. Not made for the human world.

"Fine!" She sighed. "Can we get out of here? It's freezing!"

First then did I feel the tremors in my muscles, the pain from the cold. I shivered, and Carlisle automatically shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to me.

"Thanks." I muttered. The parkas wasn't really the most tempting alternative.

"We'll get a new one." He said just loud enough for me to hear.

He led the way back to the car, picking up my parkas on the way, dumping it in one of the trash-cans.

Angela gave me another look as she saw what he did, a look that demanded that I told her everything. I wondered if I could ever do that. If she really was strong enough for this world. I remembered the look in Jacob's eyes, the hatred. Would I be gambling with both our lives now?

Carlisle opened the door to the driver's seat and got in.

"Do you want to sit in the front seat?" I asked Angela, not knowing if she felt well enough to sit in the back after her fainting spell.

She shook her head and I opened the door and got into the car.

The drive back to Forks was uncomfortable and silent. Angela spent most of the time looking out into the darkness, probably thinking about what had happened on the parking lot. I wanted so badly to ask Carlisle if I could let Angela in on things, but there was no way I would get to that point now. She was hurt and confused. And making it clear that there were things we kept hidden from her wasn't going to make it better.

He looked at me, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was considering, asking me not to do this.

When we got to the Weber house Carlisle stopped the car. The plan had been that I was going to spend the night there, having an all girls night with Angela. Watching chick-flicks and eating chocolate.

"I think I want to be alone tonight, Bella. Sorry." I could hear that I had hurt her feelings.

"OK. I'm only a phone call away if you change your mind." I said. Not sure what response I was hoping for.

"Thanks." She said, giving me a strained smile.

She got out and walked over to the house. Not looking back once. I felt my stomach tighten, like I had betrayed my best friend.

A tear ran silently down my cheek before it was caught by an icy finger.

"Are you OK?" Carlisle's voice was comforting and worried at the same time.

"No."

"Do you want to go to the hospital? Did he hurt you?"

"No. Physically I'm fine. It just feels so wrong to lie to Angela. She saw him, Carlisle! She saw Jacob transform into that monster! What is she going to think about that? She'll never find an logical reason."

His forehead creased, like he was thinking really hard about something.

"We'll figure out something to tell her. Something believable, or at least safer, than the truth."

He kissed my forehead and played with a strand of my hair.

"We'll think of something tomorrow. All I can think about now is how lucky I was." His lips found mine.

Outside the car the night had already begun to fall. The supernatural seemed so much more dangerous now, especially now that I knew what else was out there.

I was sure that I could hear the frustrated howl of a wolf in the distant.

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**So. No one died. No one got hurt. The story just got a bit more complicated. I really wonder what people are getting from this. I'm always so curious to get your theories. **

**And if you wondered why Bella didn't think about what Charlie wanted to talk to her about I'll just say that she got distracted. (As would I if I saw someone morph into a giant wolf and back into a half-naked boy.)**

**And I should probably tell everyone that I have started publishing the outtakes. They are in a oneshot collection called 'From another point of view'. They are from different POV and with different relation to the story. If you're interested you should take a look: )**

**Jeanita**


	37. Warmth

**Not much to say. Here's chapter 37. A long one, as I have stopped limiting myself to 2000-3000 words.**

**It has been one of those hard chapters to write, but here it is.**

**Jeanita**

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"We have to tell her." Bella was almost screaming at me.

I had tried to get Bella to go to bed when we got back to the house. She ought to be in shock, she had just seen a friend phase into an animal. Instead she insisted on trying to convince me to tell Angela about vampires. As if that would help.

She didn't understand. Involving her had not been of our choice, but she knew anyway. We would just have to do the best we could. I could change Bella and live with her for the rest of my life, but Angela didn't belong in our world. She didn't know anyone here.

"We can't tell her. She's better off without." I tried to speak calmly but determined.

"How can she be better off without? She saw him change! She saw him morph into a giant dog! And I'm pretty sure she didn't believe the lies."

She paced back and forth on the livingroom floor. I eyed Jasper, hoping that he would understand what I wanted him to do. He nodded once and I could already feel the waves of calm wash over me. Bella's pace eased down a little.

He and Alice had been waiting impatiently for our return, knowing that I had some explaining to do. They had taken it well, at least better than I had expected them to. Jasper had of course been furious that I hadn't told them before. Accusing me for putting Alice in danger. She on the other hand was thrilled, telling Jasper that she was never in any real danger.

"She fainted. As a doctor I should be able to convince her that fainting can cause vivid dreams. She can look it up for herself if she wants to."

She cast Jasper an angry glare before she continued. There was a little feeling of shock before the calm feeling came back.

"Still. She has always been an outsider, like me. She won't take it very well when she realizes that another friend betrayed her."

"Bella is right." Alice chimed in.

Of course she had taken Bella's side the minute we walked in the door. Telling me about the future and how things were supposed to be. That Angela definitely had a place in our future, one way or the other.

"Bella doesn't know what it means to let a human know about our world." I felt myself getting frustrated. "That it's either this life or death for her now. I don't want Angela to have to make the same decision."

Bella's eyes widened.

"What?"

She looked at our faces, going from me to Alice, to Jasper and back to me.

"For the safety of our species the Volturi has decided that any human with knowledge about the vampire world either has to die or become one of us. That rule was made when I stayed with them. They had originally decided to go with just die, but I convinced Aro that he should give them a choice to join us."

This was not news to my family, still Jasper moved uneasily on the sofa. He hated the vampire leaders, seeing them as the biggest threat to the peace and calm. Sure, they had helped out a lot of times, but they had also caused battles between covens and sawn hatred in the roots of the southern vampires.

"So I never had a choice all along?" Bella sat down on one of the large pillows left after Alice's slumber party.

"Sure you had. The Volturi rarely leave Volterra. But if fate struck and they did leave, deciding to visit Carlisle for instance, you would have had to be changed to be allowed to live." Alice said.

Bella jumped up on her feet.

"We have to tell Jacob! He'll have to agree to my change now."

"No. It won't change a thing. The Volturi will probably not come, and therefore there's no immediate threat. He won't accept it."

Bella's face fell a little, but I could still see that she was thinking hard about something. I guessed her thoughts had jumped back to the whole Angela thing.

"Look. We can't tell Angela anything without consulting with the wolves first. It was Jacob who managed to show Angela who he really is. The wolves have to get their saying in this."

Even though that bought me some time it was nothing but the truth. If Angela should know anything, the wolves would have to explain about their abilities first.

Alice nodded her head in agreement, and Jasper sent waves of contentment, though I didn't know whether they were meant for Bella or if he was projecting his own feelings. But whatever it was it seemed as Bella calmed down. She was standing in the middle of the room her arms crossed over her chest.

I quickly darted over to her and lifted her from the ground. She gasped, but before she had the chance to say anything we we're sitting in one of the large, white chairs, she placed securely on my lap with my arms locked around her.

"Like I said, we'll think about it tomorrow, tonight I just want to be with you."

I kissed her on her forehead and let the tip of my nose trace the line of her cheekbone. I could feel her shivers from my cold breath, the warm blood that suddenly burned under the skin beneath my lips. She seemed a little embarrassed by the fact that Jasper and Alice were sitting in the same room, but they acted like this was normal. They had really warmed up to the idea quickly. Though Alice had known for a couple of decades.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" I asked Bella. "Charlie thinks you're at Angela's anyway."

I didn't want to leave her out of my sight more tonight. I needed to be close to her. I needed to have her in my arms, to be able to inhale her sweet scent.

She nodded and blushed, and I could see Jasper tense in the sofa. Alice quickly gave him a peck on the cheek. He was really handling this well. Going from total isolation from humans for months to suddenly almost living with the one with the most potent smell in the whole world couldn't be easy for him. Of course she wasn't as potent to us as to Edward, but when her smell even appealed to me in any strength I could only imagine how it smelled to Jasper.

"Great." I loosened one of my arms to tuck her hair behind her hair.

"I think we should get you to bed." I said, running my fingers through her hair. "You have had a tough day, and you deserve to rest."

I could feel her heart pounding, the blood racing through her veins. The wonderful scent strengthen.

I looked up at Jasper, knowing that staying here with Bella would be torturing him. I stood up, just shifting my hold on Bella, still keeping her safely in my arms.

"Goodnight." I nodded towards the two of them.

Neither responded, Alice just gave a mysterious look and turned to kiss Jasper.

I ran upstairs in vampire speed, Bella wouldn't mind. She just nuzzled against my chest, shivering a little from the cold. I placed her on the bed.

"I want to take a shower first. Would you mind if I used your bathroom?"

The rosy color returned to her cheeks at the question, but she shook her head.

"No, not at all."

"Just find yourself a pajama in one of the bags beside the computer in the meantime. Alice bought some new for you. Probably expecting surprise sleepovers." I laughed at Alice's innocent face as she had told me about them.

I walked into the bathroom and began removing my clothes. I hadn't changed them since I had hunted, and I couldn't imagine sleeping in the same bed as Bella without cleaning up first.

"Laurent is coming."

The voice made me turn around in shock. I had been so completely wrapped up in my own mind that I hadn't heard Alice sneak in. She didn't seem to mind me standing in my boxers anyway. For all I knew she had picked this exact moment just to embarrass me.

"We have to talk with the wolves tomorrow." She continued.

I looked at her with confusion, she couldn't possibly have said that?

"Why do we have to go to the wolves? The three of us is enough to take him down if he tries something, and we don't even know what he wants."

She rolled her eyes.

"That's why we have to tell them. If we're going to have a peaceful relationship with the dogs, we might as well do our best to make things work. And it would be better for them to know up front, then they don't have to be taken by surprise."

Thinking about it her plan seemed logical. We hadn't really started out great with the protectors of the Quileute tribe, and this might be our chance to show them that we were reliable.

"You have to bring Bella when you talk to them. She needs to be there to show Sam that she can handle this, and besides she has to speak Angela's case. I would suggest that we all went, but someone has to stick around waiting for Laurent."

"You don't know when he's coming?"

"Just that it will be sometime tomorrow, he keeps changing his mind."

"But everything will be fine?"

"I don't know." She saw my confusion and continued quickly. "We're involving the wolves. I guess they want to make sure that Laurent isn't a threat, so they would want to see him. That's where everything goes blank."

I felt my head nod, barely conscious of my own actions. This was a lot to take in. I knew that Bella already was too involved in our world to ever go back, but I wondered if she was ready to argue with hormonal teenage wolves.

"Don't worry about Bella. She's stronger than most vampires. Just a bit more breakable." Alice winked at me.

Then she disappeared soundlessly through the door, just leaving a faint scent of wildflowers and saltwater.

It took almost a whole second to think things through and get into the shower.

I turned the heat of the shower up to a point where it felt like flames on my skin, I wanted to be able to be closer to her than I usually was, and my body wouldn't normally allow that. The cold it projected eliminated lying next to her, at least without a thick layer of clothes.

I stood under the stream of hot water for a long time. Feeling the burn on my granite skin. Of course it couldn't really burn me, it couldn't harm me at all. It would leave no trace on my skin, it could not overheat me. It would just temporarily allow me to have a more pleasant temperature to Bella.

I wondered how long it would last. A bottle of hot water could last an hour maybe, but then it wouldn't help anymore than a blanket. I hoped Bella would be sound asleep before the effect wore off.

I walked out of the shower, quickly drying my skin to avoid the condensing water to cool my body, and blow-dried my hair. There were already some sweatpants on the counter by the sink, without a doubt Alice's work. It would maybe be too much to just walk out in my boxers, even though this was the girl I was going to spend forever with, so I put them on before I walked back out into the bedroom.

Bella was already lying under the covers, her eyes wide in surprise when she saw me walking through the door. For the first time in my life I felt self-conscious, what if she didn't like what she saw? What if she was disappointed?

I knew that I had to get next to her before my body returned to normal temperature. I closed the distance between me and her within two seconds and stopped right beside the bed.

"I hoped I could lie next to you tonight."

She just nodded, but I could feel her eyes take in the sight before I lifted the covers and slid in. She had braced herself for the icy feel of my granite skin and she sighed with relief when she felt that my body was actually warmer than her own.

"That's the reason for the long shower?" she giggled.

"It's not the same to lie on top of the covers, I wanted to know how it feels like to be able to hold you for real. How it will be when we can lie like this for days."

Her beautiful blush returned to her cheeks and I gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"So you're still going to change me?"

Her eyes were filled with confusion and hope.

"Of course I am. I told you that I can't live without you. Alice saw that decades ago. I'm not betting against her, and therefore I'm not taking any chances." I winked. "Besides, Sam has almost given me the clear on that one."

"But I thought Jake is the leader?"

"He is. For now. But the stunt he pulled at the parking lot this night might cost him that position. At least that's what I'm hoping for."

She became quiet for a second.

"Can they just do that? Kick him as leader and replace him with Sam?"

"Yes. They try to keep their real form a secret, just like us, they can't have a leader who's not mature enough. Maybe he'll grow enough to step up to the responsibility later."

I pulled her body a little closer to mine and let my nose briefly touch hers. I knew that my breath still would be as cold as before, the core-temperature was still the same, so I tried to not breathe out on her skin. I didn't want to ruin my illusion.

"This isn't going to last for long." I murmured into her ear. "I think you should try to go to sleep before I have to move away again."

Her eyes were heavy, I had been right in my theories that the day had taken its toll on her. She seemed exhausted. I placed my arms around her, enjoying the feeling of being able to warm her, just this once.

It felt so right, holding her this close. I held my breath and felt her body relax as she drifted off to sleep. There were so many things to do in the morning, and the world was expecting her to be ready for the most impossible tasks. I had no doubt that she was strong enough, I had just hoped that she wouldn't have to deal with things like this before becoming immortal herself.

I wondered if we were making the right choice though. Letting another human know about the supernatural world was a huge responsibility. And sometime Aro would come to visit. He wanted to catch up every century or so, and then he would know everything. Something that could be a nail in the coffin for the Cullen's.

We were the largest, peaceful coven in Northern America, and we had several talented members. Alice with the ability to see the future, Jasper who could manipulate everyone's emotions, and Edward. I refused to think that Edward had left us. He would come back when he had thought this through. And if I were to count Bella into our family, with her potential ability.

Aro would sooner or later choose to see us as a threat. At least make another attempt to recruit Alice and Edward to the guard. Maybe Bella too.

My arms strengthened their grip on her automatically at the thought of her in one of the cloaks with the vivid read eyes of the guard. I was never going to let Aro get his greedy fingers near her. We could start our own coven if that was the only way, just her and me.

I could live with that. Just her and me for the rest of eternity.

I carefully kissed her head.

Next morning. Bella's POV.

It had been surreal, falling asleep in Carlisle's arms. Being able to be that close to him, without having thick layers of clothing between us. But when I woke up to turn towards him I could feel that he wasn't there. I sat up in the bed, only to realize that he was at the computer.

"Good morning, love." he turned off the computer before he suddenly appeared at my side.

He kissed me softly on the lips before disappearing for a couple of seconds. He came back carrying a tray with a plate of fruits of all forms and sizes and a bowl of cereal and milk.

"You have to eat, we have a long day ahead of us."

He placed the tray on the nightstand and sat down on the bed beside me. I reached out and took the bowl of cereal, wanting to eat them before they got all soggy and unappetizing.

"What's on the agenda?" I asked between spoonfuls.

"Laurent is coming." His voice was serious.

I felt the blood freeze in my veins.

"No? Today?"

He nodded.

"We have to go tell the wolves."

I felt my eyes widening, my stomach twisting in an uncomfortable way. I was glad I was almost finished eating, it wouldn't be easy forcing more down to my stomach. I didn't feel comfortable with him and the others going to see the wolves alone.

"When are you going?"

He chuckled a little.

"We're going when you've finished eating and gotten ready."

"I'm coming with you?"

I felt relieved. I had thought that he was going to let me stay back with Charlie. Away from all danger.

"Of course you are. You have to talk to them about Angela. But I'm sure that can wait if you want to."

He looked at me with the same worry he always had when he thought he had done something wrong.

"Of course I want to come with you!"

How could he, even for one second, believe that I would rather stay here or at Charlie's?

He smiled from one ear to the other, exposing his perfect teeth.

"Hurry up. We need to get going."

I jumped out of bed, forgetting that I was wearing the only thing Alice had left me, a satin nightgown which ended at the mid of my thighs. I blushed a little, and Carlisle turned away in a gentlemanly way.

"I don't think we brought my clothes."

I thought about the bag lying in the back of Carlisle's car.

"You should be able to find something in the closet. It's well stocked."

I could hear that he was smiling, and I was a little scared when I pulled the closed door open.

I gasped in shock. Then I groaned.

"No she didn't!"

He chuckled.

"I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find something there."

"Is there a special dress code?" I asked, mockingly.

"No. But take something warm. We're going to be outside in the forest for a while."

I sighed and began looking though the clothes. There were dozens of dresses, and a lot of satin and silk. I gritted my teeth as I tried to find something I could wear. I could see a new parkas, a military-green one with a more girly figure to show the waist.

"Do you want me to get your bag?" he was still laughing, though more quietly. "I don't mind, but UI think it might hurt Alice's feelings."

He laughed again. Probably having a conversation I wasn't a part of. I looked through the shelves, and there, finally, were a pair of jeans. I quickly pulled them out. Only to see that they were much too expensive for what I normally wore. But they would do.

I opened the other door, and realized that it was filled with Carlisle's clothes. I hesitated for a second, wondering how furious Alice would be, but I pulled out a gray, hooded sweater. Of course too big for me, but it would at least be warmer than the majority of the clothes Alice had bought. Not to forget much more practical as we were going to be out in the forest.

When I had been looking for the nightgown the night before I had seen that one of the bags were full of underwear, and I grabbed it before walking into the bathroom, muttering about how I was going to donate the clothes to charity as soon as I got home.

"I'll be waiting for you downstairs." Carlisle still struggled to keep a serious tone.

I dressed quickly, and headed downstairs with the new parkas on my arm. The others were there, waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Alice sent me a murderous glare as I walked over to Carlisle. He raised an eyebrow himself at the sight of the sweater.

"When are we going?" I asked.

Alice and Carlisle looked at each other. Then Alice looked back at me.

"Now. If you don't mind. I want to get the wolves out of this as soon as possible."

I out on my parkas and nodded, and at the exact same moment I could feel being lifted off the ground.

We flew through the forest like we always did, but it didn't feel like we were running towards something. It was like we were looking for it, or someone. Minutes must have passed as I pressed my face into Carlisle's chest. He finally stopped, and I looked up.

But there was nothing. Not even a bird were singing in the trees around us. The forest was completely still.

"Why are we.."

The snap of a breaking branch alerted me, and I turned my head in the direction of the sound. First I couldn't see what had caused the noise, but suddenly a man was standing there. A large, copper-skinned man with cropped hair and a hard face.

I recognized him, Sam. Leah's former boyfriend. I had only seen him once before, but he still had the same hard eyes.

"Carlisle." he nodded towards us.

"It's nice to see you, Sam."

There was a lot of respect in their voices. Like they were staring at an equal, rather than the enemies Jacob had said that they were. Carlisle put me down on the ground.

"What is your reason to seek us out this time?"

That's when I saw the others. Two large wolves on each side of him. Both crouched to attack.

"I wanted to warn you actually. We're expecting a visitor." Carlisle's voice was calm. Unaffected by the snarling beasts only a few feet away.

"When is this visitor arriving?"

"Sometime today. We're not really sure when."

Sam nodded.

"And is he like you?"

"I'm not sure. He has been spending the last year with friends that share our lifestyle, but I don't know if he's adopted it."

"And I guess you want us to let him pass? Even though his kind is what we're here to kill?" Sam made it clear that he viewed vegetarian vampires as an own race.

Carlisle thought for a couple of seconds. And when he spoke it made the hair stand up on my arms.

"I want you to keep an eye out for him actually. If his eyes are red it could mean that he is here for revenge. That he's after Bella."

He placed a hand on my shoulder as he spoke.

"And if he is, we would have no choice but to kill him."

Sam looked at me with eyes filled with curiosity and confusion.

"Why should he have a desire to kill Bella?"

"We killed the leader of his previous coven. We think that he might still be in contact with the leader's mate."

I waited patiently as Carlisle told them about James, and I obediently showed Sam the crescent formed scar where I had been bitten. He kept his face hard, not letting any emotion through. 'A good leader', I thought to myself.

"We will be on guard." Sam said after Carlisle had finished. "I wouldn't be surprised if you see us around the house."

Carlisle gave him a nod.

"Bella here has something to talk to you about too."

Suddenly all eyes were on me, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

"Do you know what happened last night?" I asked.

The wolves took a step back and sent each other worried glances, and I was sure I could see worry in Sam's eyes too, if only for a second.

"Yes. I assure you that it won't happen again." Sam's voice was hard. "How is the other girl?"

"Angela." I replied automatically. "That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." I hesitated, not knowing what the best approach would be.

"She saw him. And she knows that we're lying. I think that it would be for the best if we told her."

One of the wolves growled, and started to pace back and forth. I took a step back.

"We don't want our secrets to come out, I'm sure you of all people can see that."

"I know that. And it wouldn't only be your secret. It would be ours too." I didn't realize that I counted myself with the vampires until after I had said it. "And I know that she is reliable. She wouldn't tell a soul!"

He looked at Carlisle, and I saw in the corner of my eye that he nodded.

"Would this girl become a vampire too?"

Carlisle hesitated. "Theoretically we have to change her if the secret is exposed. But we could make an exception."

"No." Sam's voice was determined. "I don't want outsiders to know about us. It's too dangerous. It you want to tell her you have to change her."

"But Jacob said.." I began.

"Jacob does not longer lead this pack." Sam cut me off. "You have 48 hours to consider it. Come back when you decide."

He nodded Carlisle goodbye and turned around to walk back into the trees. The wolves followed behind him.

Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder.

"We have to get back to the others."

He gently lifted me back into his arms and started to run. With a destination this time.

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**Hope you liked it. And hope you leave a review regardless what you thought. It's always nice to see what I get right, and what I completely fail at. You better have seen what the next chapter is going to center about, if you haven't I suggest you read it once more;)**

**I credit all the wonderful ladies at Twitter for inspiration and motivation (You know who you are!). I have so much fun hanging out there. **

**New story rec for you while you wait for the next chapter to be written; Unbreakable Road by ****MaitresseStAndrie. It's also rated M, with citruses++, so please don't go there if you're not mature enough or old enough.**

**Jeanita**


	38. Hidden feelings

**Chapter 38. **

**I'm sorry for the delay, but there have been some personal issues that have affected my writing mood. It's taken care of now, so I don't think it'll be a problem for much longer.**

**Jeanita**

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I felt a little hopeless. There were so many complications ahead of us, and there was no way I could stop them from hitting. Running was the most helpful thing I could do right now, and so I did. I pushed me and Bella from the ground with a force I had never used before, at least we were going to be at the house before Laurent got there.

I had no doubt that Jasper and Alice would be able to deal with him if it came to that, they weren't really my main concern. She was lying in my arms, pressing her face to my icy chest. I was afraid that Laurent would come before we were inside the house's four walls. It was reassuring that I could hear the thudding of the paws in the surrounding forest, but I didn't want to put the wolves in any kind of danger either. This was our problem, and they weren't obliged to help us.

Sam had been more understanding than I had hoped for, willing to let Angela in on the secrets, but only if she became a part of it. A vampire. Something he existed to kill. But I guessed he was still ashamed of Jacob's stunt and wanted to make things right again. I just wondered if we could make the right decision for poor Angela. I had no doubt that she was strong enough, but if we told her she would only have one choice; death or immortality.

I could see the house between the trees now, and I could hear the wolves coming to a halt. They would wait here to see if we needed assistance. They were much too kind to us. Perhaps this was the start of a new era, a new treaty and an equal respect for the other species. I turned to give them a nod before I continued into the house.

"Are they already here?" Bella asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes, they escorted us the entire way. I believe they feel somewhat guilty for what happened in Port Angeles."

She didn't say anymore. Alice and Jasper were already at our side, eager for news.

"The wolves are outside, guarding to see if we'll need their assistance." Alice didn't look too happy about that, maybe she was afraid it would interfere with her visions.

"They've volunteered to help, so I don't think we're in any position to send them back." I said in a stronger voice.

She just shrugged, like she didn't really care.

"And Angela?" her eyes were fixed on Bella.

"They said we could tell if we agreed to change her." I said before Bella had the time to understand the question.

Alice's eyes became distant, like they always did when she had a vision. Everyone looked at her, waiting for the reaction. She groaned.

"The wolves are too much involved right now. I can't see anything!"

Jasper put her hands around her, comforting her it seemed. Maybe she needed it too. Alice had never experienced a life without her gift, at least she couldn't remember it. It would be unbelievably frustrating to go temporary blind, and the loss of her ability could be described like that.

Jasper was more serious and focused than he normally was. I could feel the tense emotions of anticipation and eagerness, like he was looking forward to fighting Laurent. But it could also be the mix of the feelings in the room, he could be taking them in and projecting them without thinking about it. I guessed Alice was eager because this was a clear to make Bella a vampire, Bella felt anticipation because of the situation with Angela and the wolves, my feelings were all over mixed, and Jasper's own would be the tense aggression.

He gave Alice a stiff smile and looked back at me and Bella.

"If it comes to a fight, will you fight with me?"

I hadn't really given it much thought. I had never imagined that it would come to a fight, trying to remain positive. But I knew that the chances that Laurent would try to kill Bella was big and that we had to be ready for an attack.

"Of course I will."

He nodded. Bella looked at me with round eyes.

"You're fighting him? Like you fought James?" Her eyes went to Jasper.

"If he's here for a fight, we'll fight. But if he agrees to go away without making any trouble, we'll let him."

I knew from Jasper's face that he was joking. He wouldn't let Laurent go after this. He would track him down to make sure our family was protected. I laid an arm around Bella, pulling her a little closer. She didn't need to know that yet, we would tell her as soon as Laurent were gone.

"Did you see anything else about when he's coming?" I turned to Alice.

"Nope. All I know is that he'll be here before it gets dark."

There were still many hours of daylight left, and I wondered when he would be here. The sky was darker now than it had been when we got out this morning and you could feel the electricity in the air. A thunderstorm was approaching.

Alice had moved over to the sofa to watch TV, she seemed bored of all the waiting. Jasper was standing in front of one of the large windows, staring in the direction Alice had told us Laurent would be coming from. He was a military man, constantly doing his duty to protect the people he cared for, especially Alice.

I wanted to be like that for Bella. I wanted to be the one she could always trust, always lean against. The one she could always count on. I had felt protective of her the moment I had met her in the hospital, I had already seen that this human would mean something special to us. To me. And somehow I couldn't see how these feelings could ever end.

Bella had settled down with Alice in front of the TV, and from the sound of it there was a comedy on. I didn't really feel like joining them. I didn't want to be caught off guard.

The sound of the girls' laughter was a bizarre sound in this situation, but I was glad that Bella was able to think about something else than the upcoming confrontation.

The sky outside was still darkening, and I understood that according to Alice's vision he should be here soon. The thick clouds kept almost all light out, and if they continued to gather it would seem as twilight.

I turned to Alice to see if I was right, and her eyes were alarming. He would be coming soon.

Suddenly things happened very fast. Jasper ran over and picked Bella off the couch. He came over and placed her on the ground in front of me before he turned the switches that made the steel covers for the windows come down. I placed my arms around the girl in front of me.

Alice was standing in front of us. Her hands were clenched, and a quiet growl escaped from her chest.

He was coming.

"Do you feel him, Jasper?" I asked. Not sure what I was hoping for.

"Yes." His voice was feral.

"Alice." I said.

She quickly changed places with me, but I could see that she didn't want to leave her man. She would give anything for him to let her fight beside him. But I understood why he couldn't do that. Jasper was everything to her, and she would rather have Bella dead than him.

"Is he close?" Bella's voice was unsteady.

"Yes." Jasper said again.

"What about the wolves?" she asked.

"They will stay out of this as long as they don't think there's any danger." I answered. "Sam wouldn't hurt anyone if he didn't have to."

I didn't really know that. I had just seen some of myself in his eyes, the same compassion for life and love.

Everyone had understood why Laurent was coming now. Jasper's reaction was enough evidence to tell that he wasn't here to socialize.

I could hear his footsteps now. He was running through the forest, getting closer and closer to the wolves. I could hear him passing them easily, not even noticing them. Of course he wouldn't, they smelled much like the normal wolves, with only a hint of human blood. He stopped outside our door, and Bella's heart hammered desperately.

The sound of her beating heart was normally one of my favorite sounds, but now it sounded alarming. She had understood what was going to happen.

The door burst open and Laurent stood there, tall and statuesque. His eyes shone like glittering rubies, a clear sign that he had not changed his way of life.

"Hello, Carlisle." he smiled, showing his white teeth.

"Laurent."

Jasper was still standing in the same defensive pose.

"It has been too long." He said, cocking his head to the side. "I see you've managed to keep your pet alive."

A growl escaped my chest, no one was allowed to talk about Bella like that. I could hear that Alice had the same reaction.

He looked around in the room.

"That's strange. Where is her mate? I can't see the mind-reader anywhere. In fact there's quite a few missing here."

I felt the words hit me stronger than they should. Edward was not her mate. He was never going to be her mate.

"He's not her mate."

Laurent smiled.

"So she's unclaimed?"

He looked at Bella with lust in his eyes.

"Bella is with me." I said though clenched teeth.

"That's strange." His eyes wandered from one to the other. "I could swear that you had another mate. And this girl was definitely with the mind-reader last time I was here."

"Things change." Alice said, carefully moving Bella behind her.

"I see you have this family wrapped around your little finger, _Bella_." He nodded towards Bella. "Which is going to make this so much more annoying that it could have been."

"What do you mean by that?" Jasper asked in a hard voice.

"Victoria wants her dead. And she asked me to go get her." He answered lightly. "I suggest you just hand her over, an eye for an eye. Or else this will just get more uncomfortable later."

He smiled wistfully, like he had just told a joke.

"I'm sorry, but we can't do that."

I readied myself for a fight. Crouching into a defensive pose.

Laurent took a step backwards to the door.

"Well then. I guess I'll just tell Victoria about your decision. She will be so disappointed." He shook his head slowly.

I suddenly felt like I couldn't go away from this place. I had to stay here, this room was important. I looked over at Jasper, and saw the concentration on his face. He was trying to manipulate Laurent to stay.

Laurent looked hesitant, like he was no longer sure about his own decisions. He was frozen in the movement of taking a step back, but he slowly put it back on the ground. I could see that this took all of Jasper's concentration since this was no easy feeling. Love, hate and aggression were most common among the vampires he had worked with before. But I guessed this wasn't the first time he had to make someone feel like they belonged.

He slowly walked over to Laurent, who was looking down at himself.

"What are you doing to me?"

Jasper smiled a crooked smile, but his eyes were wild. He was ready for the fight.

I cleared my throat, just in case he had forgotten about the fact that Bella was still in the room. I didn't want to fight in here either. It would be better to take this outside where we didn't risk destroying the house anyway.

Bella's desperate heartbeats were another reason why letting our instincts free inside the house was a bad idea.

"Carlisle," Jasper looked at me for the fifth of a second.

He couldn't talk about the wolves in front of Laurent, I understood that. And he couldn't move around too much, he had to avoid starting the fight while we were still inside the house. I walked slowly around Laurent and out the door. Now we had the advantage, he had nowhere to escape.

Sam was already waiting for me by the corner of the house. He was still flanked by the two other wolves. I nodded towards him. I could see that he immediately understood what I wanted them to do.

"You don't have to do this." I reminded them.

Sam just grinned, the others didn't look that optimistic.

I could hear that the two vampires inside the house beginning to walk slowly towards the door. Laurent was probably backing away while Jasper forced him to continue.

"Who do you think you are, pup?" Laurent's voice was calm, but there was a hint of uncertainty.

"You tell me." Jasper sounded like he was smiling. "I'm sure you can understand these."

The sound of Jasper rolling up the sleeves of his sweater were followed by a gasp. I knew what Laurent was seeing. The scars. Hundreds of scars covering his skin. The evidence that Jasper had fought a lot of vampires. And won every single fight.

Jasper made an alarm go off in every single vampire. He was one of the most dangerous of all. And I guessed that was true. He had been trained to kill other vampires since his change, and he had the ability to manipulate you into feeling whatever he wanted you to feel. He _was_ danger.

They were outside now. But I wanted them further away from the house and Bella. I didn't want her to hear the fight. But I knew that I shouldn't have doubted Jasper for a second, he continued to force Laurent slowly back into the dark forest. I followed from a distance, not wanting to interrupt his concentration.

"Killing me won't change the future. Just ask that psychic of yours. In fact, if you just hand over the human I can promise you that it would be the best choice."

Jasper growled. "She won't be human for long. And there's no way we're letting you or anyone else like you near her again."

Laurent laughed.

"I'm not so sure about that. I promise you'll understand soon enough."

He didn't look afraid at all, but that could just be due to Jasper. If his fear had gotten the best of him he would probably have been able to understand that his feelings were being tampered with.

"What is going to happen? Who is coming for us?"

Another laugh.

"Wouldn't be much fun if I spoiled the surprise, would it?"

Jasper was normally a very good interrogator as he could get people to want to tell him things, but this time it seemed like Laurent's loyalties were too strong.

"Come on." Jasper's voice was calm now, alluring. "What difference would it make if you told me?"

We were almost there now. The foot of the mountain. A twenty meter stone wall, not even a vampire would have a chance to escape if he was surrounded by equals here. But the only thing showing on Laurent's face was hesitance.

"I cannot tell you." He finally said. "That would be too dangerous."

It would certainly not be more dangerous for us than it already was, and I guessed that he already knew that this would be his last day in this form, so who was this going to inflict?

Before I had a chance to think any more about that question Laurent charged for Jasper.

It was clear that he had been in fights before too, but he wasn't as skilled as Jasper. Before he had been able to hit him, Jasper took a small step to the right and reaching out his left hand. He grabbed Laurent's wrist and twisted it behind his back. He was suddenly standing behind him, so close that it seemed like he was whispering something in his ear.

The wolves snarled, and charged to, only to stop when Jasper motioned them to.

"What difference does that mean to you? You're going to die anyway." He said to Laurent.

He didn't get an answer.

"Fine."

He fastened the grip on Laurent's hand. He took a step back, lifted his foot, placed it on Laurent's back, and pushed.

The metallic screech was followed by a yell of pain. But it didn't last long, Laurent was soon covered by the wolves and Jasper. More metallic sounds filled the air as all of them trying to tear him up as fast as possible.

They didn't need me, and I couldn't help feeling a little grateful for not having to be a part of the killing. The ripped pieces of the vampire were neatly placed in a pile when they took a step back.

"Have you got a lighter?" Jasper turned to me.

I searched my pockets, but I rarely had lighters, and it was even rarer to find one in my pockets. I shook my head.

Sam suddenly walked over to one of the other wolves and yanked a piece of fabric from his left leg. He turned towards Jasper and placed it in front of him.

Jasper took it, and I could see what it was. A pair of cut-off sweatpants. Jasper searched the pockets and found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Thanks." He said as he let the flame touch the pile.

The blue flames rose to the sky, and continued as purple smoke. The sweet smell made one of the wolves whimper.

We stayed to make sure that the fire burned to the ground. Jasper had folded his arms over his chest, his face was both relieved and worried at the same time. Had he felt something when Laurent died that he shouldn't have felt? Had Laurent hidden something bigger from us?

He looked at me then, and his eyes confirmed my suspicions. He looked at the wolves, and then back at the direction we had come from. He didn't want them to hear this conversation. I agreed, this was mainly our own problem, we didn't need to involve the others in this. Yet.

The last flame died, and Sam got up from the ground. He walked over to me and bowed his head. I did the same.

"Thank you."

The mouth of the wolf twisted into a weird grin, but I got the point. Then they disappeared into the forest. I guessed they needed to discuss the latest events with the elders. Especially the fact that Sam had granted us permission to change both Bella and Angela.

Jasper and I silently begun our walk back to the house. It seemed as Jasper had a lot to think about, and I wanted to give him time to sort his own feelings from Laurent's.

"Is it bad?" I asked hesitantly.

"Very."

The house was right in front of us now, and I could already feel Jasper's anxiety. This was not something he looked forward to tell us.

Bella came running towards me the moment I walked in the door. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head. I had a bad feeling about the news Jasper was about to reveal.

I could see that Alice already had seen it, and her face told me that it was just as bad as I had expected. She walked back to the couch and sat down. I didn't want to move.

"What do you know Jasper?"

"Laurent didn't lie, his feelings were sincere when he said that something will be coming for us later."

I nodded, this much had I already figured out for myself. Bella was almost shaking, and whether it was the influence of Jasper's feelings or the cold from my body I didn't know. But she didn't move away.

"But Laurent was protecting someone. Someone he loved." He shook his head. "This person is the only one who can set of the thing Laurent was talking about. He had probably already informed this person about the possible outcome. That we might kill him."

Alice closed her eyes.

"I know it's not Victoria, because the emotion weren't there when he talked about her. He's just loyal to her because she was a part of his former coven."

So Laurent had planned as if we were going to kill him. Something would be coming for us sooner or later, something that Laurent thought could kill us. Unless we found the person Laurent felt so strongly about.

"Alice?" I didn't know what I was hoping for. Maybe she could see the person, or maybe she could tell us what was coming for us.

She shook her head.

"What do you want me to look for? Victoria? Our future? Neither seems to have changed yet. We have to wait for the person to realize that Laurent is dead. And then we still don't know who to look for if we want to stop it before it begins."

The silence was overwhelming, there was only the sound of Bella's hammering heartbeats and shallow breathing.

We didn't even know what Laurent had planned to do. It had to involve other vampires or supernatural creatures, but we didn't know who or what or even when. This was a hopeless situation.

And then there was still Victoria. We could keep an eye on her, and he knew that. So I doubted that she was even involved in this.

I regretted that I had told him about our powers last spring. If he hadn't known he hadn't been able to plan something we couldn't see. He had already known that Edward was gone. That much was clear now.

We were completely blind.

"We have to tell the wolves about this." I said.

If something was coming to Forks, something strong enough to wipe out our coven, they deserved to know.

"I know." Jasper said. "And we have to decide about the changes of Bella and Angela."

He looked down. Bella's heart skipped a bit, and Alice smiled.

"Changes?" I asked. We hadn't talked about Angela yet.

"If something is coming," Jasper begun, his eyes hard. "and they finds out that a human holds any kind of information, they'll definitely test to see how much the human knows. We don't know if it's vampires, but if it is, and if they're gifted, Angela is in danger."

I knew that what he said made sense. But there were just too many 'but's and 'if's. I knew that it was better to be safe than sorry, but Angela only got this one chance, and we were going to overrule that and make her into one of us.

"She'll be fine." Alice said. "She'll love it, she'll feel like she belongs."

Bella nodded against my chest.

"She'll have us. She'll still be able to live like a normal person. In a few years."

I knew that I had to agree with them. If Angela was one of us and moved in here, we would also have one less person to worry about when the time came.

"I'll set up a meeting with the wolves and the elders then."

* * *

**I bet you didn't see that one coming? This time I expect anyone with a theory to tell me what you believe Laurent has planned. **

**As always I have to thank the wonderful ladies at Twitter for the support and the hilarious conversations. And the fact that they have survived all my whining the last days. You guys are absolutely amazing. Paolabearr, MaitresseSaint and JaspersIzzy.. You guys never fail to make me laugh, or feel a little better.**

**Jeanita**


	39. Reactions

**I know it's been a long time, but I had a bad case of 'real life'. I don't know if you've experienced that before, but to me it was a complete new thing.. **

**Really. My dog (which I've had since I turned 8) is seriously ill, and we'll have to take her to the vet to put her to sleep this week or the next. And I've also had much work. Even though it was fall break last week and all my friends came home, I barely got to see them. **

**I also see that I've been really hopeless with the disclaimers, but you all know that Twilight and all its beautiful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just claim my imagination.**

**But here's chapter 39. **

**Jeanita**

**

* * *

Bella's POV  
**

I couldn't believe how calm the others seemed. Jasper almost looked bored while we were waiting for the wolves and the council of the elders to arrive. It was freezing cold even though graduation was only 2 weeks away, that's what you get for living in the Olympic Peninsula.

Carlisle cast me another worried glance, he had given me a lot of warm clothes before we left the house, and even though I was wearing all of them I still shivered. I thought about how much easier things would be when I became a vampire and didn't have to think about the weather.

The last few weeks had gone by faster than I had ever believed was possible. One day had floated into the next, and it all seemed like a blur now. Angela had kept asking questions I hadn't been allowed to answer, and I had told her over and over again that I would tell her as soon as I could. She wasn't too happy about it, but at least she had accepted it.

We had gone through what we were going to say a million times, I had even taken part in the planning of how this all were going to be. But now we had to convince a bunch of old men with even older opinions. They didn't like vampires, that much I had understood when I first started to date Edward. Billy had been clear on what he meant about me going out with a vampire, he had even told me to stay away from him. I just hoped they could understand now.

Suddenly the three of them straightened up, their eyes fixed on the thick forest in front of us. I hadn't heard them. They emerged from the trees, three men, one girl and Sam. Two of the men were walking and one was carried by Sam. Billy. They were surrounded by wolves.

I looked closer at the girl. She was beautiful, copper skin, long black hair. Then she turned her head to look at me and I almost gasped. On the right side of her face there were three red scars running from her hairline down to her chin and continuing down her neck. She looked at me with questioning eyes and I quickly turned to look at Carlisle.

"Thank you for coming." He said, his voice as calm as his face.

Billy stepped forward, leaning heavily on a cane, his eyes locked at me.

"Sam told me that you have something important to discuss, that you wanted permission to change two humans."

"Yes." Carlisle said as he discretely took a step in front of me, shielding me from the curious eyes. "He has already granted us that permission, but I thought a formal meeting was the best thing to do."

Billy nodded.

"I only see one human here though, where is the other girl?"

"We haven't talked to her yet. We wanted to get this meeting out of the way first." Jasper responded.

"So this girl you want to inform does not know about vampires or shapeshifters?" Billy seemed surprised.

"No. But she knows that something is wrong, she has known that since your son managed to phase in front of her."

Billy whirled around to look at one of the wolves. One, the russet brown met his eyes.

"You didn't?" he asked in an angry voice.

The wolf looked the other way, a clearly embarrassed reaction.

"But if she's not informed about this world, how can you make that decision for her?" The girl had stepped forward.

The two other men looked at us with the same surprised faces.

"This girl has no real ties to the human world," Alice began in a voice that made her seem older than her physical 19 years. "and she really wants to know what's going on. Bella is her best friend, perhaps her only friend, and I don't know if leaving her would help anyone. Like Carlisle said, she saw Jacob phase. She knows something is wrong. She will try to find out one way or the other."

Two of the elders whispered to each other in a language I didn't know. Quileute I guessed. They wanted to keep their conversation secret. One of the men, slightly older than Billy took the word.

"We have a better idea."

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a worried glance before the man continued.

"She can move down to the reservation. She'll be protected there, she'll still be informed about everything, and she will get a place in the council. And of course Bella can come visit her whenever she wants to."

Everyone became completely silent. Every face was hard as stone. Both sides knew that Angela needed to be informed about the supernatural world, but both sides had a different opinion about her future.

"What about letting her make an informed decision?" I asked. "You disagreed about us making the decision for her, so why is it that you think you can do that?"

Billy looked at me with hard eyes.

"We're not going to force her, we want her to do the thing that's right for her. Bella, that choice is open for you too. Think about it, you don't have to disappear, you can stay in contact with Charlie, and you could live your life like it's supposed to be. You can marry, have children, grow old."

I shook my head violently like a 4 year old that didn't get her way.

"I'm not going to change my mind." I said more harshness than necessary.

The russet brown wolf, Jacob, whimpered. Billy just shrugged.

"There's nothing I can do as long as Sam already has agreed to the changes."

He gave Sam a nod as if to tell him to take it from here. It was almost bizarre how much respect they showed when they looked at him.

"So.." Sam seemed more nervous than anyone. But I guessed anyone in that position, with the elders monitoring his moves, would be a little nervous. "When have you planned that the changes are going to take place?"

He talked about changes in plural, like he expected both me an Angela to join the existence of the undead.

"Almost immediately after graduation, the sooner the better. I think you can understand that." Jasper referred to what Laurent had said.

Sam nodded.

Graduation. That was only two weeks from now. My feelings fought as I thought about it. On one hand I could not be happier to know that my real life would start so soon. That I could finally begin to plan, to experience. But on the other hand there were so many things I was going to miss.

Like Charlie. I never imagined that living with him for the past year had changed me this much. It was more comfortable than living with Renee, as she was a force of nature. And I was a bit afraid that Charlie would understand that something was wrong, I had to get the observation skills from someone.

And then it was the things I wanted to experience before my change. Things Edward had told me were impossible for a vampire and a human. But I wasn't with Edward now, I was with Carlisle, and he had trained his bloodlust and self-control for centuries. Surely there wouldn't be a problem then? But I had no idea how to tell him what I wanted.

I already knew that he wanted it too, or at least that was the impression I had gotten when we kissed. His breathing had become shallow and fast like mine. But he had always stopped it before it had gone too far. He had said that we didn't want to do something we weren't ready for. I knew_ I_ was ready, so what was he waiting for?

"Bella?"

I was dragged back into reality by Jasper's voice.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. Just a little tired." That seemed like a believable explanation.

"We'll be done here in a couple of minutes." Carlisle kissed the top of my hair and wrapped his arms around me.

I knew that that wouldn't be the end of the day. We still had a lot of things to clear up.

"And when will you inform Angela?" Sam's voice was still filled with authority and respect. Something I admired considering who he was talking to.

"As soon as possible." Jasper answered before Carlisle could. He was a natural strategist. "But we have others to inform first."

I felt goosebumps rise on my hands. Was this the important matter Jasper wanted to clear up today? Talking to the others? That would not be pleasant.

"Other vampires?" Billy asked with a poison tone to his voice. "Are they coming here?"

"The rest of our family are on their way, they will be here soon." Alice sounded just as happy as she always did.

My heart skipped a beat, this was not what I had expected. I had hoped that we would discuss this first, but Alice would have seen the outcome anyway, so I would just have to trust them.

"They belong here too." Sam said to Billy. "All of them are informed about the treaty."

Billy's face turned red, he didn't like to be lectured by a person so much younger than him.

Sam turned back to look at us. His face eased up a bit when he looked at me and Carlisle. Then he looked at Emily, with nothing but pure love in his eyes.

"We will have a new meeting once the change or changes have been made. Then we will discuss the treaty and see if there are things we have to change."

"We'll keep in touch." Jasper said and gave Sam a nod.

"Good luck, Bella." Sam's words were warm.

"Thanks."

Carlisle lifted me back up into his arms, and I closed my eyes and pressed my face to his chest to avoid the painfully cold wind.

"It will be alright." He whispered, but I could hear that the words were meant just as much for him as for me.

I knew that we would be at the house soon, and that the others would come soon. Maybe they already were there? What would they think when they saw us? I pictured Rosalie's furious glare.

The possible scenarios filled my mind the whole way back to the house. I wished that I could imagine them being happy for us, but that seemed impossible. Carlisle had been married to Esme for so many years, and it was almost unheard of that vampires left their mate. Especially "vegetarian" vampires. I could just hope that they wouldn't be too upset by it.

I immediately realized that we were inside when I felt the warmth of the livingroom. I opened my eyes and prepared for my feet to touch the ground. But Carlisle didn't put me down. I looked up into his golden eyes. They were filled with worry, even his forehead was creased. Alice was standing by the door, unmoving with a distant look in her eyes.

They would have had to come here before us, even though I weighted nothing to Carlisle I still slowed him down. And that meant that Alice had been standing like that for a while.

Jasper took a step towards her in the same second she snapped back into the current reality. She looked from me to Jasper and to Carlisle. Her order of priority right now.

"They'll be here in just a couple of seconds." She said as she pulled me out of Carlisle's arms.

She dragged me by my hand to the back of the room.

"I don't know how they'll react." She said as Jasper and Carlisle tensed in front of the door.

My heart was hammering so hard in my chest that it was almost painful. I couldn't hear them approach, so I could just look on the reactions of Carlisle, Jasper and Alice. The door opened slowly, and the three vampires walked in.

I did not know what I had expected to happen, but this was not one of the scenarios. The six vampires just stood there, looking at each other. As far as I could see there was no anger, just curiosity.

"Bella!" Emmett's voice was the first thing that broke the awkward silence.

Suddenly they had their eyes fixed on me and Alice. It had to seem strange for them, seeing Alice standing in front of me like a shield. I wondered how long it would take them to puzzle the pieces together. I was unable to respond.

Esme's eyes were locked on Carlisle for a couple of moments and I felt a sting in my heart. She had held his heart for all those years, it would seem reasonable that it would take them longer than a couple of months to get over each other. I just hoped that his love for me was stronger. I didn't think I would survive losing him.

"Is this what you've been keeping from us?" Emmett sounded excited. "I'm so glad to see you Bella!"

He began to walk over to me, but was quickly stopped by Carlisle and Jasper.

"Hey? What..?" he looked from me to the two vampires restraining him.

Rosalie let out a hiss and crouched into a defensive pose.

"We asked you to come down because we had something to tell you." Jasper said. His eyes hadn't left Emmett.

"Huh?" Emmett seemed more confused now than he had just a couple of seconds ago.

"What is it that you want to tell us?" Esme's calm voice wasn't as reassuring as it should have been. It was tense.

Carlisle looked at me, and I immediately realized that he shouldn't have. While Jasper and Alice kept their eyes on the others he turned to look at me, and there was just too much emotion in his eyes.

There was a gasp.

"Carlisle?!" Emmett yelled.

A calm filled the room, and I knew that Jasper was manipulating the others. He was afraid that something was going to go wrong. And when you were dealing with vampires that could be the exact result.

"This is why we wanted to tell you face to face. To make you understand." Carlisle's voice was almost pleading.

"Understand what?" Rosalie asked. The words saturating with venom.

Carlisle backed slowly to where I was standing and put his arm around me. I could feel the blush in my cheeks and the guilt in my stomach. Somewhere inside I knew that the guilt was irrational, but when I looked at the hurt and confused people standing by the door I couldn't help it.

I couldn't even look at Esme and I quickly bent my head so that I couldn't see either of them.

"You mean..?" Emmett sounded like he had trouble forming a sentence. "You and Bella?"

I could feel their stares, and Carlisle pulled me a little closer.

"Yes. Me and Bella."

I felt his lips touch the top of my head before he continued.

"I love her. I really love her. More than I had ever believed I could. Alice has seen it all along, but she couldn't tell us because then both our futures disappeared into nothingness."

I took a deep breath and prepared for the reactions. But there was none for a long time. There was only complete silence. I looked up, and their faces was shocked, their eyes locked on me and Carlisle. Rosalie was the only one that showed any sign of anger, her eyes would have ripped me apart if they could.

"Well. I think it's great!" Emmett's eyes glittered and his smile went from one ear to the other.

"What's so great about it?" Rosalie asked. "He just left Esme, and now _he's_ with Bella? Does Edward even know about this?"

"Edward knows." Jasper answered. "And he's not happy about it, but I hoped that he would be the only one. These two deserve each other. They deserve love."

Rosalie turned her head towards him.

"Love? How long have they been together? A couple of weeks? A month? He has just broken thing off with Esme, I bet Bella is just a distraction."

Jasper hissed. "Do you doubt Alice's visions? Do you doubt that she has seen them together since the minute her eyes met Carlisle's? I wouldn't bet against Alice, if she says they have a happily ever after that's what will happen."

Rosalie just stared at him in disbelief.

"I never thought you were the one to support them."

"I care for them. They are my family, like you, and even if I hadn't I still owe Bella for attacking her." he said with a hard voice. "And we won't force you to stay, we just thought that you would want to know. That you might want to reconnect as a family."

Rosalie's usually full lips were only a thin, white line on her face. Her eyes still showed that she was angry, or at least that she wanted to be angry. She gave Esme a questioning look. I still avoided looking at the beautiful woman, I still felt like I had taken away something that had belonged to her.

"Why are you angry, Rosalie?" she said with a warm voice. "He didn't leave me, it was a mutual decision. I'm glad that he has been able to find new love."

Unwillingly my eyes met hers, but there wasn't anger. There wasn't even hurt. I felt relief erase the gnawing pain in my stomach. I looked from her to Rosalie, not looking for the same blessing, but just a sign that she didn't really hate us for this. Her eyes were still cold, and her lips hadn't even moved. She wasn't going to answer Esme.

Emmett was still smiling, and I couldn't help it either when I looked at him. He looked so bizarrely innocent when he smiled, his black curls and his dimples made him seem more like a huge three year old.

"Come on, you've gotta let me hug her!"

And then all the tension disappeared from the room. Alice let out a chiming laugh and I swear I could see a twitch in Rosalie's face.

Jasper let Emmett pass and he was by me in less than a second. I felt that I was yanked out of Carlisle's arms and lifted off the ground.

"Off." Was the only sound that escaped my lips as the air was forced out of my lungs.

"Be careful, Emmett. She's still breakable." Alice laughed.

He put me down like I was made of porcelain.

"What do you mean by that, Alice?" Rosalie asked with shock in her voice.

The blissful seconds of acceptance and love had passed by so much faster than I had expected. The tension was back.

"Is Carlisle going to..?" she took a step back, her eyes wide.

This wasn't what I had expected. I had believed that we would get the worst reaction to the fact that we were together, not because we wanted to be together forever.

"Yes." Carlisle answered as he walked in front of me. "We want to spend eternity together, and there is only one way."

"Do you want to give up everything, Bella?" Rosalie looked furious. "You can have everything you want, and you choose to become a vampire?"

"This is what I want." I said in a low voice. "There's nothing I want more."

I looked up at Carlisle and he smiled down at me.

"So you're just going to throw everything away?" she yelled now.

I was going to respond, but when I opened my eyes after closing them for less than a second, she was gone.

The others seemed to ignore the fact that she had stormed out the door. Alice had walked over to Esme to give her a hug, and Jasper and Emmett were laughing at some joke I hadn't heard. Carlisle turned me around and hugged me closer.

"Don't think about her. She can't see longer than her own nose sometimes."

Then he released me. He nodded to someone behind me, and I turned around to see who. Esme. She was standing there, her caramel hair flowing gently down her shoulders and her golden eyes just a shade darker than Carlisle's. She was smiling her warm smile.

How could I have thought that she would try to take Carlisle from me? Even if she still loved him, even if she had wanted to take him back, she wouldn't have done it as long as it could hurt someone.

"Bella." she said. "I'm so glad to see that you're well."

She gave me a quick hug.

I didn't know how to respond, so I tried to smile. I didn't know how well it worked.

It was impossible to think about Rosalie now. I was too relieved, there wasn't room to think about much else than the future.

* * *

**Yeah. I should tell you all that Changes is getting closer and closer to the end. I don't know how many chapters I've got left, but still. I see that I'm getting closer to the end.**

**BUT, there's going to be a sequel. Jupp. And I've already got a beta for it;) So it's not just something I say. **

**Stay tuned on Twitter to know how the chapters are coming along, they seem to get all the information:p**

**Jeanita**


	40. Details

**Look at me, managing to write a chapter this fast. *proud***

**Go on, read it : )**

**Jeanita**

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The knock on the door didn't startle me as I had already heard that someone was coming.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

I had already known that it was Rosalie, she was the only one who walked around in high heels all the time. Alice was known for her fashion, but she liked to wear flats at home. Esme too.

"Of course, Rosalie."

I put the book that I was reading down on my desk and looked up at her.

"There's not much time left."

I knew what she was talking about; Bella's change. It might seem like a little while for a human, but for us those weeks flew by like hours. That's what happens when you get used to have all the time in the world. Four days had already passed, and I knew that talking to Angela when the sun went down could not have been done any later.

I had told Rosalie about when I was going to change Bella when she got home from hunting. The others had been told when Bella was here, so that they could see her own side of this matter too. They had understood what was going on, and they accepted it. Rosalie had been harder to convince.

"Why can't she have more time? It's not like she's going to outgrow you in a couple of years, she's only 18."

I had tried to explain this to Rosalie like I had told the others, but she didn't seem to understand the danger Bella was in now.

"Laurent could have been lying for all we know." She pleaded.

I couldn't keep the sigh in, and her eyes hardened. Like a four year old that didn't get her way.

"It would be great if we could go with that theory, but Jasper said that his feelings were honest. He loves someone, and that someone is probably already setting the plan into action. Are we going to risk Bella's life for that? That Laurent _might_ be lying? We still have to remember that Victoria is after her, and that we killed her mate."

"But we can keep her safe. We can make sure that nobody gets even close to her."

I raised one eyebrow.

"Wouldn't that be against your goal of letting her have a human life? Shielding her from everything is worse than letting her become immortal."

I could see that Rosalie knew that I was right, she just didn't want to admit it. I couldn't blame her. She just wished that Bella could have all the things she had wished for herself. She couldn't see that sometimes people wanted other things than herself.

"Rosalie, I know that you wouldn't have wanted this life for yourself, but is it so hard to believe that Bella wants it? You two are so unlike, and I don't think it would be right to force your dreams on her."

She looked away.

"I just can't believe that she's not going to make the most of her time with a beating heart."

"I have told Bella that she can do whatever she wants before I turn her. I have said that we can take all the money and time we want, but all she wants to do is become one of us."

That wasn't exactly true. Well, the part about the money and the time was true, but Bella had one wish. Or should I say demand? She should only have known what Bella had asked that I did before she was turned. I had said that I would think about it, that I would let her know when I made a decision, but deep down inside I knew that I wasn't able to turn her down.

Rosalie nodded her head, and her eyes looked so incredibly sad. I knew that she had always wanted a baby, and I knew that she wished she could grow old and see her children and grandchildren grow up. And I knew that she hated the immortal life. Her only light in this world was Emmett, and if she hadn't loved him so much she would have gone to the Volturi decades ago, begging for them to end her existence.

But as long as he was enough to tie her to this world I couldn't regret letting her go through the change. It had to be true love when one person made you cope with an existence you hated.

"Rosalie," I usually called her by her real name, unlike the most of the family. "I wish you would give Bella a chance. Maybe you could understand her choice if you got to know her."

I knew it was a long shot, but I didn't want any hatred in our family when we were being threatened.

I reached out and placed a hand on hers.

"It's going to work out, just wait and see."

She smiled briefly, but her eyes still told me that she was dreaming of the life she never could have. I hoped that she would find something else besides Emmett that could make her understand the miracle of the world. Of being able to live forever and seeing the changes of the times without being distracted by growing older.

She got up and walked out of the room without saying another word. We rarely argued just for the sake of arguing like some humans did. She knew that it was Bella's decision, and she just wanted to understand why she was choosing what she did.

I didn't even try to go back to reading, Rosalie's questions had reminded me about Bella's request. I wondered if I would be able to go through with it without hurting her. If I moved a little wrong I could be causing fatal injuries that could be beyond the repair of vampire venom.

But I had lived for centuries, I had become pretty good at ignoring the smell of human blood. I had also had sex before, so it wouldn't be a new experience with new feelings. Well, some new feelings. The overwhelming love that I felt for Bella could only be seen as a plus.

I looked out at the mountains, the sun gave them a flaming orange color and an almost supernatural feeling. It was definitely the right night to talk to Angela about her future choice.

Bella had already told her to come by her house when the sun went down. Angela had hesitated at first, but when Bella had told her that she was about to get to know what had happened that night in Port Angeles she had agreed to it. From there they would come here, in Bella's car. At least that was the idea. If Angela refused we would only have to come up with something else.

Jasper had already planned what would be best if she choose to stay with us. He had already taken care of the planning of Bella's and Angela's changes, but he didn't want to tell anyone before he knew if they both wanted to cross over to our side. I respected that. He was our natural strategist, and I trusted him to find the best solution for everyone.

I didn't want to wait downstairs with the others, I had too much on my mind right now. I was restless. While everyone else thought that time went by too fast, I couldn't wait to spend eternity with my Bella.

I wondered if she would marry me sometime. Be mine in name and with the legal ties. We wouldn't have to make something big out of it, just a proof of my love for her. But I knew that I wouldn't make her do anything she didn't want to, if she'd rather have some other token I would gladly give her whatever she thought was best. I knew that I would have her forever.

In the distance I could hear the roar of Bella's car, she had just started on the road up to our house. I hurried downstairs, running out of the house before anyone had time to ask me any questions. I just wanted to see her, I just wanted these final details to be settled so that there would be no delay when graduation was over.

When the car reached the house I could see a very nervous Angela sitting in the car beside Bella. I knew that she wanted to know what was going on, but I also knew that she was much like Bella. She had probably already understood that she wasn't going to like what she heard.

They got out of the car in silence, and Bella walked over to me. I fought the urge to kiss her, we didn't have to scare Angela away before we had had a chance to tell our story. So I nodded to Bella and led her and Angela into the house.

When we came into the house everyone was settled like they were doing everyday activities, something that they really didn't have to do as we were going to tell Angela everything after all. She looked around with round eyes, taking in the large and modern house. I led them to the big dining room table that we used for family meetings, and the others quit their activities and followed close behind us.

Angela seemed a little scared by the silent coordination, but she sat down without saying anything about it. The others slid soundlessly into their chairs. Everyone looked at Angela, who desperately tried to make herself as small as possible. Bella took her arm and gave her a reassuring look.

"Angela, I understand that you want to have an explanation to what you saw in Port Angeles. I need you to understand that after hearing what we have to say there's no going back. You will never be able to look at life like before."

Her eyes became even wider, and her heartbeat sped up. She was already afraid, but she still nodded. She really was like Bella, stubborn to the point of stupid.

"Well." I had thought this conversation though a lot of times, but there was just no logical way to tell someone about vampires and werewolves. "You have to keep in mind that this won't change the world, it will only open your eyes a little."

I took a small pause before continuing.

"You know from science and religion that humans have been around for a long time. That evolution has changed them and made them stronger. But there has also been another race, if I can call it that. We have been around just as long as humans from what I have learned."

Her eyes became wondering, she didn't understand what I was talking about.

"I and the rest of my family belong to that other race. We are vampires."

Her mouth fell open with a popping sound. I knew that she didn't believe me, but I still looked at Jasper. He was trying to hide a smile.

"I know that this is hard for you to believe, but you only need to touch my skin to know that I am different from you. I have no beating heart, no blood runs through my veins, I have no need for oxygen, I never sleep.."

She was about to reach her arm out to see if I told the truth, but she changed her mind at the last second. I laid my hand on the table in front of her and looked her in the eyes.

"Go ahead." Her heart skipped a beat. "I won't bite."

She slowly lifted her hand and stopped in the air above mine. She looked at me again, making sure that I was ok with this. She was really careful this girl. I nodded. She let her fingers touch my wrist and yanked back quickly as she felt the temperature of my skin. Her heart was hammering, and we could all smell the fright in the air. She still moved her finger back to my arm, searching for a pulse.

"Wow." Was all she said when she realized that I had told the truth.

"So you're all..?" Her voice faded out before she was able to say the last word. She turned to look at Bella, who just shook her head.

"I'm human. For now." She smiled shyly.

"How is that possible?" We all understood what she was asking about.

I shrugged.

"How is life itself possible? How can humans dream? How come some cactuses only blossom every other year? There's much I don't know, our existence is one of the unsolved mysteries. I like to think of it as a result of evolution, the ultimate survivor."

She looked around at everyone and they all smiled back. Well, everyone except Rosalie. I had already told her to not scare Angela away, and she had promised not to make any problems. I hoped she would keep it.

The rest of them had decided that I should be the one who told Angela about the supernatural world since I was in a way the leader of the coven.

"How old are you?" she breathed. The question wasn't specially pointed at anyone.

"Physically I'm 23, but my time on earth has passed 300 years." I said with a smile.

"So," she looked around at the others again. "They're really your children?"

I had to laugh.

"No. Vampires can't have children as our bodies never change. We are trapped in a never ending state, never growing, never changing. We only have the ability to change someone into one of us. I have changed Esme, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward." I felt like I had to mention Edward too, I still considered him as my family. "Alice and Jasper were changed by someone else, but they are considered as family too."

"I knew that you had to be related somehow." She said. "Your eyes were the same, and you all looked so inhumanly beautiful."

"Thank you." Alice said with a smile.

"But the man on the parking lot was no vampire? I mean since you said that you can't change?"

I shook my head.

"No. He is a shapeshifter. They used to be our sworn enemies, and I'm terribly sorry that you had to see that."

"A shapeshifter?" She interrupted.

"Yes, someone that can change their form into an animal of some kind."

She nodded her head, but I could see that she was confused.

"He is a member of the Quileute tribe, a descendant of a line of shapeshifters. These particular shapeshifters have declared themselves as our sworn enemies, and they have acted like that till the episode on the parking lot."

"So, because of me you have become friends?"

"Not exactly friends, but allies, someone we respect and they respect us."

She nodded her head again. She looked really confused.

"I don't know how much we have to tell you today, but you should know that this information has to stay with you and only you. The choices for a human with knowledge about the vampire world are death or immortality, but the shapeshifters have agreed to give you a third one. You can stay human at the reservation and get a place in their council. But you have to make a choice."

She looked from one to the other.

"I have to choose between death, living with people I have never met or become a vampire?"

"Yes." I said. "But if you choose to become one of us we will make sure that you get to have all the human experiences you want before turning you."

She looked from one to the other until her eyes reached Bella.

"You said that you were human, for now. Does that mean that you plan to become one of them?"

Bella smiled.

"Yes. I have decided that I want to become a vampire too. It's the right choice for me, but I can't tell you what's best for you." She said in a very mature voice.

"So you and Edward didn't break up?" she asked in a surprised voice.

Bella blushed furiously, and I knew that she would have to tell Angela about our relationship.

"Edward and I are no longer together, he _did_ leave me."

Bella looked at me before she continued.

"I'm with Carlisle now."

Angela just nodded again, but I could see that there were a lot of questions that she wanted to ask. She had already had a long night, and I didn't think that she should get too overwhelmed by all of this.

"Angela," I began, and her eyes met mine again. "like I said, I don't think we should tell you everything today, but you will get to know everything soon. Right now I think we should get you back to Bella's house, you don't have to make a decision before graduation."

I could see that she was counting days in her head, trying to find out how much time she had to make sure that she wanted to become one of us or not.

"Remember, if you want to become a vampire you don't have to do that before you have done everything you want as a human." Esme said with a soothing voice.

Bella got up and pulled Angela's arms so that she should follow. She got up slowly, like she didn't trust the ground beneath her feet to hold her.

I followed them out of the room, while I listened to the quiet whispers of my family.

"Pay up." Jasper said to Emmett. "She neither threw up nor passed out. She is probably stronger mentally than you."

Alice laughed her chiming laugh.

"She took this very well." Esme said with a proud voice. "I'm sure that she'll be able to make the right choice for herself."

"I hope so." Rosalie muttered with a voice that told me that she and Esme was hoping for two different outcomes.

I shook my head. That girl would never grow to understand that people were different from each other and that that was the beauty of being an individual.

I kept myself from hugging Bella close, I still felt that Angela might break if she got to see or experience anything else. I said goodbye to Bella and Angela and let them walk to the car alone. Angela was completely quiet, and I hoped Bella could get her to open up a little when they got to her house. That way it would be easier to get her to come visit us again before graduation. To let her get to know everyone properly.

I knew that for most of my family this had become a competition with the wolves. I also wanted Angela to join our family, I knew that she would become a wonderful and sweet vampire if she choose that. But I also knew that she could become a great ally if she choose the wolves. She would be able to see our side of the story too, not only the legends of the wolves.

So it all came down to her, she was the one who had to make the choice.

I looked at my watch. Only one hour before I could run down to Bella's house and tell her about the choice_ I_ had made. If I could have normal physical reactions I'm sure my heart would jump a beat and my stomach would tighten. But as a vampire I could only feel a weird version of nervousness in my whole body. There was also anticipation. I knew that after I'd told Bella I could never go back on my word, and that was one of the reasons why I wanted to tell her as soon as possible, before I was able to let logic and sanity trick me into regretting my choice.

I walked back into the house where the others were standing. Waiting. Jasper was standing in front of the others, so I guessed he'd decided that it would be better to just tell us about the plan before Angela had made up her mind.

"It will work out perfectly!" Alice said before anyone had opened their mouth.

Jasper smiled.

"If Angela chooses us." He said.

Alice stuck her tongue out at him.

"Tell them about it!" she commanded him.

He mocked a tired expression before he began.

"I come to think about something. To teach one newborn vampire about our ways is a tough task. Two newborn vampires are even harder. I don't think that we should let Bella and Angela stay in the same house when they are so young to this life."

Esme looked at him with curiosity. I knew that she too had been worried about the idea of two newborn vampires in the same house, she had had a tough time adjusting herself.

"And then I remember the cottage in the forest." Jasper continued.

Everyone's eyes went wide, and Esme smiled.

"It's in bad shape, I know that, but it shouldn't take us too long to fix it. Bella and Carlisle could stay there, since they are together now they'd probably like some privacy." He winked at me.

Emmett laughed. "Yes. I bet they'd like some privacy."

His booming laughter and childish sense of humor made everyone smile.

"Well," Jasper continued. "I thought that if Bella and Carlisle stayed there they would still be close enough if they needed help. And we could let Angela stay in the house."

It was actually a good idea. Angela and Bella should not stay in the same house while they adjusted to the new lifestyle, and I would love to be able to spend time alone with the girl I loved. The girl I would be able to be closer to both physically and emotionally after her change.

"I would love to do the renovation." Esme said with an excited voice.

Esme had always loved interior design and room planning, so she would be the perfect vampire for the job.

We discussed the details about the changes. I would have to change both of them since I was the only one they trusted to not kill them. But I wouldn't stay with Angela during her change. Esme had volunteered for that job. I couldn't help feeling a little relieved for not having to watch her suffer too, to watch Bella go through the change would be hard enough.

I had never changed someone I loved before. The feelings of family bonds had developed after they had become vampires. I had always been afraid that one of them wouldn't make it. That their bodies would reject the venom somehow. And I would be scared that Bella would die too.

But Alice had said that everything was going to be just fine. And I would take her word for it. I hadn't found a reason to bet against Alice yet.

When all the details were settled the rest of the family seemed more at ease. They were as ready as they could be. Even Rosalie seemed less bitter, even though that could be a trick of the light in the livingroom.

"Shouldn't you get going?" Alice suddenly asked. "You told Bella that you had something important to discuss."

I knew from the tone in her voice that she knew exactly what we were going to discuss. She smiled a wide innocent smile as I nodded and took my jacket and headed for the door.

It was the longest run I had ever taken. I was both scared and excited, and I wondered how someone could feel this many feelings at the same time and still keep their sanity. Perhaps that was it. I had already lost my sanity. I was about to agree to something I would never have agreed to before, and I was actually looking forward to it. I smiled to myself.

Her window was open and I could already hear her heartbeats. I climbed soundlessly up the wall and entered. She was lying on her bed, listening to music. I carefully laid down beside her and kissed her forehead.

She almost jumped out of the bed.

"Don't do that!" she said while she put away the cd-player and the earphones.

I didn't bother to get into another discussion about my abilities to scare her, so I lifted her off the floor and put her back on the bed. Her cheeks got that beautiful rose color again, and the air was saturated with her wonderful smell.

I kissed her lightly on the lips, and I felt her pulse speed up and heating the air around her. She responded eagerly to my kiss, trying to pull me down to her. I could feel that I wanted to let myself be pulled down and our kiss became harder, more desperate. My whole body was too aware of her soft skin and her beating heart, the scent that became stronger when our kiss deepened.

I knew what she wanted. And I knew that she would get it, just not now. I had my own conditions, and I would let her have what she wanted id she could agree to them.

I broke the kiss and sat up on the bed, pulling her up with me.

"Bella." I sighed.

She smiled shyly like she always did when I interrupted the make out sessions.

"I have thought about what you asked me and I have decided to let you have your 'human experience.'" I said as I watched her turn a darker shade of red. "But I also have some conditions."

She looked at me with curious eyes.

"I won't sleep with you before the day of your change."

I could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"But you just said you would let me have that experience." She sounded confused.

"Yes. The day of your change." I said lightly. "I have told you that this might be dangerous for you, and therefore I want to make sure that if anything goes wrong I'll be able to change you at once."

Some of her spirits returned, but I could see that she expected that I was going to say something else too.

"Is that your only condition?" she asked.

"Yes." I smiled. "I just want to make sure that you're as safe as you possibly can be. Which isn't nearly safe enough considering your history."

"So, in two weeks?" She asked.

"A little more than one week." I corrected.

I lay down on her bed with my hands folded under my head. She sat on the edge for a minute.

"I understand if you regret your decision." I said, not sure what I hoped for.

"No," she began. "I just can't believe that I'll be like you in a little more than a week."

I reached out and pulled her down on the bed. She laid her head on my chest and I pulled the cover over us.

"Is it a good or a bad thing?" I asked.

"Good." She answered quickly.

I kissed the top of her head.

It really was a good thing.

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**So? I need input people. I'm really motivated by your reviews. And last time I got a lot of wonderful PM's too. I really think that made me focus. **

**And I know that many of you have Angela theories, I want to hear (read) them: )**

**Jeanita**


	41. Unwanted

**I said I was going to make this into a Sunday update, but I was too tired last night to even be able to edit. But here it is. **

**Jeanita**

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Bella POV

When I went to school the next day I was worried about Angela. She hadn't said a word as I was driving back to my house, and when I had pulled over and tried to talk to her she had just answered with 'yes' or 'no'. I knew that this was probably overwhelming for her, and that she might not believe it when she woke up the next day. I just hoped that she was OK.

I parked my car and jumped out, eager to find Angela and see if she wanted to talk to me today. That's when I thought I saw him. In the corner of my eye. The white skin, the copper hair. I whirled around to see if I was right, but there weren't anyone.

Of course my mind would be messing with me. I was so eager to get this week over with, and it was only natural that it would look for obstacles. And Edward would be one of them. But he wouldn't return to Forks. He hated me, or Carlisle, or even himself. In any case I was sure that he wouldn't set his foot here for the next few weeks.

I walked quickly to the door, even ignored Mike's tries to get me to wait for him. I didn't really feel like talking to him, I wouldn't see him after next week was finished so I didn't really feel a need to strengthen our bonds before graduation.

Angela was sitting in her seat as I arrived at Biology. I silently slid down on the chair next to her, the teacher wouldn't mind that we changed seat when we were just going to watch a film anyway.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

She looked at me, her eyes shining.

"I'm fine. Fantastic even."

I looked at her, suspiciously.

"You didn't say a word when we were driving back to town yesterday." I whispered as Mike sat down by the desk in front of us.

"I'm sorry," Angela really looked like she felt guilty. "I just didn't know what to say. You've been ignoring me for weeks, and suddenly I get to know that you.." She let her voice fade out.

I laughed.

"I was afraid that you were going to pass out or something." I admitted.

She smiled.

"No, I thought I was going to wake up from a dream until I was lying in bed last night. Then I realized that you had really told me the truth. I can see why it took you this long."

I hadn't expected Angela to take it this well. I had expected her to be in denial by now, maybe scream at me for lying to her and call me crazy. But instead she was sitting here, talking about it like it was some everyday secret.

Then Mr. Banner walked in and started the class.

"Promise me that you'll have time to talk to me after school?" I asked Angela before he turned off the lights and started the film.

Angela smiled and nodded.

The rest of the day passed without any huge events. I got invited to Mike's graduation party, but I passed, telling him that I could ask Alice if he could come to ours.

I wasn't really pro the whole party idea, but Alice wouldn't let it be. She told me that this would be the perfect way to say goodbye to the human world. I had tried to explain that I didn't need to say goodbye, I would still be walking and talking after the change. But she had laughed at me, telling me that she knew the real reason why I wanted to become a vampire immediately when I graduated.

I blushed just thinking about her face when she had said it.

I was about to turn the keys when a knock on the window alerted me.

"Bella. Did you forget about me?"

I rolled down the window.

"Need a ride?" I tried using a low voice, but it cracked as I started laughing.

She laughed too and walked around the truck to the passenger side. She got in and I turned the key. The motor roared to life. Angela's surprised eyes told me that she'd never paid any attention to my car before.

"You get used to it." I said with an apologetic smile.

I drove out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Where can we talk?" she responded.

"I think Charlie will be gone for most of the day. We could go to my house."

She nodded and I turned the car around.

As I let my eyes drift from the highway and onto the forest for just one second, I could swear that I saw the same flash of copper hair and white skin. But it was gone before I could blink. I shook my head lightly. Why was I seeing this? I was happy with Carlisle, so there was no reason for the Edward visions to return. Besides, this was different. I had just heard his voice then, now I was seeing him. Or the colors that reminded me of him.

"Something wrong, Bella?" Angela asked.

"Nah. I just thought about something."

"You're lying." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, but I don't think I should be talking about the real reason."

She looked at me with curious eyes, but Angela would never make anyone talk unless they wanted to. I couldn't tell her about what I had been seeing, I couldn't tell anyone. It would pass.

At least I hoped it would. I couldn't stand the alternatives. If he really was here..

I pulled into our driveway and parked the car. It had started raining, so we both ran to the door to avoid the raindrops. It didn't take long before we were both up at my room with a cup of tea.

I looked at Angela while she blew on the warm liquid in the cup. Wondered if she had really understood what she had witnessed last night. She looked back at me, understanding that I expected her to talk.

"So.." she began, looking down at her tea again. "There really are vampires?"

I smiled.

"Yes. And they're nothing like you see in the movies."

She laughed.

"Well. Nothing is like what you see in the movies. But maybe you could tell me what differences there really are?"

"They don't have fangs." It was the first thing I could think about. "And if you've seen Alice's jewelry you know that they can wear silver. Stakes won't kill them, almost nothing will. Crosses don't even scare them, Carlisle still believes that there is some higher power watching over both vampires and humans. They can't eat normal food, they only drink blood."

Angela winched a little at the last statement.

"Blood? Like in human blood?"

"Most vampires prefer human blood, but the Cullen's are vegetarians."

I could see that she didn't understand me.

"They only feed on animals. Bears, deer.. I don't see anything wrong in that. I eat meat myself."

"Ah!"

She looked so relieved that I almost started to laugh again.

"And you will be a 'vegetarian' when you become one of them?"

I nodded my head.

"Do you really see me running around, killing people?"

She chuckled.

"No."

She suddenly got serious again.

"Do they sleep in coffins? Or under the ground?"

"Nope. They don't sleep at all."

"Never?"

"I guess you don't need to when your body don't change. You don't have to let it rest."

I had wondered quite a bit about that one myself. The fact that I wouldn't miss a single second after I became a vampire.

"But I have never seen them outside on a sunny day.."

"That's because they sparkle." I said in a matter of fact-ly tone. "It's as if their skin was made of diamonds. I'll get Carlisle to show you when we have a sunny day."

"And about that." Angela said. "You're with him now?"

I knew that it would come, I just had expected some more time to prepare a good answer.

"Yes."

"How did you two end up together?"

"If you'd asked Alice she would have told you that it was faith, and maybe it is."

I told Angela about my birthday party and the papercut, something that made her cover her mouth with her hand. And I told her about the break-up with Edward, about the feeling of being gnawed in half. And about my knight in shining armor that had come to my rescue when I needed him the most.

I told her about falling in love again. How wonderful it had felt when he had kissed me for the first time. How scared I was of losing him. And then I told her about Alice's visions.

"Wait." She said as I had told her the same thing Alice had told me. "You said that Alice saw this before it happened? Before you even were born?"

"Yes. Some vampires have talents beyond the speed, strength and immortality. Alice can see the future."

"The others, do they have powers?" she sounded eager and interested.

"Edward can read minds and Jasper can manipulate emotions. But that's it."

Her eyes widened.

"How could you be with someone who read your mind? That sounds intrusive to me."

"He couldn't read my mind." I laughed. "I think I have some sort of brain defect."

"Did he read mine?"

I grimaced.

"He couldn't really help it. It wasn't really reading, more hearing. Like people projected. He had to focus hard to not hear their thoughts."

I saw that she looked terrified.

"But he said that your thoughts were the kindest and sweetest thoughts he'd ever heard."

She just shook her head slowly, trying to fit this all in with reality.

"He wasn't there last night."

"No. He didn't take my relationship with Carlisle very well."

It was weird talking to Angela. She was like she always had been. Understanding and sweet, even though we were talking about things beyond most people's imagination. She didn't even question the things I told her, just accepted them.

"And the wolves?" she changed the subject when she noticed that I didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Do they bite people to make them into one of them?"

"No. They have to have it in their genes. It goes from generation to generation. Father to son after what I've heard."

I suddenly thought of something.

"You should meet them. They're really great people once you get to know them. Sam at least."

She looked frightened. I couldn't blame her after what had happened in Port Angeles.

"I don't know, Bella."

"We can stop by tomorrow, just so that you can meet them and they can see you. It's going to help regardless what you choose to do in the end. I'll even call Sam and ask them to keep Jacob away."

She still looked suspicious.

I really wanted her to become a vampire. To be able to be my friend for eternity. But I knew that I was responsible for showing her the other choices. An existence as a vampire was meant for me, but she might want other things from her time on earth. Like children and growing old, Carlisle had told me that Rosalie had wanted that for herself.

"You have been given the choice to stay with them, so you could at least let them see that you're considering it?"

She sighed.

"Fine."

She didn't look happy about it. I wondered what she was going to choose in the end, but Carlisle had asked me not to put more pressure on her. To let her be able to have the necessary time to make a good decision.

We talked a little more about vampires. The dramatic trip to Arizona last spring and how I really came to break my leg. She never stopped to look surprised with what I told her.

We agreed to go to the reservation in the morning, I wanted to get it done with before graduation.

A week. Graduation was exactly a week away. I had told Charlie that I was going away with Alice two days later. Carlisle's idea. I had begged him to make it the same day, but he wanted me to be completely sure, and said that two more days would mean nothing. I knew it wouldn't. I just wanted to see things like he saw them, feel things like he felt them. And I wanted to start our new life.

It was Friday, so Angela stayed as long as she could before she asked me to drive her home. It was already pitch black outside. When we walked out the front door I realized that the cruiser wasn't there, Charlie hadn't come home yet.

I shrugged of the uneasy feeling, believing that he might still be at work. Maybe there was something extraordinary going on. But still, he usually called.

I unlocked the truck and Angela got in. It roared to life once more and we drove slowly to her house. It didn't take long as Forks is a very small place. I stopped in front of her door.

"I'll pick you up at 11?"

"Sure. I'll see if I get the invitations done by then." She exasperated a sigh.

I laughed. I was glad that I didn't have more people to invite. I had already sent the invitation to mom and Phil.

The drive back to my house was longer than the drive to Angela. I was starting to worry about Charlie. He was supposed to be home hours ago, but I hadn't heard from him. I resisted the temptation to drive by the police station, afraid that I might only get more concerned if he wasn't here.

But I regretted that as soon as I came home to an empty driveway. Where was he? I jumped out of the car and locked it before running through the rain and back into the house. It felt darker now that I knew Charlie should have been here. I looked at my watch again. He definitely should have been here by now.

I walked over to the phone and dialed his cell. It rang once, twice.. I waited to the woman voice declared that the subscriber was unavailable before I hung up. Charlie usually answered on the first or the second ring. And he definitely never waited longer than the third ring.

I walked into the livingroom and turned on the tv. I needed background noise so I could try to concentrate on something else. It must have done that, because the next thing I felt was two cold arms lifting me off the couch and up the stairs in vampire speed.

"Carlisle?"

I didn't manage to open my eyes completely, but I thought I recognized the smell.

"Yes, Bella?"

He sounded worried. What was wrong?

I felt the fear creep up on me again, and I desperately tried to get free. To make him put me down on the ground.

"Is Charlie home yet?"

Carlisle looked down at me.

"No, love. He's at the hospital."

His eyes were serious and so was his voice.

"Oh my god! Has something happened to him? Has he been hurt?"

Vivid pictures of blood, car wrecks and smoking guns filled my head before I was able to gain control.

"I have to go see him. I have to.."

I started crying uncontrollably.

"Shh, Bella. It's not him. It's Harry Clearwater. He's had a heart-attack."

Carlisle wiped away the tears that had managed to escape. I still felt that my heart was racing.

"Charlie called my house and asked me if I could let you stay at our house. He said that he's been trying to call but that nobody has answered. And he was afraid that you were scared since he wasn't allowed to bring his cell into the hospital."

He put me down on the bed before finding a bag and starting to pack my things. I knew that packing was just for show. Alice had stocked that closet so well that I wouldn't have to wear the same thing twice in a year.

"Is Harry going to make it?"

I remembered Harry very well. He was my father's best friend. Even closer than Billy. He was the one who always had gone fishing with Charlie, and the one Charlie had relied on when grandma died. I couldn't blame Charlie for not coming to look for me while his best friend was fighting for his life at the hospital.

"It doesn't look good." Carlisle answered. "He's been my patient, and I have warned him that this might happen if he didn't change his eating habits."

I remembered Seth talking about the vegetables his mother forced on the whole family. I knew that Harry had complained to Charlie about the diet. And I knew that he wouldn't have if he hadn't followed it.

"But Harry _did_ change his habits. He stopped drinking alcohol, he stopped eating red meat. He even started baking the fish instead of frying it."

"Sometimes it's genetic. It could have been one of those cases." He said as he ran out to the bathroom to get my toiletries.

I thought about Seth, Leah and Sue. How hard it would be for them if they lost Harry. I knew I would be devastated if I lost Charlie, and I hadn't even lived with him for that long.

"I told Charlie that I'd let you stay at our house for as long as he needed."

I nodded. That seemed reasonable. Carlisle slung the bag over his shoulder and lifted me up into his arms. He gave me a quick but soft kiss on the lips, and before I knew it we were out of the house and inside his car.

He sped up the road to the house and I sat still, looking at the darkness outside. I could hear the howling of the wolves. Were they mourning the loss of a tribe member? Or were they upset about something else?

Carlisle opened my car door almost at the same time he parked the car. It was a little fun to see how relaxed he was around me, that he was able to act like a normal vampire. I was almost surprised when he let me walk to the house instead of lifting me up and carrying me.

"I have to warn you. I think Alice is a little excited to talk to you."

"Isn't she always?"

It seemed she always had something important to tell me, or to ask me, and I had given up on guessing what it could be.

"She saw the conversation we had last night."

It took almost 5 seconds before I recalled last night's conversation, but when I did my heart skipped a beat.

"Oh no. You can't let her near me!"

He smiled.

"If I thought that was possible I wouldn't even have told you about it."

I was so not ready to be talking to Alice about sex. Not tonight. I took a deep breath before walking through the door.

Everyone was sitting around like usual, only Alice stuck her tongue out when she saw me. I hoped that meant that I wouldn't have any problems with her tonight.

"What time is it?" I asked Carlisle quietly.

It had already been late when I had driven Angela home, and I had fallen asleep on the couch afterwards.

"It's four in the morning."

I felt my mouth fall open.

"I was at your house when Charlie called me. I didn't want to wake you up when you were sleeping so peacefully. I just took the phone outside. I woke you up when I had talked to him."

I mentally calculated that I had had about 4 and a half hour of sleep.

"Are you tired?" he asked when I had been standing still on the floor longer than I used to.

"Maybe a little." I said as I tried my best to camouflage a yawn.

He laughed, and I could hear someone else chuckle behind me.

"Let's get you to bed."

I closed my eyes before he lifted me up as I realized that the rest of the family hadn't really seen us closer than hugging. I wonder what they felt when they saw us acting like this. Maybe I could ask Jasper about it later? He seemed like he actually liked the thought of us two together.

We were up in the bedroom before I had a chance to think more about it. I knew that I had no reason to worry anyway. Carlisle had chosen me, and he wanted to live with me for the rest of his existence. If the others accepted us it was just a plus.

I didn't open my eyes before I felt the soft bed under me, and when I did I stared up into the deep golden ones that belonged to the man I loved. He looked worried.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Bella. Your father's friend might die. Are you sure you still want to go through the change as planned?"

I thought about it. Charlie wouldn't keep me from going to Italy with Alice, which was my cover story, so I couldn't see anything wrong with that.

"He'd feel guilty if I stayed home because of him."

"But Bella, love, you know that you won't return to him. He can never see you again."

The words stung. I had known this for a long time, but the thought of disappearing from the surface of the earth still seemed cruel to Charlie and Renée. The problem was that it was the best possibility I had. Going away with Alice, and never coming back. That had been the plan. Disappearing on the other side of the earth.

"But I have to do this."

He shook his head and closed his eyes.

"You don't have to do anything. We can wait, we've still got years if we want to."

I felt the desperation. I didn't want to wait. I felt like I had waited too long already. Like my real life couldn't start before I was truly guaranteed an eternity with Carlisle.

"But you said Angela had to make a choice."

"Yes. So that if the Volturi comes unannounced they will see that she has. Aro will read our minds and see that it's the truth. You can have more time too."

More time. It didn't seem tempting at all. I wanted more time, more time with Carlisle. More time living the life I would get after I had become one of them. More time to love and experience. Not more time to look forward to all that.

"Bella. Eternity will always be there, your father will not."

He sat down and placed my head in his lap. I thought about it. The weeks it would take before Charlie would have finished mourning. I could imagine how he would sit alone in front of the TV on the Sundays. How he'd grow more and more asocial.

A tear escaped my eyes, but I couldn't tell if it was from the pain it would cause Charlie or the embarrassment of my own egoism. I didn't want to be the one responsible for Charlie's happiness the next months, I had looked forward to be able to start my own life. But I owed him to show him the same love he had shown me.

Carlisle sensed my reluctance and indecision.

"We'll see how things turn out before deciding anything. Sleep now my love."

He let his fingers run through my hair in a slow steady pace. It didn't take long before I had drifted off.

I woke up when my left pocket started to buzz. I automatically reached and pulled my cell out. I answered without looking at the display.

"Hello?"

"It's Angela."

My eyes flew open and I looked around in the room. I was alone, something that rarely happened after I had gotten together with vampires.

"I got your text, and you're right. It might not be the best idea to go down to the reservation now as they've just lost a member of their community."

I didn't recall sending her any sms, and I sure as hell didn't recall telling anyone about the planned trip to the reservation. And had she just said that Harry was dead?

"Yeah." I decided it would be best to play along. "We'll do it some other time."

There was a moment of silence on the other end.

"I guess I'll talk to you later. Bye, Bella."

"Bye."

I placed the cell on the nightstand before slowly getting out of bed. I looked down at myself and realized that someone had changed my clothes while I slept. I blushed furiously. This had better been Alice.

"Carlisle?" I said in a normal voice, knowing that he'd hear me if I whispered.

He entered the room in less than two seconds.

"Yes?"

"Is Harry dead?"

He nodded slowly, watching me carefully.

"Has Charlie called?"

He nodded again.

"He wanted to let you know that he's down at the reservation, helping Sue out with the funeral arrangements. He asked if I minded letting you stay another night or two."

I didn't know if I was afraid or relieved. Charlie had never been the one to take tragedies well, and I wondered how he was doing. But on the other hand I was glad that he and Sue could have each other for a while, after all I had never known the Harry they had.

"Did you send the SMS to Angela?"

He looked down for almost a second before answering me.

"Yes. I was outside your house when you talked about going to the reservation. I really didn't mean to be intrusive, but Alice said it would be best if I stayed close."

I walked over to the closet and opened it. I gasped when I saw that there was even more clothes there now that it had been a week ago. I choose clothes that demanded as little attention as possible before turning back to Carlisle.

"Why does Alice think that I need more protection?"

He didn't answer, he just made the bed in human speed. Then I got it. I hadn't been crazy after all.

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**I'll also have to tell you that there aren't many Chapters left before Changes comes to an end. There's a lot of things that won't be revealed in this story, so if you want to know what happens you have to read the sequel. Though I'll try my best to give you an ending that can be seen as definite if you don't want to read the sequel.**

**Jeanita**


	42. Running in circles

**I know I'm late with this chapter, but I've been sick since last Tuesday. I have a fever and my eardrum burst because of my ear infection. Fun, right? Well, I've really struggled to get this chapter out, but here it is. I'll see if I can get the next out sooner, but I still have a fever. **

**And thank you so much for the reviews and the nice PM's. I really appreciate it. (Especially compared to all the nasty PM's I got last time.. I don't get why people bother..) Changes has now gotten more than a thousand reviews, and review nr. 1000 was left by MaitresseStAndrie. **

**Thank you all for the overwhelming support in writing Changes. I never expected 100 reviews, and look at the story now.. You guys are amazing. **

**Jeanita**

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The day was filled with mixed feelings. I regretted my selfish wishes of being turned despite Harry's death. I had to be there for Charlie. I knew that. And I knew that Carlisle would wait for me. Eternity would always be there, Charlie would not. He would grow old like any other human in this world. I would freeze in a year or so, never to change again. I could deal with one year. Besides, that wasn't even my biggest worry.

Edward was back, and with unclear motives. Alice hadn't seen why he had decided to return, he just had. And he had been following me around. Not that he could ever get close to me with three vampires watching him at all times. Carlisle's reasons were obvious, he wanted to protect me. And I also expected that he might be a little jealous or uneasy at the thought of my past with Edward.

Jasper and Emmett had also joined the "Bella protection program". Jasper because he was actually afraid that Edward might hurt me, and Emmett had told me that I was like a little sister. And Emmett clearly thought hat protecting a little sister was one of his top priorities. Though I wondered what Rosalie was thinking about the whole thing.

I hadn't really figured out what anyone of the girls thought of the whole bodyguard thing as they hadn't been home yet. Carlisle just said that they had gone shopping, but it was weird that Alice hadn't asked me to go with them.

But I was ok with the whole situation. Saturdays were usually slow, and sitting in the Cullen livingroom was better than hanging out at my own house worrying about Charlie.

I wondered if I should have invited Angela to come up here, but I realized that the two previous days had been filled with enough vampire related stuff to last her for a year. She should have some time devouring the information.

I zapped through the channels on the TV, there was absolutely nothing on worth watching. Carlisle sat down and put his arm around me.

"It's going to be fine."

I wasn't so sure about that. Edward's return meant that he wanted something from me. Or that he wanted to talk to me. Neither of the options seemed good to me. And I knew it would be hard to change me with him lurking around in the bushes. Like this wouldn't be complicated enough without him.

I didn't answer Carlisle, I just moved a little closer and rested my head on his chest. If I opened my mouth I was afraid that all the worry and fright might slip out.

I knew Edward would come back. And I knew I had to talk to him. Alone. I didn't look forward to it, and I was scared stiff by the thought of spending time alone with him after his last visit. But this might be the only way to get him to understand that this was my own decision.

I felt the panicky feelings fighting to take control of me as Jasper looked me in the eyes. He knew that I was planning something. I just hoped he kept it to himself.

It didn't look like he was planning on doing that.

"What's wrong, Bella? You know that he can't reach you here."

Sometimes I really wished that his emotional antenna couldn't pick up my signal.

"It's not that."

Carlisle was suddenly sitting on the floor in front of me, his golden eyes seeing all the way into my soul.

"Bella. I'm not holding you here against your will, and he knows that. He's just a fool, thinking he can own everything he lays eyes on. He will have to understand that you can make decisions for yourself sooner or later."

"When exactly? Because it doesn't look like he's planning on doing that anytime soon."

I felt the angry tears well up in my eyes.

"He's back, and he clearly wants to talk to me."

"We have understood that, but you don't have to worry. Edward is not going to be able to get close enough to you." Jasper sent waves of calm.

He should maybe not have done that. It made it all too easy to tell them the thing I had planned on telling them after a slow build.

"I think I should talk to him. He must understand when I'm the one to tell him. He's not going to hurt me."

I regretted the words immediately when I saw Carlisle's expression.

"And exactly what makes you think that he's safe, Bella?" Jasper sounded angry. "He sure didn't seem stable the last time we saw him, and stalking doesn't make his case any better."

"But he's never going to give up, is he? And this will only keep worrying everyone. I can face him. If I'm strong enough to become a vampire, I'm strong enough to tell him that I don't belong to him."

Jasper slowly walked over to the couch.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" He looked me directly in the eyes. "You have seen the strength and speed of vampires. You of all people should know how dangerous it is to meet up with an angry one."

"And who's going to do it if I don't? Do you think he'll believe you?" I asked Jasper.

He exchanged a glance with Carlisle.

"If you ever expect him to get over this you'll have to give him an ending. Tell me when you find a better way to do it."

I got up from the couch and marched up to my bedroom. I didn't know why I had gotten so provoked. Could it be that they didn't think I was strong enough to meet him? Or maybe that I wanted this to be over so that everyone could get that new beginning?

I had no idea why he wanted to talk to me, but I was sure as hell not going to wait to find out. I was going to talk to him, even if it was only to say that he had to give up on his fixation with me. I'm just a human for crying out loud! He could probably have anyone he wanted, vampire or mortal.

But I didn't know how I'd get out of the sight of my three bodyguards. Not only did they have an excellent hearing, they could also track me down in seconds if I managed to get out of their sight.

And it would hurt Carlisle if I tried to see Edward. I knew that.

I put my arm over my eyes. Why was being alive this difficult? I felt the air around me move, and I knew that someone had entered the room.

"I won't stop you if you really want to see him." Carlisle's voice sounded tired.

I spoke without removing my hand.

"That's why I _have_ to see him. To tell him that I don't want to. He's not going to leave us alone."

I felt the mattress move under the weight of Carlisle's body.

"You don't have any feelings for him at all?"

"There are lots of feelings. Right now I'm pissed off because of him."

A melodic chuckle made me shiver. He was so close, I could even feel his cold breath on my skin.

"Do you have any feelings for Esme?" I asked.

It was silent for a moment.

"Yes." Answered the soft voice from somewhere above me.

I felt my muscles tense. I had secretly hoped for another answer. There was no way Carlisle would be pissed off because of Esme.

"Do you love her?" I asked.

"Yes." Said the velvety voice again.

I felt my heart sink into my stomach.

"I love her like a sister. Like someone you want to protect from danger. But if I had the choice of saving her or saving you, you already know what I would have picked."

I removed my arm from my face to look him in the eyes. He looked surprised by my expression.

"Silly girl." He shook his head. "I would have chosen you. You are the reason for my very existence. You are the force that keeps me alive."

He shifted his position so that he was hovering over me supported by his elbows and bent his head down to kiss me. It was one of the fiery, pulse-racing kisses that always left me gasping for air when I he pulled away.

My cheeks were burning, my head was getting lighter. Carlisle lowered himself a little so that his body touched mine. I felt his fingers in my hair, under my head. I tried my best to remember to breathe, but my body didn't seem to remember the procedure.

I felt my body rise to try to be closer to him. This was the part where he usually pulled away, but this time he kept kissing me. He suddenly changed his grip on me and leaned to the right, pulling me with him as he rolled onto his back. I was suddenly the one to hover him. I felt one of his hands pull my head closer to him, the other one was lying on my lower back.

I reluctantly broke the kiss to gasp for air, but he didn't put me back down on the bed like I had expected him to. Instead he tucked my loose hair behind my ear.

"I love you." He whispered just loud enough for me to hear him.

"I love you too."

He looked at me with his deep golden eyes.

"You understand that I can't let you go and see Edward, right? If he hurt you.. I wouldn't know what to do."

"He won't hurt me." I said.

I tried to straighten up a little as I said it, but his hands wouldn't move.

"I have no guarantees that he'll let you come back to me."

I smiled to him.

"He couldn't keep me away for anything in the whole world. I will always find a way back to you."

He didn't return my smile.

"I know that you're right Bella. I know that Edward will only listen to you. But I'm terrified that you might be wrong about him. What if Jasper is right? What if Edward really wants to hurt you?"

"Then you'd be close enough to stop him. You _and_ Jasper, since he can figure out most of Edward's intentions. Emmett can be there too if you're really afraid."

My heart almost skipped a beat when I saw that he really considered the idea. His eyes flickered to the door, and I was suddenly on my back on the bed while he had gotten up on the floor. He was clenching his hands together, and I swear I could hear a growl from his chest.

The door opened slowly and Jasper came in, followed by Alice. She didn't look like she had been shopping. She was wearing some kind of slim-fit jeans with a large flannel shirt that's she'd put a belt on to make a figure. But there wasn't really any time to question her temporary loss of fashion sense.

"You can't mean this."

"Alice says is will work." Jasper responded.

"I will not put Bella in any danger."

Jasper looked at me before he continued.

"She wants to confront him herself, and you agreed, he will only listen to her. We could stay close enough to let him know that we will attack at the first sign of danger, and that he won't be forgiven if he as much as hugs her too hard."

Carlisle must have had a scary expression on his face, because Alice suddenly walked passed Jasper.

"Fine. He won't even be forgiven if he as much as touches her."

I remembered that I was lying on the bed, my clothes a mess after the quick throw. I sat up slowly.

"This is the only way you'll be able to change her as planned, Carlisle." Alice said.

She continued in a voice so low and fast that I was unable to keep up with what she was saying, but I could understand that it wasn't something that Carlisle liked. His whole body tensed.

Alice sat down on the bed beside me, but she didn't look at me. She kept her eyes locked on Carlisle.

"The sooner we get this done, the better."

Her eyes went blank, and I knew that she was seeing something I was going to see in the future. When her vision was over she jumped off the bed with a large smile on her face.

"Great, when do we go?"

Everyone looked from one to the other.

"Come on, we haven't got all day."

She tapped her foot to make a stronger point.

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked.

"Well. These two," she pointed to Carlisle and Jasper. "will agree that you have to talk to Edward. And after that we'll go to see him. And considering Carlisle's stubbornness, I guess it will take a lot of time if he doesn't just give in now."

He had given in. And now I was walking through the green forest by myself. Well, almost by myself. I knew that Carlisle, Jasper _and_ Emmett were close by, silent and on alert. I knew Edward would hear them, but I Alice had said this would work, and I wasn't the one to bet against her. She tended to be right about these things.

I had decided that this had to happen today. I wanted to get it over with, I was tired of being constantly worried about something. I wasn't Atlas. I couldn't carry a world on my shoulders.

I wished Alice had told me how long I had to walk on this dangerous forest floor. It seemed like I could only walk this many steps before I almost got to meet the ground up close and personal. The almost constant rain of the Olympic Peninsula made the path slippery and the large tree roots actually seemed to make an effort to knock me over.

Silently I wished that Carlisle would be here to carry me over the worst parts, but I knew that that would ruin the plan. He had to keep his distance or else Edward might not show up.

I was tempted to talk to myself to break the silence, but I knew that would give Emmett a reason to make fun of me for the next century or so. Instead I sighed.

Then I heard a branch break in front of me and I immediately looked ahead into the dark forest. I didn't see anything, but I knew he could be there, my eyes just weren't good enough to detect him.

"Edward?" I asked.

There was no answer, and I relaxed a little. I took a few steps forward in the direction of the sound.

Then I lost track of what was happening. Granite arms had scooped me up from the ground, and I gave out a surprised 'ow'.

"Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to." Edward's velvet voice said.

"Not hurt, just surprised."

He didn't answer, and I looked up to see his face. His lips were only a thin line, and his forehead was creased. He looked years older than 17.

"Can you please tell me why I'm being kidnapped?" I asked in a light voice. Trying my best to not be annoying.

He looked down at me.

"You were being followed. By _them_."

"I know. I asked them to stay close."

I felt Edward slowing down.

"They didn't think about that." He muttered to himself.

I rolled my eyes. His family had other things to think about, I didn't expect them to have me as a first priority 24/7.

"You need to stop running, Edward. They won't hunt you down. I asked them to let me talk to you."

It took a couple of seconds, but he slowed down and eventually stopped. He sat down on a fallen tree, still holding me. A raindrop hit my new parkas and made a darker green spot. I should have asked Alice about the weather so that I could have chosen the rain-proof jacket instead. I frowned, but I soon realized that sitting on Edward's lap wouldn't make this discussion easier.

"Umm.. Edward?"

He looked at me.

"Could you put me down?"

He looked puzzled, something I'd never seen a vampire look before.

"Of course."

He placed me back down on the ground and held my hand until I was completely balanced. It was awkward, and the second I was sure that I wouldn't fall to the ground I yanked it back. I pulled up the hood of the parkas so that I wouldn't risk getting sick so close to graduation.

I sat down on the same fallen tree, but I left a good three foot between us. I evaluated different ways to start our conversation, but they all seemed.. too slow. Too far away from the real subject.

"Why are you doing this, Edward?"

"Because they were following you. I told you that."

I sighed.

"Why are you following me? Why can't you just act a little less creepy?"

He laughed, but it only lasted for a couple of seconds. His face was soon serious again.

"Bella. You're here now. Alone. You can say what you want to say."

I didn't really understand what he was talking about. He looked at me with intense and desperate eyes, anticipating an answer I didn't have. I gave him a questioning look.

"Bella? You don't have to be afraid of him anymore."

_This_ I understood. I felt the anger grown inside me. How could he think that Carlisle would do anything to keep me from telling the truth?

"I am _not_ afraid of him! I_ love_ him."

Edward looked surprised.

"You have to understand, Edward. This isn't something I made up. This isn't something Carlisle forced me to say. I love him. And I will always love him. You have to understand that."

He sat there for almost thirty seconds before opening his mouth.

"You also said you always would love me. That you wanted forever with me."

He looked so hurt that I had problems being as hard and tough as I had planned to be.

"I wanted that. Back then it was all I could think about. But this is the way things are, and this is the way things are supposed to be. Ask Alice, she's known for decades."

Once again his mouth became nothing but a thin line. He had already known this, he had just been denying it. He looked at me with his big topaz eyes, trying his best to dazzle me. It seemed as if I had become immune to his effect.

"I could still be everything you need." He said softly as he moved a little closer.

I moved further away. I knew that he wouldn't dare to hurt me, the others were close enough to rip him apart before he could do anything.

"No, you can't. You can't be him." I answered through clenched teeth.

He winched.

"What does he have that I don't?"

The desperation seeped through his voice. I had never seen Edward like this before. He actually seemed human.

"Please try to listen. I love Carlisle, and I still care for you. Just not in the same way I love Carlisle. I can't live without him. Please try to let go."

His face was suddenly hard again. I had never understood why he always wanted to seem strong around me.

"I will always love you, Bella. even if you can't return my feelings. But I know we're destined for each other."

He paused as he scanned my face for any sign of regret.

"I will wait for you, even if that means hiding behind the scenes to the day you die. I will always be there, to make sure that you know you have another option."

"Please don't do this to yourself, Edward. I'm sure the family would welcome you back with open arms if you wanted to come back."

He turned his face away.

"I have nothing to come back to if I have to see you with him every single day. Growing old by his side."

"You won't have to worry about the last part." I muttered.

I regretted it instantly. Edward's face went from hard, to shocked, to furious. I thought he knew about this now. I was sure someone had slipped by now. But the information was clearly new to him.

"What?"

"I thought you knew, Edward. I'm not planning on staying human. Carlisle has agreed to change me."

If he had been an empath the forest around us would have withered away by his rage.

"When?" he spat the word out.

I tried to keep my voice even and my back straight, but I didn't know if I succeeded.

"After graduation. Or as soon as possible after graduation."

"I won't let it happen." He said coolly.

"And what exactly are you planning on doing, Edward? Kidnap me? Persuade me into running away with you? You know you can't do anything. This is my life, and last time I checked I made my own decisions."

Now my voice was the cold one. He looked almost as if I had punched him in the face. Good, I thought. He deserved this, a reminder that I wasn't anyone's property.

"Maybe I can't do anything, but I won't be far away. I'm sure something will delay the change, Carlisle wouldn't take away your life so easily."

He said the last sentence a bit louder as he stared into the dark trees around us. A clear threat. I could feel my body shaking with anger. Edward looked even more dangerous now than he had ever done before. His hair was soaked by the rain, and his eyes were almost black under his dark eyelashes. I stood up and turned my back towards him.

"We clearly have a different opinion on that matter. I want to have forever with Carlisle, and that's not something that's going to change. You have to leave me alone."

I walked away as fast as I could, which wasn't really fast considering how dangerous the ground were for a klutz like me.

"Bella, wait."

His voice was a little softer, but it didn't really make me want to turn and let him have another chance to explain.

"Go away, Edward. You have told me your opinion and I have told you mine, we're done."

Right now I didn't really care if I never saw his face again. I was so tired of him being a bump in the road for my happiness. It had been like this since James tried to hunt me down, and I wasn't going to take it anymore. He would have to find someone else to suck the life force from.

"Fine." His voice was so icy, I almost turned around to make sure that he wouldn't attack me.

"Just know that I'll never be far away. I love you Bella, and I'm never going to let you go. Not completely. I'll be close, waiting for him to make a mistake. And when he does, I'll be there to pick up the pieces."

I turned around to yell at him, but he was already gone. I felt a frustrated tear escape the corner of my eye, and I wiped it away with the back of my hand. I heard someone walk towards me, Carlisle. He was the only one who remembered to act human around me.

He circled his arms around me and I leaned back.

"He's never going to get it, is he?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But at least he know what you want, he'll leave you alone for a while."

I closed my eyes and sighed. As if life hadn't been complicated enough from the second I had known about the existence of vampires Edward had to make it worse. I had so much to worry about, and if he expected me to worry about him as well he would be really disappointed. I was done with him. And I already knew it wouldn't get better, Edward could never grow out of this phase.

I already had.

I turned towards the blond vampire behind me. He seemed to have understood what I was thinking about.

"You want to go somewhere when Charlie is done mourning? Before your change?" he asked. "It could be good for us to get away from reality for a while before starting the toughest year you'll ever experience."

I just nodded. I didn't really want to deal with more worries right now. Eternity would always be there anyway.

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**I know many of you have a thousand questions right now. And if you REALLY want an answer, you can just leave your question in a review or a PM and I'll post another Q&A on my blog. **

**And if you want to know more about what's happening in my life you could always follow me on twitter. Almost every detail gets out there sooner or later. (JeanitaA)**

**Then I guess I'll see you for the next chapter. **

**Jeanita**


	43. Heartbeat

**First:**

**A HUGE thanks to ****MaitresseStAndrie (The author of the wonderful story Unbreakable Road) for betaing this chapter. I said I wouldn't ask her to beta anything before the sequel, but this time I was really worried about how it would turn out. So I asked her, and she helped me out=) **

**Second:**

**I'm not going to be able to catch up on the updates I missed while I was sick this week, but I'll do my best. I'm going to start chapter 44 as soon as I can. **

**Read and enjoy!**

**Jeanita**

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Charlie called again the next day. He told me that Sue had asked him to take part in helping out with the funeral. I felt sorry for her. She was suddenly sitting all alone with two teenagers. I liked Leah and Seth, and I often asked myself what I would have done if Charlie suddenly disappeared.

I had decided that I would buy them some flowers and drive down, and Alice had already called the florist for me when I got up. She said that I could pick up the flowers on my way to the reservation. She had also picked out an outfit for me, a black knee-length skirt and a cream colored top with lace on the neckline with a long black cardigan. And, high heels.

But, I knew that it was appropriate for the occasion, and I dressed without complaining. Alice fixed my hair and put on some neutral make-up. I had to admit that I looked better than I would have if I had done it myself.

As I walked downstairs Carlisle lifted me up and kissed me carefully on the lips before handing me the keys to his car.

"I wish I could come with you." He sighed.

"Yeah, but you're a blood sucking monster. You're not wanted there." I stuck my tongue out at him.

He bit it teasingly before he laughed, and the smile lit up a light in his eyes. A light I had missed for the past couple of weeks. It was nice to see that he was done worrying.

"I'll be back before you know it." I reached up to kiss him on the lips.

"Bye my love."

I reluctantly turned around and walked to the door.

I had not planned on driving in high heels; I was nowhere near as graceful as Alice, so I had changed into Vans before getting into the car. I would just change back to the heels when I got there.

The drive down was quiet. I knew I should have turned on the radio or something, just to keep my thoughts from going back to the night before. I wanted to say that I was finished with everything, but I wondered why Edward still had these feelings for me. He was the vampire and maybe some vampires only fall in love once, but I couldn't believe that would happen unless the person he'd fallen for was someone he could spend the rest of time with. And that person was certainly not me.

My eyes often wandered to the dark forest outside the window. Was he watching me? I knew that he wouldn't dare try to contact me for a while, but he had said that he wouldn't let me go. That he would be waiting for Carlisle to mess up. That he would make me come back to him.

I shook my head. There was absolutely no reason for me to be thinking like that; he was gone for now. I should have been enjoying the early summer and the warmer temperature. I should have only been worrying about the Clearwater's.

I stopped by the florist to pick up the ridiculously expensive flowers. There were lilies, a lot of lilies and a lot of deep blue flowers I didn't recognize. I thought it was gorgeous. It was elegant. I thought Sue would like it.

I carefully placed the flowers on the passenger seat before driving down to the reservation. I wondered if they would welcome me, or if they'd try to convince me that moving to the reservation was the best thing for me to do. I hoped they wouldn't, I was here only to pay my respects to the Clearwater's.

Since I had been there a lot as a child I remembered perfectly where their house was. The scenery hadn't changed much, there was only one new house on their road, and the house was still the same color it had been so many years ago.

There were no cars, so I guessed Sue was in town taking care of the funeral arrangements. If there wasn't anyone home I would just leave the flowers by the back door. I unbuckled, changed my shoes, and got out. As I walked around the car to get the flowers I heard someone walking on the gravel behind me.

"What are _you_ doing here?" An ice cold voice asked me.

I almost dropped the flowers when I understood who the voice belonged to. Leah had never sounded this hostile before.

I turned around before I spoke. Her face was furious. I had thought I had seen all the hate possible the day before, but this was at least ten times worse than Edward. And her hair? Her long, beautiful hair was cropped short. Sure, she still looked stunning, but dangerous as well.

I gathered my thoughts and began to speak.

"I'm here to deliver these flowers. I'm so sorry for your loss. Harry was a…"

"You have no right to even talk about my father. It's your fault that he's dead."

Her body was shaking. No, it was blurring in and out of focus. I knew instantly what was going to happen next. I took a step back towards the car.

"Please, Leah. How can it be my fault that your father…"

"I told you not to talk about him!"

The tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"You and those bloodsuckers, you are the reason why they moved back to town. Don't even try to deny it."

I kept silent. The smartest thing seemed to be to keep my mouth shut so she could get everything out.

"A couple of days ago my brother and I had this horrible fight, and Sam showed up at our house to see what was going on." Her voice was soaked with poison. "I ran to him in a vain hope that he still cared for me. Then he pushed me away, again."

I took another step back towards the car as her shape became more and more unclear.

"And I couldn't keep the feelings locked up any more. I snapped. I yelled at him and called him everything I could think of. Then the pain started, the unbearable torture; I could feel my bones change place. I suddenly lay in the floor, with four legs instead of two."

She paused while she apparently tried to pull herself together. Her teeth were clenched and her face thorn in pain. When she continued her eyes were blazing.

"Then Seth came in. He panicked of course. I tried my best to tell him that I was ok, but of course he didn't understand a word. He was standing in the middle of the floor, yelling. Sam phased so that he could tell me what was going on, but that made Seth panic even more. Then my dad came in."

She closed her eyes again and tried to take a couple of deep breaths.

"Seeing his son turn into a giant wolf was just too much for his heart." (Should this say daughter if Sam & Leah were the ones who phased? Seth didn't phase did he? If so you may want to put that in somewhere.)

The tears streamed freely now, and it seemed as though the grief had taken over the anger. She had stopped blurring, and was crying silently with her eyes closed.

I didn't know what to do. Saying 'I'm sorry' just didn't seem to be enough. But she couldn't blame the death of Harry on me. I had had nothing to do with it and remembering what Carlisle had told me the ones with the dominant gene would have to go through the change anyway. It had been unfortunate that Harry had to walk in on them though.

Leah opened her eyes again, and her look was scarier than anything I had ever seen.

I took another step back and my back met the car.

"Leah." I tried my best to make my voice comforting. "I'm so sorry."

"I bet you are." She said with sarcasm.

Once again I heard steps behind me, but I didn't dare to turn around to see who it was.

"Bella?"

Seth's voice didn't sound angry at all; just surprised.

"Hi Seth." I replied, hoping that I didn't sound as scared as I was.

"What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you."

I still kept my eyes on Leah. I had a bad feeling about this.

"I'm here to deliver these flowers and offer my condolences." I nodded towards the flowers in my hands.

"Thank you." He said as he took the flowers from my hands. "Do you want to come inside for a minute? Mom is at the funeral home, but I'm sure I'm able to find you something to eat and drink. We have more than enough food right now; everyone stops by with something to eat. This is actually only the second flower arrangement we've got."

His voice was sad, but he still managed to sound like himself.

"How dare you invite her into our home? She's with _them_! Can't you smell it?"

He shrugged.

"She's still a friend of the pack and still a friend of mine." He said casually.

He took the flowers in one hand and reached out to grab mine with the other. I looked at him. It seemed like he had grown two feet since last time I saw him. His shoulders were broader and you could clearly see the muscles through his too-small t-shirt. He was suddenly a grown man.

Then it happened, Leah begun to blur in and out of shape again.

"Fuck."

The word sounded so wrong when he said it, but I didn't really have time to think more about it. He threw the flowers to the ground and pushed me back. Ripping sounds filled the air, and I already knew what had happened. Leah had phased.

"Calm down, sis. Bella hasn't done anything."

The wolf growled and leaped forward. I was slammed against the car before I felt a sharp pain on my chest and stomach. There was a desperate whine. I looked up to see another wolf, a smaller one, drag Leah away by her neck. She whined, but I could see that she wanted to be pulled away. I looked down at myself to see three that the top was flared from the cleavage and down. Blood had soaked the fabric.

My first thought was that Alice would kill me for ruining the clothes she had bought for me, but then I realized that she might not have to. The top was almost soaked through, and at this rate I might be dead before I could even see Alice.

Carlisle. What would he do when he found out that I was dead? Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't want to leave him, not now. We were supposed to have eternity together. Why did I have to die?

"Bella?" the voice sounded scared.

"Jacob?" I asked

"I'm here." He answered. His voice was unexpectedly warm.

I felt something pressing down at my stomach.

"What the hell were you thinking, Leah?" Sam's voice was thick with confusion and anger.

"This is not the time, Sam. What do we do?" Jacob talked again. The familiar sound made me feel a little safer.

"Carlisle." I muttered.

If I was dying I wanted him to know how much I loved him. I had to ask them to give him a message. I tried to keep talking, but I just couldn't find the strength.

"She's right. He's a doctor. He can take care of her. Get her into the backseat, I'll drive."

I felt someone picking me up from the ground and place me on the soft leather interior of the car. The pressure never disappeared from my stomach.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Sam?"

Jacob sounded wary.

"Where else can we go? The hospital will know that these wounds didn't come from some bear. They were suspicious enough when Emily told that story. We can't pull it twice."

"But, it's a house filled with vampires. Her blood..."

"The phone." I said.

Carlisle had left me a phone in the car, just in case. It had his number. They could call him. Alice wouldn't see us coming as long as the wolves were in the car.

I opened my eyes to see Sam take the phone. Then everything went black.

Carlisle's POV

The phone started to ring, and I could see the number of the emergency phone on the display. I froze for a tenth of a second before picking it up.

"Bella got hurt. We're on our way to the house."

I recognized Sam's voice.

"How bad is it?"

"She's got three cuts and is losing a lot of blood, but she still has a strong heartbeat." His voice was even and serious. "She might have hit her head on the car in the process too." He added.

Alice and Jasper had been close enough to hear the conversation and were running into my study to get everything ready. I heard someone covering the bookshelves with plastic and moving the furniture outside. That was plan A. The plan to save Bella and let her remain a human.

For a second I wondered if it would be better to just change her, but considering Charlie and graduation I knew we should try our best to save her life.

"Do we have much blood?" I asked Alice.

I had decided that it would be best to stack up blood in case Bella should get hurt, and we should have some type O lying around.

"We have enough." She smiled.

I was actually relieved when she still managed to stay her happy-go-lucky self.

"Tell the wolves that they have to go the minute they drop her off. I need to be able to see."

I opened my mouth to talk, but Sam interrupted me.

"I heard her. Jacob won't be happy, but I know that we have to do it."

"Jacob's there with her?"

"Yeah, he was the one who heard the attack. Luckily Seth had already pulled Leah away."

The Clearwater kids? Had they phased too? This explained Harry's heart attack. I shouldn't have let Bella go alone. I should have made sure that Charlie or someone else was expecting her. I should have told Sam.

I had never heard of a female shape-shifter though. I wondered what had caused her phasing.

"I'll meet you in front of the house." I said before hanging up.

I could hear the car down at the highway and hurried out the door to meet them. Everyone in the house had been alerted, and I knew that only Alice stayed behind to help me. She was the only one of them who could be trusted around blood. Not because she had trained, but because she would see it if she did something she shouldn't do.

The car was speeding up the road and though I didn't like the aspect of non-vamps driving that fast, I wanted Bella to be here as fast as possible. I was going to have to trust Sam.

"We're all set." I heard Alice say.

She was inside, waiting in my office.

The car stopped in front of the house and I ran over to open the door. Jacob got out with Bella in his hands. To say that she was a bloody mess wouldn't be enough. Her shirt was torn and bloody and she had three long cuts going from between her breasts and down to her left hip. I could see that she had lost a lot of blood, but her head was steady and she still had some color in her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle." Jacob said.

"Why? You didn't hurt her Jacob. I should thank you for brining her up here so fast."

I gave Sam a sharp nod before I ran into the house. Alice was waiting in my study, her face concentrated about the future. I laid Bella on the table and started cutting away her cardigan, her top and her bra.

The wounds were still bleeding heavily, and Alice took over cutting away the clothes as soon as she had had her vision.

"She's going to make it." She said with her last breath.

Those words had never sounded so good, and believe me, as a doctor I had heard them more times than I cared to count. I sighed in relief before tending to her wounds.

Alice struggled to not breathe as she removed Bella's bloody clothes and put them in a plastic bag. I couldn't blame her. Bella smelled more edible than most other humans, and with her blood all over the place almost any vampire would have given in.

"Carlisle?" Bella asked with her eyes still closed.

"I'm here, love."

"I love you."

I had to laugh. She lay there, cut open and bleeding, and she still found time to tell me she loved me.

"I love you too, honey."

"I'm sorry." She breathed before falling out again.

She must have had an angel at her side, because her artery hadn't been damaged, at all. She would still benefit from a blood transfusion, but she hadn't lost more than her body could handle. She had probably fainted from the combination of the sight of blood, the loss of it and the pain.

I knew Bella would hate me for it, but I put in an IV and started the blood transfusion.

I tried my best to sedate the area around her wounds before I cleaned and closed them. She would have three large scars, but she would live.

She kept going in and out of consciousness; I hadn't expected anything else. It had probably hurt like hell, and she had had quite the shock as well. She could have lost her life if Leah had actually been aiming.

I tried not to think about the possibility as I dressed her wounds. First compressions directly over the wounds, then bandage to hold them in place and keep some of the smell in.

Alice came in when I was done and carefully dressed Bella in an extremely large, long sleeved t-shirt. I lifted her carefully up into my arms and carried her upstairs to the bedroom. I placed her on the bed and it didn't take long before Alice came in and put pillows all around her. 'Just to make her comfortable'.

I didn't argue with her. I also wanted Bella to feel as comfortable as possible when she woke up again. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was just glad that they had gotten her to the house so fast. It would have been much worse if they had taken more time.

I remembered my co-workers telling me about the shape Emily Young had been in when she had gotten to the hospital. She had lost so much blood, and she had been unconscious for a day.

Bella's heart suddenly began to beat faster. A clear sign that she could feel the pain from her injury. She would be blue all over by the time her bandages had to be changed.

"Bella?" I asked softly.

She opened her eyes slowly and blinked a couple of times to adjust to the light.

"Carlisle?"

"I'm right here." I said.

I took her hand in mine.

"Leah."

"Shh, Bella. She didn't mean to hurt you. She's a young wolf; she hasn't learned to control herself yet."

She shook her head.

"It's not that. She said it was our fault that she had turned. That it was because the rest of the family returned."

That couldn't be the case, could it? But the more I thought about it, the more likely it was. The last generation with the wolf gene had never phased. Now that we had returned to Forks, the gene had been trigged. And, when the vampire population increased, so would the shifter population.

We couldn't stay in Forks. As long as we did, we would force more unknowing teenagers into the ranks of the shifters. And, we would get more reactions like the one Leah had had.

I didn't want that. Some of the teenagers that shifted would be happy, but some of them would hate it. I didn't mind being responsible for changing Bella's life, but I didn't want to feel responsible for taking away everyday life from all of those teenagers.

I looked out the window and wondered where we would go this time.

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**I don't know what I'm supposed to say at the end of this chap. Probably thank ****MaitresseStAndrie one more time for being the best beta ever, and ask you to leave a review. **

**Jeanita**


	44. Graduation

**Sorry about the delay, but I've been sick again. Well, more like "I was never well enough to start acting like normal and I managed to get another round of the swine-flu" (the blood don't lie). Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment again since my cough has gotten worse and my mother is worried that I might have gotten pneumonia. So I have to take a bloodtest, which I hate. But if that will make me better..**

**Sorry, stopping rambling now. The chapter is back to my normal standards, no beta this time. But I hope you'll survive it.**

**Jeanita**

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You had to admire Bella's determination. I had almost expected her to be in tears because I saved her life instead of changing her like I could have done. I had had the perfect opportunity, but I had still wanted her to keep her human long enough for her to get everything prepared.

She had taken it extremely well; she even did her best not to winch when the stitches hurt. And she had asked Alice to find a dress that would cover the bandage that went up between her breasts and over her right shoulder. Alice had beamed with excitement, and she had even taken herself and Bella out of school for a whole day to go dress-shopping. After I had written a letter to the school telling them about Bella's accident of course.

The cover story was simple. Bella had managed to trip and fall and shatter our glass table. We figured that it would be a real cover story since we had the remains of the table in the garage. But it would only work as long as no one saw her injuries, since the scars shouted 'animal attack'. It was also clear that the wounds wouldn't heal like other injuries. They were still vivid red and glossy, and graduation was only one day away.

I might have to do something about them.

Charlie had asked if Bella really wanted to come home, but she had told him that he could decide. She knew that he was the kind of person who preferred to deal with the grief his own way, and he spent most of his time down at the reservation. The funeral had been today, but Sam had called Bella and asked her to stay away since Leah had asked him to. Of course Bella had agreed, she blamed herself for Harry's death. I had told her that it was ridiculous that Leah had placed the blame on her, but she stuck with their theory. More vampires meant more werewolves. And therefore Bella would be the right person to blame since she was the reason for our return.

I listened to her sighs and gasps of pain as Alice changed her bandages. I had done it the first few times, but Alice said that Bella would be more comfortable with her doing it instead of me. And as the blood transfusion still made Bella's blood smell less appealing I had trusted Alice with the task of changing Bella's bandages.

I also believed Alice wanting to help Bella could have something to do with the fact that Alice found new outfits for her after each change. This time they were trying on the dress one last time before graduation. I hadn't been able to see it as Alice said that it would mean bad luck. I had even tried to argue that the rule only counted for wedding-dresses, but she said that she would spare Bella for any potential bad luck there was.

"Alice!" Bella said in a shocked voice.

I wondered if I should run up there and stop the torture of my beloved Bella, but I knew that Alice would hate me for a decade if I saw Bella in the dress before tomorrow.

"Just hold still." Alice said. "I'm almost done."

"You never said anything about changing the dress." Bella said in a complaining voice.

"No, but it wouldn't be much fun to wear something that everyone can buy. At least you get to say that they can't get this exact dress anywhere."

"I would have been OK with the possibility of someone with the same dress as long you stop sticking needles into me."

Alice's laugh filled the house and even Esme smiled.

"I promise you that I haven't nicked the skin, I would know if you were bleeding."

Another sigh, but Bella seemed to have given up on convincing Alice.

I heard Esme walk over to me. Even though they had been here for a while now I hadn't really been able to talk to her. So much had happened the past couple of weeks, I had been with Bella most of the time, and Esme had continued restoring the house in the forest.

"I'm glad to see that you're so in love." she said and sat down on the couch beside me. "I'm so happy for you."

I didn't know what to say.

"Thank you." Was the best answer I could think of.

She laughed.

"We knew that things were going to change as soon as she entered out lives. I'm just glad things changed for the better after all."

I remembered the painful months when we had tried to keep our distance from her. It hadn't worked. The only thing it had changed was the happiness that usually surrounded our family. Everyone had been affected by the break. Everyone suffered the heartache.

"I just hope you'll tell me sooner when you decide to get married." She smiled.

I had to laugh too.

"I'm not even sure if Bella ever wants to get married. But if she agrees to marry me, you will be the first to know." I assured her.

"Oh no." I heard Alice's voice coming from the upstairs bathroom. "_I'll_ be the first to know."

"Alice?" Bella's voice sounded wary. "Who are you talking to?"

Emmett's booming laughter filled the entire house and for a second things were just like they had been before. The teasing, the laughter.. Even Rosalie giggled a bit before remembering that she hated Bella.

No, this wasn't like before. This was perfection.

The rest of the day went by silently and quietly. Bella mostly lay with her head on my lap while watching movies Alice picked out. She wasn't really excited about it, but she was in too much pain to do things that involved walking or talking. I wondered if these pains would ever stop.

Maybe the shifters had something special about their claws? It could be, but I would never ask if I could test them for it. Emily's wounds had healed, and it was just a matter of time before Bella's would too.

The only interruptions on that slow afternoon were when Bella had to eat and when Charlie called to tell her about the funeral. He had been devastated; it was a traumatic experience to watch your friend's coffin being lowered into the ground knowing that he was only a year older than yourself. At least Charlie had promised to watch his diet from now on.

But he had also told Bella that he didn't want her to come down tonight. He had lent out her bed and his own to relatives of the Clearwater's while he slept on the couch, and they had decided to stay an extra day to see if there was anything they could do for Sue. But he would pick her up before graduation.

Chief Swan and Bella were much more alike than I had realized, but seeing how he cared for Harry and his family had opened my eyes to the similarities. Both were extremely strong people. Both cared more for others than themselves. Both had the same courage and stubbornness.

I let my fingers play with Bella's hair after she had finished talking to Charlie on the phone.

"Are you sure you'll be able to travel with the injuries?" I asked her.

She looked up at me with her large, brown eyes.

"Of course. Does the doctor object to that?" she smiled teasingly.

"No." I laughed. "As a doctor I have to say that you are ready to see the world, and I would have told you to not let the injuries stop you. Especially since you're travelling with _me_."

I kissed her lightly on the forehead and her face fell a little.

"But I won't be able to be changed right away." She stated. "I want Charlie to be done grieving before I leave him for good."

"That's fine, darling." I said, comfortingly. "I have already talked to Dartmouth and Harvard, and they'd be more than happy to accept you as a student."

Her eyes widened.

"But it's way past the deadline."

"I might have persuaded them to let you in." I said quietly.

She sighed.

"I should have seen that coming, shouldn't I?"

I tried my best to give her a reassuring smile.

"But if you want to know, it was only a symbolic amount of money."

"Symbolic in my scale, or symbolic in your scale?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

"Touché." I said.

I had hoped she would settle with the fact that I already had bribed the schools, but she seemed as if she thought really hard about something.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked her softly.

"Those schools only accepts geniuses. I'll fall behind after the first week."

The answer left me speechless for a second. I had expected her to kick and scream, not worry about her intelligence.

"You'll do just fine." I assured her. "You've got me to tutor you."

She laughed, and I knew that I wouldn't get more trouble for bribing the schools. After all, what was the point in having more money than I could spend if I couldn't even use it to make a better future for me and Bella? Maybe she would enjoy some time at college.

And she would definitely get used to the money after our vacation, though I still wondered how she would take it.

"Bella needs to go to bed." Alice said as she stood up and reached a hand out to Bella.

She had taken responsibility for getting Bella dressed, so putting on a pajama was a part of her job description. Bella cast a desperate glance at me.

"I'll be up as soon as Alice lets me." I said with an apologizing smile.

Alice sighed and started to walk towards the stairs.

"The way you say it makes it seem like I'm planning on torturing her." she muttered.

Bella followed hesitantly. She didn't really share Alice's opinions on appropriate sleepwear, but she didn't feel ready for me to change her clothes either.

I could understand that. She had pictured a completely different scenario, but when things like this happen you have to go with what you have. And I would let Alice change her clothes for a decade if it made Bella happy. Though I had a suspicion that Alice wouldn't invite herself to go on vacation with us.

But Bella's scars would hopefully be more healed, some injuries could heal a lot in one night. And Emily didn't seem to be bothered with hers any more. Sam had been the one to hurt her, he hadn't wanted to, but young wolves are unstable. But no one would have expected Leah's change.

There was no question why she was bitter, and I had a feeling that she wouldn't come to terms with her new life in the near future.

"Alice!" Bella gasped.

"Oh come on. It's got bottoms too."

I had to smile. At least they were closer than they had been when Edward had been here. Alice didn't have to keep secrets from Bella, and that made their friendship stronger than ever.

I heard the water running upstairs and Bella brushing her teeth.

"She's all yours." Alice said as she skipped down the stairs.

I got up from the couch and walked up the stairs in human speed, I didn't really want to scare her by just showing up behind her. She slowly walked over to the bed when I entered the room. Her face was concentrated and her body was almost completely stiff.

I hurried over and lifted her carefully into my arms. She winched for a second, but then she relaxed.

"Is this better?" I asked her.

"Much."

She breathed more evenly, and I placed her down on the mountain of pillows Alice had made. She relaxed even more when her body got to rest properly.

"Do you mind if I take a look at your wounds?"

Alice had become a master in bandaging, but she had no education in medicine like me, Rosalie and Edward. Well, they hadn't really the same experience that I had, but they had attended classes for me while I worked.

Bella blushed.

"I have to make sure that it doesn't get infected and that it's healing properly."

She nodded, and I carefully pulled her pajama top up so the bandages were exposed. I slowly started to loosen them. She winched a little as I pulled the compresses from her skin.

The wounds were better than the description I had gotten from Alice; they were healing just fine now.

"They look much better." I said.

She clearly picked up the relief in my voice, and her face was suddenly worried.

"What did you expect?"

I tried my best to give her a reassuring smile.

"I didn't really know what to expect. It's the first werewolf wound I've treated."

She looked down at herself and frowned.

"It looks horrible to me."

I could see why she would say that. The cuts were covered in dried blood and the fluid the wound produce while it heals made it seem even more grotesque. But otherwise it was a clean and uncomplicated injury.

"It's just like any other injury." I said. "It will heal."

"But I will always have the scars." She frowned again.

I bent down slowly and kissed the wound. I could barely feel the burning in the throat even though her blood was so close. I knew that I wouldn't have been able to do this when she just had been hurt, but when her blood was mixed with the one from the transfusion and there wasn't really any fresh blood the thirst became easy to ignore. I trailed kisses along her wound, knowing that the venom would help it close.

Her whole body tensed.

"Relax, Bella."

I sat up so that I could look her in the eyes.

"The venom has healing effects, it will help the wounds to close. I just want you to be as comfortable as possible tomorrow."

She nodded, but I could see that she felt the venom starting to work. It would sting a little, but it wasn't the same intense burning she would experience when she was brought over.

I kept kissing along the wounds, moving the bandages away when I had to. Bella's heart was beating so fast, and I could smell that the scent of blood intensified a little. It still didn't smell exactly like Bella, but I knew she would get her signature smell back soon.

When I had reached the end of the injuries I stayed there. My knees were placed on each side of her thighs and my hands on each side of her head.

"A scar doesn't change you. It just proves that you've lived."

I kissed her on the spot where the neck curved and I could feel the air around her get warmer.

"I still think that you're the most attractive girl in the whole world."

I placed light kisses all the way up to her jaw. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, they were somewhat glossy now. Her breathing was shallow and uneven.

"You'll always be the one for me. No matter how many scars you get."

I brushed my nose against hers before kissing her. She responded the kiss with as much passion she could while being restrained by the pain of moving.

She smiled when I pulled away.

"Always?" she asked.

"For the rest of the eternity."

I gave her one last kiss before I straightened her pajama top and lay down on the bed beside her. ¨

She turned her head to look at me.

"Eternity sounds great." She sighed.

I pulled the covers over her and kissed her on her forehead.

"First you have to get through tomorrow."

She groaned.

"Don't worry." I told her. "The wounds will have closed up enough to stop it from hurting, and Alice told me she's found the perfect graduation dress."

I brushed some of her hair away from her face.

"Everything will be fine. And in less than three days we'll be far, far away from here."

She smiled.

"You still won't tell me where we're going?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"I want the graduation present to be a surprise."

She frowned.

"You'll love it." I moved a little closer and placed my arm carefully over her stomach. "But you really need to sleep, love."

She reluctantly closed her eyes, but it wasn't long before she had drifted off to sleep. My beautiful Bella.

The morning after was overcast and chilly, but at least they didn't have to graduate in the rain. Bella sat up almost immediately after she woke up. She looked around, confused, before her hand flew to her stomach. She pulled up the fabric a little and looked down.

The wounds were almost completely healed now, and they were just lines of a light pink on her stomach. The lines glittered a bit where the venom had sealed the skin. I had anticipated a positive result, but this was even better than I could have imagined.

"Good morning."

"The scars.." She muttered.

They were still large and impossible to hide without clothes, but at least they looked better than Emily's. Bella let her fingers trace over the extra thick skin.

"They will be harder than the rest of your skin as long as you stay human, and maybe a little colder than the rest of your body, but at least you're not in pain."

"Thanks." She said.

I laughed.

"My pleasure."

A sharp knock on the door pulled Bella out of her fascination.

"I can hear she's awake, Carlisle. You better get out here so I can get her ready for her big day."

Bella gave me a look that pleaded me to stay, but I had already made Alice a promise.

"Sorry, love. I'll be downstairs when you're done."

Alice cleared her throat.

"You can go help Esme with breakfast, or else Emmett might volunteer. Three seconds." She warned.

"3.."

Bella looked like she couldn't decide what would be worse, Emmett's breakfast or Alice's grooming?

"2.."

I leaned over to kiss her before getting out, but then Alice was standing in the room. She walked over to the closet, tossed me a garment bag and showed me out the door.

"Go make breakfast." She said once more before closing the door behind me.

I walked down to the kitchen where Esme already were occupied reading a recipe, Emmett were sitting by the bench.

"Do you really think I would mess the food up that badly?" he asked when I entered.

"I think you could make great food after some practice." I tried to be diplomatic. "But there's a lot more to it than just mixing different ingredients."

He kept studying Esme's every single move.

"Looks easy enough." He stated.

"Maybe you can make dinner for Bella sometime else then?" Esme said softly.

He thought about it for a moment, but it seemed like he decided that it might not be his thing after all.

"I can teach her how to hunt when she becomes a vampire. That's almost the same." He grinned.

I reminded myself to keep Bella as far away from Emmett as I could after her change; I had a feeling that he would have a lot of fun making the newborn use her powers.

"You can always ask her." I said.

I couldn't really say that the look in his eyes was reassuring, but when Bella became a vampire she would be able to take care of herself. She would be much stronger than Emmett.

Everyone's heads turned as she walked down the stairs. Alice had of course found one of the most perfect dresses she could have. It was inspired from a time I had lived and experienced, though not completely old fashion either.

It was a dark-blue lace dress that stopped right above her knees. The fabric clung tightly to her chest, but at her waist it became a little more flowing. It had long sleeves, and more importantly, it had a high neck. The fabric under the lace was a dark brown, and it had a brown silk band in the waist as well. On the back of the dress there were pearl clasps.

Bella's long mahogany hair was curled and flowed down her back. She had some make-up on, but she wouldn't have needed it in that dress. She looked beautiful.

"Wow. Sure you're going to let her out of the house?" Emmett said as he turned towards me.

Rosalie smacked him on the head.

"Not every guy thinks like you." She said.

"I didn't mean it like that, but she's my little sis, and she's going outside in that dress.." he trailed off.

"You look stunning." Esme said as she walked over to give Bella a hug.

And that didn't even cut it. She was the manifestation of perfection. The most beautiful woman in the whole wide world.

Her eyes met mine with a questioning look. I walked over to her slowly.

"Don't you like it?" She asked in a worried voice.

"Of course I like it." I said. "You're so beautiful."

She blushed.

"Bella have to eat now, we don't want to be late." Alice said from the stairs.

She was wearing a bright red, halter-neck dress that reached to her knees, but no one had noticed her after Bella had entered the room.

Charlie picked her and Alice up soon after, and they drove down to the school. We rode in two cars, me and Esme in one, just to show the world that there had been no disagreement when we parted our ways, and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper in the other.

We parked our cars and got out, entering the PE building as a united front. We were still the Cullen family. We took our seats in front of the representatives of the Quileute pack. Sam, Jacob and Billy gave us a nod.

Bella and the others had already formed a line beside the podium, all wearing the hideously yellow robes. At least Bella had her blue dress to break the color down before it reached her face. She smiled when she saw me, but when her eyes reached the door her face became shocked.

I had already smelled him, and Alice had already seen him, but here was nothing we could do to prevent him from walking through the doors and take the vacant seat next to me.

Esme was the only one who looked happy to see him, the others gave him angry glares. I felt the tension rise on the row behind us as well, the wolves weren't really happy to see him either.

"Edward." I greeted him.

I had to show the wolves that we wouldn't do anything rash.

"_Dad_."

He usually never called me dad, he was deliberately doing it now so that I would get a feeling of stealing my son's girlfriend. Too bad I had stopped thinking about him as my son.

"Why are you here?" I whispered as the first person was called up on the podium.

"Because I want to see Bella graduate from high school." He said calmly.

"Come on, Edward. She told you to stay away."

"And I told her that I would wait for her."

"Try anything and I'll rip you apart myself." Emmett whispered.

Jasper's glare clearly said that Emmett wouldn't have to do it alone.

"Please don't make a scene now." Alice mumbled as she walked off the podium. "This is Bella's day, and Edward won't ruin it for her."

She said it like a threat, but Edward remained calm in his seat.

Bella on the other hand looked terrified. I hoped Edward saw what he did to the poor girl, she was pale as a sheet and her heart was hammering in her chest. When it was her turn to walk across the podium she tried her best to fake a smile for Charlie's camera. I knew it was important for her to leave him with the good memories.

She took her place by the others and waited for everything to be over. It seemed like hours, but when they finally let them go Bella quickly disappeared into the girl's locker room. I couldn't follow her, but I could keep Edward away. I took his jacket arm and pulled him with me through the crowd.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"I told you. I wanted to see Bella graduate, it only happens once."

His eyes were filled with hatred and anger.

"You know that Bella's change is going to happen. Please respect her as a person, she can make her own choices."

He turned away from me and walked towards his car.

"I'm not letting you doom her to this life, Carlisle."

I watched as he drove away, hoping that I had imagined the threatening tone in his voice.

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**I am a little sad to announce that the next chapter is the last one of Changes. It has been a wonderful experience, and I hope that you all stay to read the sequel. I will announce the name of the sequel on my blog and in an A/N in the next chapter. **

**Thank you so much for the support and the encouraging words. (It will come a thank you note at the end of the story as well, so I won't get all sentimental on you now).**

**Jeanita**


	45. The final step

**This took a LOT of time to put together. Mainly because I've been sick, but also because I have a lot of moments to get in before I end it. I hope you like it! ¨**

**SEQUEL INFORMATION IN END A/N! (And there will be a (multi-chapter) follow up to this story! I'm not going to let Carlisle and Bella go just like that!)**

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**Bella's POV**

The clouds had cleared when the ceremony was over, and the sun had given us a few warm hours.

We didn't bother going to Mike's party that afternoon. I went out to have dinner with Charlie, I didn't want to deny him the joy of buying his own daughter dinner on her graduation day. But he seemed down, he still spent most of his time down at the Clearwater house, and he still grieved the loss of his best friend. I just hoped he would get better soon.

He had already packed for me so that I wouldn't have to worry about it, but I knew Alice had another suitcase at the Cullen's. She would not let me leave with my old clothes.

Charlie looked troubled, like there was something he didn't tell me, but I didn't want to force him either. Knowing Charlie he would let me in on it if it was something concerning me. He drove me back to the Cullen's in silence, but when we got there he grabbed my arm.

"I love you, kid. You know that, right?"

His eyes were worried and hurt.

"Of course I know that, dad. I love you too."

He looked down.

"I just have this feeling that I'm about to lose you too."

Something stung inside of me.

"Take it easy, chief." I hoped it sounded jokingly. "I'm not going anywhere yet."

He smiled, but somehow it didn't reach his eyes.

"Just try to be careful." He said as he kissed me on my cheek.

It would usually have been weird, Charlie rarely showed his feelings, but this time I felt the meaning behind his words.

"I will." I said.

Guilt was almost eating me up when I walked into the house. I had planned on leaving him for good, without any closure, and that had only temporarily been put on hold. I was still going through the change, I had just accepted Carlisle's offer to wait a couple of months more. After all, it would me more than worth the wait.

Jasper walked over to me when I entered the livingroom.

"Carlisle and Emmett are gone for the night, like they said they would be. The girls are shopping."

"Again?" I asked.

It seemed like the ladies of the Cullen family didn't do anything else these days.

"Alice said she didn't want to send you off without a proper wardrobe."

"She knows that it's a 20kg baggage limit at the airport, right?"

Jasper laughed. "You have forgotten that she is insanely rich. She will pay what she has to if that means she can send you off with the necessary things."

I internally groaned. Jasper laughed and reached out to take my bag.

"You know that Alice won't let you travel with this thing, right?"

He frowned as he let his eyes glide over the old bag with the faded sports logo.

"Just practicing keeping up a façade. My father packed it for me, I couldn't really leave it in the car. That would seem suspicious."

Jasper nodded approvingly.

I could see from the look he gave me that he had sensed that something was wrong even before I had entered the house. I wondered if he would let it go, or if he would make a point of getting the truth out of me.

"What?" I finally asked.

He smiled; he had wanted permission to start the questioning.

"What are you feeling so guilty about?"

I wondered if there was a way that I could be swallowed by the ground or vanish in thin air, but as the seconds ticked by I already knew that I had to answer.

"Charlie." I finally answered. "I feel bad about just leaving him behind in the human world."

Jasper raised his eyebrows.

"I thought eternal life with Carlisle is what you wanted?"

"It is! I do!" I said without letting there be any space between the words. "It's just that Charlie has lost everyone. My mom, his best friend, and now me. I just don't know if he's going to make it through."

Jasper laid a hand on my shoulder and I felt the calming waves relax every nerve in my body. The perfect valium.

"Charlie is stronger than you know. He will be just fine." He smiled. "And I think there'll be someone else he's going to worry about later."

He changed the subject when he saw my eyes.

"You and Carlisle are compatible now. You're in the part of your lives where the other person is the perfect match for you. But that might change if you let yourself grow older."

I looked down. The thought had crossed my mind as well. What if the pieces of the puzzle became older and started to change shape? Would there really be a future then? I knew that people grew apart, and that some couples grew together. Carlisle would never age, so there was no way that we would be able to develop our opinions and our view of the world together. If I didn't take a chance I might lose my soulmate and never see him again.

"I know that. And I would never let that happen. I can live with the guilt; I can live with never seeing Charlie again. But I could never survive loosing Carlisle."

Jasper suddenly hugged me, something I would never have expected him to do.

"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, Bella Swan."

He smiled when he pulled away and looked at me.

"You too." Was all I could say.

"I have been training." He grinned.

I walked over to the couch and sat down. Jasper had calmed me down, but I was still a little worried about Charlie. I hoped there was a chance that he could find someone else as well; Renee had clearly not been his soulmate. But it wasn't too late yet. He was still young, and he was still charming.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Angela.

_Are you at the Cullen's now?_

I texted her back with a simple 'yes'. I wondered if something was wrong, Angela usually never sent anything unless she wanted to tell me something.

_Can I come up later? I think we have something to discuss._

My heart jumped. I didn't know if the rest of the family would be OK with Angela dropping by later, but maybe I could get Jasper to call them?

I turned around to see if he was still in the room, but I almost jumped when I realized how close he was.

"Sorry, didn't mean to read over your shoulder. Do you want me to call the others?"

"That would be great."

He fished his phone out of the pocket just as his phone buzzed.

"Alice says it's OK for them."

He dialed a number and the other person seemed to answer on the first ring.

"No, everything is fine. Do you really think that little of me?"

He said the last sentence with a smile on his mouth.

"No, Angela wondered if it would be fine if she came by later today."

He paused while the other person answered.

"Yes, it seems like she has decided." There was only a brief pause before he answered. "No, I won't call Alice to ask her. Maybe Angela should get a chance to tell us herself?"

I smiled. I thought it was great that Jasper could ignore his wife's gift sometimes. And it would be a bit rude if everyone knew before Angela told us herself. I just hoped Alice could keep her mouth shut.

"I'll tell her." He sighed.

He hung up and looked at me.

"Angela can come, and Carlisle loves you."

I felt my cheeks turn red, and I quickly turned around to tell Angela that she could come whenever she felt like it. I wondered if Carlisle and Emmett would return now, and how long it would take them to arrive.

Alice would calculate how much time she and the girls needed.

"Where are Alice and the others?"

"Port Angeles."

I just hoped she had the sense to not spend too much money on a two week vacation. I wouldn't need more than two bikinis, max. I didn't even dare to think about underwear.

I walked over to the DVD shelf and choose an old Disney classic. I wouldn't really be able to follow the story, but it would be background noise.

"Have you seen Edward after he showed up at graduation?" I asked Jasper.

"No. But I'm here if he dares to approach you. Even as a mind reader he would not be able to beat me."

I shuddered at the thought of them in a battle to death, or in their case, a definite death. They were close, like brothers, and Jasper was still ready to kill him if he got too close to me.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because you are the person Carlisle holds closest to his heart. I would have wanted someone to protect Alice if she was in danger, not that she's not perfectly capable of taking care of herself."

I smiled at the comment. Tiny Alice was probably not the first thing you thought of if someone said lethal, but she had the advantage of knowing what the enemy would do. I was far more breakable, and far more disabled than her.

"But to kill your own brother?" I asked.

"I wouldn't kill him. Just make sure that he couldn't hurt you."

I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how that worked, but I needed to know in case the situation came up.

"How, exactly?"

"Rip off an arm, maybe both." He said quietly.

I felt the room starting to spin.

"So it would grow back?"

"No." He looked at me with raised eyebrows. "But it could have been reattached later. Vampire tissue doesn't die. It's already dead. It would kind of melt back together if he gave it time."

I imagined the white skin melting together like a broken lipstick after you have heated the end. It was not a pleasant picture, so I tried to focus on the movie. The characters moved across the screen, singing and dancing, but even though I had seen it before it was impossible to remember what the moral of the song was.

The sun moved across the sky outside. It would soon be twilight, and

I heard a car park outside the house, and I silently hoped it wasn't Angela. I had wanted the rest of the Cullen's to be here when she arrived. I looked at Jasper.

"It's Alice, Rosalie and Esme."

My stomach tensed. This could be worse. Without Carlisle to protect me who knew what Alice would try to do?

"Bella!" She jumped through the door with her usual enthusiasm.

"I know, I know." She said before I could open my mouth to tell her that I didn't want to know Angela's decision yet. "I won't tell you. I won't even tell you if you're going to be happy or disappointed."

"Then what are you so giddy about?" I asked.

"Because I have a wonderful surprise for you when you come home from vacation." She grinned.

Esme gave her a look that told her not to give me too many clues now, but she came over to hug me as well. Rosalie kept her distance as usual, I wondered if she ever was going to forgive me for wanting to become a vampire. Probably not.

"When are the guys coming home?" Jasper asked Alice.

She looked at her watch.

"In ten minutes or so."

"And Angela?"

"30 minutes."

Alice skipped over to Jasper and kissed him on the cheek before picking up the shopping bags she left by the door.

"Close your eyes now, Bella. I don't want you to see everything I have bought for you."

I thought about asking her if I ever was going to get through the mountain of unused clothes in my closet, but I bit the inside of my cheek and closed my eyes obediently.

"Alice in wonderland?" Esme asked.

"Yeah." I answered.

I hadn't really thought much about the choice of movie, but I recognized the blue dress on the screen when she asked.

The ten minutes passed quickly when I actually concentrated on the movie instead of the buzz of voices in the room. Alice was discussing the latest fashion with Rosalie, and Jasper was in a deep conversation with Esme about a book.

Like any normal day with the Cullen's. Even when something big was about to happen they kept calm.

I could hear Emmett's laugh before he even opened the door. The bubbly sound made anyone want to laugh even if they had no reason to. It was deep and heartfelt.

"You bumped your car, pixie?"

He said the second he came in. Just so that I would be included in the conversation as well.

Alice stuck her tongue out at him.

"Bella!" I heard his voice before I saw him.

He was suddenly beside me, his arms circling around me.

"Did you have a nice time with Charlie?"

I felt the guilt build up again, but I couldn't let him see it.

"Yeah. It was great."

Carlisle kissed me softly on the forehead before he excused himself to go shower. He always showered after hunting.

"Emmett, you need to change your shirt." Alice commented.

"Why?"

"Because the bloodstain on the sleeve is going to scare the human."

Her long slim finger pointed to his right shirt-sleeve. And right, there was a large bloodstain. Even though I knew that I had to get used to the sight of blood I felt a little dizzy. I comforted myself with the thought that it would have to get better when I actually craved it. When I needed the blood to maintain energy.

"Do you really think that this little stain would be a problem?"

Emmett wasn't the one to think about clean clothes and fashionable things. He was closer to the primitive man than any man I had ever met. Still he looked as stunning as the rest of his family.

"Yes Emmett." Alice said in a determined voice. "Go and change!"

He looked like he wanted to air his opinions, but the look on Alice's face even scared Emmett. He walked off muttering things I was glad I couldn't hear.

"She'll be here in just a couple of minutes." Alice said while running around the room, making everything perfect.

The others arranged themselves in more normal activities, Esme and Jasper sat down to see TV with me, since Alice in Wonderland was finished. Rosalie took up a magazine she probably had read before, and Carlisle came down and sat down beside me, his arm around my shoulder.

"I'll go and meet her!" Alice chimed before the others had reacted to any sound outside.

I felt excited and nervous at the same time. I had never thought that I would be so worried about Angela's choice, but it might have something to do with the incident at the reservation. My sweater barely covered the scars now, and that was probably for the better. Carlisle had told me to not show them to her, it could influence her decision. My hand unconsciously flew to my shoulder where she had hit me, it didn't hurt anymore, but I could feel the uneven scar-tissue.

I felt Carlisle's arm pull me closer before he kissed me on the top of my head.

"You're beautiful."

I met his golden eyes and remembered the night before. The kisses that had trailed from my stomach to my shoulder. How it had stung to begin with, but how amazing the feeling of his kisses had been.

My heart raced, and Jasper gave me a look that said I should rein my emotions in. I blushed, but tried to think about other things, like Angela and her decision.

"They're coming." Jasper whispered.

I knew he only whispered to me, and I was grateful for it.

The door opened, and the footsteps were coming closer to the livingroom.

"Everyone has been waiting for you." Alice said with her light, happy voice.

Angela came in with a cautious expression on her face. She lifted her hand to an awkward wave, but she didn't look as scared as I had felt the first time I knew I walked directly into a house filled with vampires.

"Hello, Angela."

Esme got up to give her a hug, and the gesture seemed to relax Angela a bit.

"I thought graduation would be some kind of deadline?" She asked.

"Well, Bella intended to go through the change right after graduation, but we have decided to wait for a couple of weeks."

Angela nodded.

"I have also made my decision."

The room was completely silent, we all knew that Angela had made her decision, but only Alice knew what she had decided.

"Sam called me earlier this week, and said that I had some more things to think about before making up my mind. He said that the pack has grown and that some of the members don't like the idea of me in the council. He said that one of them attacked Bella without a reason, and that Bella could have lost her life."

Angela looked at me with questioning eyes. I turned my head to Carlisle, who nodded. I pulled down the sweater where the claws had hit my shoulder.

Angela gasped, but she quickly collected her thoughts.

"He said I still had a place in the council if I wanted it, but he said I had to really think this though. No one would blame me for choosing one over the other, and I would be the one responsible for what happened to me no matter what I chose."

The vampires in the room looked surprised. They hadn't expected Sam to call Angela, and neither had they.

" But my decision had been made already when Sam called. I have always wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, but somehow I have always been the outsider. Not quite right for my time it seems. Then I met Bella, who has been almost like a best friend, despite her weird attitude and her months of total silence. I always wanted to find someone I could feel normal with, and believe it or not, I feel normal here."

She took a pause, but the others waited politely for her to finish her little speech.

"If I can, I want to become one of you. I really think I would like being a vampire. I have never dreamed about the perfect family and growing older. If I stayed with the Quileute tribe I would have kept being the weird, silent girl. I wouldn't have been able to fit in with them. I hope I will be able to fit in here."

Alice grinned.

"Of course you will. You're perfect for our family! But you should tell them about your wishes."

Angela looked surprised at her.

"You were already going to, so I just thought I would give you a push."

"Oh yeah, you see the future." Angela said absentmindedly while trying to remember where she was.

"I would like to have a year before I'm changed. I would like to travel, see the world as a human. I would like a chance to find myself before freezing in that moment."

Beside me I could see heads nodding.

"Sounds like a good idea." Carlisle said.

Angela looked relieved.

"Thank you. I wasn't sure if it would be OK."

"Of course." Esme said. "Bella could have done the same if she wanted to, but it seems like she has already found her place."

She looked at me with a warm smile.

"Would you need any money to travel?" Carlisle asked.

Angela looked shocked.

"I couldn't take money from you; you have already been so kind to me."

Alice laughed.

"Money is something vampires have enough of. I can promise you that sending you around the world wouldn't even show on our bank accounts." She looked more excited than Angela herself. "Oh! You're going to need clothes. And suitcases."

Now it was my time to laugh. Angela had no idea of what she was getting herself into. Alice was a huge fan of shopping-torture.

"When are you planning on starting? And where did you want to go first?"

Carlisle had saved Angela from Alice's eager thoughts for a couple of seconds.

"I have always wanted to go to France, and Japan, and maybe Italy."

"You will have an opportunity to do so. Just decide when you want to go, and we'll make sure that you have tickets and places to stay." Carlisle said.

She was about to say something, but I shook my head. This was vampires, if they wanted to pay for something, there was no talking them out of it.

The rest of the day was spent in the Cullen livongroom while Angela got to know everyone properly. Everyone except Rosalie. She had marched out sometime during the conversation with Carlisle and Alice. Maybe she thought that one new vampire was enough. Or maybe she thought that Angela was making a mistake as well.

Emmett had stayed though, and he was already teasing Angela, mocking her, saying that she was so skinny that she would be the first vampire to actually fly.

Angela had been relieved with it actually. She hadn't really wanted to be able to fly in the first place.

When the day was over I was more tired that I had thought I would be. The graduation, Edward showing up and Angela's decision had taken its toll, and I was ready to go to bed and sleep for a week.

"Tired, love?" Carlisle's voice whispered in my ear after Angela had left.

"Yes." I answered.

He lifted me off the couch and carried me up to the bedroom. I didn't even blush, it felt so natural now, like it was something Carlisle had done my entire life. Sure, my heartrate was always a bit higher than normal with him around, but it wasn't caused by embarrassment.

I didn't care if the rest of his family could see that we loved each other. I only cared about showing Carlisle how much I loved him. How much I wanted to be with him. And I knew that the clock was ticking towards the time of my change. After our vacation.

I knew Carlisle had seen the most of me by now, but I still escaped to the bathroom to change into my pajama, brush my teeth, and do some other human things as well.

When I walked out to the bedroom again he was already lying on the bed, waiting for me. He was propped up on one elbow, and I had to laugh at his statue-like expression.

"One day left." He said as I lay down on the bed beside him.

Just one day and we would be going away, just the two of us. It made the long lost butterflies stretch their wings again. I still didn't know where we were going, or how we would get there. But Carlisle had promised me that it wouldn't be somewhere freezing.

He kissed my forehead and laid his hand over me. I was so glad that the day I would officially be able to say that I could spend eternity with him would be sometime soon. Being with him washed all the worries and all the doubt away. Charlie would be fine. I would be more than fine.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the way his cold breath caressed my cheek. It was a reassuring feeling, and I knew I was safe.

He pulled me a little closer, and I opened my eyes. He looked at me, he seemed so calm, so sure about the future and our destiny. My heart swelled with the feelings, I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen this man the first time in the hospital.

The one at the hospital had been Edward's father, an excellent doctor, and a devoted husband. He had changed when he decided to come back to Forks. He had done exactly what he was supposed to do.

The man in front of me was still an excellent doctor, but he was not a father, he was not a husband either. He was the most beautiful, caring and wisest man in the whole wide world. He was perfect.

He noticed the way I looked at him, and he cocked an eyebrow.

"Second thoughts?" he asked.

"No! I was just thinking how fast these last few months have passed."

He smiled.

"You have to get used to it."

He leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It was not an urgent or deep kiss, it was a soft kiss. The kind that needs no explanation afterwards, the feelings tell you everything you need to know.

"My beautiful Bella." He said after he pulled away. "Do you want to be mine?"

"I already am yours." I answered.

But I knew that he was asking a question I had never imagine myself answer. Carlisle smiled and brushed my hair away from my face.

"I know I should probably have gone down on one knee, but something tells me that you're not that kind of girl."

His thumb wiped away the first tear from the corner of my eye.

"Do you want to marry me?"

I couldn't speak. I had always thought that I wouldn't be the kind of girl that got married right after high school; I had actually never imagined myself as married. But now when the question had been asked, and Carlisle was looking me directly in the eyes, I knew what the only answer was.

"We don't have to do the big, white wedding. I am sure we'll find someone who would be able to do it discretely and secretly. We don't even have to get married before your change, we have forever."

"Y-yes. Of course I will."

I waited for the feelings to wash over me, embarrassment, shock, confusion. But there was only a feeling of being whole, being complete. It felt so right.

**

"Bella! You have to hurry up!"

Alice's voice woke me up.

We were leaving today. We were going away, just Carlisle and me. The butterflies returned to my stomach, and I was wide awake in seconds.

"What time is it?" I asked Alice.

Carlisle had gone hunting again, probably to make sure that he could go as long as possible without when we first reached our destination.

"It's almost eleven. Carlisle will get frustrated if you're not ready when he returns!"

I knew she was the one who would get frustrated, but I didn't say anything about it.

"Get up!"

I almost jumped out of bed, wondering what had gotten her all edgy. Alice almost pushed me into the bathroom, and I was surprised to see that my pajama survived Alice's angry hands.

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

"Yes." She answered.

I waited for her to continue, but she only pushed me into the shower. I could actually hear her slamming cupboard-doors and placing thing down on the counter with too much strength.

When I got out of the shower she just wrapped me in a towel and placed me on a chair.

"You have had an entire day!" She said in an angry voice.

"An entire day to do what?"

She smacked me on the head with a towel.

"You're going to marry Carlisle!"

"Sometime! It's not like I'm doing it tomorrow."

She glared at me.

"Still, you didn't tell me! You didn't even ask me to plan the wedding!"

"But right now there is no wedding to plan!"

"I'm your best friend, I would have waited as long as you needed me to! I just wanted you to ask."

"But there won't be a big, white wedding!"

Alice stopped curling my hair.

"I know that. But there are a lot of things you can do without having to invite the whole town."

I thought about Charlie again, how he would have loved to see me get married. In 5-7 years and with a man the same age as me. I doubted he would like the idea of me marrying a man he believed was 14 years older than me.

"If you can rein yourself in, you can plan the wedding. When we decide a date."

I could see that this wasn't good enough for her. She frowned.

"I was thinking that we could do it this summer." She said quietly.

"I'm going away this summer." I reminded her. "In about three hours."

"But you will come back. And I thought we could have it when you came back."

"That's in two weeks!"

"That's all I need." She said. "I'll have everything ready when you get home."

"No! I don't have a dress, I don't even have an engagement ring!"

I had told Carlisle I didn't need one, but I suspected I would get one sooner or later. From the look on Alice's face I knew I was right.

"I know your size; I'll find the perfect dress!"

"But what about the guests? I doubt they will be able to show up in two weeks!"

"Like you said, we don't need that many guests. Tanya and her coven will come, because they will be very hurt if they're not invited, and maybe Carlisle's friends in Ireland want to come too. But they're all vampires. And Angela won't go away before the wedding; I'm in charge of her travels."

"Please, Bella?"

Alice looked like a little lost dog, and I doubted I would have the strength to deny her the joy of planning the wedding.

"Think about how special it would be, promising Carlisle forever when you're still a human. Going through the change knowing that you're his and he's yours. Legal _and_ in heart."

She suddenly jumped up and hugged me.

"Thank you! You won't regret it!"

She went back to curling my hair, putting on my make-up and clothes while talking to herself.

I wasn't entirely sure that I had decided that I would get married in two weeks, but somewhere inside of me the butterflies came to life again.

**

We were standing on the airport, Carlisle held my hand tight in his. He looked down at me and smiled softly. He had lifted me off the ground when Alice had told him about the wedding, I had never thought that it would be this important to him.

"Are you ready?"

I nodded. I had called my mom and my dad and told them that I was going away for a couple of weeks. I had told Jasper to keep an eye on Alice, but I'm not sure if that would work.

With my carry-on bag in one hand and Carlisle's hand in the other I walked towards the gate.

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**That's the end of Changes. I know that it might suck, but I _really_**** tried my best to get it as good as possible.**

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**AND HERE IS THE BIG SEQUEL ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**The sequel will be called**_** Intentions**_**, and it will pick up a couple of days into their vacation. You will get to know everything about Laurent's threat, Angela's trip, Edward, and everything you want to know there! **

**There will also be some M-rated outtakes from their vacation, ONLY for 18 + years old readers! (I can at least try not to corrupt innocent minds.) Yeah, you probably know what's going to happen.**

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**New Q&A will be done on my blog if you have questions. (But then I need questions.)**

**I will also post a 'thank you' note later today. Too much to say to put it here.**

**Jeanita**

***wipes away a tear***


	46. My 'thank you' note

**My thank you note.**

I never actually thought I would finish Changes. I thought no one would review it and that I would take it off after a while. But you guys are amazing.

This is a Carlisle/Bella story, and still you reviewed and favorited. I am so happy to see so many who like this pairing, and of course the story.

I am proud to say that there has been only one flame, anon of course, and it had nothing to do with the story itself, just the fact that I broke Carlisle and Esme up, and that Edward wasn't going to be Bella's boyfriend any more.

And over to the thank you's.

The first one on the list is the most obvious; **Stephenie Meyer **(even though she's never going to read this). I'd like to thank her for creating the wonderful Twilight Universe and all the characters in it. Without her I wouldn't have gotten into fanfiction in the first place. I really can't claim the characters or anything else than my twists.

Second would be** NusiainForks**, which I still admire for her story _Golden Moon_. She was the one who inspired me to write my own fanfictions.

And some of my readers that have stayed and reviewed loyally, **acw1, MissJessica92, twilight1alice, Laila Cullen, FRK921** and **so many more** that have come back time after time to leave a review. I know that there are a lot of you out there, and I wish I could mention every single one of you. (If you really think I have forgotten you, just tell me and I might update this note later!)

Special credits in a completely random order:

**Mrsalreyami** – showed up and PMed me about her story A _Light in the Darkness_. She gave me new inspiration when I seriously needed it.

**Paola-Bearrr** – for having those psycho twitter conversations with me. I really love talking to this girl. She has even invited me to England:D And trust me, you will learn Norwegian! Just dialect-Norwegian since I'm not from Oslo:p

**MaitresseSaint** – Because she is the coolest person EVER. My favorite twitterfriend and the wonderful author of _Unbreakable Road_. Encouraged me to start my Caius fic, and volunteered to beta the sequel to Changes! She is one of the greatest persons in the whole wide world. I could keep talking, but it would have taken up too much space. She will also be my beta for Intentions!

**JaspersIzzy** – she might seem tough, but she's just a kitten. The writer of the Darksper fic _Faith in You_. The reason for many weird conversations on twitter.

**TishPhoenix** – for always being so positive and optimistic about my story.

**Zaytyll** – For the gchat conversations. For giving me inspiration for my new story 'A Castle of Ice'.

She's just started to write here, and I already know that she's going to make a great story.

**WL Chastain** – for leaving reviews that cracked me up and for giving me a mental picture of Emmett I will never forget. There has to be an oneshot written SOON!

I know that I have been unfair while writing this, but there's too many of you to mention, too many to thank.

I hope you all will stay for the sequel.

**INTENTIONS will begin next week. **

**For my 18+ readers; I hope to get my oneshot up by then. **

Jeanita


	47. Information about Intentions

So people. Last night I officially made the story for Intentions. And I posted the preface. Right now I am in the middle of the first chapter, and I want to post it as soon as possible. I won't make any promises, but I WANT to finish it today.

I am sorry for the delay, but real life has not been treating me well, and we're still not speaking to each other. I have decided to ignore it for a while, and get back to writing and the fandom.

So. Read the preface, the first chapter is coming soon.

Finally.

Jeanita.


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